NEED SERIOUS HELP CAP'S WITH MY CHILDRENS FATHER

I POSTED BEFORE WHEN ME AND MY EX BROKE UP, I'M AN ARIES WOMAN, MY EX-FIANCEE'(WE HAVE 2 CHILDREN TOGETHER 2YRS.&7 YRS).QUICK RECAP:WE HAD A LOT OF PROBLEMS WE DEALT WITH EACH OTHER FOR ALMOST 9 YEARS, LIVED TOGETHER AND WE'RE ENGAGED FOR ALMOST 4 1/2 YEARS, HE CONFESSED A LOT OF LYING AND CHEATING THAT WAS GOING ON BEFORE WE MADE THE DECISION TO LIVE TOGETHER, PLANNED TO GET MARRIED AND HAD A SECOND CHILD, HONESTLY I TRIED TO FORGIVE AND FORGET BUT COULDN'T DO EITHER, HE TRIED TO SHOW ME I SEE KNOW THAT HE WAS SERIOUS, BUT WE HAD A VERY DSYFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP TO SAY THE LEAST BEFORE THIS SO IT WAS VERY HARD. 8 MONTHS A GO I TOLD HIM ANY WOMAN THAT WANTED THIS COULD HAVE THIS, PACKED HIS THINGS, HE LEFT WHILE I WAS TAKING THE KIDS TO SCHOOL. FOR THE FIRST FEW MONTHS WE TRIED TO GET ALONG AND CO-PARENT, BUT WHEN I TRIED TO PULL AWAY FROM DOING THINGS TOGETHER WITH OUR KIDS, (HIS TIME WOULD BE WITH OUR CHILDREN ALONE) HE BECOME VERY BITTER, SPITEFUL AND VENDICTIVE, SOMEWHAT STALK-ISH AT FIRST. I SAW HE WAS GOING THROUGH PAIN, I REALIZED, I WANTED TO STAY A FAMILY BUT ONLY THROUGH COUNSELING COULD IT BE WORKED OUT. HE REFUSE, HE STOP PROVIDING FOR OUR CHILDREN, CAUSED ME TO LOSE MY JOB BY TAKING THE MINI VAN HE GOT US, HE STARTED DOING A LOT OF THINGS HE DID YEARS AGO & PROMISED HE NEVER WOULD, HE CAME TO ME 3 MONTHS AGO SAYING THAT HE MISSED US, HE STILL LOVED ME, DIDN'T FEEL COMPLETE WITHOUT US, I ASKED HIM DID HE WANT TO WORK IT OUT, GO THROUGH COUNSELING, (HE SAID IT WAS HARD)AND FROM THAT DAY HE BECOME MORE DISTANCE WITH OUR KIDS, VERY MEAN TOWARDS ME, LIKE HE HATES ME, HE RECENTLY ADMITTED THAT WHEN HE HAD CAME TO ME, HE WAS SEEING A WOMAN HE'S STAYING WITH OFF & ON NOW, THAT REALLY HURT MOST BECAUSE HE HASN'T BEEN THERE FOR OUR CHILDREN AT ALL, AND HE WAS A VERY GOOD FATHER WHEN WE WE'RE TOGETHER. HE SAID HE'S HAPPY BUT I KNOW BETTER BECAUSE HE DOES EVERYTHING HE KNOWS THAT WOULD HURT ME, EVEN WITH OUR KIDS, HE'S NO WHERE NEAR THE RESPONSIBLE PERSON HE WAS, HE (ABOUT TO LOSE HIS JOB) , NOT PAYING HIS BILLS (UNLIKE HIM) AND EVERYTIME WE DO TALK TO HIM OR SEE HIM, HE SEEMS TO BE SO ANGRY WITH ME, HE'S ACCUSSED ME OF SLEEPING WITH HIS FRIENDS JUST 2 WEEKS AGO, WHEN I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH ANYONE, HE TALKED TO MY AUNT THIS WEEK, TOLD HER HE LOVES ME, WANTS TO BE IN OUR KIDS LIFE, AND THAT HE DOESN'T LOVE THIS WOMAN WHO HAS 2 KIDS, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, (NOT WHAT HE SAID TO ME THOUGH) I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, BECAUSE I'M TIRED AND READY TO MOVE OUT OF STATE

