I can't be just friends

i don't know why but i can't be friends with my ex's i never contact them or see them. i just can't. i even forget some of the last names. It's all or nothing. How can you stay friends with an ex?

i can't either.

i think it's because i take the word "friend" seriously. usually when people say they're friends with their exes, they aren't really friends. they're just on friendly terms. i tried to be actual friends with guys before, only they didn't really want that. i call most people i know acquaintances.

also, i usually date guys i don't have all that much in common with. so once we stop seeing each other, there isn't enough common ground to want to hang around each other anymore anyways.

i also tend to become friends with people i don't have much in common with. we just clicked. the mutual fondness for one another is usually the only thing keeping us friends. i don't trust people who only become friends with others based on similar interests. they don't seem to really form any strong bonds. they seem to lack empathy.

Yeah i can't stay friends with ex's either. I guess cause I feel like I invested so much of my time and feelings into someone and really hoped it had worked out. You don't normally feel that overwhelming feeling with just a friend. So once I've invested in someone...i can't go backwards and accept less than what I had hoped for. But lemme say...sometimes the feeling is still so strong after a breakup that id rather attempt being friends than nothin at all. But getting to that point of being "friends" again can be so nerve racking.

+1 ^^^^all of the above^^^^

I am this way too. If the relationship doesn't work out, I can't just 'rewind' to before. I differ from curious visitor in that I will not date someone unless we are working on a frienship first. I take the title of friend seriously and call most people acquaitences also, but a person that I am dating would ideally be my best friend too.

yeah i never really understood the whole being friends with your ex thing. it's really bizzare lol

My libra man (libra sun, libra moon) I TRIED to make him my ex, but he just wouldn't have it. He refused to see me as his ex always tried to get me back, over and over again. It worked. I eventually caved into his charms, this time for good.

This...

Posted by OtherWorld
He refused to see me as his ex

is a good description of it. That's what I was getting at with not being able to rewind. I don't know how people do it and sometimes I have wished I could, but if I offered someone my everything and they didn't want it... well, I ain't begging haha. And to go from that offer to an 'okay, lets be friends' is just settling for a friendship and who wants that?

plus i can't give anyone i consider a friend the same care and effort as i would with someone i love. I am really an awful,crappiest friend and i could not just do that to a guy i loved and cherished. Besides I hate the " hey how are you" shit conversation with an ex.

Im friends with all my ex's. I start all my relationships off as being friends and return to being that when they end. I do long term relationships and can not understand how someone could cut someone off that they have shared so much of their life with. My partner now is my bestfriend and I like to think that if we ever did split up we could stilll be very good friends.

Posted by Pecheresse

Posted by libra sun
Im friends with all my ex's. I start all my relationships off as being friends and return to being that when they end. I do long term relationships and can not understand how someone could cut someone off that they have shared so much of their life with. My partner now is my bestfriend and I like to think that if we ever did split up we could stilll be very good friends.

Yeah but what if there was a case of cheating and loss of trust or respect? Surely you would want nothing to do with them once it's over, no matter how much you were into them at that time, am I correct? I guess it is different if you started off as being friends though, implying you trust and respect one another to begin with. Kinda understandable that would want to keep the person in your life. As far as being best friends? I don't get the point. One obviously obv isn't over the other one....if not both. But cool for you if you can handle that...

click to expand

My ex fiance cheated on me I ended the relationship got over it and continued with the friendship. We are no longer friends now but thats because he had the cheek to accuse me of lying to him (long story) If he was to apologise we could be friends again. I dont hold grudges, his punishment for cheating is that he no longer gets to be with me, we spent 3 years of our life together and he did a lot for me and I will always be grateful for that.

I was thinking about this just the other day...being friends with an ex. I've never remained friends with an ex. Never.

All relationships take time and energy. So with this in mind, I'm cautious who I 'invest' in, especially when a relationship ends. Things end for a reason. Why rekindle it?

I was with my ex for 6 years. The way I look at it is this: he had me for 6 years, he f***ed up most of those years together, I don't see him changing his ways even as a friend, sooo = no point.

I will remain civil though. If an ex did come back in the picture, then obviously I'll be civil...but no friendship. I always see it as an excuse, as 'friends' one wants to 'scoop' to find out things about how the OP's life is going, who they're with etc. The ex pulled that one on me loads of times when we'd broken up and got back together.

Idk, maybe for some it can work, but for my ex is was a big no-no and it was best not to be in contcat at all. Sometimes too much history/emotions/feelings in the relationship can be crippling to the friendship.

Me too, can't be friends with an ex. Ever.
Among all, only one case is exceptional, my Cancer ex. I just can't cut him out. I don't know why, maybe I'm very fond of him LOL.

Amen^^ I'm talkin to this chick right now who still talks to her ex bfs like every day... It's kinda weird and it makes me really uneasy. Why would u want to talk to somebody u used to have strong feelings for? I kinda think she does it to manipulate them... She told me lastnight that her ex-ex bf "wants to buy her somthing" for Christmas. It's like congrats on that! Why do u tell me this shit? The only reason I havent completely broken it off with her is because her personality fascinates me. Ive never been tested this much before. It's the ultimate patience check. She's Scorpio... And drives me insane. Everytime I try and completely separate from her, we end up resolving it and talking again. Im trying to just be her friend but since I hooked up with her I can't be just friends with her. She told me she's trying to decide "who to be with"! Is this not fucked—??!!