Some advice needed...

Hi LeoWithCap,

I've only been on DXP since the end of March, so I don't know the full story your relationship.

Long distance relationship are very difficult but I think they can work as long as the distance is temporary. My opinion is that once you indicate that it's okay for the partner to see other people then there's a whole new evolving issue. Since you are fine with having a friendship and nothing more, you need to make sure he understands this totally.

Why don't you write him a letter since he won't listen? That way, if he doesn't read it, then it's his fault if he's unaware of what's going on.

It's sad when you can't have open and honest conversations with a person you care about.

Yeah, tell me about. I felt the same way about a cancer man. I was sort in the same spot you are in right now because I told him that it was fine to have other female friends around because he told me that he wasn't as serious about them ... he said that he was more serious about me. Now, why did I fall for that bull-shit back then is beyond me LeowithCap, I have no idea why I was such a complete moron.

All that crap didn't last long, I made sure of it after getting some much needed advice off of DXP 🙂 I already made a post about him coming out of no where one day after a couple of months -- asking whatever happen to "us". I told him in April that we are friends and that it will remain like that because we are better off as such.

At this point, I don't know if he understands this but what I say still stands regardless. I'm the one in control of myself ... not him 😉

LeowithCap,

"It's sad when you can't have open and honest conversations with a person you care about."
I agree with you! Is there something he's going through right now that he needs to deal with? It's not to say that this should excuse his behavior; but I know myself being a Cap, when I go through issues in my life...I like to deal with it on my own and it's not to say that I'm not thinking about the special person in my life constantly...at that point in time, I just need to be clear of mind and have my space to deal with things and then I'll come back refreshed and ready for him. I asked this because he brought up the fact that he was there for you when you were going through some personal issues a few months ago...so was just wondering. If the way he's acting somehow has to do with your relationship being long-distance, then I think he should voice it.
For Caps, it's hard to be direct and expressive at times because we hate being vulnerable. It's one of our weakest points!

If your positive about just having a friendship, then I would act firm and reiterate that the next time he calls. This may cause him to open up.

OOOOPIE, I forgot to finish!

Make sure you know what you want out of all this. You are the only one that can control your mind. So, if you feel the relationship isn't going anywhere then you know what to do 😉 You need to let him know that you two need to be friends for now, at least until things change as far as the living arranges go.

LeoWithCapAndAnnoyed,

Wow, do I feel for you. Reading what you wrote has some similarities to my own situation. It's good to see the way I've acted wasn't so far fetched as you feel the same way as I did (sometimes still do).

"is it really worth it if..."

I can say without hesitation...I hope so. I am in the same boat as LWCA. I suppose that if my gut was telling me to doubt the cap guy, I'd be long of these boards and these "my cappie" strings. Is it loyality? Or is it hope?
I've told myself 1000 times, I'm over him. But like today out of the blue...he sends a text message trying to see what I am up to for the weekend. I swear, if I could just tune him out....I would. But nooooooooooooooooooooooo...the dumb girl just smiles.
LWCA-
you seek advice. I think he has good intentions with you. Instead of waiting for him to make his choice...make yours. Don't rush or pressure him or yourself. Take your time, step back from the frustration.

How many times must you play this ridiculous game of "GO MIA(missing in action). Just drop off his radar. He will wonder and come running if he cares about u"..

What is the purpose of it all. How is that having a relationship?

Your both adults and you should be able to talk if not have a proper relationship. I am sorry if this sounds harsh but I honestly think you have been reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally patient with this guy. I think its about time your started looking after number 1. YOU!!!! you deserve a bit of happiness, it seems like your sad times outweigh the good ones.

I think in your hearts of heart you know what to do. Its just taking that step.

Good luck.

MM~ don't go all wanky on LWCA; that was BT's advice- to go MIA.

LWCA~ these guys won't eliminate you as "an option"; hence why I think he refuses/declines the offer of just friends, especially if that's clearly eliminating the romance/sex part of the package. I think the LDR and not knowing that the heck he's doing in all of his free time, would be enough for me to let this one go...

I have been 100% "off" the Cap. creep for 6 weeks and will never go back to that cycle of craziness!

Capgirl: I am not going all "wanky" on LWCA..I am just quoting what Bittertaurus said..

She's got her head screwed on and I am sure she'll work it out somehow.