Libra guy is annoyingly polite....

Here is what is annoying me. We ended things. About a month ago. I have posted on this before. Well, now, I am trying to be nice to him at work. I text him once in awhile, sometimes I go days without really talking to him or what not. Im trying to show that nothing is bothering me about this situation. Im trying to show him that I want to be friends and its safe to come around me. It bothers me that he doesnt treat me the way he used to. He is being annoyingly polite to me. I want to just say "Hey, should I even be trying to be friends with you? Do you even want to try and stay or be friends again? Am I wasting my time and energy? I miss you and want your friendship back, but it seems as if you are politely putting me off."

Would that be too much for a libra guy? I mean, I guess you could say that if he wanted to be friends or try and salvage anything or have a conversation, I feel he could certainly make the effort. So in some ways, he must want things to be like this. I just want to ask him what makes him dislike me so much. Why cant he forgive and forget and move on? I mean, before it was all....I still want to be hang out with you and be with you and be your friend and this that and the other. Now he is elusive and polite and I have no idea what he is thinking.

Advice?

i dont get it. Why are you mad that he is being polite to you? Do you want him to behave differently towards you? If he is not feeling a certain way, he wont put on a fake act. When i go in over-polite mode, it is usually becuase i dont really like that person, i am setting boundaries with that person because i think they are crazy or overly dramatic or simply becuase i dont really want them in my life. did you guys have a bad ending?

Hi Nikki,

Im not mad that he is being polite. But I can tell the difference from the way he used to treat me. And actually, what you just said, how you go into overly polite mode when you dont like the person, to set boundaries, or you think they are crazy.....this is what I am thinking he is doing too. Yes, it was slightly messy when we broke it off. Neither of us are good at communicating, and it was a tricky situation because we work together as well. And for the last month we have done a good job at not saying a word about stuff and avoiding certain situations (like lunch with friends) and being either overly polite with one another or just not speaking to one another. Im ready for this charade to end. I would like to either just talk it out and be friends again or have some closure. I dont think from his behavior though that he is willing to do this.

*** It bothers me that he doesnt treat me the way he used to.

Of course, he doesn't. You broke up.

I don't generally stay friends with exs. I did with one who I was (and am) still in love with, until I realized the only want to get over him was to get him out of my life. Also, I am a bit insulted that he sees me as a friend. I was NEVER his friend. I was MUCH, MUCH more. I refuse to be downgraded.

And the second I remained friends with, I dated very briefly but we are a far cry from couple material for oh so many reasons but he is a great guy who I really want to find the right girl for. I am on the hunt.

*** how you go into overly polite mode when you dont like the person, to set boundaries, or you think they are crazy.....this is what I am thinking he is doing too.

It is because he doesn't want anything to do with you.

When it is over, it is over. Why pretend?

When you give up the relationship, you give up the benifits. That is why you break-up.

You can't get much more closed than breaking-up. Knowing that you don't work as a couple is all the closure you need.

ScorpioSweetie

Why don't you give the guy a chance to bounce back in his own time rather than yours? Irrespective of who broke up etc it cannot be easy for him to see you. Also know that we are pretty reactive and don't drive the dynamics of how we behave post break-up. I would never let the other one see how hurt I was (unless we sat down and had a heart-to-heart) and I would be very polite and professional. I would not show you how I felt, and make myself vulnerable - NEVER.

Libra

Way to rub it in little sparrow. Have a heart?

I didn't really mean to rub it in. I just don't understand what you are asking.

You broke up. That is pretty much the end.

He is being polite but the more you pressure him and pursue him the more he is going to think there is something wrong with you.

If you want him to come towards you, at this point, the only thing you can do is give him space and start to get over him. If you believe anything you chase runs away from you, if you chase him, he will run. The only thing you can do is walk the other direction and maybe at some point, he will turn around and run after you.

If not, someone better will come along. Promise.

Scorpio:

Maybe you should just give it some breathing space for awhile; dont obsess on how he is behaving and try to just accept things for what they are right now...dont focus on it so much..in time, he may come around.

Exactly Nikki!

My question was if I should just be forthright and ask him if he even has any inclination or intention of being friends with me again. We were friends to start with, and it would be nice if we could eventually be that way again. I dont want to pressure him at all, and havent in the least. Im trying to just be normal but I feel all this tension between us and I would like to try and dissipate that if I could somehow.

Scorpio:
I wouldn't verbalize it if i were you. Just let it go and let things happen naturally. Make the best out of things for now- be cordial to him...I know you are anxious, but I think it will aggravate the situation if you try and force the outcome into how you want it, or pressure him into coming up with an answer that will satisfy you. People need to do things in their own time and he may be processing the situation in his head...just leave it alone for awhile!

I totally agree with Nikki.

Without intending to, you are pressuring him for friendship right now. For a libra, that means you are pressuring for intimacy. That is a big no no.

If it is meant to be, it will be. Give him sometime, be nice, let him come to you. (And let him miss you too!)

OK OK! I give in, lol. I cant help it sometimes, its just how I am. Sometimes I like to confront issues head on and I realize that sometimes that may not be the best thing. Sooooo, I wont say anything at all.

Good! Now, give us an update in a few months. I am curious.