Are we heading for a divorce?

Hello Geminis, I stumbled upon this site while looking for info about Gemini men. I'm in need of some advices about my marriage.
I'm a Capricorn asc Gemini with a moon in Pisces and Venus in Cap. He's a Gemini with a moon in Libra and a Venus in Cancer.
We met 10 years ago. He acted like he didn't like me but ended up talking to me all the time and it didn't stop until recently. It got so bad I felt like he was stalking me. He was really into me. Couldn't live without me as per his words to his brother. We started off as best friends who share many common interests and we have been married for 2 years. We are also running a business together. I guess we are what we called best friends who end up getting married.
About 6 months ago we hired a woman to help at our shop. She became our friend. She worked with my husband more than with me and they ended up talking about anything. My husband complained to her about many things. He said I'm controlling and needy. He also said he would like to have more freedom. Something that was a surprised to me considering I always saw him as needy, always wanting to do things with me and no one else, asking for my attention constantly. That woman, wanting to help, came to me and told me what my husband had said. I then asked my husband about it, who admitted it was partially true. He said he wanted to go out with his friends more, said he felt bad for me and felt forced to do things with me, to make me happy. He also said he wanted to start spending time separately from me. I've never had a problem with him doing that, I understand being together too much can be bad. Except that we are barely doing anything together. We live together, we work together and all the social and fun side of life, he's doing it with other people. When we talk, he barely pays attention. If we make plans, he's going to find an excuse not to go to stay home and talk to his friends online instead or play video games. If I want to cuddle, he's going to say it's too hot when the AC is running. I asked him a few times if he wanted a divorce and he said no, not at all. Told me he's in love with me. Can't live without me. He said I'm the glue that holds him together, he called me his perfect soul mate, but I can tell he's getting tired of me. If I'm more independent and go out on my own or with friends, he freak out and spam my phone. When I get home and talk to him, make plans for the next night out, he will act distant like he doesn't want to go o

out with me. He said I rely on him too much. It was never our problem in our relationship until recently.

I don't know what to do. We love each other but I'm confused as to what I should do now.
It's like he's never happy with anything I do. I annoy him a lot.

We went from hanging out all the time, have a lot of fun and being best friend to him saying he wants to go out, just not with me.

I don't think you are, unless you are asking for it 🙂!

I would do a trade off and let him out with his mates for sporty activities (cycling, running, ball games playing/watching, etc) and to the local pub for drinks and catch up. In exchange, he has to allow you to go out on your own or with girlfriends for the same amount of time as he does, without becoming controlling.

You should name one day of the week for going out together, just the two of you, and TAKE TURNS in organizing and paying for the event. If he get to choose the event/venue half of the time, his complaining/apathy should be also reduced by half. Once a month, take turns in organizing a "surprise" event, different from the weekly ones. Like something you never did before.

Also, don't you have common friends who are also part of a couple? Make a habit from visiting each other or doing something together once in a while.

The prizes for sticking to a routine which involves freedom and personal choice, but also togetherness, are less nagging and more happiness.

As for cuddling...my Gem is a kisser rather than a cuddler, and I'm the other way round. So I spontaneously hug him for a few seconds only, several times a day, in a "looking for reassurance" way and he hugs back.

This is giving me flashbacks to my own marriage with a gemini.

I always thought he was needy and didn't give me enough space. I gave him a lot of space and he thought I didn't care about him. He also thought I was controlling and demanding, while I thought he was childish and impulsive. And so forth. Looking back, I see how we both came across this to each other, while we each saw the opposite opinion of ourselves.

Gem/Cap are two vastly different people and have drastic core differences. It's a difficult combination at best, but you can make it work with a whole lot of effort.

Communication. That's the key. Communicate what you do like about each other, what you don't like, how you would feel better, how he would, things you both want to change, things you both want to stay the same. We didn't do that. We only let resentment build up for each of us and that is what destroyed our marriage.

Learn to recognize the good in each other and how you benefit from each other. He loosens you up and shows you the fun side of life, you give him stability and constancy that he needs.

Just remember Gemini likes change. They like variety. They like a multitude of activities and they like talking and connecting. So, if he needs a change of pace every so often, allow that. Let him go out with his friends. Find unique activities that you can explore together. Seems like yall spend a lot of time with each other, so find activities you can do separately. Perhaps he needs to recharge occasionally.

What concerns me is he reached out to another woman to talk and involved a third party into your relationship. YOU LUCKED OUT because SHE came to you and sincerely wants to help. He doesn't need to involve a third party, but he did and she didn't want it to be one sided. Just be careful in confiding with someone. If you both need to do this, find a counsellor and go to counselling rather than involving a friend/employee/family member, etc. Things can get out of hand because she might misintrepret and then you get into a he said/she said situation.

My ex reached out to a woman to talk to and ended up complaining about me and our marriage, work, life in general. It came to the point where she was his rock instead of me and things went down hill quickly. The woman he chose was a manipulative, bored housewife who fed him lines of "I can't believe she did that, I would never do that..." and "I would treat you so much better", put all kinds of false assumptions i

in his head. He began believing her over me. She enjoyed the "game" and set her sites on him and the goal of getting him. They began an emotional affair, which led to a physical affair which led to the destruction of our marriage.

So, he needs to stop talking to this woman and talk to you. You both would benefit from a counsellor who would remain impartial and could actually offer some helpful advice rather than someone who's an employee who's thrown into the middle of your relationship.

I shared my story because I seem the pattern we had, similar thoughts and feelings and I don't want you to go down the pathway we did.

I hope you're right for her sake, Toker.

🙂

And, therein lies part of the problem.

My ex said he felt like he couldn't talk to me, so I believe what you're saying. I didn't know what 90% of his complaints were about until it was past the point of no return. I felt like I didn't even get a chance to fix things (which you know us caps like to fix things). If a couple is going to make it and continue to grow closer, then sometimes those conversations have to be had. With EACH OTHER.

Seems like Gemini doesn't like to talk about problems and caps have no problem with telling you what the issues are. I can see how it would appear the cap is controlling and I can see how the gemini appears nonconcerned. When, in fact, they both want peace and happiness.


*Fingers crossed that these two can work it out and have a happy life together*

This ^^^

Posted by truecap
in his head. He began believing her over me. She enjoyed the "game" and set her sites on him and the goal of getting him. They began an emotional affair, which led to a physical affair which led to the destruction of our marriage.

So, he needs to stop talking to this woman and talk to you. You both would benefit from a counsellor who would remain impartial and could actually offer some helpful advice rather than someone who's an employee who's thrown into the middle of your relationship.

I shared my story because I seem the pattern we had, similar thoughts and feelings and I don't want you to go down the pathway we did.

I agree with you completely!! If he needs to confide in someone he needs to go to a man NOT another female. That is how people start affairs. As a woman that was cheated on by her spouse that is a HUGE red flag. My parents have been married for 36yrs and my father would never go to another woman and complain about her.

Marriage is tough and if he is feeling a certain way he needs to talk to her.

I ran across this after I read your post.....
http://familyshare.com/10-ways-you-are-being-unfaithful-to-your-spouse-and-you-dont-even-know-it

I need to learn how to quote properly.

I played independent the next day and the following day he was all over me, he complained to a friend how he wanted to talk to me, but couldn't because I was busy and how he disliked it.

We had a long talk and he agreed that the way he acted wasn't ok. I know Geminis need their space and freedom. But you were all right about us spending too much time together.