I need HELP (Cancer female/Libra Male)

I NEED HELP!!! I am totally in love with a libra man! I am a Cancer female. He literally floated into my life and I haven't been able to do anything correctly since. Okay, long story short...We met, did some serious flirting in the beginning, thought we were doing good, then he up and stops answering my calls out of the blue. Being the tenacious Cancer that I am, I rekindled the flirting, but never really got anywhere. We have slept in the bed together SEVERAl times, but have not had sex. He keeps hollering that he wants to take thing slow for the long haul, but it has been almost two years since we met! Am I being played? He says he doesn't "give" himself to just anyone, but he has had sex with many girls that I KNOW he doesn't want long term and are nowhere near as caring as I am. What to do? I have tried gifts, compliments, poetry, going to see him when he was locked down...I mean I really care about this guy! Then it's like I WANT SO BAD to wake up one day and not care, but I can't. I have seen his erection when I threw alll caution to the wind and tried to approach him sexually. (All fem cancers should be able to relate because we are NOT agressive for the most part)so I know he is physically attracted to me. I am so CONFUSED!!! Can anyone help? If it helps, my b-day is 6/25/79 (Portsmouth, VA) his is 10/17/74 (Miami, Fl) I can deal with unrequited love only if I know it is that way and I must move on. If I have a chance in hell though, I want to proceed! If we can't be together, or at least try, I would like to just have sex because I think being the person I am, it will make me less infatuated. Thanks!!! By the way, I seem to ALWAYS attract Libra men...since I was little this has been the case. Why?

I am somewhat confused here, did you say it had been two years?? Did I read correctly?? Also about the going to see him while he was in lockdown thing?? Does that mean that the man is in prison, and has been for most of the two years since you met??

I am not quite clear on your complete situation with this person, but I have not known anyone to wait two years without having sexual relations with another person they are seeing.

I would have to say I would not still be there wainting for him to come around after all that time. And second is a person that is in prison truly the kind of person you should be involved with anyway. For me that answer would be "not this girl no way" the situation has red flags flying all over it.

With no more than has been shared with us today, I would have to say that telling the man later days would be in order. Hope there is not offense taken regarding my opinion in this matter, but I just cant in all good consience tell you to keep purseuing him. Hope this helped a little bit, and I am sorry that I can not be more encouraging and supportive with this.

TW2

Well I guess I should clear that up. It is a truly twisted story only because we are in a musical group together. All four of the members (I the only female) at some point have slept in the bed with me. But then again, I really wasn't interested in the other two. I tried to control my feelings at first because compromising our music was not an option. Over the months though...I have expressed to him my interest to no avail. I also do his hair (which he pays me for). About him being in jail, I don't judge people on what mistakes they have made in life. Being that he was a friend first..I would have gone to see him anyway. I have been stupid over him, I'll be the first to admit...But when you really love someone (and you are a Cancer) it is hard to let go. Also my competitive spirit won't let me lose. On a good note though..I met a Scorpio the day I posted this message. Maybe the Love Gods heard me, because so far we have AMAZING chemistry. I think it might go somewhere. I just have a feeling that when it does, THAT's when Mr. Libra will come around. I appreciate all advice, and I would NEVER take offense unless you were disrespctful to me. Please don't hold back.
THANKS!

Cancerlady,

Sorry for the blunt to the point post I wrote, it is somewhat clearer now just what your situation is. It still sounds like unrequited love to me that you may be dealing with here. Most likely he does not wish to hurt your feelings in stating outright that he can not return what you feel for him. Sometimes it is very difficult for a person to know just what to do in a situation like this one. He has close contact with you frequently because of the band, and may feel that problems may arise from him stating how he truly feels. Or it could be that it would present to many complications for you to become more than friends.

But truly some people just cant bring themselves to hurt someone else, therefore they dont do anything hoping that the situation will resolve itself.

I would be honest with him and ask him what his true feelings and intensions are for you. Thats a fair enough question, and it will give him the opportunity to let you know for sure where things stand. Tell him you need to have it in black and white (yes or no) but assure him that you will understand if he does not wish to get involved, and that things will remain the same in the band and between you (friendship wise that is). Tell him you need the answer straight out on this so you can go forward and put it behind both of you if that is what has to be.

He may give you the answer you seek if it is asked in this way. First it takes some of the pressure off of him to work this out. And avoid possible problems resulting from your affections for him. But remember that you need to accept what ever answer he may give and then act accordingly.

If he could care but is worried about issues that may come about relsulting from your union, ask him what he is comfortable with. Dont push what ever you do in trying to find out what you need to know. But I still would bet on the probability that the affections may not be able to come back to you with this man. I am sorry I dont want to convey that to you, but from where I sit I would be very suprised to see it come out differently.

Good luck with this, and take care.

