When is the right time? Or is there one?

I'm still laboring over my Cap, so please bear with me..I'm a Leo, we've been "dating" long distance for six months..We chat all day long, until bed, everyday. Every two weeks or so, he'll say something very sweet like " You've no idea how much tis means to me, or what a great impact on me you've been"..or a few days ago he refered to me as his "boo"..BUT, for the most part,it's like we are buddies..Yes,we've been intimate..but on a daily basis, it's just like talking to a pal..Sex never gets mentioned, and there is no flirting anymore..In my head, I thinks we are a couple and this is how it is..Always get a bit sexual right before we meet up again..My friends think it is a platonic friendship, and that he doesn't know how to say so..My friends have only ever met him once, so they don't really know him..I've felt a few times during a sweet time, like telling him I'm in love with him, not that I love him, but always stop myself..He wished me a Happy Valentine's Day, but sent nothing..Sent my pictures of him and his kids on vacation while they were gone..His actions or lack thereof, confuse me..I'm used to men being flirtatious and affectionte. When we are together, I can tell by the way he looks at me, that he wants me. He has a "thing" about cheating because his wife cheated, and says he would never cheat, but in my head, would it be cheating? We haven't really defined our relationship in words..Does anyone think we are a couple? Should I tell him I'm in love with him? Another sweet thing he said was that what I got him for his birthday, was the best gift he's ever gotten, since he got me..Can someone explain what's going on? I don't speak Cappy I guess..tiki33 where are you?

We're both divorced..sorry if my first post read wrong..I just think he's so cute, that I assume others will too..He goes out with the boys alot, and it drives me crazy, but I don't say a word..just wait for him to wake up and text me..

Tikigal I don't want to hurt your feelings or bust your bubble and disappoint you, your friends are right when they said he's a platonic friend.

Your in an imaginary relationship, an imaginary relationship is when the man hasn't initiated any type of communication that he's taking you off the market but the woman assume they are a couple because the man is always there, always around she just assumes because of that he's her man (totally not true) if he hasn't taken the time within 4 months to define the relationship then your assuming what you feeling is the same for him but that can't be true if he's not moving the relationship forward.

Moving the relationship forward looks like him sending you gifts, him initiating talks about a future with you by moving to your town or you moving to his town, him initiating visits with you and/or arranging you to come and visit him, if none of this is happening then unfortunately for you there is no real relationship. Something has to be defined by him. I am not against you revealing how you feel, if you love him then of course tell him but you better be prepared to hear his truth, to hear what's real for him because most likely there is a huge chance he won't feel the same way you feel, he won't reciprocate the same feelings which is fine, it's better to know then not to know but your ego may feel rejected which could create more problems for you and for him.

You can't expect him to be affectionate and flirtatious like other men because there is a possibility that it's not his style , it's not how he relate himself over to women consistently and the other possibility is he doesn't want to lead you on, mislead you into thinking he's in a relationship with you so he avoids affectionate terms as to not encourage you in any way.

I see the were the confusion stems from.....you have already DECIDED that he's your man before communicating that with him, you have decided for whatever reason on your own that you 2 are in a relationship and because he's not reflecting that in his behavior it's causing you conflict and confusion...You are way ahead of him in this relationship thing, you are causing this for yourself because truthfully you have no business assuming and owning a relationship with a man that hasn't made things clear for you...It's like your sitting there waiting for a signal that he feels the same way and because his actions don't reflect that you get anxious confused and probably frustrated by his inaction towards you. You should be treating this guy like a friend, not like a love interest.

Could you give some clarity regarding the statement you made, I don't understand: He has a "thing" about cheating because his wife cheated, and says he would never cheat, but in my head, would it be cheating?

Does anyone think we are a couple? No I don't think you 2 are a couple because he hasn't defined that with you yet.

Should I tell him I'm in love with him? Sure you can but be ready for the answer, it may not be reciprocated, can cause him to become distant if he's not interested in developing a committed relationship with you but don't let that stop you, it's better to know how he truly feels than to continue to make a relationship up by how he looks at you, it's better not to assume and to know from the horses mouth if he's truly into you as much as you are into him...revealing your feelings will let you know his true intentions...I can honestly say if he hasn't revealed/initiated any loving feelings verbally by this point you can expect him to behave conflicted and confused because he doesn't actually feel the same way you feel, hopefully he will keep it real and not string you along.

