Gemini boy problem...

I met this Gemini about 3 and a half months ago. We hit it off from the beginning, talking every day and liking each other more and more as time went on. After a month of becoming friends we became an official couple and everything was amazing. We continued to talk every day, he gave me a lot of attention, made me feel special, told me I was beautiful and how excited he was to see how things were going to develop between us (he lives two hours away, mind you, and would drive down to see me whenever he could and for as long as he could). Now, this guy has a busy life working full time, going to school full time and an internship. After two months of dating he started to become overly stressed with everything going on in his life... He pulled away becoming quite distant and simply explaining that he was unbelievably busy and stressed out with projects and overtime on top of his internship and moving. After two weeks of hardly talking he drops the bombshell on me over Facebook about his stress levels being at their limits and that he feels terrible about not being able to give me much attention currently. He said he was afraid of wasting my time and not being able to make me happy; and feeling that I may be connecting with him faster than he is with me - because he can't emotionally connect with someone when he's like this. He added that he didn't want to end up resenting our time together when he had so much at the back of his mind either and wind up hurting me...
But he said all of this after shutting me out for two weeks and didn't even call me on the phone to discuss what he's going through first to even see how I felt or what my thoughts were. I asked if he thought this was something he wanted to pick up later but he didn't want to give me false hope. I was too upset so I asked if we could talk on the phone later and he said "ok". Nothing for a couple days. Then he sends a message saying, "Hey, I know you're going through a lot, and I'm sorry I've upset you. With that said, I do want to let you know that I plan to call you, but I've been swamped this weekend with projects, a meeting, overtime etc.". It's been a week since that and nothing from him. Thoughts— THis is breaking my heart and I'm very confused.

Sorry to say:

Imo, move on. Do you. Be as happy as you possibly can.

If he would be interested in something later in life, I'm sure he will contact you and then let's see if you happen to be available and willing.

I hate when people do that. "Oh I'm so busy, I don't have time to invest in you". Especially after spending a few months with you... You d think he would just enjoy every little moment he can spare from his busy schedule to be with you. It seems to me that he unfortunately had a change of heart. Maybe something else is going on too and confusing him? Either way, I think you should move on, do your own things, have fun and try not to think about him. I'm 100 percent sure that he will get back to you, to finally have that phone call, but maybe by then you won't need it.

I have major problems with anxiety so the anticipation mixed with the fact that I miss him is making it very hard. I'm trying my best to just focus on myself and distract myself.

Charfig's comment is understandable and totally reasonable. Like, "Wouldn't they want to spend every single moment with you," and things like that. BUT as someone who's been on the other side of that, it truly is hard when you're mentally juggling things that drain both sides of your brain and then you're always tired and hardly have time for yourself. When I'm in work overload and I get a break, I want to sleep or just watch something entertaining and mind numbing to de-stress...then sleep again. Then if I have more time and energy after that is for other people.

A way you could look at it to hold you over is that he's working to solidify a happy future with you (like if he's your soulmate and all). He's trying to reach a goal and let's be honest, other people are distracting! If this gemini guy is meant to be your husband one day, wouldn't you want him to lay his foundation now. I don't think he's pulling your chain. I think sending him occasional positive or funny messages without expecting a response will help more than you know. Like, "Knock 'em dead today," or "Hope all is well," is my favorite. Or better, "Want a quick massage?" lol.

I'd say give him a month or 2 to sort stuff out then move on. Feels like he'll be back. I usually make it up to my peoples ten-fold for being so patient with me.

Any update?

Posted by leeberated
Charfig's comment is understandable and totally reasonable. Like, "Wouldn't they want to spend every single moment with you," and things like that. BUT as someone who's been on the other side of that, it truly is hard when you're mentally juggling things that drain both sides of your brain and then you're always tired and hardly have time for yourself. When I'm in work overload and I get a break, I want to sleep or just watch something entertaining and mind numbing to de-stress...then sleep again. Then if I have more time and energy after that is for other people.

