I highly suggest you look into Gottman's books on marriage. I found this blog and it looks like it has some of the exercises that are in some of his books. http://www.gottmanblog.com/ Gottman suggests that you don't need to be crazy in love ... you just need to be appreciate friends. For me, this approach works.
Relationships are hard especially with little children in the picture. I know SO MANY people that just fold on their marriage right when their children turn 3 or 4.
You have a child. You are talking about meeting and loving other men, probably introducing them to your daughter at some point. Not to be a jerk, but how do you feel about another woman being a mom to your child? Because if you are meeting other people, your partner will be too. And men usually remarry quickly after divorce, which means there will be another woman in your child's life. This may not seem like a big deal but it can be.
I remember many years ago a man who had been married 25+ years telling me that everyone at somepoint in a marriage is tempted and thinks they may have made a mistake. Maybe they meet someone who seems really great and they can't help wonder if there relationship would be better with this person rather than the person they marry. Character is sticking with commitments you make.
I recommend doing everything you can to save your marriage. Divorce shouldn't be the immediate go to. Work on your marriage. It will shape your daughter more than you think. All the best.
Wow. I am impressed. People are actually giving you good advice not just placating you with love will work it out butter.
What he is going through doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if he has feelings for you or doesn't. Is he consistent? Is he reliable? Does he honour his commitments? This guy is telling you NOOOO I don't! He is also taking the lazy way out by saying I like you but I am tooo poor me to do anything about it. You do all the work. Give up the kitty. And maybe I will hang out with you when it is convenient for me. And on your way over with the kitty can you pick me up a pizza too?
Doesn't matter the reason he has told you he is not going to give this his all. He is not going to bust his butt trying to impress you. He is going to do less than the bare minimum and if you are willing to accept that then maybe, when it crosses his mind, he will pay you some attention.
As someone above me said, guys who are crazy about you .... don't do this. My partner was in the midst of a terrible (and I mean TERRIBLE) divorce when I met him. He didn't give me one second of worry during our whole courtship. When guys are crazy about you, they let you know.
It doesn't matter how much he likes or loves you. You could be the most compatible people on the planet and it doesn't matter. Buddy boy isn't going to be your guy. I know that is heart breaking to hear but take it from me, you can't make them ready. They either are or they aren't. He sounds like he is going through a bad break-up or something and he is an emotional wreck. Not. Your. Problem. All you can do is release him into the wild and let him become someone else's problem.
When I was dating, someone gave me some great advice. Don't focus on whether or not he likes you. Focus on whether or not you like him. Do you like the way he treats you, etc? And remember, guys who are worth the trouble make an effort at least at the beginning of the relationship. If they aren't doing anything at the very beginning imagine what they will be like in 20 yrs time. Not worth the investment.
Don't waste time on people that don't waste time on you.
And to be honest, I am impressed he broke up with you the way he did. A lot of men just vanish without a word.
And also, I have never found or heard of any relationship ending conversation that felt good and brought closure. No matter what anyone says the message is really just the same, this doesn't work for me. I want to end this .... and there is no way to dress it up that makes it fun to hear.
From what I know about us Leebras, we are the one sign that can be friends with an ex. Hell, I've set friends up with guys I have dated or had relationships with an never felt an ounce of jealousy or envy or possessiveness. I was truly delighted that they hit it off. I tend to think the best of the people that I meet. And just because they aren't the one for me, doesn't mean they are a great guy for someone else. Know what I mean?
I think something happened on your trip that tipped him off that something about this does not work for him. You aren't compatible in some way that he needs you to be. Doesn't mean that you aren't a great person, just not the great person for him. He may not even know exactly what it is or is too polite to say because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I don't believe in changing people, so if I see something I really don't like in another person, I am wise enough to realize someone out there will find that very thing endearing so I release us both to find someone/something better.
Give yourself a good week of eating ice-cream, watching crap movies, and feeling bitter about your life. Then get out your sparkles, revamp your profile, and put it up again.
Life is too short to wonder why. Chances are he will be back and I hope for your shake that you will be happily on to someone else by the time he comes sniffing around. Living a fabulous life without them is the best revenge.
He doesn't want a relationship with you. You are on the backburner and he keeps coming around so he can have sex with you, without any commitment, because that is what you said yes to. Doesn't matter what you say, "I'm not easy." You are acting easy by sleeping with him without any sort of commitment.
