Capricorn with commitment issues?

My Capricorn and I were in a commited relationship for over 4 years. During that time, we lived together and were 100% faithful to each other and were best friends during that period of time. He grew up an orphan so I'm the only "family" he has and he grew strongly attached to me. Our relationship started to go downhill due to complacency as well other issues (he lost his job at the end and was unmotivated to get up off the couch for several months, for example). Although he begged me to stay and work things out, I wanted out and left him broken-hearted. I found out later that he went to the hospital when I left him due to being in a lot of emotional pain and spent several months severely depressed. This was almost 2 years ago and we've kept in touch since then, trying several times to work things out but things have been rocky for us ever since. At times, he was gung-ho about getting back together but I wasn't, and at other times, the situation was in reverse. We've both dated other people during this time but found nothing in those people that we found with each other. We get back together only to hurt each other (me mostly being the one that gets hurt).

Last night I had a talk with him. I told him what I want from him is a monogamous and committed relationship and if he can't give me that, I must move on. He says he doesn't want to let me go, is NOT going through a mid-life crisis and not trying to see if there's something better out there because he wants me. He admits to having a commitment issue with me because he's SO afraid that I'm going to hurt him and leave him again. Everyone who knows us says they are certain that he loves me but they don't understand why he's not over me leaving him when that was almost 2 years ago. Is it normal for a Capricorn to be this way? Should I be patient with him or give him the boot? How should I handle this?

Oh in case it helps, I am Pisces with moon in Sagittarius and rising sign is Capricorn. He is Capricorn with a Taurus moon and Aries rising sign.

That was lame, rude advice, S&M. Pisc74~ I think they are definitely like this, once scorned/burned. It's a slow road back to bliss with them after that.

I would agree with SB. Lousy thing she did by leaving only to come back and expect that he'll still trust her and want to commit. Given his background that she described, he's already a broken individual. It's understandable he'd want to keep her at arms-length.

Satyrsmind and SimplyMe, you do not know ALL of the details of the situation and your opinion of me is WAY off-course. I had to leave some out to keep the post from going on too long.

The reason I left him in the first place...he quit his job unexpectedly and left us in a lurch. I had to cover all the bills, which I wasn't financially prepared to do but I did and I took care of the both of us. He was a workaholic so I fully expected that in time, he would find another job. On top of this, we took in Cap's friend, who had no place to live, on the condition that he would work and pay his share of the bills. Not only did my Capricorn not make any effort to find a job but neither did his friend. They both sat on the couch, day in and out, smoking pot and playing video games. I would work overtime and come home to find them in the same exact spot that they were when I left, neither of them bothering to lift a finger to clean up behind themselves. I would do the cleaning and cooking after coming home from work. I tried talking to Capricorn about this and he assured me that things would change and that he would talk to his friend as well, but this never happened and nothing changed. After 3 1/2 months of this, I got fed up and confronted them both. The friend said something disrespectful to me and the Capricorn chose to play neutral because he didn't want to piss off either of us. When my Capricorn realized that I was serious about leaving, he tried to get me to stay and wanted to kick the friend out, but I had reached what I thought was my point of no return. I thought that things would never change unless I was gone and then perhaps he'd be motivated to do something and change his life, which he did...eventually. That friend ended up staying with him, becoming a habitual meth user, and ultimately made his life miserable until he kicked him out as well. It wasn't until that happened that he saw why I felt compelled to leave, but even now, he says that he would never have left me so why did I leave him.

I believe in sticking with the one you love through good times and bad and as a Pisces, I tend to stay in bad relationships much longer than I should until I reach my breaking point. That breaking point for me came when I felt disrespected and mistreated by Capricorn because he saw that I was doing all the work but he wasn't contributing in any positive way and he wasn't putting his foot down firmly with his friend about his behavior.

There are other details that I have left out in order to keep the post from running on too long but mainly, he has hurt me a few times and I have trust issues with him. He'll keep throwing the fact that I left him in my face but when I bring up things that he's done to hurt me (his 6 things to my 1), his answer always is "But that was the past!".
For the past few weeks, he's been calling me all the time, letting me know where he is, what he's doing, asking me how I am, etc. without any prompting or nagging from me. Then a few days ago, he says that he doesn't know if we'll ever be the way that we used to be because he's afraid that I'll leave him again. Some of my friends think he is using this as an excuse to keep me in his life but not commit to me. I'm sick of it and told him either we make peace with the past and try 100% or we just leave each other alone. I told him if he thinks he'll find happiness with someone else, then go be with that someone and I'll move on. He told me he'd call me today and I hear his familiar ringtone as I type this.

