Stuck on Capricorn!

Hi there, first time posting!

I need some advice on a capricorn guy I've been seeing. We've known each other for a little over a year now and used to work together. We used to hang out very frequently, about twice-three times a week when we worked together. It's always been platonic though when I told him I liked him, he said he was flattered but wasn't ready for a relationship as he was in a transitory period in his life but told me "to stick around, things might change". I was a little upset at first, I would never stay around after being buffered off like that but this cap just gets me all twitterpated! After he changed jobs, we've kept in touch and see each other occasionally every few months. I know he's been out on dates with other people as have I. Lately, when we go out he insists on paying for things and has been such a gentleman. I'm not afraid to walk away from a man who's not interested but lately, I've been having these intense dreams about what could happen if we got together! Dreams of us moving in together, expecting a baby, and getting married. These dreams are freaking me out! I want them to stop! Should I stop seeing the cap? Any advice will help! Thanks, DXP!

I think you're missing out on opportunities with other guys while you're hung up on this cap that doesn't want a relationship. How can you give your heart to someone else, if its busy thinking about him? I would forget about the cap romantically, but maintain the friendship (unless thats too difficult). Might be easier not to maintain the friendship. Only you know that. I think he likes you....as a friend. I don't think he's interested in you for anything more than that.

I also think you're caught up in the idea of the POSSIBILITY of the relationship. You're putting WAY too much thought into this and you're only going to hurt yourself. You've got him and this so-called relationship up on a pedastal that he can never live up to in real life. Caps are pretty honest and he's told you what he does/doesn't want. You will have to listen.

I'm not trying to be mean to you. Just giving you some food for thought.

Thank you for the advice, I should clarify that I do date other people. He wasn't interested in me when he started dating after he switched jobs but I do enjoy his friendship. The part that bothers me is the dreams, as in actual dreams during sleep. They're so intense and vivid that they make me wonder if I've written him off too quickly. I want the dreams to stop and I wonder if cutting him out of my life will do that.

I would never stand for a man telling me to not date other people while he went looking around, fair's fair after all. As for not telling him I'm dating other people so he can think he's the only duck in the pond, what if he ends up not being interested and I've wasted all that time waiting for him? We've been honest to each other so far and I think playing these games makes no one a winner.

@Sunrays, I don't think they're my desires being projected into my dreams. I have no desire to have children or to get married at this point in my life. I have had dreams that ended up being prophetic which is why they scare the bejeebus out of me. I would hate to lose this guy as a friend, he is a pretty great guy but dammit if he isn't confusing! He doesn't have many friends, do caps keep people around as like a safety? Like he knows I'm attracted to him so he tells me to stick around as a safety friend?

This is also a random cap question but what is with him insisting on paying the bill? Is that just normal cap behavior of acting out traditional gender roles? I paid once and it ended up being really awkward.

Posted by aqua86
oh, man. this is exactly what i've been going through with my cappy friend. i hate the idea that he can say he doesn't want a relationship and see other women, but we women have to keep it under wraps if we're seeing other men, as to make him think we're perennially available. what a stupid double standard.

it's probably true, though, the more i think about it. i can totally see how a capricorn guy needs to be the most important thing in a woman's life, or else he's not interested. kind of disgusting, really.

i guess you could just tell him that you're not seeing other people anymore and then keep secretly seeing them, in case the situation with your capricorn doesn't pan out. that's probably what i'm gonna do.

I think if you're seeing other guys, let him know. Don't let him think you're perennially available. Whats sexy about that? The fact that other men find you sexy is hot! Makes you more attractive and piques their interest a little more.

Posted by phoenixfeather
Thank you for the advice, I should clarify that I do date other people. He wasn't interested in me when he started dating after he switched jobs but I do enjoy his friendship. The part that bothers me is the dreams, as in actual dreams during sleep. They're so intense and vivid that they make me wonder if I've written him off too quickly. I want the dreams to stop and I wonder if cutting him out of my life will do that.

The theory is when you dream about someone (like an ex or a friend) there is a quality that person has that you're craving. Not necessarily the person. So, if you're dreaming about future stuff, it might be as simple as the person you want to marry has a similar quality to the cap (like compassion, or humor, or responsibility, etc).

??

Posted by aqua86

Posted by phoenixfeather
I would never stand for a man telling me to not date other people while he went looking around, fair's fair after all.

This is also a random cap question but what is with him insisting on paying the bill? Is that just normal cap behavior of acting out traditional gender roles? I paid once and it ended up being really awkward.

hear, hear! god, i'm so glad to hear someone else say this. it's like there aren't any feminists on this board at all. it's nuts.

my cap also demands to pay the bill every single time. i think it's an ego thing. i'm between jobs so i let him do it most of the time, but if we're at a bar, i always try to start off the evening by asking him what kind of drink i can go get him. then i don't feel like a total mooch.

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Caps are pretty traditional. Not that we don't believe in feminism, but we tend to stick to traditional roles for the most part.

And of course, after you have been dating a while, what difference does it make who pays. Its a team effort at that point.

You probably should chalk the dreams up as just dreams and probably distance yourself from Cappy. DON'T read too much into Cappy paying either. Cappys take traditional roles to heart and paying for dinner is just his style .

Posted by aqua86
"And of course, after you have been dating a while, what difference does it make who pays. Its a team effort at that point."


ha, yes, agreed. my cap FINALLY let me pay for half of the bill last night, at my insistence, on our tenth date or something. i guess that means were making progress.

After a few months, Aqua let me pay too. 🙂 The first time I paid, I told him, "hey! I got paid today, I got this! "

Posted by 3588PISCES
& what is sexy about men knowing more men are all over her?

Im just saying because most men back off if they see more men around. But if they only know there could be someone else interested that is a whole different story.

I meant let him know other men are interested. It's makes you more attractive when they know other people are interested. And keeping options open (dating) keeps you from becoming needy. Its okay to date as long as you're not sleeping around.