His ex cheated on him, so he said he would never cheat on a girlfriend..Asked me if I was seeing anyone else, and said he wasn't either..I have many male friends. None of them speak to me like he does, or are so consistant on checking in with me all day. I can't understand why he would just want to be friends with me. We have been sleeping together and being affectionate when we're together..We both have kids and it's not that easy to schedule a trek across the country when you have real life obligations. I had asked him outright befor xmas if he was romantically interested in me and he was shocked that I asked and said of course. It just seems like now,even though he calls me his angel, it isn't as hot and sexy as I think it should be.. I don't think blanket statements about men are fair. but I know it's hard to give advise just from a few paragraphs of knowledge. I'm a very strong woman. It's not like me to fabricate a relationship in my head. But I guess you're right. If I have to question it,then something is not right. I'm scared to ask him ,because I don't really want to hear the answer if he doesn't like me that way anymore, but what a waste of my time not knowing..

The thing is tikigal I'm not here to make blanket statements, to insult you, I'm not here to tell you how you feel is wrong, what you feel is what you feel.

I'm saying if he has not moved the relationship forward then there is no real relationship no matter how bad you want it to be real it's not until he makes it real for the both of you, I know some men tend to make a woman FEEL like there is a real relationship, they call us pet names, they email us and text us everyday, they make sure to remain connected to us in a way that feels right, feels like a relationship but the reality is it's not a real relationship unless he says it is, I don't think it's fair that he allow you to feel it's a relationship without verbally expressing and reciprocating the same sentiments, it's misleading and that's part of the reason why your confused, he's giving you a piece of his time and energy and he could be doing that with you and with others and technically it's not cheating because your not a officially a couple yet.

Listen, you can sit here and guess or you can get on with your life, if you don't want to date other men, go out and date yourself, go flirt, go do things that lift your self esteem and help you not to be so focused on this one man that isn't completely doing his part, don't revolve your life around this kind of man, the bottom line is he has to give you his energy in a distinct way verbally and through his actions, anyone can call you pet names, call and text you every day and have no intentions of going the distance. It's your responsibility to yourself as to protect YOU by not getting emotionally attached to any ONE man before ensuring the relationship is real not just for you but for him too, all that guessing is immature and your inviting heartache into your life.

You can tell him you feel confused, you don't want to feel confused, you want to feel like your both heading in the same direction, you want to feel secure in knowing your both officially a couple....You have to put it out there and ride the wave or you can wait, you can wait for him to expose himself in a way that says I'm yours and your mine.

If you have to ask were the relationship is with him then you know there is no real relationship for the exception of the one you have made up in your own mind. If a man, any man really truly see you as a permanent fixture in his life, he's going to move forward in some way to LET YOU KNOW he's interested in building and growing with you, not all men are verbal and won't verbally express the relationship is official as in telling you directly it's official but they will indicate that your moving forward in some way by including you in his life, his childrens life, his family life, he's going to make it possible that you 2 get to see one another as much as possible, he's going to open up his pocket book and pay for things such as plane tickets, hotel rooms, phone bills, he's going to express his seriousness in some way or another, long distance is just an excuse that many women use to excuse the avoidant type behavior they encounter with unavailable men.

You can wait and continue to invest your whole heart into this one man or you can stop waiting and get on with your life and at the same time keep this guy in your life and begin to take conrol of your love life, go date yourself if your not comfortable dating, go have fun 1 night a week and focus completely on yourself, not on him and his confusing behavior but on you, go out on coffee dates, stop living in this imaginary world were your the only in this relationship in your mind, in your head, if you want something real this isn't the most efficient way of going about it instead explore options that are close to home, many women choose these long distance relationships because they have some commitment fears, they think it's easy to be with a man that lives far away but IMO it's much harder to maintain a relationship were there are 2 people living halfway across the world from one another, at some point the relationship should be moving in the direction of someone moving to the other, there is no way to maintain this kind of relationship were your both living at a safe but comfortable distance...How much more do you expect fromt his kind of relationship Tikigal? Are you prepared to move and vice versa? Why should he invest heavily in you when your not there? He's left this as a friendship because he enjoy maintaining contact with you but that doesn't mean he's into you in a romantic sense, the kind of into you that makes a man want to move mountains and hurdle all obstacles to get to were you are.

You shouldn't be scared to ask him because you shouldn't HAVE TO ask him, the fact that your scared means there is no real communication between you and the talks you do have are shallow and vapid, you shouldn't have to ask him because he should naturally be forthcoming in his intentions with you, if it's not forthcoming then you have your answer and you should begin giving him less of your energy and time if you really want a real relationship. You can't shirk the hard stuff and be scared that he's going to run away, hell it's not like you actually have him now...your a grown woman and you don't have permission to sit there frozen inside and blaming someone else for your confusion and discontent, you can't not be responsible for you, this is your life your messing with, you owe it to yourself to either deal with the hard stuff or let it go and move on to something better.