A way you could look at it to hold you over is that he's working to solidify a happy future with you (like if he's your soulmate and all). He's trying to reach a goal and let's be honest, other people are distracting! If this gemini guy is meant to be your husband one day, wouldn't you want him to lay his foundation now. I don't think he's pulling your chain. I think sending him occasional positive or funny messages without expecting a response will help more than you know. Like, "Knock 'em dead today," or "Hope all is well," is my favorite. Or better, "Want a quick massage?" lol.

I'd say give him a month or 2 to sort stuff out then move on. Feels like he'll be back. I usually make it up to my peoples ten-fold for being so patient with me.

Any update?

Everything you just said helps a lot having his it come from another person. I have thought of these things on my own..: but of course that anxiety wells up with all of these "what ifs". I've had this gut feeling to just not message him at all. And I've not heard one thing from him since the, Hey, I know you're going through a lot, and I'm sorry that I've upset you. That said, I do want to let you know that I plan to call you, but I've literally been swamped this entire weekend with a meeting, overtime, projects, etc." and that's been over two weeks ago... I don't know how to feel yet but I agree with what you're saying. I'm just scared of getting my hopes up that he'll come around. I miss him terribly and really wish he would've called and talked to me about everything instead of just dropping the bombshell on my head like that... But not everyone handles things the way they should especially under pressure....

Very true. I wouldn't say his/my way is right at all but it's a method, and as long as we reach the goal I guess lol. Also you guys were only talking for a few months and no official title, so def remember that he technically has no commitment to you 🙂 But I get y'all were vibing etc. Well if push come to shove, at least summer's coming around so you can go find you a sexy lifeguard haha. Good luck! Hopefully you update us if he comes back ...

No we were an official title. He asked me to be his girlfriend a month after meeting. He officially broke up with me right after our two month mark because of how stressed he was.
But thank you for your words. And if he does I'll definitely say something. I've been very sad but hopeful. I can't stop thinking about him and I miss him terribly. My gut is telling me it's not completely over but I could be wrong.

Thank you, Muffle. I've barely spoken to him since the break up. He's the one who sent me the "sorry I upset you, plan to call you message" and all I said was "ok". I haven't heard anything but I haven't tried to talk to him either. I'm waiting until I either hear from him (to give him time) or until it feels right for me to try and reach out to him. Which doesn't feel right just yet...

Yes he said that he felt that he couldn't bring himself to continue this relationship currently then changed his FB relationship status to single...

I don't know if that will help but one thing I noticed early on with my gem is that him and I have completely different perceptions of time. Years ago, when we had problems of communication, he would disappear for weeks at a time. Then come back eventually. It took me a while to realize that a couple weeks to him was nothing, and to me it felt like forever. I mean, when you clearly think about it, what's a couple of weeks compared to a lifetime? So, I'm thinking the advice that's being given to you is probably good, let him breathe. It is true that when gem men feel overwhelmed by life in general, they will not want to feel like they're putting you through their shit and drag you down with them. But trust me when I say that they do feel much deeper than they let on.

Posted by muffle_kerfuffle

Posted by Charfig5
I don't know if that will help but one thing I noticed early on with my gem is that him and I have completely different perceptions of time. Years ago, when we had problems of communication, he would disappear for weeks at a time. Then come back eventually. It took me a while to realize that a couple weeks to him was nothing, and to me it felt like forever. I mean, when you clearly think about it, what's a couple of weeks compared to a lifetime? So, I'm thinking the advice that's being given to you is probably good, let him breathe. It is true that when gem men feel overwhelmed by life in general, they will not want to feel like they're putting you through their shit and drag you down with them. But trust me when I say that they do feel much deeper than they let on.

It depends on our "time of month". A few days may feel like months to us; if we're busy, it would feel like nothing.

But I agree with everything else you said. (y)

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Exactly. And that was one of the hardest thing to wrap my head around when it comes to understanding my gem

Posted by muffle_kerfuffle

Posted by LadyDraconis
Yes he said that he felt that he couldn't bring himself to continue this relationship currently then changed his FB relationship status to single...

Did you try to plea with his emotional reasoning? Or did you just let it go and accept it?

The guy is stressed out and feels guilty with all the pressure he is under. Try reaching to him and letting him know you understand the stress he is under and so forth.

