Update but Need an Answer

Hey guys,

Just a quick update. I am taking the cappy dinner on Thursday of this week. I decided to buy him chinese food (but from an excellent place) and make a cake and take him a piece or two. I figure that way he will know what I am capable of (yes, E you are right) and it won't seem like I'm kissing his a $ $ by cooking for him.

BUT having said this, I'm confused now. I was talking to the man today and everything was great, were laughing, joking, teasing each other and then he makes a comment about he has a friend that is single and likes white girls. So I play dumb and say what do you mean by that? He replies "well your always asking me to fix you up." What the he!!? I've aske that man that b/c hellooooooo, I'm waiting for him.

Should I be concerned about this? I mean, would that be kinda a hint that he's not interested, just doesn't care at all? What? Gemgem, Greeneyedgemini, Peachcow and everyone else have you expierenced this w/your cappy? It is a cappy trait? E and Oaf, is this something you guys would do even if you "were interested" in the girl? I guess maybe it could be a test but it caught me off guard.

Besos~~

Correction:

Second paragraph of my post--
"I've aske that man that b/c hellooooooo, I'm waiting for him."

I meant I've "never" asked that man that b/c.........

gosh, here it goes cappy's mind game. I feel for you, Besos. My first cap did the similar thing, telling me to keep dating, and telling me that I should have kept the canceled date (one time I canceled a date with Aqua boy I liked...because my feeling for the cap was exploding... I told my cappy that I didn't go out with the Aqua boy, then he told me that I should have gone out...b****rds)

Got to ask OJ, E and Oaf on this. Why they do what they do...

ummmmmm o.k. this is a little weird cause my cap did not want me to date anyone he also would get territorial when we were around other men and they would come and talk to me. (look them up and down stand real close to me type stuff)even if they were just my friends. The only time he told me I should date other people was recent when I found out about the lies hmm go figure!! So im not sure what to take from that. I would come right out and say yea whats his name, what does he look like I have a friend "greeneyedgemini" who might be intersested in him as well so long as hes not a capricorn! LOL j/k! I dont know besos, but its sure nice to hear from you!

hey can you send me a piece of cake toooooooooooooo!!

Nope...nooooo way. You need to call him on that in a subtle way. Like, "would you like me to go out with blank or with you?" Flirt just a little about it. If he doesn't respond then back off. I mean mine doesn't ever do that. In fact he just keeps himself very neutral and then every now and then this jealousy thing will come out. So...I wouldn't start doing a whole lot of things out of your way for him until he fesses up just a little more about how much he likes YOU.

gemgem, you are good! I wish I have known you earlier😉 But I believe nothing is coincidence in life so there are reasons certain people are in my life and certain things happens...I am sure my first cap was in my life for some reasons; I just haven?t figured it out completely yet

oooo i figured out the reason behind mine ***PATIENCE***!!! Thats what he has taught me also to hold my emotions closer to my heart until i KNOW he is on the same page as me. I think that this is what I need to take into any relationships i come acrossed! Im an open book and I need to have some mystery to me.

I hope this passes soon cause it really gets me down. This is going to sound weird but i do my Tarot cards on a weekly basis and it all says that its going to work out that I need to give it time... how come it cant tell me how much time. The psychic said that Brian loves me and care for me so what gives. should I be like you peachcow and give it a time frame say three months...... I dont know ladies I was strong and hanging in there but now i seem to be unraveling......😢

Thanks Peach...I've just come to a whole new enlightenment about all of this and although it's HELL, there's really nothing you can honestly do about it. You just have to try and understand them and ride it out. If they don't come to you then it wasn't supposed to happen. GEG ~ you're not crazy...you're in looooove. 🙂 And that's okay. I am too. But someone once told me this and I believe it's stated in a movie like "The Princess Bride" "nothing can change true love." haha. I know that's corny, however, true love is being able to let someone go and understanding where they're at at that given moment, and it's when no strings are attached. So you letting him go is either going to show you that he wasn't for you; or it will bring him back. Mine told me the night of all the drama and these were the very words out of his mouth, "I think it's just time." Reeeeaaaallly think about that word 'time.' It sucks, but time isn't too long. It's already July and it felt like it was June a little while ago. 🙂 Kiss kiss.

I love that, gemgem...

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true love is being able to let someone go and understanding where they're at at that given moment, and it's when no strings are attached. So you letting him go is either going to show you that he wasn't for you; or it will bring him back.
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It is so beautiful and I believe the same. It is scary though, but only time will tell. I was so tempted to call my first cap tonight but was able to hold off. I appreciate knowing you gals. If it meant be it will happen...I know it is hard to have the faith.