Yep, I didn't blame you after just hearing of job loss and couch-potating it for months. Sorry but I went through that with ex-husband Aquarius and I'm a Cap and we don't do well with unambitious leaches... so just wonder what Cap would've done if you had been him those many months? It's he who is and should be groveling for you.

Thanks CapGirl, my friends say the same since they know ALL of the details of this matter. But they are also confused because they know that he obviously really loves me and don't know why he does some of the things he does or what I should do about this whole situation.

This is why I posted this message to begin with. Judging from most of the posts on here, Capricorns are vicious and unforgiving. Pisces are different, we are emotional and wear our hearts on our sleeves. We tend to attract people that are bad for us because we are loving and we care so much and want to help. We are anything but heartless and the last to leave a bad situation, even when our friends have been telling us for months that we need to. Even when someone wrongs us, if they are sincere in their apology, we forgive them.

Cap and I always maintained contact after I left and after 3 months apart, we tried for the first time to make things work. I didn't just waltz back into his life and expect everything to be the same. I knew that it would take work if we were both into working things out. From the very beginning, I never apologized for leaving because I felt that I had to but I sincerely apologized to him for hurting him. Since then, I did everything I could to make him feel loved and supported and secure with me and I haven't veered from that course once. He recognizes this but says he struggles with his feelings about me having left him 2 years ago. I don't know if this is malarkey or if I should just be patient.

Satyrsmind, it sounds like you have been very lucky in your life. You have never been mistreated or taken for granted. You obviously don't know how it feels. I never once NOT helped someone when they were in need of it. When Capricorn quit his job unexpectedly, I was angry because it made no sense but I stuck around at first. I didn't blow up at him, I encouraged him, I told him to relax for a little while before getting back into work. A month later when I was unhappy with the situation of them being lazy, I came to Capricorn and had a calm, sensible talk with him. No nagging, screaming or ultimatums. I didn't want to kick a man while he was down. I ended up putting up with their nonsense for almost 4 months (much longer than most people would allow) and it wasn't until I left and stopped enabling them both by cleaning up after them, cooking for them and paying all the bills that Capricorn finally got off his ass to do something.

Satyrsmind, sometimes when you help/enable someone too much, they don't feel motivated enough to help themselves. Why should they when you are doing all the work for them? This was the situation in my case and if you think that situation was ok, then I suspect that you are probably mooching off someone right now.

I know, Pisces, I will post more tomorrow.

Thanks PrettyPisces. At his best,my Cap is a loveable, loyal and wonderful human being. No one has ever loved me like he has and same in reverse. But at his worst, he is stingy, secretive and egotistical. My Capricorn has put me through both heaven and hell. We went from being that couple that everyone admired and wanted to be like to that couple that breaks up and gets back together all the time. It's frustrating. There is a TON more that you all don't know but I tried to keep my posts short and say only what I thought was pertinent to the question I posted. Apparently I needed to give more detail for the ones that are so quick to call me a monster.

Regarding that friend of his, he was a MAJOR factor in me leaving as well. He didn't have a job when he approached us about living with us but Capricorn and I discussed things before letting him come live with us and I made sure that this friend understood that we were allowing him 6 months to get back on his feet and he must get a job. We did this to help him and to help us pays the bills since Cap wasn't working. We've known this friend for many years but knowing someone and living with them is VERY different. We discovered that this friend will eat fast food and throw the empty containers right on the floor, keep used dishes until they were moldy and stacked a mile high AND he was a racist and sexist to boot and said things that were so offensive, I had to restrain myself to keep from blowing my top. My Cap didn't agree with anything that he said and I secretly voiced my frustrations to him, but he did nothing about it. It was as if Capricorn had lost his balls and became a completely different person when this guy was around. So sad to observe and so miserable for me to go through.

Satyrsmind, your views are very warped. I have a backbone and I used it the day I decided to leave him when it became apparent that nothing I was saying to him was getting through. We took care of each other for over 4 years. If anyone said or did anything against my Cap, I was the FIRST one to have his back. I was unemployed for 3 months while we were together and I cashed out my 401k, took temp jobs, part-time jobs and any job that came my way during this time so that I didn't put a strain on him. I know how it feels to be unemployed and there's no excuse for sitting around for 3 1/2 months, smoking pot and playing video games all day while your loved one is busting their ass to keep things going. There's definitely no excuse for him letting his friend disrespect me since I was providing the roof over his head and the meals in his belly too. I guess you'd let your friends disrespect your spouse, mother or sister but where I come from, that is NOT ok. As I said before, my Cap became a different person once we let this man live with us. That is HIS fault not mine, and so were the consequences. I didn't just skip out on a whim. I tried talking to him for months before I did and it wasn't until I left that he finally put his ass in gear.

