The mother of all walkouts

Hi there, my sister has been married to a cappie for eight years or so. They have two children. Not the best marriage in the world, and certainly not the worst. Money and how to pay the bills is their biggest concern. Two weeks ago he walked out on her without any regard for the further financial ruin it will bring them both. He's not explaining much, if anything. Is demanding as far as the kids are concerned and has very clearly told my sister he doesn't love her anymore. Is sad for the children but doesn't try to speak to them daily. Is busy with a promotion in the firm where he works. As said, he doesn't want to explain anything at all to my sister but everyone in their circle feels that there is something else going on. But genuinely no one knows what this may be. Does anyone have a inkling as to what might be going on in this cappie's mind? He's never disappeared before and is 35 years of age.

Posted by Eleonor
Is busy with a promotion in the firm where he works. As said, he doesn't want to explain anything at all to my sister but everyone in their circle feels that there is something else going on. But genuinely no one knows what this may be. Does anyone have a inkling as to what might be going on in this cappie's mind? He's never disappeared before and is 35 years of age.

There's more to this than meets the eye. I know she's your sister & all but how do you she hasn't been cheating on him?

And that he found out?

Yeah, this is odd.

With all the Cappies I know they would have an affair before walking out on a marriiage simply because they are unhappy. This would be the first ive known, unless shes pure crazy. They usually cheat before divorce though. Just walking out? Never really heard of it.

Now if SHE was cheating, that would definitely make more sense.

Hi thank you for all your comments. No, she hasn't cheated but funnily enough on Sunday night he implied to a mutual friend that he thought she was with another mutual friend (male) on that Saturday night. Now she wasn't because we all know she was at a third mutual friend's (husband and wife couple) house -- still following? But maybe he's been suspicious longer than since Saturday. But no she hasn't cheated.

But why would the Cappie not take his wife to task if he was suspicious? (so not talking about Saturday evening but perhaps weeks or months worth of suspicion...)

I'm sure your sister has an inkling as to why. Maybe she's not talking.

Eleanor, what sign is your sister?

Both Caps? Wowww!! Yeah, she cheated. They probably both exaggerated some things but she cheated if its what he said. It definitely wasnt ALL her fault though.

Thats a shame. I dont know nothing about them two, but I can put money on both cheating lol. My goodness at.the horrible ending. Hopefully one day they can be friends lol, smh.

Hi again, my sister is a Sagittarius and a really fab girl. No, she has not cheated and, right now, still walks around in a daze as to what's gotten into him. I appreciate that there is always a reason and that he may be ten steps ahead of her in what he's so angry/upset about. I mentioned to my sister that her Cappie may be suspicious and she emailed him immediately stating very clearly that she isn't interested in the guy I wrote about/never was/never will be. Cappie replied straight away that his concern was only about last Saturday.

Now, Cappie is angry with my sister because she hasn't stood up for him towards me or my mother in recent stuff -- it could have been the final straw. Cappie feels let down particularly on one occasion, and over the course of the summer our mother's not been too impressed with him (Cappie's sloppy sometimes and makes ill financial decisions, in her view) and our mother isn't too good at hiding her feelings. But would that be enough for a cappie to leave his wife of eight years?

Im not sure about leave, but maybe seperate and take a break. Why is your mother so concerned with their financial business?

I dont know ALL Sags, but ive noticed in a few passive-aggressive behavior. Her not defending him would be a example of this. It seems your sister has issue with him, and is using your mom to be the aggressive one in confronting it sense she cant get thru to him.

If that IS the case, then yes, it would drive a Cap crazy. Hes not going to be forced to do anything, and im sure he doesnt appreciate you and your mom knowing all of their business.

If they are going to you all for money, then be concerned. If they are struggling, be concerned. If hes gambling it all away, be concerned. Im curious to what he could be doing where your mother needs to step in.

In my ever so limited Cap male experience they pretty much talk and talk and drop hints but when they stop talking, it's near the end. By then, it seems that they just up and left but it's really been a long time coming. Some things that I have seen drive any man much less a Cap to up and leave are:

1)Infidelity
2)Betrayal of any kind. When you marry, you're suppose to be you're spouse's partner and not let family come between that. If your mother respected your sister or him she would have put a lid on it. If you sister respected him she would have put a lid on your mom. I'm not saying he was fault free but if you degrade your spouse in the eveys of your family and complain about him, it WILL ruin your marriage!
3)Having their manhood threatened or questioned by their spouse
4)Feeling that they can't meet the financial needs of their family. Yup, they will work hard to do so but after you fail and fail and theose around you constantly point it out, then the best thing to do might be to eliminate the negativity and try making it on your own.

Posted by Eleonor
Now, Cappie is angry with my sister because she hasn't stood up for him towards me or my mother in recent stuff -- it could have been the final straw. Cappie feels let down particularly on one occasion, and over the course of the summer our mother's not been too impressed with him (Cappie's sloppy sometimes and makes ill financial decisions, in her view) and our mother isn't too good at hiding her feelings. But would that be enough for a cappie to leave his wife of eight years?

Uhmmm...my spouse not taking up for me would be a MAJOR problem. Caps expect 100% loyalty from their significant other.

And personally, your mother needs to BUTT OUT of their financial business. Obviously your sister drug her into it by talking about their business - a HUGE no-no from my Cap perspective. We like our affairs to be kept private. In my opinion, I wouldn't give a DAMN what my mother-in-law thought as long as my spouse and I were on the same page.

I'm not necessarily taking the cap's side. I'm trying to offer a cap view point like you asked for.

Also, as for the infidelity question, there is a reason he suspects. Whether she did or did not do it doesn't matter. Obviously it doesn't look good, doesn't feel right and her story smells a bit fishy - to him. She should have NEVER put herself in a position to give him doubt. She should have avoided anything that would cause anyone to question or become suspicious.

Example: My ex husband would have plans with his friend. The friend showed up on time, but my ex was running a bit late from work. Instead of coming inside the house to wait, his friend and I sat on the porch in the front yard waiting on him. Innocent situation but no chance for questions or doubt.