Serious trouble with my cap man..HELP

I'm in a long distance relationship with a cap man. I'm a leo..Things were really great at first..he was so attentive and there for me..We've met twice for rendezvous in the last two months..We've been texting and chatting for almost five months. Then, something bad happened.Long story short, he received a call telling him that I am really married.. I'm not..It was a ploy by a pal who doesn't like him..But since then, it's all changed..No more sweet nicknames..he disappears where normally every night before bed he would say goodnight..I'm just heartbroken..I've done everything for him..Sent his kids Chritmas gifts..flown to meet him, flown him in to see me..I've always thought him cold and a aloof, but it's getting worse..Can he ever get over what happened? Can we ever get back to where we were? We still talk daily, but it's not the same.. What can I do? He says he'll TRY to get back to where we were..but I don't see him trying..HELP..We are both divorced with kids. I still send him little care packages every week, but it seems I'm putting in all the effort. I know ths is a tough match to begin with..I'm three years out of a 15 year relationship with a Taurus..Completely different men...wow...All I want is my Cap man back to the way he was..

Try to help you with my bad english... I was 4 years involved with cappy man, since I'm a cap woman, so I can understand them a bit... First of all, you have to do a looooong talk with him, but not over the phone, but face to face. Second, you will need to PROVE him that he heard nothing but lies. We cappys are very dubious and over-sensitive about any lies or what seems to be lie or untruth. Someone has to prove us that things aren't what they seem to be. But you have to do this on a serious, very persuasive way, not only through your deep feelings. you have to be damn serious and look him straight into his eyes, confessing him how much you care and what is the Truth in fact. Then you should end your conversation with something like - you will trust me or not. Then probably he will have a dialog in his head trying to figure out actually how much you care for him or how much honest you are. that will be a turning point. Arguments + deep true feelings. And that is what caps can read on each face, between the spoken lines.
hope it's help. good luck!! :-)

... and just some insights that just came to my mind...

we caps always disappear when we smell a eventual emotional hurt from other side. Of course, you didn't do it, but someone (this pal) was, and we are very very sensitive on any form or outer (dis)information about people we love or care about. We are thinking, try logically explain what's up, but our feelings are at the moment hurt and we cannot put it all together without new and right information. You really need to prove him and explain him whole situation step by step, and of course, he will be glad to hear possible revenge to this "pal" of you 😉 (joke) Your cappy will listen to you, he actually can't wait to figure out the whole truth, to hear it from you!
There is another thing, and that is about men generally: he pulled himself because he miss information, or he get a new infos about you which is contrary of what he already knew or was aware of. This is very confusing for him, not only logically, but emotionally too, if not more- He need his man-time to consider about it. He needs to stay in his "cave" before he get out on a light with his conclusions towards you, relationship and about himself. You have to wait. But, I suggest you not to overreact any more in sense that you call him, send him a texts or any gifts. Just stop do this. Invite him on a long conversation, The Talk, but not about your feelings and your desperation and wondering, but only and only about the main subject in your case - to prove that this pal lied to him and hurt you as well as him, and what is actually the truth about. That's it. Then go home, and be distant. Get yourself together. And keep conversation on minimum. You have to give them sense that you're right, you not lied to him, and you are still the same, but you are not wrong for anything here. Be cool, very cool and honest. No feelings, just calm tone of your voice - this is the truth, it's up to you should you believe me or some stupid guy out there.
And be brave, don't afraid. If you're right and honest, you have nothing to lose. period.

And we cappys, special guys, we are very childish people. We look distant and cold, but underneath lives one big honest sensual child that want to believe in ideal of love, of beauty, harmony, peace... And if someone tell us that xy is different than we think s/he is, we will try to figure out is it something wrong with us that we cannot see that, are we stupid, or is this xy peron really different but just act and play us... Then we act hurt, we pull ourselves in our quiet dark room, we have lot of other things to do, and we keep silent since our heart and our mind finally speak out: I love/like/appreciate that person no matter what is told about s/he, I will convince my self in what s/he really is. people talk too much, but we cappys always put their thoughts as a possibility (wrong or right, we always valid anybody's ideas as possibly wrong and possibly right at the same time) since we get more informations and conclusions which finally reach our honest statement about the other personality. But no matter if we love/like you or not at all, we will ALWAYS RESPECT every persona as such.

I would love to be able to talk to him face to face, but we are 3500 miles away from each other..He still initiates contact everyday, but it's just not the same. The "pal" emailed him and admitted to lying and trying to sabotage our relationship, but cappy is still distant..Can a cappy leo relationship really work? Especially long distance? I feel such the need to warm him, because he is so cold, but my efforts don't seem to work..not anymore anyway..

