This Capricorn man is such an enigma to me....

Hey I doubt I can be of much help but from my experience with a Cap man friend, they do play alot of games to test your reaction, also his moon in Pisces adds to that from my experience.

Read some of the other posts as I'm sure some of your questions will be answered. I'm sure you'll get some great advice from other Caps on this thread so hold tight.

Good luck!

Quick story

When my Cap friend and I reconnected, after a 6-7 years(He moved after school and we lost touch for years), he came to my house and surprised me and we talked and talked and he told me a story of what happened between him and his other friend and how she tried to come on to him, and wanted to have sex with him, and how he was upset about it. Said that he told her if they had sex then they could NEVER be friends again, and was hurt that she wanted to risk loosing his friendship over a quick lay. He didn't feel he could mix the two and that he REALLY valued his true friendships. I think he told me he went on and gave her what she wanted and he dropped her as a friend that night lol smh.

So all of that to ask, about a year later, "hey lnana04, why don't you marry me and we move up to washington and blah blah blah blah blah blah" It was sooooo random, and I was like wth? I don't think I even said anything, but it really threw me off because, not only was I hurt by it, but I thought of that lecture on friendship and the importance of it. I acted like I never heard him say that, and so did he, and we are still friends lol.


So, I'm saying all that to say, maybe you are THE ONE in his eyes. He's probably trying to guard what he really feels about you by the weird behavior, which is throwing you off. I don't think he knows how to really approach you directly, nor do I think he want you to feel anything for him right now, maybe in fear of how the dynamics will change while he's trying to tip-toe around what he wants from you. I think he really values your friendship, but can definitely potentially see you being more. Maybe he just doesn't want you to change, or see the emotional side, but either way, I think he likes you waayyyy more than he's letting on, and I think he loves the fact that you detach from him.

" He told me from the start that he recently got out of a long relationship and was not ready to start anything new because he did not want to "feel obligated to someone else's feelings" for now. "

" He has consistently reminded me that he does not want anything serious"

Any guy who says that.....RUN

But seriously why date a man who starts off wanting nothing? Men that behave this way tend to be an emotional up and down nightmare, constant battle between himself and his feelings which topple over into the lap of the woman he's dating, it's so draining it's unreal.

You're a cancer and you probably can handle this kind of emotional madness but for how long? Set a boundary such as how long you will endure what you're going through, give him time to adjust if he can and if he can't you probably should consider saving yourself.

I'm not keen on meeting men online, a lot of the men on online dating sites are emotionally weird like this guy. Like really?? If you don't want to start anything new b/c you don't want to feel obligated then GET OFF the damn dating sight until you feel you are ready SMDH LOL! It's ridiculous to sign up on a dating sight and then turn around and say I'm not ready to start anything new. Then can you please explain what the hell you're doing dating me? LOL SMH

Sorry not laughing at you, just laughing at his behavior, he was OUT before he even got in and it appears he's remaining that way through out your connection with him, I don't know how you're going to maintain anything consistent with this guy but good luck trying.

My prediction is...You'll be disappointed in the end, I hope otherwise but when it starts out this open ended it's doomed to end with someone (usually the woman) getting her feelings hurt over his rejection or inability to move past casual.

I think you do want to develop into more or you wouldn't waste your energy and time dating this guy or any man for that matter. Women not all but a huge majority want REAL relationships or she wouldn't even waste her time dating.

Men who give out mixed signals DON'T WANT real relationships so as long you understand that, continue to date other men, don't hope or wish for anything from this guy you definitely can avoid getting your feelings hurt.

He's openly stated he went into a previous relationship casual and free only for it to end when she changed and wanted more, as long as you can AVOID changing and wanting more you can most likely have a really fun casual time with this guy, the moment you fall in love it'll end badly, he's been clear walking into it with you that he doesn't serious with you so if you let him have his way it'll remain this way.

He keeps telling you he doesn't want anything serious with you because he doesn't, if you can handle that truth then it should work out okay. Men don't really lie when it comes to his feelings, if he says I want casual and free, I don't want to be responsible for your feelings they typically mean it, if a woman stays after hearing him say that then he's reassured that you are going along with what he wants and you're okay with doing things his way, he assumes you understand and you know what he wants and know he won't change.

What I'm really trying to say is...If you start reading into what he's NOT saying then you risk getting your feelings hurt, if you begin to interpret his feelings by what he's doing and what he's not saying then you can start read things ALL WRONG because your basing what you think on how you THINK he feels and how you think he thinks despite what he's saying, you can become really disoriented with this kind of mind juggling.

If I was in your shoes, I have been so I know how you feel, I would take what he says at face value and forget the rest, therefore you won't be setting yourself up for disappointed. Believe him and get on with dating. If he changes his mind at some point he'll let you know I'm sure of it.

set yourself up for disappoinment

I don't know.
It's kind of weird.

