Vintage cap is back, looking for insight

Hi all ...

I've posted before about my Vir-girl and her inability to express herself clearly emotionally and find the kind of intimacy that allows us to get there. My last post said:

"So after a few months of relative drama-free life with my Virgo lass, she does another of her "duck and cover" moves ... on the eve of a romantic weekend out of town, she drops the "I'm still exploring ... the way I feel" line on me in an email. I'm tired of being explored. I feel like I have two choices, hurt now or hurt later. I feel idiotic for leaving my heart open to someone who is unable to express hers or come to a conclusion."

I stayed. Things were OK. No real progress but mostly because time conspired against us. That was August. Saturday night, in the middle of passion (OK, we were having sex), I said, sweetly, in the moment, that I draw strength from what we have. And she says "I draw strength by being along." Pause. Followed by "Sometimes (being in a relationship) is a drain." And then after 10 minutes of talking about this, and my wondering what she thought I was supposed to think and feel after hearing that, we get into a deeper discussion. She says she was being emotional by saying what she felt. OK, but if you care for someone, you certainly don't put it in those deflating (literally) terms, do you?

I asked her if she thought she would ever be in love, and she said, with me sitting next to her, in her bed, "I'm sure I'll be in love, I'm just not sure it will be with you."

At which point I left.

Please, just tell me if I'm wrong to feel angry, bitter and sad. Tell me if I misjudged something. Tell me if I'm overreacting and I'm too emotional. Tell me I should hang in there, or tell me I should stat gone. Or tell me I have every right to my feelings and did what any self-respecting person, male or female, would do in that situation. I'm an emotional cap and right now I have so many I can't sort them out.

Thank you all

Bob aka ddsk

but if you care for someone, you certainly don't put it in those deflating (literally) terms, do you?

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Virgos DO!! The one they like or love, they behave worst with him/her. i.e. They become critical of the one, find faults, give cold sholder, test test and test!!! Until THEY are sure. Being " sure" could take years! Caps like to be little fasters than that and at the same time we can't let them go as we feel if we give up in the middle, it's our defeat.

I feed bad about you ddsk after reading your post.. These virgos and their insecurities... You should not have left abruptly, I am sure that would have hurt her.

This is why sometimes I use words like money and tend to not speak much. Speaking too much creates trouble.

later was always my response, find you another punching bag..

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Same here!! I would punch my cap horns in his back so he knows exactly what he did!!
Sometimes I feel I boss around so much and he lets me get away with many things.. He is good..

I agree with what starfish said.

Last time I insisted on staying with the virgo to make it work. But only one person work won't do too good as it will create resentment for you.

human vision
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Very well said. Vision and perhaps persepctive too, matters in perceiving things/events of life.

In particular I liked the following:

"Over the course of several minutes, however, the retinal and opsin recombine back into rhodopsin, and you can see again."

After a long times a different and informative post!

ddsk, you deserve so much more. Everyone does. You know your heart and you wear it on your sleeve which i think is very endearing, but only for someone who deserves it. You see, whether this girl is a Virgo or Aquarius or Taurus or whoever, it sounds to me like she is dragging you along for the ride - not necessarily consciously though. It has been sometime now that you have been dating her. If she is not able know her heart when it comes to you by now, she may never ... and really, are you willing to wait to find out.

Obviously, none of us can tell you what to do ... maybe you are willing to wait.

In my opinion from what i have read, you have every right to be upset. Don't be a doormat.

Be kind to your heart.

Sherob and Sagi ...

I appreciate your comments as much now as I did before. My vir-gal and I spoke tonight and she said she is optimistic about our future and says she's not rushing to a conclusion because she's done that. I don't see it that way, but we agreed we're coming to the same point from different directions. Whether we get there or not ...

She's bothered with my projections for the future, even tho she knows I'm 2 1/2 years away from anything permanent since my son has that much time left in HS (I'm a single dad) and I'm not taking him out of his school. I do have to remind myself over and over again that virgos are patient (slow?). Maybe they should be a turtle, not a virgin.

My bottom line feeling is that we'll see each other this week and sort things out. I need to take my emotions and put them aside for awhile and just let myself and the relationship breath and see how I feel. I joked that she'd probably be more interested if I started ignoring her, and she said I might be right. I said if she would open her self emotionally, she might be shocked to find out how much space I'm willing to give her.

Thanks again for your advice. You guys have been saints to indulge my feelings. Please let me return the favor.

Bob aka ddsk

SG: Very good post. We always need to make sure we are really in love and not in to "win a challenge" as per cap nature.

One thing for sure: Virgos need a LOT OF LOT OF SPACE.
Initially with my v-guy, I was sending him email/calls on a MONTHLY basis. Meaning if I sent him an email today I sent the other nice email after 4-5 weeks. That gave him time to digest, analyze and my regular monthly created a sense of being consistent for him.
Yes- they are very slow.

Actully I do not like to blaim for any one being slow as any one is entitled to take as much time as they need for making a life long decision. We can't force them for if we do, we loose them for ever. If our speeds do not match, I will try to synchronize and even after that if I feel my life is on hold, I will move on w/o making any one else responsible for my actions.