Let's face it - any long distant RLS is hard for cappy as well for leo, specially for cappy! I have a friend, she is leo, and handle long distance RLs with his Libran excellent. Of course, they are not so far away, still in the same country (btw. sorry for my bad english, I am in Europe, and I never learned in school), but it gives them a free space, for personal growth and for desire to eachother. For us cappys is a little bit harder to have long dist. Rls.
If this "pal" admitted his lies, this is a very good sign, of course, and your cappy is aware of it, but he needs time to consider about it. Let say, try to understand me, that he just lost a faith/confidence in you. I don't wanna be cruel, but you have to know that cappys hardly accept unexpected news about the people they love. It is hard for us emotionally, since mentally we can understand, even forget if other person made something wrong. But, you didn't! That is the point. If he has a strong feelings and attraction to you, he will not judge you, he will stay with you. But, you also must know - you are (and that's because distance between two of you) out of reach, and he do not have CONTROL over this RLS (not in means "controlling" but to have in front of his eyes what is going on, on everydays basis). Don't forget that, it is very important for cappys. Myself I adore Leo's, but I am often disturbed with their openness to whole world, with their sparkling nature which put us cappys in some kind of shadow, and we don't like that. Also, cappys need a person who will always be there for them, as a support for their ideas, plans, future life, etc. We just need that, or we can be alone with no problem. So, you have to discuss with your cappy about meaning and implications of long distance RLS. hope you already are! Cause cappy will continue contact you occasionally, even everything is over, let say so, when is word about long dist. communication. But we always want to know PURPOSE of all this, we have to be SURE!

So do I just be patient? I hate to thnk that he s talkng to me out of obligation..I should have a talk with him? Do I tell him my true feelings? He knows that I adore him..But I don't really know how he feels about me..We never really had that talk..He used to call me his girlfriend, but I'm not sure of my title now, since all the sweet words have been taken away from me..It's been about a week since the "incident"..I feel like I want to have a heart to heart talk with him, but don't want to scare him off..

Posted by tikigal
I'm in a long distance relationship with a cap man. I'm a leo..Things were really great at first..he was so attentive and there for me..We've met twice for rendezvous in the last two months..We've been texting and chatting for almost five months. Then, something bad happened.Long story short, he received a call telling him that I am really married.. I'm not..It was a ploy by a pal who doesn't like him..But since then, it's all changed..No more sweet nicknames..he disappears where normally every night before bed he would say goodnight..I'm just heartbroken..I've done everything for him..Sent his kids Chritmas gifts..flown to meet him, flown him in to see me..I've always thought him cold and a aloof, but it's getting worse..Can he ever get over what happened? Can we ever get back to where we were? We still talk daily, but it's not the same.. What can I do? He says he'll TRY to get back to where we were..but I don't see him trying..HELP..We are both divorced with kids. I still send him little care packages every week, but it seems I'm putting in all the effort. I know ths is a tough match to begin with..I'm three years out of a 15 year relationship with a Taurus..Completely different men...wow...All I want is my Cap man back to the way he was..

You send him care packages every week? What is this about? You are looking kind of desperate. You flew to see him and then you flew him in to see you. You buy his kids Christmas gifts. If he changes because of a lie (told by someone other than you or him), then you never had him the first place. He is already on his way out the door and needs an excuse to get there. You are doing way too much for him. If you dont see him trying then give him his space and stop trying so hard. Allow him to try. If he doesnt try then he doesnt feel the same way you do.

I am in an unusual situation and I have not a clue what to do.

I am in LOVE with a capricorn and his ways are very strange at times. I know that he loves me too but... We went to school together 20 years ago, which was puppy love but I have never stopped thinking about him and vice versa for him. He is the LOVE of my LIFE and I so regret not having the opportunity of creating a LIFE with him. I discovered that he did try seeking me in high school and on numerous occasions. We both have moved on with life by marrying other ppl but I do not want to live without him. After 20 years, we have feelings for each other that are so real. This is LOVE at it's rarest!! and I don't wanna let go. I've revealed my exact feelings to him and I continue to do so because I don't want him to get away from me again without knowing how I feel. I feel terrible because of our situations but I love him. I'm in love with him after 20 years. He is so amazing and he thinks the same of me. However, I have noticed that when his feelings for me get the best of him, he shys away from me. The thought of him not being in my life breaks my heart. Do I walk away? HELP!!! I DESIRE him and I know he DESIRES me. I've been married for 15 years to a wonderful guy but I've never felt such a strong connnection to my husband. It could be the fact that I married at the age of 19. What do you think? Can this type of love really exist.