GEG, start something new that you enjoy doing - it may help you take your mind off from him for the time being. I started to take a salsa class; tonight was the first lesson - it was a lot of fun - forgot about my crazy life for a little while😉

Oh, my third cap and I went to sushi beforehand...he is such a sweetheart. He brought me flowers from his garden (showing his artistic talent😉 so beautiful...). He is showing me how sweet and nice a cap guy can be....I don't know where it is going to take me but will see.

AM ~ thanks for the advice haha. I love your bluntness. hehe. I think it depends on the guy however and where they're at. Some of the guys DON'T deserve our time, but there's no way I won't see mine that's why I'd rather keep it friendly.

Peach ~ it sounds like your sushi cappy could be a keeper. sigh. Let him shower you with love. You deserve it. Look at all of us ladies who don't get that. Enjoy! 🙂

Okay, so I got to really thinking about our conversation last night, really going over every word we exchanged and remembering the e-mails (about 10 short chit chat e-mails b/t us b/f we got on the phone for the 2nd time yesterday) and I remembered two things.

(1) During our e-mails to and from one another yesterday he was telling me what kind of chinese food he liked but decided to be funny and said he also liked white meat (I know he did this purposely trying to insuiate he was talking about chicken but he was actually talking about me [smiling]). If you guys will recall when we meet my white complexion was somewhat of an issue. So, okay, no big deal, he's want to be Mr. Funny Man so I can play along with this. I tell him that it really sucks that he likes white meat b/c me and "the girls" (I'm sure you guys can figure out who "the girls" are) have been tanning and now "we" look like "texicans!" (Just a little humor b/t he and I since he is hispanic and I'm white). He calls me at work right after this specific e-mail and we are talking like nothing but I just happened to check the e-mail and he had sent a reply to me saying "Tanning? I've got to see the girls.....!" [smiling...aaaawwwwww] I get yet another e-mail while we are on the phone basically with the same kinda smart flirty response about "my girls!" So I'm really happy but I didn't say anything to him b/c we were already joking about the white meat issue and he tells me he really does like white meat I just took it wrong. Please bear in mind all of this conversation is with a light, humerous tone b/t us. So I'm thinking great when do we go out b/c "the girls" are really wanting to meet you -lol! Hey, what, they haven't been out to play for a while......lol!

SCREW UP.......

(2) Okay, so as you can see the e-mails/conversations were going great b/t us, lots of laughing and then I got too comfortable and said something very stupid. I knew right when I said it that it was a mistake and did not fly the way I had anticipated it to. He was teasing me about going out of town (a joke b/t us) so I said well, I was invited to go last weekend and the weekend before. He, of course, asks immediately w/who. I keep saying a friend but with a laugh and b/c he keeps asking w/who (and I'm enjoying that he is not letting up on this issue) so I guess I got a little comfortable and said my best friend knowing d@mm well he would ask well why didn't you go. I told him I didn't go b/c my best friend has been trying to get me and her cousin together for a while now and after meeting/talking to him I just felt no connection so I sent him an e-mail telling him I wasn't interested (the man had the nerve to send me a pic of his....uumm...."member" to my cell phone...that would have been ok if I was physically attracted to him but instead it was a major turn off). I told him if I had went w/her we would have stayed at the cousin's house and I just wasn't down with that. Guess what his next question was? "Oh, yeah, when did you meet him?" So bottom line is I admitted that I was talking to someone else (remember I was supposedly very busy w/my kid for the longest which I honestly was but it just so happened that my best friend brought the cousin over to my house) while talking to him even though we hadn't meet so I"m guessing that he got a little p!ssed and that is why he made the comment about setting me up with his friend b/c my cappy never talks to me ugly or disrespectful honestly. What do you guys think? Does this sound right or should I just assume I'm wrong and as OJ said a while back he must have penis rising........God I loved that....lol!

I'm thinking through all of my relationships. I don't recall ever telling someone I LIKED to go date someone else unless I was hurt. If I found out that you were talking to someone else, like it appears you were, then I might have reacted similarly. Caught off guard and maybe a little hurt, I would probably suggest you talk to them. It would have been said more or less out of pain then a serious suggestion. If you went along with it then I would cut you off. If you did your best to let me know that you weren't interested and only wanted to be with me then I might let you back in my good graces.

I am very possessive when it comes to people that I care for. "She's Mine!" I'd think to myself. I don't like competition and so I'll quickly, yet silently aching, let her go and make up her own mind. If she wants me, she'll go no where, but if leaves than it was never meant to be.