i may be overthinking this, but it seems like your cap might be depressed and going through a personal mental/emotional crisis. since caps don't like to seek outside help and internalize most things including their own problems he might be on the edge of a breakdown. it seems like he's testing you to see how much meanness he can dish out, wondering what your breaking point is and if you will stick it out. has he cheated on you before? are you sure he's not just making this "other woman" up to get a reaction from you? i feel for you, i really do...

Cappiebelle: I truly agree with you, I saw this coming along time ago, because he's always repressing things, I know he's depressed, but he won't reach out to me anymore not for help, he admitted to my aunt that he doesn't feel like getting out of the bed to go to work and that he feels as if he has a ton of bricks on his shoulders so i know he's depressed. I don't think he's made this woman up, we have a connection that we've had with no other person and for a longtime we both thought it was just our kids, but realized it wasn't. We use to be able to talk about things with each other with no other, I want to help him because I still deeply Love him and he's my childrens father, but he's hurt our kids emotionally with the things he does, I have 3 other children from a prior relationship that he's basically raised as his own, he still says their his kids, but I don't what real with him anymore and I could usually read everything he tried to hide, he also told my aunt that it's bigger than just our issues it's a mental thing he's going through, but I don't understand why he won't get help for himself and our kids, sometimes he shows remorse for the things he does and sometimes he acts like he could careless. I love him always have always will but he has to want to help himself, because i raise our kids, help them heal, help myself heal and battle with him about caring for him, he thinks I don't love him because we broke up, he's says I don't care about him, that all I care about is him helping with the kids and money when I rarely ask him for anything, I constantly, tell him, I love, him, I want him to be okay, and happy whether we're together or not, that I want him to be okay for hisself and our children, I don't want to leave him here because I feel it's going to crush him, but our children come and I don't know what else to do.

i would be the last person to agree with spliting up a family whether you were married or not, but the emotional damage your relationship issues are doing to your children need to be repaired. if the relationship is so toxic that there is constant hurt and unhealthy dealings then you need to do what is best for your mental and emotional health and that of your children. don't get me wrong; i would do everything possible in order not to split up as there are children involved...and i also believe that loyalty is the most important factor in any relationship. be sure to do what is healthy for you...kids are resilient...if you are happy then your children will be showered with the ripples of your happiness. i hate ultimatums but you need to tell him that if he does not seek counseling with you AND by himself that you will leave and make sure you say that you don't want to leave HIM, you want to leave the ickiness of the relationship....just the ickiness.

Cappiebelle:

THE HARDEST PART IS THAT I FEEL I CONTRIBUTED TO SOME OF HIS PAIN, HIS COMPLAINTS TO ME IS THAT I QUESTIONED HIS MANHOOD, I MADE HIM FEEL BAD, AND THAT HE KEPT HEARING ME SAY I DON'T NEED HIM (HE ALWAYS SEEM TO CONSTANTLY DWELL ON ANYTHING NEGATIVE THATS BEEN SAID FROM ME WHEN WE WERE ARGUEING OR UPSET WITH EACH OTHER), BEING AN ARIES I'M VERY STRAIGHT-FORWARD IN SPEAKING MY MIND, I'VE REALIZED I'VE HAD THE TENDANCEY TO HURT PEOPLE FEELINGS WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT, SO A LOT OF THE THINGS THAT HE'S DONE I FORGAVE BECAUSE HE'S THE TYPE THAT WILL SHOW YOU, HE SAID THAT TO ME RECENTLY THAT HE WAS GOING TO SHOW ME, BUT I KNOW IT'S DEEPER THAN JUST HIS ANGER AT ME, HE HAS ANGER AT HIS PARENTS FOR THINGS FROM HIS CHILDHOOD AND I KNOW THAT HE TENDS TO TAKE IT ALL OUT ON ME WHEN HE'S MAD AT ME.. OUR KIDS WORSHIP HIM AND I KNOW EVEN THROUGH WHAT HE'S BEEN DOING IS BEEN VERY WRONG I KNOW HE LOVES OUR CHILDREN, HOW DO YOU HELP SOMEONE WHO WANTS YOUR HELP BUT DOESN'T (IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN), I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO NOT BE THERE FOR HIM ANYMORE BECAUSE RIGHT NOW HE'S TOO STUBBORN TO ADMIT THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS, HE'S SCARED TO OPEN UP TO START HEALING, IT SEEMS HE MAKES HISSELF ANGER, MAD, AND HATEFUL TOWARDS ME TO STAY AWAY, MY AUNT SAID IT SEEMS HE WANTS TO COME BACK HOME AND WORK THINGS OUT BUT HE FEELS HE'S MESSED UP SO MUCH WITH THE KIDS AND ME, IT'S LIKE HE'S PUNISHING HISSELF AND US. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR HIM AND I HONSETLY CAN'T SAY THAT HES ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR US, BECAUSE WHEN HE'S GOING THROUGH THINGS, HE'S MADE ME FEEL LIKE I'M HIS ENEMY, EASTER HE DIDN'T CALL OR SEE OUR KIDS, MY BIRTHDAY IN APRIL HE DIDN'T CALL, MOTHERS DAY HE DIDN'T CALL AND I'M THE ONLY WOMAN HE HAS CHILDREN WITH, I'M HIS FIRST REAL RELATIONSHIP, FIRST ALMOST EVERYTHING, AND ONE MINUTE HE ACTS LIKE HE LOVE ME AND THE NEXT HE ACTS LIKE HE HATES ME OR LIKE I'M HIS ENEMY, WE'VE NEVER BEEN THROUGH ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE, AND ALL OF IT REALLY HURTS, ESPECIALLY TO SEE HIM DOING SO BAD, I WAS SURPRISED HE OPENED UP TO MY AUNT, BECAUSE HIS FAMILY NEVER ACCEPTED OUR RELATIONSHIP AND MY FAMILY HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR HIM MORE THAN HIS OWN, BUT WHEN WE BROKE UP HE WOULDN'T DEAL WITH MY FAMILY EITHER, I THINK THAT PLAYS A LOT INTO HIS ANGER TOO, HIS FAMILY HAS NEVER ACCEPTED OUR CHILDREN, BECAUSE THEY NEVER LIKED ME, I REALLY BELIEVE FROM THE THINGS HE'S TOLD ME HE WAS ABUSED AS A CHILD EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY, HE FELT LIKE WE WE'RE HIS ONLY FAMILY, I JUST

Hi,
Maybe I can help. Capricorn males R very good fathers until U split. And very good providers until U split. U can give your ALL 2 this man, and it simply seems as if he does not appreciate a dam thing that U do. It is like because he does this, U owe him that type of attitude that can be very unattractive 2 us fire signs. U know how we R, if we do something, we do it from the heart and don't expect 2 much in return but simple appreciation. On the other hand if he does something. He wants something back in return for what he has done. It is like, I don't want 2 play this challenging arse game with U. If I simply let U have some power, then I deserve my power 2. However, it is simply not like that. He wants 2 control everything. And everything has 2 go his way. So, a word of advice since, I am a fire sign that has been with 1 for nearly 11 years now, let it go. U will be so frustrated by his controlling sincere demanding ways. U will find someone else that is much better off for U. I tell you from experience because this is the simple reason Y, I am letting mines go. Until he sits back and realizes what value U R 2 him, he will never appreciate U. So, until HE is absolutely ready. Don't give him another chance. And yes, they distance themselves from their children, outside of the relationships that they R in with others. SO, I am already expecting this. And the reason Y they get everything luxurious, in their names is simply because they want the control.