He seems to obviously been interested in you due to the fact that he IS contacting you and you are actually having a nice time together.
I think that maybe his saying he doesn't want a relationship, or things to get serious, is just a defense mechanism.
I'm sure I'm not really saying anything you don't already know, I think you've pretty much got this situation down.
If he's been in a lot of long relationships, he probably doesn't want to get into another right away, and he is meeting you and having a nice time with you.
The fact that you are also staying detached and kind of playing by his rules is probably a good thing.
You're not over bearing or asking for more, probably because you are keeping busy and seeing other people here and there as well.

I say you're pretty much doing everything right.
I guess just keep going with it, eventually SOMETHING will happen in either direction (hopefully).
You can only ride the neutral train for so long.
Guess you'll see what happens with this in a little while.
Sounds promising though.. in a weird way...

Anyways, good luck!

You seem pretty level headed for a cancer haha, guess it's your cap moon.

Which is also why you probably kind of get/accept where he is coming from, since your moon is his sun sign.
And it's cool that he is a pisces moon, and has that deeper part to add to the cap.

Just wana say, I find this thread very interesting!!! The advice is brilliant coming from different perspectives. 🙂

Thank you all for your very helpful input. I definitely appreciate being able to see different sides of the situation altogether.

Well as an update, I ended up seeing the cap yesterday and we spent some time together. Well some of the same behaviors started coming up (he informed me when I got there that he "wasnt in the mood for much but wanted to watch a movie" and two and a half hours later, was all over me and clearly "in the mood"; started bringing up some very personal information that he had told me a few weeks ago that he regretted ever sharing with me)and on top of everything, he also informed me that he had hooked up with someone last week (we made a pact with each other from the start that if we hooked up with other people, we would let each other know me=0 cap guy=2). On top of him telling me this info, he kept repeating "I know you wont want to hook up with me anymore or hang out..I understand" and eventually I had to tell him "why are you worrying about this when im clearly not?" and he laughed and relaxed. I realized after thinking about it that this wasnt going to work and in fact may blow up in each others faces if we didnt amend anything quick. I didnt feel the need to deal or even think about any of his actions/contradictions anymore if we were supposed to be casually hooking up.

I told him that I didnt want to hook up anymore so that we could avoid future problems and miscommunications and if anything salvage the fact that we can continue to enjoy each other's company and be respectful to each other. I also asked him if he was okay with it, I would want to remain friends and we could hang out from time to time minus the "benefits". I am not okay with the idea of people having multiple partners at a time - attached or not, and im sure he can find someone to better suit his needs if thats what he would prefer. He replied "thank you so much for being so honest, understanding and upfront. I agree with what you said and know exactly where you're coming from. I would love to continue hanging out - im sure this will eliminate any awkwardness. Talk to you soon 🙂 "

I was holding on to satisfying my desires without looking at the whole picture. I didnt want to treat him like a piece of meat because I actually enjoyed spending time talking and discussing things with him. He also admitted later in the conversation that he wasnt really comfortable with the idea of that emotionless approach either because I wasnt a "whore or f buddy".

Not sure where this will go or if he will actually stick to his word of maintaining contact as friends.. I will leave it to him for now, because I realize he has to do things at his pace and decide whether this is something he intended to do. My cap moon certainly dominated this convo - I told him what I wanted to say, listened to his side and then told him that since he understands, I can now get back to work and id speak to him at another time lol. I just felt like the less messy and more direct, the better for both of us.

@laurathealien: thanks for your positive insight. im jusr curious, how would a pisces moon add more depth to a cap? he is the first pisces moon person ive encountered and i cant seem to understand what characteristics it encompasses.

He is an absolute mess, talk about confusing. It's reading as if he's developing feelings to the point where he don't know what to do with himself.

With my Cap friend, I've noticed the more he likes a girl, the more honest he is about his "slip ups" with other women. With your friend, there's no telling if he slept with those women because he liked them and wanted to, or to sabotage the situation because he's scared of what he's feeling.

I could be all wrong in this, but he reminds me of how clumsy some Cap guys can get when they actually catch feelings.

well, i am a pisces moon, and if you go into the moon sign threads you can read a bunch of people's insights on it.

water signs are generally more intuitive and sensitive.
pisces are spiritual and impressionable signs.
they take alot in from the outside.
with the moon in this placement the emotions are very strong and sensitive. other worldly even (that's how i feel)
so i guess having a tough exterior of an earth sign, especially something like a capricorn, who already seems to be deep and withdrawn, a pisces moon would served to add an extra layer of sensitivity and perhaps enhance those aspects of capricorn? it would also maybe weaken in a sense some of the stronger natural aspects of cap.

haha. the person i am very much interested in is a capricorn with a cancer moon. i really like this water earth combo in a person.

here's more info of the netttttt:

Capricorn/Pisces
The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign is harmonious and interesting. You have a receptive temperament and you're strongly influenced by outside impressions and environment. You mix a very practical, serious and ambitious side, with a somewhat restless and variable personality. It may be hard, sometimes, for you to exhibit the firmness and steady purpose so often attributed to Capricorn. Often this is overshadowed by a sentimental and sympathetic touch to your nature. You have an intuitive insight that makes you very aware of the feelings of others. You have a rather serious and penetrating interest in life, and to you, most issues seem to have depth and complexity. Honest and trustworthy, you would never resort to trickery or deceit. You are thorough in your work and eager to know all you can about a variety of things. Your nature is very humanitarian and you are likely to be much less materialistic than many fellow Capricorn natives. In personal relationships, you need to exercise discrimination, overcoming a somewhat passive tendency that makes you susceptible to the influences of others.

http://www.astrology-numerology.com/sun-moon.html

"With your friend, there's no telling if he slept with those women because he liked them and wanted to, or to sabotage the situation because he's scared of what he's feeling."