I know what depression does to people and I never once stood by while he was in pain. Even when I first left, I still called him every night and came to see him every once in a while. No matter how despicable his behavior was at the time, I still loved him and wanted to make sure he was ok. Depression is NOT an excuse for letting your friends disrespect your family or your home. My Cap would tell you today that he was in the wrong. After I left, he got a job quickly but that friend stayed on for almost a whole year. During this time, Cap would go out and work while his friend took advantage of him, leaving garbage all over the house, not working and holing himself up in his room to smoke crystal meth all night. Cap would call me up every night to complain and I was there to listen. I was relieved when he finally kicked the guy out of his house.

My Cap knows why I left and he's sorry for his part in my leaving but is still afraid that I will leave him again. We had a long talk tonight and he says that what he needs from me is constant reassurance that he can trust me not to leave him ever again. I will never leave him IF I can be sure that he won't repeat past mistakes.

You both need to move on. If he has recovered from his bout of depression then you must move on and cease contact. Yes that kinda sucks but it is the best way. There's more to life then love and relationships and u both need to embrace that individually. I think that you ended it so you need to take the lead with this one. Sounds like u both had a deep affection for one another. This kinda sounds like that movie "the break-up". If you were to get back together, well the way your picking at his flaws shows that chances are you'll do that in the future. And from his point of view the fact that you have left him before may always be in the back his mind.

Just to add, I am not criticising you or him cos it sounds like u both really cared. I know that to sustain a relationship takes a lot of energy and hard work. If your doing that to your own detriment then it's okay for u to leave. Perhaps there's just too much history there.

Sometimes leaving someone is the best thing you can do for them - I have found this very effective because alot of people I've associated with in life that ended up depending on me - I ended up leaving and they (slowly but surely) got their lives together on their own - its that whole - give a person a fish - they'll eat for a day - teach them to fish and they'll never go hungry again - help him help himself but doing the best thing you can for him by leaving him to find his own way in life - and if you feel he'll hate you for it - he won't - believe me - if anything - he'll thank you for it later. Hope this helps.

pisc74 - -

I read through your posts and I think that you were right in leaving. Although it was at a very tough time in his life, I wouldn't have put up with the situation either esp since his leech friend was staying there. I cannot be with a man who is not willing to help himself; there is only so much one can do for someone.
As far as him giving you guys another chance, it's going to take lots of patience IF you're willing to stick around. I believe Cap men are the same as us Cap girls...in that it takes a long time for us to truly love someone -- we put you through tests to see if you'll be there in the long run and if you're worth our love -- but those who are get us heart, body, and soul because when we love, we love deeply, passionately, and intensely. In essence, we love hard which is why we take so long to make a decision about someone (sometimes too long) and we approach relationships with caution. When someone who we consider to be our partner, lover, and friend breaks our heart...it's extremely hard for us to put ourselves back in that vulnerable place, if we ever do again. Although he may want to get back with you, understand that it'll be very hard for him to put that wall back down, if ever. You have to be willing to decide if he and the relationship are truly worth it to you to be patient and stick around. If you're not, then be honest with yourself and him. I do wish you luck.

PISC74,

Well, I obviously spoke too soon and for that, I apologize. I can relate to what you're saying in regards to that one friend who seems to make your cap seem like a totally different person. I don't know if this is a general male thing or a cap male thing, but a major issue with me and my cap has been how he is with his male friends...almost weak-seeming.

Best of luck to you, girl. You'll figure out what you need to do.

Pisc74

I totally identified with your story. Your cap guy is hurting very badly and no matter how much you get each other, he is damaged for life. I am not blaming you at all. What you did was the right thing.

After a long time, I am reading about a woman who has a backbone(& the right amount of softness) in dealing with a capricorn man.

Dont doubt even for a moment that this guy has forgotten you or that he does not love you. He loves you to a point where he is very vulnerable since you have so much control over his heart. You know somthing, I can tell you for sure that your capricorn didnt know himself that he was so much in love with you till you were gone. HIs depression was the worst phase and even though you didnt cause it he will always balme you and try and hurt you for that.

Even if/when he thinks about a future with you, his depression is gona get the upper hand and I wont be surprised if he intentionally sabotages your relationship and hooks up with another woman just to spite you.