Now, I did talk to one Cappy female and she is in love with me, but she is forever trying to hook me up with other females. I can't figure out why though.

Hey E~~

I'm really happy to hear from ya! I'm still working on that pic of my pretty toes-lol! I'm hearing what your saying and the following are my thoughts:

(1) I knew the minute I mentioned being invited to go out of town, who invited, etc. it was a mistake. But once I mentioned it and he asked w/who and kept asking w/who (he just wasn't giving up until he got an answer) I really liked it so I went along for the ride only to crash and burn. BUT "E", in my own defense, the man has never really said he likes me. I've gotten twice since we met that I was "fine." I took those two "fines" to mean I was fine looking as in a hottie not as in fine, i.e. just alright but not for me. I took them to mean I was good looking to him b/c (1) the tone of the conversations when he said it each time; and (2) I admit maybe b/c that is what I want to hear from him. I have had no "verbal" confirmation other than the fines if he likes me. I did take the fact that since he has met me and is really okay w/me going to his job where all his co-workers/buddies that he goes out with will see me then he must think I'm hot enough for introduction. Right! Do you think I"m right on this one. Yes, like him I'm really wanting some confirmation he's into me physically b/c I truly believe its there mentally. I mean the man invested ten months getting to know me b/f we meet.

(2) He did catch me off guard when he said he had a friend there at work that likes white girls. Me, being slow and all, was like, AND, so he says well your always asking me to introduce you to someone. Yeah, honestly, my mind was screaming "he!! no I only want you are you crazy" but I only replied by saying "I have never asked you to fix me up but thank you anyways!" One I first started this thread yesterday afternoon I did not have time to stop and think of why he would have said this. I did however wonder during the rest of our conversation why he would say that but I was so busy at work I didn't have time to mull it over until last night and then I put two and two together. I'm so scared of just telling the man how crazy about him I am. I just sense/feel he is going to pull a disappearing act if I do. Now I'll admit my intuition has been off (ok way off) lately about alot of things.

Answer this for me "E" if you invested talking/getting to know me for ten months b/f you meet me and then I offer bring you dinner to work "after" we have finally meet wouldn't you feel like I was into you. My point is ""hey, I am offering to go out of my way for you to bring you dinner b/c I want to not b/c u asked me to and I'm making sure its what I know you like (b/c I was told the first time around whatever would be fine but this time he put in his order) then I'm crazy for you?" As a man, not just a capp, but a man, wouldn't that tell you I liked you for me than just a friend.

I know I messed up but honestly but I guess I'm feeling somewhat p!ssed so I have not mentioned or maybe I have that since I meet him he is constantly making comments about how he loves all women, loves alot of sex, etc. Nothing vulgar but enough to p!ss me off and yes, I admit, make me jealous! I mean hell I'm a willing participate if he would move his a $ $ and let me know that he is interested. Before we meet he would "ocassionally" and I mean "only ocassionally" joke w/me about this so why so much of it now? Yeah, I do feel its the typical cappy test but its pushing my limits and I'm feeling like why should I actually come right out and tell you I'm crazy for you when your proposely p!ssing me off - at least I feel he's purposely doing it! Maybe not, maybe he is just letting me know he really isn't into me b/c he says he will never remarry again. I don't know I'm so d@mm confused. E~~ can you please give me a male's prespective here. I could really use it and I'm sorry for such a long post. Besos~~

I'd say, "Tell him everything." I'm sure he already knows, context clues, but see what happens when you part your lips and let him know. Why does he keep bringing up this statement about getting you a hook up? I know you said something to him, but what was the dialog like when you said that? I think he's still feeling you out. It sounds like he's looking for a loyal parter and wants to know if you're there for HIM or just something to do.

o.k. BESOS

are you sure your not a gemini~~~ I love how you analyze everything in detail just like me!!

hahaha. E ~ you're a sensitive cap. You sound like you could be my cap, but more mature. I wish he'd get out of his little boy games.