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Honestly I was in too much shock at the time. I tried to calmly reason with him a little but I ended up telling him that I wasn't taking it quite well and that I would rather talk on the phone about it a little later when I was in a better frame of mind. He only responded with "ok". I then asked him the next day if he could let me know when he'd call and I got nothing until a few days later saying he planned on calling but nothing yet. Again it's been a couple weeks since that. I haven't tried reaching out to him just yet. I wanna give him space to focus on himself...

Thank you, guys. His does help a lot.

Thank you, guys. His does help a lot.

I hear you. But one thing I'm sure of was the fact that I'm not very needy and never demanded attention because he always gave me a lot of attention on his own. I felt quite secure with him considering we live in two different cities. And any time he apologized for taking a while to get ahold of me I always said that it was ok and that I knew he as busy. No big deal. A lot of what he said in that regards confused me because I didn't know where he got any of it and he didn't even bother to get my view point on anything.
I'm quite busy myself with work, friends and my own personal hobbies so I didn't really need any more attention than he already gave. I'm quite patient.
Even when he became distant and hardly talked to me for a couple weeks I didn't bother him at all because I didn't want to add to his stress.

I was utterly shocked when he said that he didn't feel he could give me much attention or make me happy right now - because he did make me incredibly happy and I already felt like I had a perfect amount of attention. I don't smother my significant others when they're going through a rough patch. Generally I remain encouraging and back off a little.

Posted by muffle_kerfuffle

Posted by LadyDraconis
I was utterly shocked when he said that he didn't feel he could give me much attention or make me happy right now - because he did make me incredibly happy and I already felt like I had a perfect amount of attention. I don't smother my significant others when they're going through a rough patch. Generally I remain encouraging and back off a little.

This same thing happened when I started to get serious with my wife. I felt incredibly guilty I could not give her the attention I believed she deserved so I stepped back. Not only that, I was horrifically abused as a child and tried to stay clear of any serious relationship. He probably thinks highly of you just as I feel about my wife.

When my wife was supportive and comforting, it really helped break that barrier.

He likes you. I'm pretty sure of it.

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So, what did your wife do? Did she step back a bit and let you figure stuff out for yourself? And what made you commit?

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/gemini/my-gemini-and-i-6140497/?p=3#6140949
@muffle_kerfuffle it sounds like you give some sound advice, it is a bit difficult to deal with you gems at times. Lol when and if you do have some time I would like to get your opinion on my story. Hence the link up there lol 👆 I don't wanna flood this thread haha

Everything you guys have been saying gives me a lot of hope. I'm mostly over being angry with him and just want him to be ok. I miss him. But of course I have mixed feelings due to all the negative "what ifs" running through my head. I'm trying to listen to my gut and take it slow - focusing on myself and keeping busy.

I still haven't heard from him nor have I tried to reach out to him just yet...

Honestly I'm incredibly nervous...

Well I messaged him saying hello and that I hoped he was doing better. He responded saying that he's alright but overworked and just doing what he can. Then he said he hoped I was doing good.

I'm so glad that you messaged him! It's good to let him know that you are thinking of him and hoping he's well. Just a little bit every now and then doesn't smother him, but let's him know you're there for him 🙂

No. This all ended up being thrown in my face... He basically waited two months after we broke up to tell me that he "just wasn't feeling it"...

Posted by exxtasyx
I don't see a problem with this. He gave you his time and attention when he had it, then things got too hectic in his life and he realized he no longer has the time for a relationship. Can't really do much about this situation except move on.

I never said anything about faulting him for this. But you have to understand it still hurts on my end. This wasn't the initial issue and this is just how it turned out. I'm saying this to let the people who were talking to me about it earlier on know what happened.

However, what's shitty is how he handled it. Instead he told me life was too hectic at first then told me he was going to call me to talk more about it. Then waited two months after I had already been moving on with my life to just tell me he wasn't interested anymore. He should've just been up front when he first broke it off two months prior and had it all over and done with then and there; instead of telling me "I'm gonna call you, I'm gonna call you," and at some point gave me false hope that we may be able to pick things up again once his life settled down.
Regardless, it's done and over.