I agree with zoolander,let him go.

I have to warn you though that you have to do something confusing. If you try going away, he wont let go. And if you really wanna let him go, get close(overtly clingy and sentimental, that should do it).

Pics74, Hello I am a gemini with a cap man it is the hardest mix you can put together. But we both want each other so it works, not always well but we give and take. I Caps are the hardest people to get into a relationship with. No offence to any caps reading this but its a proven fact. They are also the most detirmaned of the signs. They have good and bad traits just like everyone else in the world. No good comes without bad. Look at me I have split personalities and it drives me nuts. LOL. With a cap man you really need to try to understand them they are as difficult as you make them, so in other words they are so easy to figure out its complicating. I to have experienced what you have gone through. The living together and then moving out but mine where much different reasons. I lost my job and didnt want to be a burden to sensitive cap man, So I moved back home with my parents cause I kept taking everything out on him and it was not fair at all. Sure he has done shit to me in the past that hurts but love concores all. Follow your heart and it will guide you in the right path. Some times a break is a very good thing we didnt talk for 3 weeks cause I really needed to get my shit together, and he gave me that time thinking that I wasnt going to come back. But I did and now we are soooo much better then we were. But in your case it really sounds like you didnt understand your cap man.. Passients is the most important thing with a cap male or female. Sometimes you need to put yourself and your needs aside to make them happy but when they are happy they will make you the happiest person in the world.. Love is not selfish. It is kind, passient and understanding. Caps are very reserved people. It takes them a long time for trust to build. Also with caps they will walk all over you IF you let them just like any other person. So if you think about it from outside the box, you were both in the wrong he treated you the way he did cause you let him... Support and a big push is what they need to get started they are not go getters they wait for the perfect oppertunity... So if you kept at him about the job thing sure he would have been pissed with you and you probably would have faught alot but he would have found a job much sooner then he did. The friend living with you is not his fault either. Its your place to you could have kicked him out yourself.... Everyone has a choice....

With the exception of Satyrsmind, who I am convinced is crazy or just trying to be antagonistic for no reason, I thank the rest of you who have responded to my posts. You all know many of the details now and see why I asked my question. My Cap went through his depression when we initially broke up but he's gotten past that almost 2 years ago. He has since forgiven me in his head and he understands why I left. Given that, I couldn't believe it when he told me that after all this time he still struggles with his fear to commit to me because I left him once. I'm finding out by posting my question that Capricorns hold onto past hurts for a very long time.

Side note to Zoolander, I'm not nitpicking at his flaws, I was describing the behavior that Capricorn exhibited that caused me to leave him. He is not usually like that and hasn't been that way since. It was as if that guy had some Svengali-like hold on him for quite a bit. I'm glad he snapped out of it 🙂

But I think you waited way to long to get back together and with a cap you being with another man even if your not together that is very bad.... Your future ended right at that point with your cap man. Thats why he cant trust you.... But he will never tell you that.

Capricorns are the greatest people on this earth if you have patients and respect them and you must always support there decitions even if you dont think its the right thing.

My man gives me everything I want and I go out of my way to make sure he is satisfied. Healthy and happy...

If you do end up going back to cap man again just no this he will stay with you as long as you treat him with reaspect and admiration. And yes it will take you a veryyyy longggg time to gain his trust back if you ever do....

Patients is key....

Good luck with whatever choice you choose cause love works in very misterous ways..

Gemini_82grl,

Thanks for your post. I have mixed feelings about your comment that I should've kept after him about getting a job. I'm not a nagger and I didn't want to nag him. He also does not react well to being nagged. He had been a workaholic since I met him so I was ok with him relaxing a bit before getting back into the swing of things. I never thought that he would become as unmotivated as he did.

You're also right, I let him walk all over me in that situation. Understand though that I lived with him for 4 years and it wasn't a simple situation to walk away from. I agonized over whether or not to leave for quite a while and I also needed to find a place to live when I made the decision to leave. I did try kicking out his friend. I told Cap to tell him to leave, Cap talked to him and he said he would leave but he needed time to find a place to live. When I realized that he really wasn't making an effort to move out, I kicked him out myself. As I walked away, I heard my Cap said to him "Sorry that she's being a crazy b*tch." He denies to this day that he said that but I know what I heard and those were the words that propelled me out the door.

"I have to warn you though that you have to do something confusing. If you try going away, he wont let go. And if you really wanna let him go, get close(overtly clingy and sentimental, that should do it)."