caramelt12/30/2009 11:40:29 AM Hide Quote | IP
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I forgot to mention something I believe is very important. I have never had sexual relations with this cap. We've only shared a kiss. It's everything else I love about him. And he has told me things he adores about me, wome things are from our past and I would have never expected him to remember. So you know I can't wait to sleep with him one day. I have yet to feel this way about any guy.

caramelt,
I know how you feel..something about them just makes you want to drop everything and run to them..yet they don't seem to want you to..If you are both happily married, then how can it end well? I'm not sure my story will end well, and we're both single..

I know how you feel wanting advise, I do too, but even though signs do have certain characteristics that follow them, each individual is so different..I go back and forth with thinking how difficult ths situation is for me, and whether it is worth the pain it causes me..Seems we are both in need of advise..

I started sending him care packages around xmas..gifts and such..I'm not desperate, I'm rich..he said it makes him feel loved getting packages in the mail..is it really that wrong? I'm mostly upset at how he has changed towards. I offered him proof of whatever he wanted, but he doesn't seem interested in it..I feel like he's punishing me for something that I didn't do..He's cold all over again..Can he ever get past this? If not, then I need to walk away..It hurts too much..good days, bad days...wondering..I feel like he's playing a game or testing me, even though he says he's not...I never had these problems with my taurus..solid as a rock he was..

Oakley1 gave you really solid advice. —First of all, you have to do a looooong talk with him, but not over the phone, but face to face.?? Very, very, true — for reasons I still don't quite understand conversations are more —real?? face to face and don't means as much to me or the caps I know when done over the phone. We need to see facial expressions, body language, ect.

—we caps always disappear when we smell a eventual emotional hurt from other side.?? Ooooo so true and scary because when this occurs especially in a new relationship (5 months isn't long at all and even shorter when its long distance in the mind of a cap) because we will rationalize the person and the relationship away.

—Your cappy will listen to you, he actually can't wait to figure out the whole truth, to hear it from you!?? also very true ??_

—But, I suggest you not to overreact any more in sense that you call him, send him a texts or any gifts. Just stop do this.?? True you will come across as desperate and too easy, not loving and we love a challenge and will quickly bore with someone considered —too easy,?? unless we have already fallen for you.

—It's been about a week since the "incident"..I feel like I want to have a heart to heart talk with him, but don't want to scare him off..?? LOL LOL I'm sorry but its only been a week? You haven't given the man enough time to process anything, a week is nothing to a busy cap. Be patient and let him open up in his own time. When you have his heart, you will know it trust me.

—He is already on his way out the door and needs an excuse to get there. You are doing way too much for him. If you dont see him trying then give him his space and stop trying so hard. Allow him to try. If he doesnt try then he doesnt feel the same way you do.?? GeorgiaPeach is absolutely correct. You are doing way too much given your current standing and let me tell you a little secret ??_ when a cap wants you, he/she will do for you with absolutely no expectation of anything in return.

The onesidedness of your relationship is a huge red flag for me. By 5 months with my ex-cap he was madly in love with me, already professed his love and more importantly SHOWED me in more ways than I could count (emotionally, physically, and financially) BUT being a cap myself I understood him and never had to do anything but be myself. Let him do for you.. if he doesn't well you have your answer (and it doesn't necessarily have t

This is why he's so confusing to me..Here he is texting me from work..He is always initiating contact..It's just not sweet anymore..more like friends..Being a leo, its hard for me to comprehend, but so I should play hard to get? Not answer his texts? It is so difficult being so far away..Do I let him know why I'm pulling back, or just do it? I don't think he is a regular cap..he's been hurt pretty badly by the ex wife..he was sooo open with me and sweet, and then, it just changed...maybe he just changed his mind about me?

tikigal, you are over reacting. There is nothing wrong with the relationship. You are just projecting your own insecurity and feelings into his. Just give it some time. If he really wanted to stop seeing you, he probably would have said so by now. If he is feeling confused by his feelings, then give him some time to figure stuff out. He may very well be feeling unsure about the relationship, but there is nothing you can do so why fret? Just let it be. When he comes around, he will return to the loving Cap you remember. But the more you push, the more he will resist. You can't force a goat off his perch, so don't try.

I tell this to people and they never listen. Just give him space and act like nothing is wrong. If he doesn't change then if you can choose to ditch him for some one who will appreciate you.

