update

So me and Aries girl are off... no big surprise... kind of... I'd say it doesn't bug me, but it does, but forget that.

The situation is irreconcilable, that or I am just being stubborn.

And this is me acknowledging that it's off... because the last time I spoke/saw her was new years eve.

The last person I spoke to about her was my sister 2 days ago.

I am no longer considering the research triangle nor UNC at Chapel Hill.

I'm looking at 3 job leads I have here in town, one looks real good, another looks so-so, and another I have no idea and never heard of the company, but I am diverting all of my attention now to the job hunt, the personal life now sits on the back burner.

People never listen to me . . I told you, Mr. Stubborn, lol

virgopmoon,

Sorry to hear that it did not work out.

Your words "you are diverting all your attention to the job hunt" reminded me how Virgos tend to get busy whenever they are unhappy with (or have some trouble in) their private lives.

Hope you soon find someone who can appreciate your Virgo qualities.

vpm . . "So me and Aries girl are off... no big surprise"

I am actually a little baffled at why you said this is no surprise . . from my understanding of your attitude of the events you've told us since seeing this lady . . your head has been with securing this relationship all the way . . I can't recall you voicing any trepidations or concerns that suggested it wasn't going to work out.

Sorry that she didn't make the final cut . . just curious about your comment.

"no big surprise" as in, I'm not surprised by the reason why, it was looking good for awhile, and looking real good around the holidays... then bam... A typical problem (—) with long distance relationships.

In other words, it would have been all fine and dandy if I could keep my head turned the other way in regards to "hobbies" she had on the side. And sorry, I'm not willing to bend on that, especially when considering to move out of state for someone, 100% fidelity would have been a must. She couldn't reciprocate that, and it's not what I was looking for.

And her giving me permission to sleep with other people doesn't mean I would, nor does it mean I approve of her doing so, so that was the end.

"And her giving me permission to sleep with other people doesn't mean I would, nor does it mean I approve of her doing so, so that was the end."

Ouch . . oh yeah . . that would have ANYONE running for the hills . . I feel ya. I would have ditched this the moment those words fell from her mouth.

That really sucks . . certainly, she had no clue what a nice man you are. You'll find the right one . . she's out there somewhere . . or, maybe your life partner is a dude.

You never know where you're gonna find the love of your life.

Next one though . . when you go out with her and you find that you need to sleep off your buzzz . . . .

Please find your car and NOT some poor old woman to scare half to death, lol

"no big surprise" as in, I'm not surprised by the reason why, it was looking good for awhile, and looking real good around the holidays... then bam... A typical problem (—) with long distance relationships.


you wouldn't believe me if i say that LDRs do work. me and my husband had a long distance relationship for 6 years. constant communication made it work though and it's a good training ground for trust.

i don't believe on people who say that there are issues that are irreconcilable. there's no problem without a solution.

all things are possible when it comes to love. you have 100% responsibility on the relationship and another 100% responsibility for your partner. acknowledge what needs to be changed or defend it.

oh well..we are the ones who write the scripts of our lives.

"And her giving me permission to sleep with other people doesn't mean I would, nor does it mean I approve of her doing so, so that was the end."

vpm . . it's possible that she may want to still be in a relationship with you. Normally, the Aries is very passionate about their attractions to people. If she's into you, she probably knows it down to her core . . it's just, I know you've heard me preach about this before . . but, the Ram is an attention seeker, so she probably just wanted to make you jealous for attention. But, that doesn't mean all is lost, it just means, you have to re-direct her. Give her the kind of attention that leaves her KNOWING that you are mature . . she'll embrace that as something more valuable than what she gets from other immature men . . jealousy and possessiveness.

My daughter-in-law does this kind of stuff all the time with my son .. she doesn't really follow through with seeing someone else . . she just wants him to respond accordingly . . fight for her, lol. He used to do it and the relationship was love/hate and nothing inbetween . . but, once he stopped falling for the game, and started treating her with the dignity that he wanted for himself . . she stopped playing for his attention and now they are really happy in a mature and loving relationship.

Anyway, I just knew that you really like her a lot and I'm trying to figure out a way for you to try and make this work out.

🙂

"fight for her"



..yeah fight for your love

blahhhh...

I haven't even called her since new years... it already doesn't look good on my end even if i do want to fight for it.

But also take note, she hasn't tried to call me either. Yes, my sister called me to see what was up between miss Aries and I and that's out of the ordinary, but it's not the same as having miss Aries calling me herself to see what's up.

Ok, you know your situation best . . hopefully, she'll realize what she had in you and call you.

🙂

i don't think not calling her on new year's will be a major issue. the point is that you love her and that you want to continue the relationship with her and move it to the next level.

if it is then tell her what's bothering you why you did such thing. there's always a lot of catching up to do.

Sometimes all a girl wants is for a guy to fight for her . . . it doesn't matter how long it's been . . . it's never to late to say I love you. Even if it doesn't get you what you want . . .if you mean it . .it is all that matters and you won't have to regrett keeping it in.

Sometimes all a girl wants is for a guy to fight for her . . .

not true because most of the time it's also hard for girls to accept a guy in their lives AGAIN especially if they're trying to move on and it's not an easy thing to trust men again.

all is fair in love.

In the situation in this thread . . .I'm not sure this girl really needs help trusting men again. It sounds like either she was not too into it (hence the moving away and suggesting sleeping with other people) or she is just saying/doing all that to see his reaction (will he say ok or no way?). I guess what i'm saying is . . .is that if you trully love someone . . . always fight for them. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out . . . but if you don't even try . . . you never have a chance. There really are some girls out there just waiting for their guy to step up and be a man. And some might do drastic things to get him to do so.