E~~

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Why does he keep bringing up this statement about getting you a hook up? I know you said
something to him, but what was the dialog like when you said that?
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Would you read my postings on this thread of this morning at 8:24 and 8:25 a.m. I have them numbered (1) and (2). That explains exactly what was said and I know they are long so sorry. Oh and he has never, ever said anything like that to me before, i.e. hooking me up w/someone else. It came out of the blue and that is why yesterday I started this thread b/c it confused me as to why he would say something like that to me when I truly believe its apparent that I'm into him. It wasn't until last night when I put my "cappy analazing cap on" that I realized why he must have said this to me yesterday. This is my plan. I'm going to take him dinner, make sure me and the girls (lol) look our best, but after that I continue to be my normal self, i.e. I do not call him almost never (honestly), I do not pick up the phone every time he calls and if I do not pick up I do all back in a couple of hours (I like to hear him ask me where I was) and I will just be nice, sweet and myself but he will have to do some flirting w/me before I actually say "hey, I want you, I'm so into you, etc.!" I have always been nice to him and really thats just my nature to be nice and helpful to anybody. I know he recognizes this about me b/c he has said that. Now, I'm still thinking [hoping w/my fingers crossed actually] that b/c he seems to be somewhat happy that I am finally doing the dinner thing that that is an indication that he must be "somewhat" into me. At least enough to keep feeling me out. Gosh, I hope so...............help E

GEG~~

Girl, I analyze everything and I mean everything. Actually during interviews for potential new jobs if asked what would be my downfalls I've been known to say sometimes I may spend too much time/energy analyzing something. I can't tell you how many people tell me "all the time" to stop analyzing so much. Its just me. I think, in all honesty, it comes from me being me but also from being burned so many times and I don't mean just by men that I tend over anaylze so I can cover my a $ $ !

Besos,

I read them already, which is where I read that you've mentioned in the past that you wanted him to hook you up. You also mentioned that you were trying to hint, to him, that HE was the hook up, but do you think he actually took it that way? Because to me, it sounds like he believes you're still looking else where.

Why won't you give in and tell him how you feel instead of "pussy footing" (as my friends say)?

Yeah besos. There's no harm in Just being up front with him. If he acts like a coward then continue dating.

E~~

If I did say somewhere (and I'm not denying it b/c my mind is everywhere right now) that I wanted him to hook me up it must have been a big typing error on my part. I have never since I've been talking to this man asked him to hook me up b/c the first time I talked to him eleven months ago now I was smitten with him plus I have a huge amount of respect for him and myself.

About six months ago, I needed to vent one day when he called b/c I was frustrated by the fact that my ex-husband (whom I have not seen in person in over three years) just would not leave me alone. After venting this to him, he listened, asked questions and then went off on me about what was I thinking (which I did not expect) saying, we see women who are murdered by the ex's everyday on the tv, I was very intelligent and why did I not report this to the cops, that I knew better, etc. After listening to him I truly realized that "yes, my ex was actually stalking me and I had just verbally admitted to someone that I worried about coming home late at night by myself, etc." I tried to explain to him that I never honestly up until that point considered it stalking b/c I had never told anyone out loud other than him and now it all made sense and I knew what I needed to do (go to the cops). After this conversation, during any phone call or e-mail b/t us neither one of us "ever" brought that subject up UNTIL a few days after we meet each other last month. I felt maybe he finally brought it up b/c he had meet me and maybe yes was interested and to see if I took care of that situation which I did.

As far as the conversation yesterday goes this was my response to him when he asked me why I did not go out of town with my b/f since she had invited me two weekends in a role.

I said (my exact response): "Well, I'm not comfortable going b/c she is trying/hoping that her cousin and I will hook up together and I'm just not interested in the guy. Plus, I told her cousin via e-mail that I was just not feeling any vibes from him the very few times we talked so I did not feel it appropriate to go out of town w/her and stay at his house!"

Ok, so yes, I said this comment to him b/c I wanted to see if he would react but unfortunately he said nothing, continued the conversation like nothing b/t us and then towards the end brought up his friend. I really didn't think of the consequences until afterwards. He talked to me fine but just made that comment about hooking me up so that is when I knew something wasn't right. If he would have asked, I would have been able to tell him the truth. I meet the guy once in person when my b/f just showed up at my apt. and that he and I exchanged very few telephone conversations and even fewer e-mails but I did not get the chance.

Out of the blue during our conversation (at least 15 min. into the 30 min. conversation) the following conversation happened:

HIM: "hey, I have a friend here at work that likes white girls."

ME: "and" [but w/attitude like and why are you telling me this b/c I'm thinking to myself its you I want and I know you know this].

HIM: "well your always asking me to introduce you to someone."

ME (and this is my exact quote) AFTER A VERY LONG PAUSE: ""I have never asked you to fix me up but thank you anyways you must be thinking of another girl you talk to!"

HIM: Oh

There was just a brief moment of awkwardness and then the conversation resumed as normal.

But honestly, I would never ask him to set me up with somebody when I'm crazy about him. From August of last year until March of this year b/f I started having personal problems I have sent three very detailed e-mails to him telling him I really wanted to meet him, how intelligent I thought he was, that I had so much respect for him, I loved his personality and his sense of humor and was dying to put a face with the voice that I love so much.