TW2

TW2,

I have no doubt that you are right...and I am in the process in moving on. The only problem is that he is a mixed signal sending MF. I told him in the beginning how I felt, and it was okay if he didn't feel the same way. Not to brag but I am a decent looking girl and I get (gay & straight)men AND women of all races that come up to me & say "Wow you are so beautiful" (Which I HONESTLY don't really see, although I know I ain't a dog) So basically I ain't hurtin for male attention. I told him we could have a one night stand and that would be cool. Sometimes the sexual tension between us is killer, and I KNOW it's not just me. He's the one who grabbed my hand, talked all this sweet talk about him giving me his heart & blah blah blah. I guess I got confused...I am able to separate sex from love & work, unless the MAN initiates those feelings. Once the flood gates are open with me, man they are hard to close.
I am his biggest fan as far as the music, so I TOLD him that was the most important thing. SO he knows! My sister says he might be holding back sex in order to "control" me, because I usually tend to lose interest once I have sex...even if it is amazing! Maybe karma is paying me back for my transgressions. Like I said though, you are absolutely right. Sometimes, you just need to vent and hear what other people's view on the situation. I like these boards because they give me a perspective I often don't see myself. Keep the opinions comin'!

well cancerlady,

Did you do what I suggested?? Ans ask him straight out what the devil he wants. I did not know that he was playing with you so much, that puts a different spin on things.

I would ask him straight out, tell him you still do care but have to have an answer. He has had more than enough time to have figured it out for himself. Let him know that there is someone you have met and you cant go forward with anything until you know where things stand between you.

Let him know that you are not just telling him this about another man to get a reaction from him. Its just that you dont have anymore time to spend waiting to see what if anything could be betweem you.

Then if he says no there is not any chance then inform him that you would appreciate it is he did not act in certain ways around or towards you anymore. Tell him that it is his behavior that has kept you on a string for so long. Clearly state to him that he sends signals that he should not if he is just playing around as you dont appreciate it.

If he says no, thank him for his honesty and go see where this other path leads you. If he says yes then he has some questions to answer about why he has done things the way he has. If it is yes you need further answers, and only then can you decide if it is worth the effort to continue anything further with him.

As for me, I would take the other path. This guy has had plenty of time to return you feelings if he was going to do so. Dont let him play you to the point of loosing out on the other guy. Because I could see him doing just that with what I know now. Then where would you be, still being strung along and the other guy is long gone.

You are the only person that can decide what you want to do here to make you happy. Just go into things with your eyes open to what is really going on here. I think this guy isnt worth your affectinons, but that is just my opinion. Most likely he will just bring alot of unhappiness to your life as the situation kind of warrants that end result.

I wish you the best of luck with all of this, Take care and let us know how things turn out ok.

TW2

Hey TW2

No I didn't do what you said...because I was going to go ahead with the new guy (who by the way is already wearing on my nerves) BUT, I think I am going to go ahead with your suggestion. It would definitely bring closure in my head, and with him not sending mixed signals, we would be more productive musically. I'll let you know either way. Thanks!

Cancerlady

Cancerlady,

Please let me say just this, if the new guy is already wearing on your nerves I suggest that you back up a little. Take a clearer look at your intensions since you met him, be honest with yourself about why you allowed anything to start in the first place. If it was not for the right reasons and done with a clear heart (and I dont think it was as you still care for the other guy) then he was just a substitution for awhile.

Do you understand what I mean? If this guy is that special to you, you would not be getting rubbed the wrong way by him. So my advise would be to go ask the guy what I suggested, as you are the one that needs closure or acceptance in this matter.

Only then will you be able to go forward and give all of yourself to someone else down the road. Think about it at least ok!

I hope it all works out for you, and that you find peace and happiness surrounding your troubled heart.

TW2

You are so right, you make me SICK! Not literally VirgoSquared. Why do you have to be so right all the frickin time! I am a coward though...Everytime I speak to him, my heart jumps at the thought that he is even talking to me. When I go to see him, it races. I just don't know how to do it! If I give you his number, will you do it for me? Just kidding, unless you are really going to do it. Okay, I will try...Tomorrow though (famous for procrastination...Sorry)

Lost in Love/Impending Lust?
Cancerlady

Cancerlady,

Soooo sorry about not answering your post but I could not get on the boards for a couple of days. More maintenance due to the changes they have made to the site. I need to go get some lunch right now, but I will come back after I eat and post to you ok.

TW2

Thank you!

Maybe if I had a script...I could do it. Why am I such a coward?

ouch, sorry I guess it was a long lunch, lol. No realy my mom had a couple of bad days and my sister and I had to be with her most of three days. So that's my reason for not getting back to you that day. She came so close to going into a diabetic coma it was real scarry for us.