"most of the time it's also hard for girls to accept a guy in their lives AGAIN especially if they're trying to move on and it's not an easy thing to trust men again."

Did I mention that this is the 2nd time for her and I? First time was roughly 3 to 4 years ago.

This 2nd attempt has been going for about 6 months, and it's going to be an uphill battle, even if I fight for her and get her back, I have to deal with her moving out of state, and that adds to the long distance problem... There was the idea that I would move there too, find a job, and go to graduate school there, but with things like this, it adds alot to the having doubts.

If this is gonna work, I'd have to move there, and I'm just not willing to risk that when there's big issues like this, so what if I talk to her and say "I don't want you seeing other guys" what if she agrees with me to my face but sees other guys behind my back? huh? What I don't know can't hurt me? That's no way to live.

Trust has been broken here. I just don't see the point anymore.

Trust is probably the most major aspect of a relationship, so I can feel ya on that, vpm. Also, I wouldn't "fight" for anybody, I wasnt' meaning that . . I was talking about re-directing the attention in a more mature way.

There are plenty of women out there who want a real man, with values . . if she doesn't want the kind of person you are, and what you stand for . . then she's not even worth the effort. Wait for a mature woman who will love you for the person you are.

Was her suggesting sleeping with other people just a general thing . . . or was this ssomthing she wanted to do only if she moved away and you stayed.

I mean . . . if she just wants to sleep with other people in general . . . then that is total bull . .what is the point of being in a relationship then—?

But if she is only talking about this if it was going to be a long distance thing . . .maybe she thought suggesting that would make it easier.

But yeah . .if she just wants to sleep with other dudes . . . just to sleep with other dudes . . . then get rid of her . . . who needs that drama.

It already was a long distance thing... the move out of state would have just made it a longer distance thing.

And I don't know how she meant it, I really don't care anymore. But it was pretty much a "You would still be my boyfriend and I'd still be your girlfriend, but we could see other people." Which to me makes NO SENSE.

Frankly, VI, I don't think sleeping with other people in a long-distance relationship is acceptable, either. But, that's just me . . everybody is different.

It's likely that she doesn't want to be with another person, she just wants to be fought for . . some women find this thrilling . . to be soooooo desired.

vpm, your know you . . if ending it feels right for you, it probably is. Afterall, you're Virgo and I know that this means you've put a lot of thought into it.

what made her say those things? in my guessing she wouldn't say those things if there's no reason that made her felt or think like doing it.

if your goal is to fight for her you wouldn't set your mind contemplating on these ifs, buts, ands. the more you have doubts on reaching this goal (which is to continue the relationship with her 'coz you love her) the more you'll be unfocused or determined on reaching it.

if you think she's not worthy of your love or you don't love her then why bother? you don't have business to do with this person. case closed. move on.

What I saw from her: "I'm going to do things: to get your attention all the time, get you to be more passionate, get you to fight for me."

First of all, she already had 100% of my attention, well realistically 99% , (yeah, I'm a guy, my eyes wander sometimes but that's nothing to worry about), maybe I wasn't the most passionate in public, but when it was just her and I, sparks flew.

When someone says something like that, I already assume the worst, as in she already has someone else. If she didn't, there was no reason to say that.

My decision was already made before people began picking apart the situation, it's not about her "not being worthy" it's about me not wanting to put up with people's games anymore. I just want something simple and real, I shouldn't have to deal with this kind of BS.

Yes, as naive as it may sound, I still have strong feelings for her (love or whatever), but that doesn't mean I don't have the capacity to fall in love with someone else down the road who's not going to subject me to that crap.

It took me 2 weeks of considering every facet of the situation, rumors I heard awhile back from her sister, considering everything I know about her, and after those 2 weeks, boom, result: I'm done.

nobody wants to play games. nobody will waste time/effort/emotions/energy on someone without having the same thing invested in return. nobody want all these heartaches/headaches.


who would want all these things?

boom, result: I'm done.

move on and stop being nostalgic.

if you want a simple, no playing games, fulfilling and a REAL relationship with this girl.

why say you're a man and it's normal for your eyes to wander to the woman you love? thinking it's an LDR and that your words might be taken or understood wrong? isn't that playing games?

i'm guessing you just answered all your questions. thinking about a problem that is not existing and trying to be nostalgic about what happened with regrets.

"if you want a simple, no playing games, fulfilling and a REAL relationship with this girl."

this girl— anything with this girl is over... but I still want the simple, no games, fulfilling and real relationship.

"why say you're a man and it's normal for your eyes to wander to the woman you love? thinking it's an LDR and that your words might be taken or understood wrong? isn't that playing games?"

Okay, just because my eyes wander doesn't mean my dick does.


I was actually hoping this thread would have died out by now.

"Okay, just because my eyes wander doesn't mean my dick does."

lol, you don't mind if I steal this, do you? I like that. Only, I'm gonna turn it around, you know .. just because my eyes wander doesn't mean my pussy does.

when a man starts to wander ..

.. he ain't happy with the relationship
.. a sure sign that the relationship is breaking up
.. he gets acquainted to the object of his attraction, starts flirting, mutual understanding, get laid, then eventually leads to an affair

excuses, reasons, pretensions, denials .. oh, virgos are so good at it ..

what's the point of starting this thread if it's completely over anyway? reminiscing? regrets? trying to build yourself up that you are oh-so-good for her and let the public know just how mess up the girl you love was? cookie-monstering?