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So. Safe to say you outted her to her bf, trying to make them break up, because you think she will be thankful and desirous of you for betraying her and jump to being your girl once he leaves her?

Oh to be a door prize.
Any other monkeys had a kind of rubbish year so far? I'm not really sure if your animal year should bestow anything good, but I can confirm mine has not been great.

Do share.
In my youth, I recall crying a lot. Too much.

Something happened at some point, and tgose gates closed. Now, I'm more apt to cry from happy or positive feelings. Not for sadness.
Don't get me wrong. Im trying to be encouraging.

My point being, he may be another cap, but is not the same guy. You may repeat your behaviour, and he may call you on it.

But then he might carry forth and work with you on it. You don't know. So don't write doomsday before it happens. Take care not to repeat mistakes, but don't enter with expectations of treetrunking up, as if that's all you are capable of.
Also. Most, or all humans are emotionally retarded. So stop putting that on just yourself!!

Everyone has their butter.
Haha I'm just saying that the more you feel you have to be something other than yourself, you are putting expectations on you, and also on what you are guessing the other person is like/values/wants.

If you approach it as a learning experience and take information in, process, assimilate as necessary, it gives less stress on the situation.

Men pick up on expectations from women, when women don't even realize they have expectations. And just from the op, that's the vibe i was getting. Im not going into backstory with her, as i don't know it.

Even your response capri-sun, had expectation in it.
My advice to any woman, you included, is to stop writing the story ahead of time.

The longer you are able to stave off expectations, the better you will be.
Fix the masses or none at all!!
1. You can't speed up the process of getting to know someone. You can. But chances are, forcing your hand in this matter may not give you an accurate impression of someone in the first place. If someone is private, and you demand they share and bare their soul. You are tracking yourself into a way of perceiving them. So, the only thing you have identified early - as a sign, is that this guy isn't an impulsive sharer. Personally, I think his response was in tact. Especially as someone with a public life, he only gets afforded so much privacy. I mean you have an opinion on his ex wife already for God's sake.

2. Disclosure among humans is reciprocal, and goes through stages. Trying to get to step 5, before doing 1,2,3, and 4 is what I attempted to describe as a pitfall above.

3. You are casting him off as overly guarded. When you look at your own actions, you are doing the same thing in trying to guard yourself based on past experiences and vetting him way prematurely. And that's fine, absolutely! So long as your self awareness is in check to see that what you accuse others of, may in fact be your own undoing.
I think the only way to get better in this situation is to pick up on the direction of people's intentions more quickly and beat them to the punch. So you take care of it before they have a confession spill out of them. That's tough though. Depending on how left field the confession is going to be.

You handled it as well as you could have sir
Haha ok! Just wanted to make sure i came across correctly. Sometimes i get all worked up about my own ability to communicate clearly. Daily struggle.
Posted by DeeLovesRed
@deezie @AriesLove

Like I just commented, some people need closure and some do not.. b/c even though I'm asking for advice.. I still have to type the letter... I still have to proof-read the letter, I still have to decide on what I want/ do not want in the letter.....

I'm not going to COPY & PASTE... Like are you kidding me.. I wouldn't "stretch" the truth... b/c only him and I know what we've been through... I gave a general explanation of the letter... So you don't know all I have to say.. Plus as I said in my earlier response... I'm asking for help w/ the end.. Which is the (Yes you did hurt me, but I forgave you a long time ago. And I wish you well)

Definitely not jumping around the truth... Being direct but not in a harsh way..
Harsh meaning like this ( Yea you treetrunked up and you were a piece of butter. Plus you was wrong for doing this and doing that.. But I forgave you for the treetrunked up butter you did)
B/c that's exactly how I want to write it, but that's not giving him closure.. That's going to give him space to respond and start a "back-and-forth" effect... So if I say it in a polite way.. He'll only have to accept the polite "goodbye, farewell"


To be clear.... I was on your side on this.
Granted I've taken that to an extreme with some drama....

But I don't think there is anything wrong with her expending some time and thought for the guy, so as to help him along his journey instead of negatively impact something he tried to 'right' even if after the fact
Posted by AriesLove
Posted by DeeLovesRed


@Redoctober2000 @AriesLove
Not WHAT to say... I know what to say, I know when, where and why I want to say something... I don't know how to say it because like I said I don't love him and to be honest I've moved on (which he knows)... I'm in a totally new relationship (he knows this as well)... But because I don't want to come of harsh (like cut throat).... I'm seeking another way of saying what I (not someone else.. But I, ME, MYSELF) want to say.... Like the saying goes "it's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it"

And I'm the type of person to be very direct and just leave the situation as is...... So I'm seeking a better approach.. Plus I'm considering his predicament (too personal to say)... But he's not even able to enter my country again... So I'm trying to say what I have to say ONE time and ONE time only.... Technically, I've asked for help on how to say my last paragraph.... I've wrote the letter, just not the end... Hahaha


Well considering the fact that you do not care about this person and have claimed to move on it really should not require much emotional thinking and wasted time. SMH!

click to expand


This is precisely why the world is in the butterter. People who don't care to spend a moment on the fact that we are still dealing with human beings on the planet. And each and every interaction has the potential to break someone further.

No they find who follows the same philosophy. You are not expected to change.

Just as you should not expect them to change
Hahah a mix between equally obnoxious and hilarious....but I am glad you enjoyed!
Posted by SomeSortOfMermaid
Posted by deezie
Haha i never left. Just learning the virtue of shutting my aries moon mouth and observing.


Lol you need to teach me your ways

Honestly that moon of ours is trouble sometimes
click to expand


When i have nailed it down, and come up with some sort of process, i will certainly share the secret with you.

And unless that happens in the next five minutes, sure enough both you and i will have lost interest in it! And probably damnata too #ariesmoo. Can't even be bothered to finish the hashtag
Posted by P-Angel
"dreamer" said some 6 years ago ......


people who evoke strong emotional reactions in us have the potential to be your greatest teachers


Definitely worthy of remembering. I wish i had said it.
Hahah annnnnd anticlimax! Was fun while it lasted.