For example a male capricorn friend of mine was text messaging this girl every day throughout the whole day which included emailing her, he was sending cabs to pick her up and bring her over to his house which cost upwards to a $ 100, he was driving over an hour to go pick her up from work or from her house, she met his mom, met his whole family basically and one day he asked her what are we doing? She said I'm your friend and his response to her was well friends don't talk like we do, don't call each other honey and and baby and all these pet names you give me, friends don't spend the kind of money I spend on cabs and dates, friends don't text all day and her response was well what do you want from me, he said well I want what I believe we have which is a relationship and she declined to be involved with him in an official relationship and this guy wasn't ugly, he's handsome, very masculine capricorn, alpha male type of guy but this girl led him on, led him to believe she wanted what he wanted and she didn't, she enjoyed the attention she got from him but that's all she wanted and she walked away when her true intentions was questioned and exposed.

My point is, all that time he believed they were officially moving forward because he was the one moving them forward through his behavior/actions and he believe because she was reacting in a reciprocal way she wanted what he wanted but once he began to verbally communicate his intentions and to get clear on her intentions it didn't match up...there was no way he would have known she didn't want him by guessing, he had to explore the nature of the relationship to ensure he wasn't making it all up...you should do the same

I agree with what tikki wrote.

I've been involved with a CAP man myself. Last year we dated 4 months. We were in contact every day. We both live in the same city.

When we didnt see each other in person, we used to chat for hours online with the cam on every night. We used to watch online movies while on cam ... haha... even the very first meeting he was talking about marriage, which I didnt take seriously because it was too early for such talk. He had told me that the first time he saw his ex SCORP, he thought SHE is the one he would want to marry. But over time he caught her cheating at many occasions. They had an on and off relationship. Every time they got back together, she cheated on him while also sucking his money out of his pocket.

Why they get back together is She continues stalking him. When he is not around, she is breaking in to his apartment from his window. He showed me the wooden fence he has hammered to his window, so she cannot climb in. That woman is NutZ.


Last year in March when I was together with him, tikigal, he cheated on me. He was quiet for a whole week and that is when I got suspicious. When I saw him online, he said he cannot talk, because he has a friend over. I jumped into my car and wanted to see who that friend was. I know he goes out with the boyz a lot, but this was different. Honey, he spent a week with a woman who visited him from germany. That woman didnt know about me. She was wondering in a letter why he never had kissed her, but they shared the same bed. (you get my point... there was sex, but kissing is different)


Of course.... I broke up with him that night when I went. I never told him why. He still doesnt know that I know he cheated on me.


In November he wanted to be friends with me again on Facebook. I accepted him. It's been 4 months now. He has initiated a number of times that he wants to have sex with me. I told him we can be friends. For now, I have no intention on jumping into his bed again. It is tempting of course for he is very masculine and I AM attracted to him. But I also know what Tiki33 is referring to. He has not come up with anything more than sex and that is not what I want. I want that HE is loyal to me and for him to be loyal, I have to be more special for him.


Honey... he lives far away and has kids. You have your own settled life. It is hard to imagine that your CAP guy will leave everything to be with yo

sorry... I got cut off

just to wrap it up, it is a difficult situation he is in. Perhaps why he has not put a label to your relationship might be for the reason that he doesnt want to relocate now.

However, it doesnt sound like he has committed to you fully. You can be committed even just by not putting a label on your relationship, but you would know that. If your gut feeling tells you otherwise, then that is probably an accurate answer for you.


My CAP guy at the time told me I am his girlfriend. He wanted to introduce me to his family. But that didnt change the result, he cheated.

When I posted this on these boards, most CAP guys came up telling me that it is not considered cheating since he is not married to me. Go figure....



Where is WARHOLIAN—

I don't want or or expect him to uproot his life. We aren't at that point by a longshot. We both have careers and kids. I just want from him something more than just the assumption that we are a couple..He's been texting alrady this morning, but I didn't press him on it..But I'm going to..Even though I enjoy his company, regardless of having it being defined by him, I feel like the longer it goes on, the more it will hurt..I'll let you know what happens..I want to address it today with him. I did talk to him about hiding his feelings, and he admitted he does, said it's a blessing and a curse, but mostly a curse..I'm too worried about wrecking his day and putting him on the spot..I matter too, right?

