Calling all Libras !!!!!!

I would just like to get everybody's opinion: When you've gone through a traumatic situation with someone (a partner, in a relationship), and the other person is feeling overwhelmed, depressed, and devistated; and decides to break up with you because it is too painful to be around you. . . . would you do anything to get that person back—

This was a great relationship, until the trauma happened, and now the libra has I guess "lost" the other person. The other person is distant, lacks focus, and is in an extreme amount of emotional pain but refuses to lean/depend on the libra. Would the libra do anything to get this person back?

Oh and I wanted to add this was not just a friendship. It went much deeper, this was an extremily passionate, intimate relationship between one of my libra guy friends and his girlfriend, (or should I say, ex-girlfriend.

The libra is best to let her know that he is there for her when/if she needs him. I think letting her know this and touching base with her every once in a while so she can see he is still there for her is all she will be able to cope with for now.

In traumatic situations people need to be able to overcome this on their own or with professional help and most of the time they shut out the people that are the closest to them....so he needs to understand that he may not be able to help her...unless she decides to let him in.

As for doing anything to get her back...once again depends on the situation and how harsh she has been. He's a Libran so he will certainly be balancing out the situation for better or worse...but I can tell you if he has made his mind up either way then that will be it!!

i'd want to be there, but i'm bad with emotions. and i don't like to impose on people. if someone needs me, i'm here. i don't want to go and bother them if they need to hurt alone. you know?

if that person did show back up eventually, there'd be a good chance i'd try to charm them back. my feelings don't go away that easily unless the person does something to hurt me directly.

From what he has told me, they were in a very intense relationship and then went through this trauma together. It was the death of a family member. I'm not going into any further detail than that; but she just can't seem to work through it, and him (being a libra, wants to work through it TOGETHER). Furthermore, she isolates herself with makes it harder for him.

My personal opinion? I don't think she's being selfish, she just seems to be in a lot of pain emotionally, doesn't know how to accept help, and generally is in a "terrible place" of life right now. All he wants to do is be with her. He tells me about her ALL the time

I was going to say exactly what you did in your last post. I'd want to work through it together. It's hard to say more without knowing more (that's fine though). I don't understand why she would find it too painful to be around him. If he didn't directly cause the trauma it shouldn't change her feelings towards him. Since it did change things, there isn't much he can do. He will probably try at first, let her know he's there (probably too much). After a while if she doesn't respond he will grudgingly accept that there is nothing he can do to change her mind and he will stop trying. Her reactions to him during this "middle stage" will determine what the relationship is once he stops trying. If she becomes too cold or lashes out at him too much, he will shut down and eventually just walk away for good. If she just stays isolated and internal, he will wish he could help and would probably be there for her even if he had moved on and she called back a year later. We don't handle sustained personal attacks well if its from people we care about.


Of course all this depends on how the relationship was prior to this event. My comments were based on your saying that it was MUCH deeper than just friends.

Very interesting, and thank you for the comments. Well, LibraSid, it's more like she shut down. She's not cruel and she doesn't lash out; she just can't seem to get through it. . I guess that's common with death though.

I may recommend to him that they both go to couples counceling (sp?)

He didn't have anything to do with it directly, but he was there when it happend.

As a Libra I love to help people, especially those who are vulnerabe. Not sure if this is a Libra trait but I like o\to know im wanted/needed there.... Has she tried asking him or opening up to him and saying, I could use a little help here.

When someone close to me died early this year, I was in denial and at the same time I blamed myself for his death. There were times that I needed to be alone just to grieve. But sharing the feeling and talking with people who underwent the same thing that I did really helped me. Perhaps for now whatever the reason of the trauma it's best if libra guy would leave her alone for now. He could continue to assure her though that he is there anytime she needs him. Forcing help and sympathy at this point is nil specially if the person extending help doesn't know the feeling of what she is going through so best to not try.

After reading this again I'd recommend that she get some help. I asked if he was directly involved simply because of the change she had towards him. If it is not possible that she somehow "blames" him, then she is just not coping. If she has shut down and thrown out the person that she so cared about, she is in a bad place inside.

This sounds like something she needs to sort out for herself and other than just offering to be there, there isn't much he can do. You cannot force a druggie into rehab and you cannot force someone to face emotional trauma... they have to want it for them self. Grieving and wanting some time alone is normal after a loss, but to totally shut people out is not healthy. Part of getting on with life after a loss is... well, getting on with life.

I have to add though that my libra guy was there for me the entire time, on-line (on LDR) and in person. His presence alone is a good thing, but when he did empathize with me and told me the stories of what he had been through with his dying grandfather who had cancer too helped me a lot to eventually accept what had happened.

Sid is right if it's just a recent event and really that traumatic, it's normal for her to shut herself out from other people. But if it's too long already, it could be a sign of depression. If it's no longer healthy for her to do that then she needs professional help. BUT if she is only like that with libra guy, shutting herself from him...there could be more to it that libra guy don't know.