the ex-girlfriend

i've run into this situation before with two separate cap men and i'm curious to know if this is some running theme.

it's pretty much the same story: it was their first "real" relationship in their adult lives. been together for a long amount of time. matured within the relationship. knew they didn't belong together, but stuck it out to see if it can be salvaged. bad break-up. some time passed. now just cordial.

and then when they enter a new relationship (even years after the fact), they still manage to speak of these ex's so fondly despite the reason of their break-up. they would always randomly bring them up in conversation without my asking and speak about them in a "love of my life", "best times of my life"-type fashion that always struck a wrong chord with me. brought out an insecurity where i felt compelled to start making comparisons between myself and the ex. my thinking: "well, he's bringing up his relationship with his ex so much, something must be wrong."

granted, this would occur within the first year of our relationships and then they would eventually stop mentioning them afterwards, but i've always wondered what exactly they were doing. pining, maybe? reminiscing? comparing? did i just have the (un)fortunate luck of dating two similar guys or did their sign have anything to do with it?

Just speaking on my experience alone, that would be a total coincidence. My ex-Leo (even almost 10 years later) still regards me as his "true love," "one who got away," and all of that nonsense despite having been in a serious relationship with his gf for YEARS now. They even live together yet I occasionally hear rumblings of the sort.

My Cap on the other hand, I haven't met anyone who is so nonchalant about his exes. Not a word is uttered, no far looks in the distances, nada. If the subject is ever broached (and after all these years, it isn't), he just says that exes don't mean a thing, the past is the past, and he would never be interested in ever forging a friendship with them as time has passed and they are all different people. Of course, I'm adding more words than I'm given in one single setting. Again, never met anyone who couldn't care less...

As for my cap friends (male and female), I don't particularly know any of them to pine for their exes. I have seen some (when single) that were receptive to hanging out with someone they used to date and keeping an open mind but that was only if the other person hadn't wronged them so much in the past.

Just speaking on my experience alone, that would be a total coincidence. My ex-Leo (even almost 10 years later) still regards me as his "true love," "one who got away," and all of that nonsense despite having been in a serious relationship with his gf for YEARS now. They even live together yet I occasionally hear rumblings of the sort.

My Cap on the other hand, I haven't met anyone who is so nonchalant about his exes. Not a word is uttered, no far looks in the distances, nada. If the subject is ever broached (and after all these years, it isn't), he just says that exes don't mean a thing, the past is the past, and he would never be interested in ever forging a friendship with them as time has passed and they are all different people. Of course, I'm adding more words than I'm given in one single setting. Again, never met anyone who couldn't care less...

As for my cap friends (male and female), I don't particularly know any of them to pine for their exes. I have seen some (when single) that were receptive to hanging out with someone they used to date and keeping an open mind but that was only if the other person hadn't wronged them so much in the past.

This is different. My Cap didn't discuss his ex-girlfriend with me until he was a little tipsy and I brought up some things that made me mad dealing with her and her inability to let him go. He always blows her off and never brings her up willingly. So maybe its not a Cap thing and just a 'good relationship that just didn't last' type of thing.

i like that: "if you want to be with me then don't mention her."

i once had an argument with one of the caps. he claimed that i had a misconstrued idea of how his relationship with his ex was. that i thought that it was all wonderful and great when that was far from the case. i retorted that it was a natural assumption given the way he spoke of her.

would it be safe to say, then, that they just held onto the memory of the relationship, rather than the person, the ex-girlfriend?

thinking about it, i remember him saying that he would rather remember the positive versus the negative aspects of his past relationships, because he didn't want to think that he had wasted his time and effort, or think that he failed. ooooh those caps. i think i just answered my own question.

thanks, everyone.

Hmmm...this got me to thinking about all the caps I know. Every single one of them either still carries a torch for an ex, or is at least still in touch with an ex and brings them up from time to time wistfully. Both male and female cappies I know do this.

My Cap mentions his ex from time to time, but it's not in a way that makes me feel insecure or anything. I just think that it's cause she was a big part of his life for sometime and despite ending things there will always be a part that rememebers that life. I think that goes with every relationship and every person. Also, there are people who like to look at relationships that have ended in a positive light despite all of negativity around the break-up. I can understand that because at one point in time that person made them happy.

But ... there are those individuals that take things too far and make comments that make current girlfriends uncomfortable. I'd asked him what his reasoning behind those comments are?!