Bitter Taurus, you are RIGHT on the mark! This is exactly how it's been everytime we try to get back together. It's made getting back together and staying that way nearly impossible! I'm impressed with your insight. You think I should leave him though...easier said than done. But I am thinking of your words, as well as many of the other posts here.

you being with another man even if your not together that is very bad
actually that's quite true.

sounds like he had little respect for you. Not sure what purpose he'd have if he was to return.

I never thought that he would become as unmotivated as he did.
probably means he's depressed or bored. i find that finding motivation to want to do anything. maybe its the libra part.

gemini_82grl

I've never told him that I've dated other men. This happened during the brief times when we were not speaking and those times were so short that none of my dates ever progressed into anything sexual. And we first tried to get back together maybe 2 or 3 months after I moved out. Did you think that was waiting too long?

The advice seems to be split between "be patient with him" and "leave him" just as the opinion is amongst our friends that know us and our situation. Confusing! Ughh! 🙂

"probably means he's depressed or bored. i find that finding motivation to want to do anything. maybe its the libra part."

Bored? I think that sitting on your ass all day every day smoking pot and playing video games is SO boring. Sorry to sound like a square but it's true, especially compared to what I do for a living and what my hobbies are.

Depressed? If he was, he hid it VERY well. He was giddy like a school girl when we let his friend move in. They were excited to be able to hang out together, go play basketball and get into shape, work on rebuilding his friend's classic car. They were like two excited 12 yr. old boys that were about to have a grand sleepover. And I was excited for them. I adored this friend before he moved in and he used to come over all the time. All the great ideas and plans that they had that they wanted to accomplish while living together went to pot...literally. Classic car never got rebuilt and ended up going to a junk yard. Working out together and playing basketball or joining the local volleyball team...never happened. I've seen similar behavior in my male teenage cousins during the summer when school is out. Behold the power of Playstation!

"Side note to Zoolander, I'm not nitpicking at his flaws, I was describing the behavior that Capricorn exhibited that caused me to leave him."

That's not what i'm saying. Just, perhaps there is too much baggage there.

Oh SimplyMe,

You pass such harsh judgements and have such hard words for a person and a situation you don't know much about. I'm starting to think that you and Satyrsmind are the same person.

I don't expect everyone in life to agree with me or like me. I came to this forum for feedback and advice from an objective source, just as everyone else does. I provided you with many details pertaining to the situation, not as "justification" as you'd call it, but in order to give you an accurate view of the situation. This may be "my side" of the story but all the facts are accurate and being anonymous, I have no reason to lie about them. I would provide his side of the story too but to this day he doesn't even know why he behaved the way that he did and never thought back then that things would get that bad.

You know nothing about the love that we shared or the depth of it. You know nothing about the illness that I nursed him through that almost took his life or me giving him his insulin shots every day, you know nothing about him staying up all night with me during the time that I was taking my nana's death really hard, or the our late night discussions about religion or us going to Disney World on a whim. You also don't know about the lean times when we struggled and lived on ramen noodles and change out of a jar or the times when I'd go to his job at night after working mine so I could help him with the extra work that his boss dumped on him at the last minute so that he could actually come home and eat a late dinner and get a few hours sleep before doing it all over again. Our 4 years were full of ups and downs but it was because we knew each other so well and loved each other so much that we were able to make it through. It was when he became a completely different person and no amount of reasoning or talking to him would change it, that I had to leave. I don't apologize for leaving even now and I don't expect or need you to understand.

I don't care about the negativity that you or Satyrsmind spew because apparently you are doing it to be antagonistic but I have to call you two out when you are asking posting messages saying that someone is "selfish" and "self-gratifying" for leaving a situation in which they were being disrespected, mistreated and taken advantage of. I don't know what your beef is or why you are so bitter, but I really hope that people in these forums are smart to ignore your posts and leave an unhealthy situation.

Sorry to sound like a square but it's true, especially compared to what I do for a living and what my hobbies are.

He was giddy like a school girl when we let his friend move in.
can be both giddy and depressed.

not excusing anything, nor saying you has to take his crap.

SimplyMe, thanks for your post recent posts. I do appreciate feedback, even if it's not in my favor, as long as it is constructive.

Calling a Pisces insensitive? I have to laugh at that. We are THE most sensitive sign in the bunch and most likely to fall for someone's sob story or take something too personally.

The Cap was not my first relationship so I didn't expect everything to be love and roses all the time. We had our fights and annoyances but overall we made each other feel safe and loved during our years together. I didn't leave him simply because he quit his job or because he gained 50 pounds. It was as if he went to bed and woke up as a person who didn't love or respect me anymore.