Fumedfairy now you know why your ex-boyfriend was cheated on, most likely because he was the one being neglectful in that relationship which can cause a woman to move on, it's not so much as she was cheating, she was most likely following his lead e.g. they were cheating on each other, then presume to draw her back in, start cheating again, she comes over to catch him and he decides to call it stalking, he was just a toxic man, although she may have cheated there are 2 sides of the story, the fact that he cheated on you let's you know that clearly she wasn't the only transgressor in his previous relationship because the same patterns showed up from his past and most likely continues in the relationships he has formed now with other women, you were smart to get out.

tikigal, think back to when you were 17 and felt men were plentiful, think about how you behaved, how you spoke how you felt with little to no apprehension, think about how you believed how you felt inside was way more important than anything else and think about how you used to tell a man your feelings, think back to a time when you thought you could get a man if this ONE man didn't work out and how free you felt inside to say your truth.

Look at yourself now, look at how you put his feelings first and the sad part about it is, HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO, when you put someone before you it makes you appear desperate with how you relate men, your desperation just spills over onto him and he stalls and hides his feelings.

Your self esteem is low if your more concerned about him over yourself especially when you ask if you matter, YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU MATTER. Your just being emotionally easy and it's not benefiting you to be that way, your like how I used to be, I would sit there waiting and hoping and shirking all the hard stuff, I was emotionally lazy, I just wanted a man that was unavailable to me in some way to man up and do his part, I would have a thousand reasons why his feelings were more important than mine and he would walk all over me, he would stall because he could, he would be elusive, hide his feelings and I spent 99% of my time focused on him, focused on trying to figure him out, how to please him and get the right reaction that says I love you and want you and need you in my life, I was EXHAUSTED, I was feeled with anxiety and desperation over these clowns. I was doing all the work and the more work I put into it the more INVESTED I became and the more desperate and out of control I felt inside, I just couldn't seem to get off that rinse and repeat cycle with these clowns, I had to learn how to do it, I had to step back and reassert my priorities which was ME, I had to put me first and say the hard stuff and let him figure out what he was feeling, it's not that I couldn't love a man but I loved him more than I loved me so I would do everything to NOT rock the boat and he just stalled and did all kinds of things that didn't make me feel appreciated and loved but it wasn't all his fault, It was mine, he was just doing what he wanted to do and I chose to accept it and I could have rejected what I didn't like but I was too needy and desperate over these particular men to voice my wants and make me a priority.

Your blinded by a fantasy, YOUR FANTASY, get into reality, write down everything that is happening NOW and match that with what you wish the relationship would be, you will find more fantasy type thoughts, I wish, I don't want, I want, I hope in your thoughts than what's actually going on NOW TODAY, none of it will match up and part of the reality is he's unavailable, he's not there for you the way you want him to be emotionally nor physically, he's NOT doing good boyfriend stuff because it appears that he isn't your boyfriend and then you have to figure out if you want to accept this or reject this and decide if your going to wait or your going to open your heart to available men in your city instead of sitting there revolving your whole thought system on this ONE man that isn't doing the job. You have options, your not at the mercy of this one man, you can't blame anyone but yourself if you don't make you a priority in this situation with this one man.

I have been in similiar situations and at some point you have to stop being scared and get on with your life even if that means he's not going to be in it.

I'm not telling you to bombard him with a million questions, that's way too overwhelming but IMO if you have to ask a man were you stand with him then there isn't a real relationship, which is an indication to make him less of a priority, that's per my own experiences with myself and other women that have went through the same type of situations...you shouldn't have to ask and if you have to then you have been making it all up and feel forced to address your feelings because of it which will only create more distance....good luck

Ok, I did it, and now am still confused..I was a bit passive/agressive, but I just made a comment about being his "text buddy"...bad move..His response, via text might I add, was WHAT THE HELL??...Then he clammed up..I told him not to be a grump and that he is just tired.He said "Yeah, I'm going to bed, night"..and then was gone..I don't know if he's pissed off or hurt. This morning, texts from work like nothing ever happened, talking about his phone bill. I don't know if he is working his way up to talking about it, or if it's under the rug. I know I need to be more agressive, but what the hell is he doing? He took away my nickname last night, so I'm waiting to see if he gives it back today..It's a nighttime ritual for him to say goodnight____. If he doesn't say it tonight, I'm going to say something.I think I'm getting stronger..I'm actually getting angry.