Your not a coward sweetie, its just that putting everything on the line like that is pretty unsettling. I mean if his answer is no then yes you have your answer and that is good. But you also have a very broken heart right, and who wants to put themselves in that position. It is a very brave thing to do if you decide you can. The up side is things will not have such an affect on you after the truth is revealed.

But honestly it is time to do this with him as being strung along is not good for you at all. It keeps you living in hopes, dreams and maybe's, not what truly is. Apparently he can not see that what he is doing is so harmful to you, it messes up the way you feel about yourself aslo because you cant figure out just what he wants if anything wiht you. So buck up little camper, you can do this ok. And you will be so happy that you did hun cause being left up in the air like that is pure hell.

I should know a man I cared very much for did that to me for three years, but we were sleeping together, lol. He was still in love with an old girlfriend and would not commit anything permanent to me at all. But he did say he loved me also, and I did not know that she was the reason we remained apart. So he messed up my head pretty good there for awhile. Bottom line is he needs to S--T or get off the pot and give you an honest ahswer because you deserve one. After all you have put enough time in playing the waiting game.

Good luck to you I truly do mean that, I hope you get the answer you wish to have. Let me know how it is going ok, and what he says.

TW2

Twin Flame, you are such a sweetie!

I am SO sorry to hear about your mother! I know how that is, as my grandmother is diabetic and has had several strokes. You mother is DEFINITELY more important than my stupid little love trifles, so don't be sorry! 🙂

I'm sure you understand my situation if you have also experienced it. The other day he did something that really made me realize that he cares only for himself. Okay, we are/were(—) in a musical group where we got alot done until our producer left, but did no performances. So, he has been rapping for some years & is really good, but LAZY as hell! When I always tell him about the open mics & local contests he's all like "Well I've been there, done that" Okay I know you have, but sweetie, you are 30 going on 31...you need to do something. No one wants to hear a 40 year old rapper just starting in the game! I have introduced EVERY producer I have worked with singularly to his music, because I think I believe in him more than I believe in myself! They always wanted to work with him, but that wasn't the problem.

Well, he never shows up to work w/the producers..so I end up looking like an A $ $ after giving him all these props! I have been BEGGING him to help me with a solo project for the longest...He is always too "busy" but he makes time for random girls to "experiment"(F $ CK UP) on his hair (which I by the way had to fix and I have been begging him to let me do something different to his waist long gorgeous hair besides the 12 plaits he wears, for the longest, but I digress)

So he says, after me & the newest producer & group members finally created my song, "Well I want to sit in on the next session, so I can see what's going on." What he really means is that he is going to come in & make it all about him. It really pisses me off that I went to his house @ 11:30pm (knowing I had to work the next day) to fix his raggedy hair, but he can't give me an hour of his time to help with something I really need? So I said to myself, "Self, he is using you! He is "too good" to go to the performances (where I met this new GREAT producer) and he is "too busy" to help with anything to do with me. But as soon as he hears we have a meeting with Def Jam South...here he comes wanting to take over. Every day, my feelings ebb away more. It still hurts, but I think I am finally starting to see that he never really cared, and all the things I did for him were like nothing. I want to hurt him so bad! Not physically, but emotionally so he can know what I am feeling. I am going to do it tonight. I promise. Thanks for all the advice! You are great!

Cancerlady

You know what I always do when I am confused like that. I stop and center myself and try to feel not think so much. When I do that the answer comes to me very clear. What I am talking about is when we are not sure if a person cares about us even though they say they do. If you just stop and look at their actions verses their words. The actions will speak the truth every time.

We know inside what is going on but sometimes refuse to listen to that small inner voice we all have called intuition. Someone can say any words they wish to, but if their actions tell a different story then the answer is and has always been there.

Sometimes we just refuse to see it for a time thats all, because it is not what we want in our heart to be so.

Remember there IS SOMEONE OUT THERE just perfect for you, and they are still waiting for you. I just dont honestly feel that this guy is the one.

Best of luck, and let me know what happens because I do care.

TW2

Well TwinFlame and all others tuned into this saga...

I got my answer last night. I went to his house to do his hair, and he introduced me to some girl who seemed to be his "girlfriend" although he didn't introduce her as such. He hasn't ever introduced me to any other girls and they seemed awful playful in a sexual way when I saw them together. He looked happy and I am happy for him. Maybe I just wasn't the one...The only consolation in this whole thing is that she is totally not cuter than me. I don't understand that though...Why do the guys I want always choose some crust-bunny when they could have me?

