Real astrology column

Does anyone else read this weekly horoscope? Its in my local alt weekly newspaper, its syndicated. I've been reading it for years and have found it spookily applicipal. Anyway this week's was espically good:

What if a billion Chinese people jumped up into the air at the same exact moment? Would they create, at the moment they landed, a shockwave that would cause an earthquake on the opposite side of the world, in Chile and Argentina? No one knows. I'd like to propose a not unsimilar but more interesting experiment. What if every Capricorn who reads this horoscope reserves one minute at exactly 1 pm EDT on September 12, and during that time you all meditate intently on a single glowing thought, which is this: All of you Capricorns deserve an act of uncanny grace that will help free you from one of your most oppressive beliefs.

—?? what?