Let me go back a bit to the begining..We met online and did not actually meet until two months later..There was sex talk before we met the first time..After we spent a weekend together, he did the typical male thing and went a day without talking to me..He was flying home and such, but usually, the man would tell me what he was eating for lunch etc..constantly checking in...The next month, he came to visit me, and stayed a week. We are 3000 miles away from each other..We had an incident shall we call it during an intimate moment, where I had a mini panic attack ,and asked him to stop for a minute..Three days later, he asked me what it was about..Took him three days to ask me why I stopped him in the middle of sex..We both work and have kids from our marriages. He was married 9 years, me, 15 years to a Taurus..Whole different animal than the Cap..Wow.. After our first sexual encounter, Cappy has never spoken sexually to me..We've had sex many times, but no more dirty talk..We are also very different in our lives, while we both have exes and kids, money is not an issue for me at all, but it is for him..I know he doesn't like to ask me for things, so getting him to make plans to fly across the country, or to somewhere else to meet is an issue. I've told him that I can pay and not to worry, but he is a man..On a normal day, he doesn't go more than two hours without checking in with me. I know where he is at all times, untill boys night out, and then I haven't a clue. Maybe once every two weeks or so. He can't take women back to his house, so I don't think he is sleeping with anyone else. He has refered to me as his girlfriend, maybe two months ago, and recently called me his "boo"..He has said that he doesn't like to go over the same things over and over. I get the feeling that if he says something, unless he then says differently, it is the way he said originally. He was really hurt by his ex. Said he thought he would die if they got divorced. She cheated and left. I wasn't hurt by my ex. It just turned into being best friends, and I needed more. Also, I'm a very strong woman, not in this instance of course lol..But I run my own company and am quite wealthy. I think it intimidates him a little. Although, as a Leo, I share whatever I have. I'm the type that handles everything. His furnace breaks, and he's stressed over how to pay for it, I just pay for it. I know it makes him a bit uncomfortable, but he thanks me profusely. I just say" I got your back baby"

To diffuse the awkwardness of him feeling like it's a big deal and ows me. It's nothing to me. I do it so that he has less to worry about. I think I'm too used to being in a long term committed relationship. I'm two years out of my marriage, and he is four years out. He told me that he has had only one legitimate girlfriend since the divorce. I should have asked him what his definition of girlfriend was. i didn't because in the very beginning of whatever this is, he spilled his guts to me. Made me a bit uncomfortable. I felt like he was putting too much out there. I wasn't going to share how much money I make, but he had no problem doing so, and saying he feels like he can tell me anything.The problem with me is, I left my husband over being great friends, who rarely had sex. I didn't want to cheat,so I just divorced him. And now it seems like I'm in the same relationship again, and that scares me. I asked Cap why he is so non sexual, and he said "When you spend 9 years only getting sex on your birthday or holidays, you tend not to want to rock the boat". Again, a little too honest for me. Made me feel bad for him. Like I said, I'm a very strong personality. Our first date, I found myself telling him he was using the wrong fork. I know. He looked so embarrassed. I know better now, to share these things and not make fun of him, even in a funny way. Never with malice. You are right, he loves to teach me a lesson and take away my nickname, or not say goodnight to me. So funny that you said that. I told him I was worried about him because he didn't text me when he got home from a boys night (in reality I was scared he'd gone home with someone else) and he got angry and said " I'm 33 years old and have gotten myself home every night without incident" then spent a week, not telling me goodnight. Lesson learned for me. We also got in an argument, and he said "night", and stopped talking to me, so I made a mistake and texted an apology, and said "No matter what, I'm still in love with you"..No response, but the next morning, like clockwork, texts from work about his day. No mention of what I said, so I just let it lay. Figured he knows how I feel, so if he doesn't like it, he can say so or back up from me, but he didn't. Just pretended like it didn't happen. Not sure what that means. I did his chart, He is a cap with his moon in cancer and venus in Sag. I'm a Leo with my moon in Taurus and venus in cancer. Looked it up. What does it mean?

I feel like Columbo now, "Just one more thing"..Showing my age now..but I want to try and stick it out with him. I really do have a whole life without him, but I usually don't feel this way about a man. I usually do my chase, get what I want and move on, but it feels different with him. I actually care about his happiness and well being. I do care about the not much sex because of distance and responsibilities, but I can wait for a vacation with him, because I don't want to sleep with anyone else. I just need my leo pride stroked a bit more. I'm used to being fawned over a bit more than he does.

Shaking my head, just like I thought from the beginning, you are the relationship, that's sad because I can tell you are a strong good woman but when it comes to men you get lazy, you get scared and you begin to overcompensate by over giving financially in hopes of keeping a man safe from worries, huge mistake. Your more of the problem than he is. Your trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents. You know this man has a life at home away from you, his 33 and your telling him how to act, huge turn off, your paying his way another huge turn off, no wonder men don't wanna have sex with you, your not behaving in an attractive way, your behaving like your desperate. If the same pattern is repeating from your past then maybe you need to step back and find out why men are reacting to you in a way that says friend.