It stung a little bit, but not as much as I thought. I for once was able to not let him have the satisfaction of knowing that, course that could have been the Cognac shot I took b/f going there. I know he expected me to be jealous because he looked surprised that I was acting like nothing was different. Then, while I was doing his hair, the Pisces I have been seeing off/on for 1 yr. called b/c I stopped chasing him and he was all like "You are my sunshine, I miss you", and a whole lotta good stuff. Of course I turned the volume up as loud as it would go, so Mr. Libra could hear. It felt good to see him squirm while I talked as lovingly to Mr. Pisces as possible. (Hey, what can I say...I still want him see what he is missing.) I must say though...after I met this new girl, I felt a huge sense of relief that I know for sure what the deal was. As I had told him before, I am used to being the victim of unrequited love, I just have to know it is that way. Of course he was being SUPER-flirty when I was getting ready to leave and hugged me alot longer & tighter than he has is a long time, but I think that was residual jealousy. He might be one of those people who doesn' want me, but doesn't want anyone else to have me.

Now that it is in my face, no denying...I can move on. Maybe she is the best woman for him, but she ain't no me! Thanks everyone, and especially TW2!

Cancerlady

Cancerlady,

So sorry to hear that things turned out the way they did for you and your Libra. It was kind of like I said though, that we usually do already know the answer its just hard to see it sometimes because its not what we want it to be. I have been guilty of that in my past as well, I think we all have.

I hope your heart heals fast and that you find your special someone who will bring you happiness.

Sending a big ((((((((HUG)))))))! Hope it helps some!

TW2

Wow, people are still reading this! THANKS Atlantic Myst...I did find another...actually he was always there, I was just too infatuated with Mr. Libra to really get into him. It was for the best b/c it allowed me to grow with my Pisces and get to know him better without becoming obsessed.



From my Heartbreak came LOVE!

Cancerlady

Cancerlady... I'm a Libran female but I would say having in one big Libran relationship... run for your life! If they're not aloof, they're bloody clingy hard to peel off the skin. I've been in a similar situation. My best friend who was a Libran liked me and I liked him.... I mustered up all the courage I could and wrote lyrics of one of my favourite songs and a poem I had written for him on the back of beautiful black and white photograph I took for some work. Knowing he liked me too. I thought all would go well... Ummm no... Instead he patronized me... told me that he would think about it when we were older because I didn't want to have sex with anyone yet and because I was childish enough and warped enough to think that two people could love eachother without having sex. I left that day feeling like total and utter shit... excuse my language.... Libran speciality unrequited love.. basically in other words... cowards... I used to be one myself then I just figured I had to flush that personality trait. Anyway the next day he's going out with this woman I disliked with a passion... flirts with her in my face... it was just ridiculous... I could tell he was into me but he was just doing it to piss me off for some reason... 1 month later, he apologizes says he's sorry and he loves me... Went out with him... don't ask me why for about 8 months before I had enough and then I dumped him.... And 'cancerlady' if you're looking for a man's man.... Libra isn't your thing.. trust me... there's an undeniable feminine side to all Libran men, which is unmistakable.. I've liked three Libra men.... bad experience.... two unrequited nonsense cases never came to anything and the third was this one... which started off as unrequited stuff until I changed that.... and you are better off trust me... sorry if I'm Libra bashing but even I tend to have this hot and cold.. on and off again nonsenese and it doesn't work in our favour... Cancerlady... thank your lucky stars...

Oh RedLibra24...

Thanks for the advice but now I have moved on...When I see or talk to this libra now I am totally off him. I wonder why I was so infatuated and why i held on so tightly for so long. LOL don't worry, you aren't hurting my feelings Libra bashing.

My current drama is with a Pisces that flip flops too, not in the same way but nevertheless...My venus in Gemini LOVES the challenge!

Cancerlady

HELLO CANCERLADY

I DATE A CANCER-BORN 6/22 AND MY BIRTHDAY IS 10/17 ASK ME ANY QUESTION U WISH

DIAM2CUTE

Hey Cancerlady...
I am a libra guy that has similar problems with you, but i am loving a cancer...
You know what? Do not do anything before knowing the fact...
In my opinion, you cannot force him to love you...you cannot make his mind to love you, because that is a Libra boy...A very different brain from yours...
He loves you...i can see that...but he is too shy and afraid to the lasting relationship...
Because he thinks that he is not good enough for you...He tries to stay away from you...
About sleeping together...That's what us, Librans never think about...He admires you the most...But you know what? When the time comes, there a bright spot of you in a Libran's head that makes him realizes how important are you...But here a problem for you, Will you accept him when he does his mind? You would be with another guy like scorpio or whatever they are and have a better feeling than with a Libra...
All you can do is pray...With praying,you can change him...And after he realizes and accepted you for a long relationship, you will face a better and greater realionship and romance you will never think about...
He is just like that...Just give him some space to breath...Until the air reaches his enormous brain...
I just do not want you to make a second mistake...Just trust on your feeling...Your love change everything...
Good luck..Do not ever give up...Like what i will do...