Why do I consider taking him back? When I left Cap, he was forced to face the situation that he was in and he snapped out of his personality coma. Cap found another job a few weeks after I left and he's been working hard ever since and pretty much back to his normal self, except for that push and pull thing he keeps doing with me as described very cleverly by BitterTaurus.

Sorry I thought that he did know you were with other people. So thats not it then, And yes I thought it was much longer then 2 3 months sorru about the confusion...


Follow your heart!!!! If he makes you happy do what you have to get him back.... If your mixed feelings are to much for you... Then follow your head....

Good luck though. Caps are really romantic so if you want him back do something spectacular for him...

"I don't expect everyone in life to agree with me or like me. I came to this forum for feedback and advice from an objective source, just as everyone else does. I provided you with many details pertaining to the situation, not as "justification" as you'd call it, but in order to give you an accurate view of the situation."

Pisc74, be honest, you came on here looking for sympathy from an objective source. You can't expect that on a cap board period. Have your 4 years with the cap guy taught you nothing at all about cap nature?

If you're on here questioning whether or not you should go back with him and recounting all the hell he's put you through, it's clear that it's not meant to be. You have doubts and you're not ready. Chances are that he may go through something like this again, and you'll get fed up again. How will you handle it?

"Pisc74, be honest, you came on here looking for sympathy from an objective source. You can't expect that on a cap board period. Have your 4 years with the cap guy taught you nothing at all about cap nature?" -urbancap

Absolutely not true. This forum was a recent discovery and a last resort for me. I've had to describe a very complicated situation in posts of under 2500 characters or less. Not easy to do since apparently it's led to ALOT of misunderstandings with some people in here. I see my Cap as "___" first, not as a Cap first. I know my Cap better than anybody but since the break-up, things haven't made any sense. I've talked to my mother and my best friend since they know us both, but even they couldn't make sense of his behavior over the past 2 years. Nor could my capricorn sister or my best friend's capricorn boyfriend, who both know him. I didn't need or want sympathy when I came here. I can get that from my mom. I wanted to see if anyone here could make sense of this. I wanted an objective opinion and I thought that asking a Capricorn to boot would be best.

The strange thing is that with the limited details that I've given, the person who understood this situation the best was a Taurus. BitterTaurus' post was SO on point, it was as if she was sitting on my rooftop watching the whole thing. I even had my Cap read BitterTaurus' post when he came over last night and he was blown away. He said the post was 100% correct on all accounts, but disagrees with the word "spite". I told him it certaintly felt that way. Anyway, there is no conclusion to this story as of yet. BitterTaurus was right about the confusing thing I had to do because it's been happening for almost 2 years. Capricorn does NOT want to let me go and even when I want to go, he makes it damn near impossible. It's a great source of frustration for the both of us.

Ahhhh such a famaliar story you have to mine!!! Except I was the mooch. I dont know if all the other caps are like me in this aspect, but at my worst! I am pretty self-loathing, depressed, and kind of act like a big baby, and totally take for granted the things I love the most, and need something HUGE to happen to me before I snap out of it! I think maybe everyone gets like this at some point in their life, a real low... It kind of sounds like the relationship was DONE, and you did the best thing you could do and leave! Sometimes when things go south you have to put everything in retrospect and say to yourself hes not happy, Im not happy what the hell are we doing!? And you know what you can fix things later down the road! Or you can leave them behind you! But you have to make that initial break and take a look at the relationship. I get it he was at a low and you know what maybe if you stayed it would have just got worse! Maybe you leaving was what he needed, even if he couldn't see it then or now! And yeah Capricorns hold onto grudges like there is no tomorrow. I am still fighting with my boyfriend about stuff that happened 6 friggin years ago! We are now looking into couples therapy. lol... The truth is forget about all the wrongs that each of you may have done to each other and focus in on what you both really want. If you truelly love each other, and want to make it work you will find a way to make it happen. If not then maybe you both can move on (or at least you might, he might hold on to things for a bit longer lol) Whatever happens good luck to you both!

Simplyme, nagging and b*tching does NOT work with my Cap, nor does it with me. Besides it is not my style . My style is a gentle push when needed and lots of love, support and understanding. He knew plenty of people in his field who he could've gone to for job leads but he was too wrapped up in hanging out with his friend to do it. Maybe you didn't read this part of my previous post, but I had been temporarily unemployed during our relationship as well but I took temp jobs and any jobs that I could and on the days that I didn't work, I made sure that I cleaned the house and had dinner ready for him when he came home from work. I needed no prompting for that. I did it because it's what a grown adult should do in that situation.