Tikigal, I know I seem harsh but you can't use your masculine energy to keep a man especially a masculine sign like capricorn without him feeling bitter and annoyed towards you. Your "DOING" and "THINK" role works in your professional life but you can't use that same energy on a man, a real masculine man and expect to be adored and cherished, you keep worrying about his feelings and that is not attractive, that is not what he wants, now a man will use you, he will keep his distance but continue to take your money, take your gifts, take what you give because it's convenient for him to do so but I can promise you he will find a more feminine energy woman to hunt, to chase, to date, to be with.

Stop spending money on this man, he doesn't need your money and your inviting neglect and mistreatment into your life, not only stop doing this with him but with any man unless you want to be seen as this desperate shuga mama that has to pay for a man, a man-boy will take your money, a real man won't want it, a man-boy will punish you with silence and punish you by avoiding topics and a real man will just lay it out on the table, deal with it and move on and he won't avoid uncomfortable topics.

You keep making men feel like girls and no wonder they just aren't feeling deep love with you, they feel sister type feelings, deep affection but it doesn't make his dick hard nor does it make him want to pursue you intimately. As a leo I'm sure you have all the good qualities any man will want, my moms a leo, so I know you have style , class and flare but for some reason you don't think it's enough so you compensate for the distance and whatever fears you harbor.

Tikigal stop....just stop

Stop paying, stop correcting men, stop trying to buy your way in, I know your going to resist my words, your going to say I'm not doing that and maybe that isn't your intent but let me tell you a little secret...."REAL" men don't like it, it's a turn off, a huge one.

I think this man likes you as a friend, he's trying to like you as a lover but your self esteem makes it hard for him to feel attracted to you in a lover kind of way. You know there is no real relationship because he's certainly not communicated with you that there is one. You also make a ton of excuses why he can't see you but I know men that are dead ass broke and will "FIND" the money to go to a woman, I know a friend that lost his job, no savings, nothing and found the money to go to Hawaii to see a woman, paid his own way so the excuses your giving is just excuses.

Why in the hell would you date a man that isn't your equal financially and remind him of it by paying his way, talk about emasculating a man, his manhood is in jeopardy around you, he doesn't feel good about himself having a woman pay, yes it's easy and convienant but it's not attracting and making his d*ck stay strong, making him feel like a man and want to ravage and make love to you in a way that says I adore and need you.

You need to ease back, stop all that giving, stop correcting him, stop being controlling, just stop, stop it and find a way to be more attractive by NOT giving so much, your enough, he doesn't need to be babied and that's why he's punishing you because you don't know how to behave in secure attractive way and you turn him off.

You backed yourself in a corner and you know it, you gave sex, you gave money, you gave your time and attention and you gave and gave in hopes of getting something back and it backfired, you don't have anymore than you had when you first met him, you have a liability on your hands, you invested in something without a good return, now your looking to cash in and get a girlfriend title and he's not available nor does he seem interestd in being anything but your friend/email buddy/text buddy/so so sex buddy.

I guarantee you if you stop overfunctioning he will give you what you want without you doing much of anything or if he's a man-boy he will go and find him another shuga mama online if he hasn't already done it...

What kind of message do you believe you send to a man when you give to them and he's done nothing to deserve it? What kind of message do you believe you send to a man that has financial problems and you swoop in and save him? What kind of message do you believe you send to a man when you give to him before any kind of verbal commitment has been formed?

When you give to a man that has problems, you silently through your giving actions call him a failure, you make him feel incapable as a man and on top of that you make him feel your desperate and will do anything to keep a man, and a man-boy will sit there and "watch" you lower yourself, watch you chip away at your self esteem and he will take from you but he will also neglect you for being that way, and he will punish you for making him feel bad inside about himself.

Your forming a very toxic bad habit with this man and you can't even blame him because your the one doing all the leg work, doing all 99% of the work in this situation with him.

SC as women (some of us not all) we can have the best intentions yet fail to see what makes us feel good (the giving, the overfunctioning to accomodate men) can make a man (a real man not a man-boy)feel very uncomfortable and weak. I don't feel it's a loss cause either, I feel if she can take a new approach and let things happen a bit more naturally and stop trying to manage the situation as to help the relationship along things will naturally happen at a good slow pace and he will lead if she allow him too but I sense she's dominant (business minded get it done type)and that energy can create conflict and make a man feel less as in not her equal, if she takes over the relationship he will let her but he will also silently resent her as well and begin to punish her by giving her less and less and less until he's gone out of her life.

