Leo trouble... HELP!

First off I would like to say hi to everyone. I've been reading up on the site but never really posted anything but I'm in a bit of a bind and would like your helpful advice in this situation. Please help! I'm at my wits-end and don't know how to fix this! Okay, so here's the situation...I've been in a relationship with a Leo man for a year & three months I'm an Aries woman. He is the love of my life! I love this man beyond reason! I've known him pretty much all my life. we lost contact with each other for a 11 years but ended up together. we have had many ups and down but today he told me he was done! He said I helped him come to the determination because I've hid things from him and have said petty lies to keep these things from him. He is not working and doing bad financially, so the things that I have kept from him are money related. I didn't want to stress him out knowing that he couldn't do anything for me to solve them right now. I tried to explain my motives to him but he says I didn't give him a chance. I can see his point but I thought I was doing it for his best interest! I know no man likes to hear about his woman doing bad and him not being able to do anything for her when he cant do for himself at that particular moment. Everyone in his family says he loves me. I can feel it and see it when I am with him. (He has said it twice while being drunk but hasn't said it sober yet) Recently I had to take a job in a different city two hours away. I've been here for 6 weeks but twice a week every single week I'll go and see him and spend my days off with him. Spending the night with him and everything. We've had talks about us moving in together once I'm back in the same city in 2 weeks. We have both said that we are breaking up on various occasions when we are mad or hurt but he says this time is different. He says he is still expecting me to come to him when I am in town to help me get an apartment and will even wants me to stay with him until I find an apartment. But that once that is done we wont talk anymore, not even as friends. I think that in that time I can help him see that I am still the same person that I just thought that I was helping the situation. What are your thoughts? How can I get him to give me another chance where I can prove to him that I don't like lying to him. I just didn't want to add additional stress to his already stressful situation? How can I get him to see that we are on the same page and that it wasn't that I didn't w

Posted by papitanqba28
First off I would like to say hi to everyone.

... today he told me he was done!

... because I've hid things from him and have said petty lies to keep these things from him.

... the things that I have kept from him are money related.

... he couldn't do anything for me to solve them right now.

... but ... I didn't give him a chance

Hi. 🙂

I took out some of the details.

Posted by papitanqba28
... I was doing it for his best interest!

click to expand

I'm sure he wonders what else you have been doing that is in his "best interest".

I can understand "not wanting to add stress", but the minute you start lying, it becomes a totally different animal.

Idk-- cut the crap, admit you were wrong, apologize, and hope for the best.

Thank you

Well one, you've gotta stop justifying lying.

He'll never trust that you "get it," that you hate lying or that you'll stop lying if you're still trying to justify the very thing that you're claiming you won't do again. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. If he feels that you're not acknowledging that you lied and/or that lying is wrong no matter how you slice it, he understandably has no reason to think that you'd stop lying in the future.

So stop justifying it. Lying to him about certain things may make sense in your head, but most people don't appreciate or prefer a soothing lie & that's how it should be. Being lied to will never seem "OK" or make sense to the person being lied to. So trying to convince him that your lying somehow did him some good is a battle you'll LOSE every time.

He was already feeling bad about his inability to provide for you & spoil you financially. That is emasculating for a man b/c a big part of how they measure their own worth is in how well or not they can provide for those they love.

Just like some men won't even date women when they're broke & have no job, understand that some men start to reconsider being in the relationship at all! This may not make sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to them b/c despite the fact that you may still love him the same whether he's without money or not, he knows that a lot of women would judge him, think less of him & not be as true to him if they were the ones in the relationship with him. Just b/c you may not be that shallow or that judgmental doesn't change the reality that some women very much so are!

So add the fact that he was ALREADY feeling insecure about the relationship b/c of his finances, & add a lying girlfriend into the mix. Hell yeah, he's angry! He's probably more angry with you than he would've been had he found out you were lying when he actually had a job & money. But b/c he didn't, you lying seems much more significant than it really was.

It's kind of like PMS'ing lol. It already sucks bad enough that we PMS. But when you add someone in the mix who comes along & annoys the hell out of you, you're probably gonna most likely have an even edgier & bigger attitude towards them, than you would have had they been annoying you w/o all the PMS'ing going on at the same time! I get that these are 2 completely different situations lol but the principle is still the same!

Just apologize, mean it & give him the space he needs to decide whether

Just apologize, mean it & give him the space he needs to decide whether or not the relationship is worth rekindling. For all you know, he might be unhappy with others things in the relationship as well. Or for all you know, he might've just been talking out of anger. Sometimes when a person says, "Oh no, I mean it this time!" they're just saying that b/c they believe that saying something with conviction will somehow force the person to take them seriously & therefore change. Sometimes that "line" is a manipulative tool.

Just give him some time. The best way to prove that you're not a liar anymore is to not lie! There's a million ways you can look out for someone's "best interest" but if all those "ways" involve things that ruin trust & put into question your loyalty, it's NOT worth it. The price to pay is too high. You're learning that now.

But whatever you do, stop trivializing your lies. It's insulting to the other person. It's like saying, "I'm sorry BUT..." Anything before or after the word "BUT" is bullsh**t & comes across as non-genuine.

The reason he's responding so coldly & negatively to what your saying is b/c he's taking note that you're contradicting yourself by apologizing for the very thing you're still justifying.

I get that you're just trying to explain things to him in the way you were making sense of it in your head at the time. BUT, don't keep repeating yourself b/c all he will hear is, "I did you a favor by lying to you" & again, the person being lied to NEVER sees it that way

A lie is a betrayal. Leo's don't sit well with betrayal for any reason. You may as well have stabbed in him in the heart. Sorry but trust is really important. That goes for trusting the other person to handle the lows not just the highs. You showed him you didn't trust him...and then betrayed him essentially. Deal breaker for myself and most other Leo's I know.

It will take a lot of work to fix it if he will give you the chance.