I don't want to make my Cap sound like a loser because he's a good guy and I fell in love with him for a reason. During that period of time where things were going wrong, he had completely changed and there seemed to be no end to it. No amount of talking to him did anything to improve the situation and eventually I started feeling edged out.

I honestly feel that men are easily influenced by their friends. When a guy's friends are all single, he wants to hang out and feel like one of the boys but when his friends start getting married, he starts looking to settle down too. In my case, the friend was a miserable, divorced, chronically unemployed, meth-using dead beat dad who wanted to drag someone down with him. My cap fell for his trap without realizing it at the time. We were friends with this guy for 3 years before he moved in and he kept his ugly qualities hidden from us. If I had known things would turn out like they did, I would've never allowed him to move in.

When a guy's friends are all single, he wants to hang out and feel like one of the boys but when his friends start getting married, he starts looking to settle down too.
sheep are not to be loved. guide them, taunt them, maybe even hunt them, but never put emotional attachments to one. Those who do not lead, are lead. So he may stand in amazement of you, then something else shiny passes his way and away he goes. if he's not smart enough, or tough enough to do what he wants to do then something is wrong.

nagging and b*tching does NOT work with my Cap, nor does it with me.
nagging and bitching are bad things in general. they tend to breed hostility and disobedience. but, the understanding of not taking someones bullcr4p when they aren't putting any effort into something is another subject in itself.

I agree with you Genome. I was actually referring to behavior that I'd observed in many men in general. My Cap was never like that (which is one of the reasons I love him) until that situation. I thought that maybe this sort of thing applied to the situation, but when I look back on his behavior before this, I may be wrong...and definitely confused.

I don't really focus on that now though because there's nothing I can do to change the past. I'm glad that he's working hard and seemingly back to his normal self. What I don't like is his being hesistant to commit again after 2 years of trying. BitterTaurus was right when she said that he doesn't want to let me go but freaks out and does something to sabotage the relationship when we get really close and he feels like he wants to marry me. He says he doesn't do it intentionally to hurt me but he keeps thinking about how I left him. He says he doesn't know if he'll ever get over it but he really wants to. He says if he didn't really love me, he wouldn't stick around to keep trying. His feelings of me now are that he loves me and trusts me with his life, but not quite yet with his heart. I'm afraid that if I leave him again, I'll just prove him right. It's easy for many of you to tell me I should just walk away and I'm not saying that I completely disagree with that, but there are emotions involved here which makes leaving for either one of us so hard. Even friends and family that know us well say they honestly don't know what they'd do in our situation. They're split on whether he is being manipulative or if he is really struggling with his fear of abandonment.

One of you said that the road to recovery with a Capricorn is sloooow. I guess the question I have to ask myself is do I want to grow old waiting for that recovery. I don't claim to know everything but I am confused and hurting and that's why I posted this topic in the first place. A sincere thanks to all of you for your advice and your pm's. 🙂

I was actually referring to behavior that I'd observed in many men in general.
yes, so was i. yours sounds as if he is one of them. but those are ones to be lead. if you do not have adequate dominance over them, anyone with a stick or shiny object can take them. one of my friends had one of them and was quite disappointed. she too kept wondering why he did the things he did. part of it was cheating, and the other was kissing his 'friends' ass. but he is an Aquarius.

i understand what it is to be in a funk. It is incredibly difficult to get out off such a thing. my main question would be why the disrespect of you when he was in that slump. the thing is, a person doesn't have to seem unhappy to be depressed, they just have had to say f**k it about something. plenty of times life has a way of being annoying and is easy to just say f**k it. but, there is no easy cure for such a problem either. he sounds as if he was taking out problems on you. Far as anything else, if you want to give him another shot, thats up to you, but don't take any cr4p.

no time to finish responding. later.

Pisc74

From my experiences with the cap guy, he is terribly scared of me and his emotions. Any time he feels that we are getting close, he cuts me off both physically(going away MIA) and mentally(no phone calls, no mails). It has been one of the most frustrating as well as painful experiences dealing with this cappy. And to think that for years I didnt even know why he suddenly got cold-no make that super cold towards me.

I can still distinctly remember how he changed from this happy, charming, talkative guy whom I adored to a cold,silent, hateful,stuck in the past guy. No matter what I do he can't get past the fact that he thinks I abandoned him(I had'nt).

