Why Leo came back?

I came to this board a few months ago when I first met a Leo . Basically he lives in another country and communication between us was not great. I ended up cutting him off completely about 2 months ago. At first it felt great, like I let go of something that was bringing me down. Over the course of a couple months, a friend moved away and different little events happened in my life that left me feeling a little lonely.

I guess I may have been overly confident, and thought that it would be easy. I could forget this guy, one of the backup guys will come to the forefront, or that I would meet someone else. No. My faith continued, BUT I did start to miss him about a month in. I found myself talking about things that he said with friends randomly, as if he was a long lost friend. Still, I kept to my word and thought it was best to keep him out of my life.

Flash forward to this week. A few days ago I receive a message from him saying that he hopes I am doing well, and that he will be visiting my city at the end of August. He wanted to know if I would be around. It was nice to hear from him. We messaged back and forth a little, and I finally asked what days he was coming. As I asked, I realized that he probably doesn't have the trip planned, and may have used that as an excuse to talk to me. We ended up Skyping and he told me that he didn't have set days yet. He seemed happy and his warm Leo self, as if he was happy we were talking. I was too, and our conversation flowed easily. I was acting more as if I was talking to a girl friend, and was too..but I could tell he wanted to get a little more lovey dovey. He asked me if I had missed him, and if I ever thought about him. I kind of answered those questions indirectly as to not blow up his ego and make him think he can just slip back into my life. At the end of our conversation he blew me a kiss and waited for me to blow him one, which i was hesitant about, but still did. He told me he would message me the next day and that "we would talk".

The next day I did not hear from him. Now, here goes the questioning in my head...and remembering what I've read about Leo men on this board when they come back. I didn't know if I should message him, but I figured if you say you are going to do something, I will take your word for it. Also, I though the could have been busy or something. Another day passes and I don't hear from him. Now I am a little annoyed, and feel like he is playing a game. I am not even

He has an event tomorrow that he told me about, so I decided to be the bigger person and message him today. I just made it short by saying good luck and have fun tomorrow and all he said was —thanks??. Could he be disappointed in ME?

I have come back to this board to get some outside perspective. I honestly am not too invested in him, as I can see him already letting me down. I just want to know where his head could be at? Please give me some insight 🙂

sorry for the long post!

some more 🙂..

I am just left wondering. Why did he really come back? I have no idea if he is seeing someone else. Could it be that he really just wanted to see if I miss him? Could he have wanted to know that I haven't moved on? (which I did not tell him if I was seeing someone else or not) My gut told me that he really did miss me and wanted to start talking to me again. But why play games? I have not time for it.

aNewday I hate to break it to you but MOVE ON, stop letting this guy yank your chain by sliding in and out of your life at his convenience, he basically needed AFFIRMATION that you are still into him and just like most men who play this kind of foolish immaturity with women they chat you up like old times, he gets his ego FIX and then he's off to shine his SUN on someone else.

I know you have so much more going on in your life then this unavailable clown, you can do so much better and something you should take into consideration is this, never be that available once a man has rejected you, if he has the guts to reject you once he'll reject you again and again and this can only serve to create doubt in you which builds up bad feelings about yourself, you don't want to feel unwanted and unappreciated.

Hence, you did nothing wrong, well actually the on thing you did wrong was allow him to slide back in and out of your life so easily thus he'll never learn how to treat you BETTER if you accept subpar behavior.

You may not accept this answer but the reason why he came back is BECAUSE HE CAN, he can come back when he wants to and he can easily leave when he wants to, there simply are no consequences, no fear of loss, him being reassured he can come back again when he wants too is b/c you allow this to go on, men who care about a woman, love her, want her, need her, want to keep her, have deep affection for her do not behave this way because he'd be too afraid to lose her, the fear of loss would set him straight.

Some lions can be insecure or too full of themselves or both, for some the ultimate HIGH is to have a whole bunch of women WAITING, this makes him feel special, important so yeah just stop being that kind of woman, tell him to piss off and he'll snap out of it because he comes back out of need, he needs your approval he's WANTED/NEEDED, APPROVAL SEEKING, seeking to see if you're still smittened over him and that makes him feel special, next time tell him your too busy to talk, if you're bold tell him to piss off and laugh at him, I've done it to my ex leo and he for whatever loved me for standing up to him with my Queen "I don't need you" attitude, I'm very much taken by someone else, happy, content and will never leave but he still manages to find me and he gets NOTHING. That old saying, they don't miss the water until the well runs dry.

Tiki.. I swear, you're the type that everybody wants to go out for drinks with for some tough love while getting tipsy.

Posted by Huntress
Tiki.. I swear, you're the type that everybody wants to go out for drinks with for some tough love while getting tipsy.

LOL I'm parched let's drink it up! Cry and laugh and cuss it all out lol.

But seriously I know how hard it is to not have a standard, try to define a standard for ourselves, try to apply that standard so a man will perceive us as valuable, as special, someone to love and get and have and keep, I been in those shoes, were I picked wrong, it's hard & those shoes are too damn tight, it's hard to leave a guy alone that appeared to be interested but somehow it all got lost somehow and fell apart, it's hard to let it go because the initial feeling that we felt when he was wooing and saturating her with charm is the driving force even when it's nothing left.