BTW I think it some one who said talk to him about how you are feeling. This is a good idea. He won't know how you are feeling if you don't communicate it to him, especially if you are far away.

—Here he is texting me from work..He is always initiating contact..It's just not sweet anymore..more like friends.?? What is he saying exactly? I mean what is a romantic text vs. a friendly text? The fact that he is still initiating contact means he hasn't written you off just yet.

—but so I should play hard to get? Not answer his texts— ABSOLUTELY NOT ??_ if you don't respond to his texts, he will stop texting you no questions asked. There's a certain style you need to have with caps, its not so much about —playing hard to get,?? as it is actually being hard to get because you have other interests/activities. In other words don't ignore him, be available but don't be so available that he isn't wondering about you and doesn't feel the need to pursue you because you are ALWAYS THERE.

—Do I let him know why I'm pulling back?? No, this will come across as you playing games and he will be turned off and you will alienate him even further.
—maybe he just changed his mind about me— Sorry but this may be a possibility. When we have been severely hurt in matters of the heart and another situation reminds us of the pain felt from the previous situation, (especially in early relationships) sometimes it just seems easier to walk away. Be patient, be caring, just stop being such a worrier and a push over, you are stessing over nothing and if it were me this would be a major turn off. Give him time to open up and see and appreciate you for who/what you are.

Eric gave some great advice, take heed, be patient, let him figure out things for himself, if you push and freak out on him he will distance himself, the fact that he comes around is GREAT, it means he's not completely through, DON'T TRY TO CONVINCE HIM TO WARM UP, let him do it on his own, if your patient he will show signs of affection again.

Cap men are cold by nature, nothing unusual about that, they tend to shy away from drama PERIOD, he's not OUT of your life but if you freak out and push for affection as if something is wrong then he will distance himself, most likely cut contact with you abruptly so CHILL OUT. Behave like you always do and he will eventually warm up to you.

I know you may mean well by giving gifts but that is a NO NO, it's okay to have wealth, Cap men love feeling secure but your behavior is a bit needy, one care package is fine, every week is OVER LOAD, if you told a man I love Godiva icecream and he sent you big box of Godiva icecream every week would you still love it? Probably not, you would probably be annoyed that you have tons of icecream and nowhere to put it and no use for it in your home. See how annoying and unattractive it is to give like that even if the intentions are well meaning? It most likely drive you nuts and turn you off.

Although you may not feel your buying love that is exactly how it seems, your behavior opens the door to be mistreated and taken advantage.

Stop giving men gifts unless you want to be seen as a controlling desperate needy no life woman so stop it. Be yourself, gift giving doesn't make a man fall in love, buying his kids and flying him around the world doesn't make him want you nor does it make him want to love you more, being too giving and to nice can actually can kill romance and attraction...it makes him RUN from you.

I know from my own experiences that most capricorn men are private people, IMO he clearly felt that the person must know all your business about the relationship, how else would he have known to contact him and tell him about you being married, you talk too much, stop telling people all your damn business and stuff like this won't happen, the marriage issue is just part of the reason why he's turned cold, HIS PRIVACY HAS BEEN VIOLATED and he can't trust you to keep your relationship private, Cap men hate feeling embarrassed and can get paranoid once the trust is broken.

Oakley gave some great insight, communication is key but you have to share in a way that says I support your ideas, your thoughts and desires, what you want is important to me...you have to put a bit of your selfishness to have what you want from the relationship aside and show him you appreciate him not by giving him things but by communicate that to him, he has to feel important but not in a I will buy you anything kind of way but in a genuine respectful I appreciate having you in my life way. He wants to be needed not loaded up with gifts and fake ego stroking.

It's okay to share your accomplishments, they love to feel secure and feel like the woman they choose is equally ambitious as he is, he wants to know that the woman he chooses is heading in the same direction and can take care of herself...that's it, keep your money in your pocket

Thank you to you all..I really appreciate it..I know you're right about sending the gifts I just hope we can get back to the way we were..I'll gladly take any advise that's given. I am trying to act normal, and he seems to be acting normal, just not sweet like before..shows he's trying at least? This long distance thing is the worst..

"Sorry but this may be a possibility. When we have been severely hurt in matters of the heart and another situation reminds us of the pain felt from the previous situation, (especially in early relationships) sometimes it just seems easier to walk away. Be patient, be caring, just stop being such a worrier and a push over, you are stessing over nothing and if it were me this would be a major turn off. Give him time to open up and see and appreciate you for who/what you are."

oy, especially the "sometimes it just seems easier to walk away" part! i've heard that many a time from the caps i know. they will do whatever is easiest and the least complicated.