Its a long story but all I know is that there is a friend of his who totally negated cappy's mind towards me. Loving and having friends is all right but I guess the one lesson that capricorns can learn is that your lover comes first. A friend no matter how close always should come second or at least always give your lover the benefit of doubt.

I will post some more later.

"i can't get over the thought that caps leave b/c of other women. i dunno though. i'm so confused"

You are right Bull. 9 times out of 10, it is another woman who takes the cap guy away from you. But it is not the fault of the other woman(or friend). She would be a poor soul trying to protect the cap from you-the big bad wolf

Think of yoursef as teh cap's friend.
What would you do or rather how would you behave towards another woman who has cheated your friend, abandoned him whe he was so in love with her and after all this wants to hurt him more. Wouldnt you wanna protect your guy friend from this cheap ex of his?

the only problem in this crap is that you are the woman who is painted as teh cold, heartless cheap ex while the cap guy would have depicted himself as the one who got cheated and hurt

its manipulation of the worst kind and that is why this woman friend will not stop at anything to keep the cap guy away from you or
feed his insecurities so that they get the worst of him and he runs away from you

Its not that friend's fault, i have seen all this and more

9 times out of 10? Puh-leez...

Men leave for numerous reasons and while it would suit many women to think that it could have been another woman, the truth is...most of the time, there are aspects of the woman's personality that the man simply did not view as compatible with his own. If there WAS another woman, it's probably because the relationship was already deteriorating long before this other chick came into the picture.

Usually the cap is out with some other woman but not always cuz he's portraying the last woman as someone who's hurt him. More likely he's familiar with what you have to offer, and then he goes off to explore other pastures. It's not that he doesn't like you or your personality, it's just that he isn't sure yet. And the only way to be sure is to go out with others to see if he misses you.

This could apply to any guy. Are some people generalizing here based on their experiences with one or two caps that they happen to know? C'mon now. All the cap males I know are fiercely loyal but I'm not going to sit and say that all caps are loyal. I think that we have to avoid projecting our own experiences and making blanket statements.

leo, i'll buy that. but if you think guys need a reason to cheat or leave, you're mistaken. boredom will do just as good as any...


Well...boredom is a reason in and of itself, isn't it? 😉

Angeldarling, most of my friends are guys as well. They're all extremely different from one another, but share similarities. That's beside the point.

I was alluding to BT's comments that are based on her own experiences. 9 times out of 10, a cap will leave for another woman. C'mon now...even you would have to scoff at such a blanket statement.

FINE!! LOL!

How about this...

If a cap leaves a woman, a lot of the times I would guess that it would have to do with the woman playing games and being erratic. The security is gone and while they're away getting their space, the average woman who knows nothing of dealing with caps and how they operate inundate their inbox with emails, their phones with texts and calls, and occasionally the show-up at the door trick. All resulting in freaking the cap out. What do you think about that?

Ya know...it would be nice if we had a multitude of cap males that could add their opinion, not only Genome, of course.

i'm glad to hear caps are loyal. it's a double-edged sword, like i said, if it puts their friends above you before anything has ever gone wrong in the r-ship. how can it go right when that happens?

I don't know about other women and their caps, but after years of my cap, our #1 issue is his priority list and his friends.

Yikes, Bull! That's quite extreme on his part. You did well in leaving.

I don't know about other women and their caps, but after years of my cap, our #1 issue is his priority list and his friends.

well, despite what i said, one of the reasons may be that capricorns place too much trust in their friends. especially since usually even after a love relationship ends the friends are still there. granted that's rarely the case with me.

not only Genome, of course.
well other than when cappywench wears a strap-on, i think i'm the only one who spends enough time at the computer to keep up (well okay almost read) this stuff. there are others here, at least ones that have male in profile, but they seem to stay busy.

the thing is, he preferred to be treated badly by his friends than well by his girlfriends.

if his 'friends' treat him badly, then he must be in severe denial.

How often did he spend time with you vs. how often did you want to spend him to spend time with you?

Sucks that you miss him today but it's normal and this day will pass :-) Aren't you going away on vacation soon? Try to focus on the clear blue water and green mountains you'll be surrounded by. Again, lucky... haha!

I think that when it comes to my cap and his friends, he is always that stable and solid force in his friendships. He's a rock. When we've discussed our #1 issue, he tells me that he views his friends as being in need of help and being of substantially weaker character. When it comes to me, he seems me being a rock, like himself...that because I'm independent and of "strong character," he doesn't feel that I am in such need of that time which is why he digs me. Whatever, give me my time, fool! LOL!