@lnana04: You know now that you said that I am thinking youre absolutely right about the possibility of him just sabotaging the situation because of his feelings. It was so strange to hear him tell me what he 'knew' I was going to do and want after telling me that information. At first I took it as being part of his insecurity and preparing himself for the likelihood of me getting pissed off and never wanting to speak to him again. Even the details surrounding his little "slip up" dont make sense but I didnt care enough at the time to think about it and notice. That bothers me slightly, because he has always put on this impression that he is so upfront and honest that he comes across as blunt and harsh to many people and I told him to serve it up with me because thats how I communicate and get down. And thats how I've been with him. I would have respected it more if he just told me that it should end for whatever reason as compared to being used to make it seem like completely "my decision".

@laurathealien: thanks for the information about pisces moons. if you ever need any insight on the cap/cancer combination let me know. I talked to a capricorn with a cancer moon for a few weeks lol and we had tons of things in common - including the negatives.

I have noticed that this cap guy is VERY sensitive and his overall disposition is softer than other caps i know. He has also made comments about feeling "other worldly" lol.

What I don't get is that you post that you were cool with being with him as FWB only until you found out he's also seeing other women? FWB is FWB. Nothing changed on his part. It changed on YOUR part, just like he knew it would.

@pathfinder: prior to us even thinking about hooking up, we discussed what we were ok with and what we weren't. One thing I told him was that I don't involve myself with someone who plans on being with multiple partners. So it was agreed that if either of us hooked up with someone else, we would let the other person know. I think I have a right to expect honesty from a partner and have a preference for no strings attached sex to be as safe as possible.

My problem isn't even the fact that he hooked up with someone else - which I'm starting not to believe anyway- but rather his conflicting personality/ emotional side and my decision to eliminate hooking up as a way to stop dealing with that side of him.

@racante, please don't turn this into something about STDs and multiple partners. I'm sure you were using protection since you were down with FWB. Ok, so now you know he's sleeping with other people. You feel betrayed. You cut him off. Don't second guess. Get yourself tested for STDs if that will bring you peace of mind. Peace of mind is what you want after all.

@pathfinder: If you read my post, I clearly indicated that my problem with him had nothing to do with him hooking up with others but rather his conflicting words and actions. There was no feeling of 'betrayal', especially since I knew what the situation was all about from the beginning. How could I feel betrayed if we had so little , if any obligations to each other?

I did not intend for the focus of this post to be about judging how I choose to lead my FWB situations anyway.




Thanks to everyone who offered some insight. It definitely helped me realize that something had to change before I became too involved in the reasoning behind his behaviors. Im a pretty "go with the flow" kind of person and when I saw things were getting emotional on his part and he was expecting more intimacy and hang out time yet insisting that this be casual, I was unsure of how to proceed. Good luck to everyone who is dealing with a capricorn man! 🙂

So as to give an update on my situation and seek out some addiitonal advice or suggestions, here is the latest with my cap man:

About a month ago, he endured a tragedy in his close family circle. He was upset and disappointed, stricken with grief and I supported him by listening esp since his communication became much more consistent. He told me he appreciated having me there and since then things have changed. We speak almost every day if not every other, we see each other more consistently and hes opened up to me about personal things - something that still surprises me. Our level of comfort and intimacy is even different - no more other women hes hooking up with btw.

Recently, we got into a heated discussion because he made a comment(which i later found out was meant as a joke) and I was offended by it. He flipped things on me and told me that he feels that I think hes a person to not be trusted, that I sometimes lack empathy and I keep him at arms length and "push him away" emotionally. He told me "it hurts so much to know that a person I like so much can think i will do something to hurt her". He also told me that he wants to "be here for me but I always seem to push him away or think the worst". Hes right - I have kept him at arms length out of fear of being too vulnerable or hurt. He intiated this as casual and reminded me of it throughout. To me, being casual means as little emotion as possible.

I COULD be sweet, trusting, understanding, "girlfriend like", - all the things hes asking for - but I feel its a big risk. I know I should ask him or demand boundaries, but ill be honest: 1) I dont feel I should since hes the one that wants more and 2) I dont want this somehow flipped on me as if its MY idea.

Am I wrong in assuming he wants something more relationship like in the first place? Part of me just wants to run away cold turkey so as to not deal with vulnerability or being hurt, but I know in the end that would be messed up to him. I dont have much dating or relationship experience, so I dont even know if I should do anything at all or if I should just try things out and take the risk anyway? I think my biggest fear is opening up, trusting him and finding out he wants to date someone else. Not out of jealousy, but out of knowing that I exposed my cancer sensitivity that I keep so dear to my heart and it wasnt taken seriously.