Posted by scorpio_chic

Posted by tiki33
....and making his d*ck stay strong, making him feel like a man and want to ravage and make love to you in a way that says I adore and need you.

Tiki girl you can't be talking like this in forums you make me wanna call my cap and tell him to leave work early LMAO

I don't understand that myself, about him being bashful about the sex. I've been with 2 caps in my life and they were both ANIMALS in bed. But when they first meet you they're very reserved.. I do remember it took my current cap an entire month just to try to kiss me. It had me questioning whether he was even into me. But once he got comfortable, he unleashed a beast. LMAO Maybe he is just not comfortable showing you that side of him yet tikigal but I guarantee he has it in him!

click to expand

LOL!!

Act aloof with a cap, just slightly disinterested and good eye contact, he will unleash the holy beast...that's been my experience. Some things just turn them off, leaning forward can turn him off, limp d*ck but just be slightly hard to figure out and he will take you away with that good Capricorn loving LOL

Some can be pretty mean and distant though if they are in a bad space in life but when it's good, it's really really really good.

Scorpio chic,

OMG, that fits him to a tee.. We've had numerous conversations about how much he lets his ex run his life. He's doing rigt now as I'm typing. He just can't let it go, even though she's engaged to another man. He's so scared of her, but continues to let her run him around. I hope that I am not just a habit to him, although, his crap is wearing thin with me. I'm trying to be patient, but it's not easy for me.
Awake is right about me losing respect for him when he allows me to pay. He isn't the strongest man. Went from one bossy bitch to another. I love all of your advise.It brings such clarity to the situation. I live in my head way too much. And your opinions give me strength, so thank you.

i've noticed that my cap man is more than happy about going dutch. in fact, when we speak of marriage, he suggests about my father (!) paying for it. i know they're happy being proivders. what is up with my stingy cap?

Dayum! You guys are writing whole novels on here I cant even bring myself to read this thread. I read the first two and last two posts. Whatever Tiki wrote I know she is on point.

"These people are wonderfully dependable overall, despite their occasional mood swings. Make a friend of Moon in Cancer, and you will be taken care of for life. "

Nice. This is why I love Cancers and those with Cancer traits period. Scorpchic, no wonder you love that man. I recall reading a thread you made about him and thought to myself why the hell does she even bother. Now I know.......🙂

Well Im glad things are progressing in your relationship Scorpchic. 🙂

I just had a revelation about a friend of mine from college. We recently came back into contact on Facebook. His birthday is Dec 21 so he falls right on the cusp but is more Cap than Sag. His moon is also Cancer (ding! ding!). The sweetest man ever. He told me he had been looking for me for several years. He is very timid when it comes to relationships. Even when we were in college, he wanted to be with me, but he never told me. We talked on the phone for the first time in years and he told me he was engaged to be married, but after we got off the phone broke off the engagement. He said the relationship was dead anyways. I live in Hawaii and he lives in NC and he knew I was coming home to Georgia for Christmas and told me he wanted to come see me because he would be in Alabama and wanted to stop by on his way back. He texted me on Christmas, but I never texted back. I couldnt see him knowing he was still with his girlfriend. He told me before that that he wanted me to wait on him and I said no. He hasnt tried to speak to me again since Christmas. And the moon in Cancer explains it all, with why I was so drawn to him and why he was sweet to me. Why he said he has trust issues and is fearful of relationships. I feel for him, but he tied my hands by saying I needed to wait on him to leave the relationship. I am not a woman who waits on those types of things. His issues are not my problem. But at any rate I wish him the best.