The men aren't really the whole problem, we women play a significant part in how we choose to be treated and if we stick around for half ass treatment then that's THE STANDARD, a man isn't going to give more than he's required to give, he's not going to stay if it's not required for him to stay, she'll set the standard and he'll follow that standard until it changes, until he can't slide in and out of her life without being held accountable, men typically are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, somewhere deep down we feel like a loser, undeserving, not good enough so we pick men that are a reflection of those feelings, we choose losers because deep down inside we secretly feel like losers, the cycle is a vicious cycle because until the woman RAISE her standards she'll most likely continue to be attracted to lousy lazy men.

If she want to stick around for more of the same ole same ole then hey that's her prerogative, it's more about what's going on inside of her that will be the driving force in choosing to continue or leave it alone.

superb advice tiki but i would just amend it slightly in that i feel women should set the standard as part of their development and not necessarily purely for interactions with men. when you hold yourself a certain way, people treat you a certain way but you have to be consistent and it must become an integral part of who you are as a woman.

you have to watch out for people - men or women - who detect a 'chink' in your armour and use it as leverage to get what they want from you. sometimes people can be that chink themselves....we end up with a kind of 'weakness' with certain people but it's CRUCIAL we maintain our standard consistently, across the board even if it goes against our 'gut instinct'.

the chink in my armour right now is my daughter, lol. since it's been just the two of us living together, i've more or less become a slave to her needs and wants. she knows she can wrap me around her little finger, and she does. the way i'm trying to deal with it is to change my perspective and ask myself how i would react if someone else said to me...ok, so i need picking up from nathalie's and then you can take me to amy's house and i need at least ?

Personally I think he was sitting around one day daydreaming and warm fuzzy thoughts came into his head about you so he decided to reach out to you, thought it would be nice, as he has his free time end of august, to maybe see you then, something to do, someone to hang out with, maybe a little more. So he contacted you and had this small need fulfilled by your little chats and has moved on, it was like a virtual emotional ego wank, he climaxed, its over till his ego gets hard again at which stage he'll either ego masturbate or reach out to you again.

Thank you all for your insight!

There are some things I just want to clear up. After I cut off ties with him he did come back about a few weeks later, but I did not answer his message. It was all still fresh to me, and I couldn't stand the thought of him. Over time, I let go and wondered about him. When he wrote to me, it felt like the natural thing to write him back. I had nothing ill against him, I know he is not a bad person etc etc. I NOW am extra assured that he just likes to play games, which i hate. So in a way I didnt make it THAT easy for him to come back...it did take some ignoring and time for me to get over it. WHat I was trying to say in my first post is that I cant even be mad at myself for "falling" for it again, if anything he def looks more like a clown to me. He played it well too. If he would have messaged me saying "hi, how are you" or something to that extent, I wouldn't have answered. I think because he said he was coming, I felt the need to answer. I don't know if that makes any kind of sense lol.

Tiki-Thanks for your honesty, I do appreciate it. I did have a feeling someone would say what you said, but I wondered if there really were other reasons he would come back besides getting his ego fix, making himself feel good and all that. He never rejected me, if anything I had rejected him 🙂. It just makes me think its such a shame that he an other guys do this. Like really? If or when he messages me I don't plan on answering it. He can go somewhere else with that. And now I don't even want to see him if he comes. I don't even know if I could be friends with him, and I dont like to make my life more complicated by keeping guys around who play games.

I dont plan on sticking around for the same ol' person I left before. Trust me, I've always thought I have had high standards but I realized over different relationships, and time that sometimes thats what it takes to really learn.

Anewday he is a lion afterall, not to make excuses for his behavior but the immature lions can play kitty cat games, cat and mouse type games, just call him out on it, tell him to stop it, let him know you don't have time for his cat and mouse games and you'd appreciate him being REAL with you but right now you are not interested in whatever he has in mind and see what reaction you get, initially he may run off, ignore you but the lion thinks quite HIGHLY of himself and if he's a REAL LION, he'll sort himself out and step to you correct the next time he comes around.

You can move on and yet continue to assert yourself when he comes around, this may help him stop whatever he's doing and be a bit more vulnerable with you. Some men just do what they want to do, it's not malicious in intent and sometimes we have to assert ourselves when whatever a man is doing isn't lining up with what we want to experience.

@superb advice tiki but i would just amend it slightly in that i feel women should set the standard as part of their development and not necessarily purely for interactions with men. when you hold yourself a certain way, people treat you a certain way but you have to be consistent and it must become an integral part of who you are as a woman.

Very true...Thanks for adding a superb amendment!

Thanks again for your advice Tiki! Looks like you have a lot of experience dealing with these lions 😉

Last time he played games was when I pretty much told him that I didnt want to speak to him anymore. I think what I did not do was tell him exactly what bothered me about his flaky communication. I get the feeling that he is not a malicious person, or is trying to hurt me. It actually reminds me of how cancers do the sidestep thing. You are right, this time around if I feel the need to answer him I will be more upfront with him and call him out on it. I am pretty sure he will run away initially, but who cares, I am over it lol. I don't want him to think this behavior will fly with me!

Posted by celticlioness
it was like a virtual emotional ego wank, he climaxed, its over till his ego gets hard again at which stage he'll either ego masturbate or reach out to you again.

You're a freaking goddess lmfao. This is such a gem.

I'd like to know how to ego masturbate now.

^^^it comes naturally to leos, LOL.