Ok, after all the advise, I gathered up my courage and asked Cap "What are we doing? I need clarification or a definition" So help me god, this is the answer I got " Just shootin zombies"..So that told me that he also doesn't really read what I text anyway. It was kind of funny, but not under the circumstances. Anyway, it boils down to he said " I don't know how to answer that, given distances and kids and situations" MESSAGE RECEIVED on my part. So we continue talking about it, and he said he feels guilty that he was the catalyst for the breakdown in my relationship with my mother..things have been different since then..and then asked where this leaves us.. I said " I'm sorry, but that just isn't good enough for me..you don't feel for me the way that you should, or the way I want you to feel" He says " WAIT, I didn't say I don't have feelings for you, I care about you" I say again, " That isn't enough for me", then he starts the pity party.." Maybe there is something wrong with me, maybe I'm not capable, I need to just live under a rock" I said just get some sleep, it's ok and I'm ok..He says, It's not ok, but he's going to bed, night sweetpea..So I cry myself to sleep, drink a bottle of wine, smoke a pack of cigarettes(not in that order of course), but I'm proud of myself that I asked, and didn't go crazy woman with crying and hurling insults. I was a complete lady. Fast forward to the next day..6 am my time..I hear my phone beeping..glance over, its him texting..Boy today is a crap day at work, blah blah,blah..I ignore it..every twenty minutes, another text, acting like nothing is wrong, like nothing happened..We're best buddies again.. So I respond politely, with few words, as usual, giving him encouragement..He starts saying things like" I should know better than to doubt you"..so I just kept up with short, curt answers and out of the blue he says"I wish I could take a pill and forget everything"..and starts with wanting me to analyze his life.We text until he goes to bed (he's three hours ahead of me)..I do understand that I didn't say anything like I never want to speak to you again, or anything, but WTF..Two weeks ago, I tell him i'm in love with him, he acts like he didn't hear it and it didn't happen..I tell him what he has to offer isn't enough, and again, acts like nothing happened..It's like he's an emotional vampire..I feel like he just wants a woman in his life, but doesn't want to do any work to have a relationship.

What do I do now? I've almost (still teary) come to grips with it being nothing to him, and letting him go, and here he is in my face (so to speak) And now, I'm really starting to feel like a jackass, for taking care of him, emotionally and financially..Tiki33, some of the things you wrote on your profile fit him like a glove..What the hell is going on here?

Tikigal he made a trillion excuses because he felt bad for leading you on, he knew all along the situation between the 2 of you was one-sided (his side) your situation is nothing new, many women give and give only to come up empty handed and stuck in a role with a man that feels intolerable and unbearable for her, most women instead of being honest opt to just go along hoping things change only to feel miserable as she deny her needs with that particular man.

Now a man (let me clarify man) man-boys will take your time, take your money, take your love and manage it, meaning he will not want to lose a good woman, good women are hard to find (good women as in the givers, revolve her life around a man, the women that allow men to take her time and money types of women) men don't want to lose those type of women but they don't want to do what it takes to keep her either, so they try to keep a woman on his terms, they manage "DOWN" her expectations by sticking around but not really contributing anything to move the relationship forward as what your guy is doing.

My advice is to be clear to him about what you want and don't want. He's confused, you did not give him clear instructions as to what you need. So at this point you can't say he's around as though he's obsessing and he needs you, totally not the case, he's still around because he can be around you b/c you allow this to happen, which is called NO BOUNDARIES, you really never had any with him to begin with...it's time to get some to protect yourself.

You have to be clear and tell him you don't want to be his text message buddy, you want a real relationship were your both contributing and growing together. You no longer wish to carry on being his buddy, you are now going to spend less time text messaging him because your shifting your focus on pursuing something real....His reaction will either be to leave you completely alone or he will step up and man up and give you what you clearly deserve.

Stop being polite, stuffing your anger will cause more problems plus that's being fake, tell him how you feel, you feel sad, you cried all night, DON'T HIDE your truth to make him feel comfortable and secure, don't be a doormat friend and just go along to make "HIM" happy and he needs to feel like until he fix the issue your not available.

"He's gotta learn that he has to grow up sometime and stop tormenting women while he's evolving, if he ever does so, that is."

Ameth I couldn't have said it better, those words pretty much sum it all up.....

I'm not suprised by his reaction to your question, he never thought you would ever get up the nerve to ask him something that wasn't about him, sad part about it all is after you asked what are we doing and he couldn't give you the answer you needed he flipped it to make himself seem like the confused distraught little man-boy victim and why you spent hours talking him off the ledge makes no damn sense (I sense a bit of enabling and codependent tendencies on your part)....you could have not picked a more immature man to love and I damn sure wouldn't have lost my relationship with my mom over a man especially one that isn't "CLAIMING" you as his significant mate. Seems like it's time to suck it up and apologize to your mom, it's time to plead hormonal insanity over this man and patch things up with anyone you have fallen out with over this clown.

I love this article were I read women and men that press the reset button....

When Someone Keeps Pressing the —Reset?? Button on their Behaviour in Relationships

Welcome to the special world of people who make up the rules as they go along and bulldoze their way around your life with their terms. If you??ve found yourself with someone who stonewalls your attempts to discuss what —went wrong?? or just any discussion that requires them to have some awareness, accountability, and responsibility towards you, plus they also seem to have an almost scary ability to disconnect from their actions and your upset, you??re with someone who operates liberally with a —reset?? button.

The —reset?? button in relationships is where the user seems to believe they have an ability to reset the relationship to whatever point that they feel most comfortable with, which is effectively like erasing the past.