I actually have no problem with this in principle but it doesn't work for you. You want more from him. This situation doesn't work for you. Be honest with yourself about it and let this guy go. You can find someone who will give you what you want. The longer you hold onto this guy, the longer you put off finding someone else and the more hurt you will get.
It sounds like all is well. You are spending tons of time together. Having fun. Laughing. Enjoying each other. To me, it sounds like all systems go. I think when you are older you know what works for you and what doesn't. If he is that into you, he probably is that into you. I am shacked up and engaged to a divorce Aqua. We were pretty inseperable from the beginning and just really enjoyed each other's company. Sounds like you are the same. And when my Aqua was tipsy, he asked me to move in with him before we even had our third date. I told him, let's see how the third date goes. HA HA.
I think everything is great between you so don't stress. Nothing in life is guaranteed but just enjoy the ease between you. It is nice isn't it?
Doesn't mean they aren't a nice person. Just they are completely incapable of being a good partner at that time. And trying to help them heal their hearts is the worst thing you can do. It only guarantees your broken heart. So don't take it personal, wish them well, and move on to someone who knows what they want and what they want is you. It is must
1. So have there every been moments where during messaging back and fourth the person kind of went "cold" and stopped responding?
#2.Have there been moments where someone kind doesn't reply back for a good while and then messages back apologizing they didn't get back and have some.. interesting excuses? Yep. I don't really remember any of the excuses. Usually when someone disappears it means they met someone else, when they reappear it didn't work out. And you were their second choice. Most people on dating sites are dating around.
#2.1. Did you message them back after this? Depends.
#3. Have you ever gone "cold" on someone? Yep. I lost patience waiting for them to ask me out. Met someone else. Lost interest in online dating. My dad died ha hha (True!)
#3.1. What was your reason? see above.
Here is a good rule of thumb for online dating. The person doesn't exist until you meet. Might sound harsh but you don't know this person until you are sitting down having coffee, dinner, drinks, mini-golf what have you. I met my fiance online. He was a big bag of ego and kept putting off our meeting. I went ahead and had a date with a guy who asked me out and dated him for a couple of months. (I was in school and it was getting down to the final month of the course. Too busy to date a lot of people.) When it didn't work out, I looked him up again. He was still interested but again was putting off asking me out. (He was dating a lot of ladies at the time.) I basically said we meet Friday or forget it. He knew I was serious. I wasn't playing a game. I really didn't care. (see my people don't exist till you meet.) I really didn't want to go on the date because he kept putting it off and more importantly, I had went out with a guy a few nights before who was nothing of what he said he was. He had claimed to be 5'8 and was probably 5'3. I don't like being lied too. And who does that? AS IF I wouldn't notice 5'.
Anyhow, we met and it was really, really nice. I felt safe, secure and happy. We both knew we were right for each other. We've been inseparable ever since.
The weird thing about dating is it isn't personal. People, especially online dating, usually have a lot going on. A lot of times people who want to try dating again after a big heartbreak go online dating first, which sucks, because who wants to date people who haven't healed their baggage yet. Nothing better than being on a date with someone crying about someone else. How irr
Lack of integrity - lying pisses me right off. And there is never any reason for it. The only reason people ever lie is because they are ashamed of what they have done or what they have thought. Take ownership over yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. You'll live. Lying doe NOT make it better.
I also hate hypocrisy and lack of self-awareness. We are all works in progress but at least make an effort to understand who you are, what motivates you, and the consequences of your actions on others. Self-examination is essential to building compassion.
On that note, I hate people who are all me, me, me, who have an inflated sense of entitlement because they think they are special. You're mother lied. You aren't special. Well, more to the point, everyone is special making the term pretty useless. You are not entitled to anything. And you are especially not entitled to mistreat others act demanding and rude and then expect others to suck it up.
We are all in this together. Let's help each other. Ya know?
I have an aqua step-daughter and she is delightful. We get along very well and have tons and tons and tons of similar interests. She is incredibly bright and unbelievable with word games, puns, etc. and she is still very young.
I am a libra gal shacked up with an aqua boy and very, very happy. We get a long very well and are highly compatible. On the downside, we both have a lot of air in our charts and not a lot of earth which means we don't get a lot of practical stuff done but boy do we like to talk about getting it done! ha ha. On the upside, we can laugh our asses off till tears are streaming down our faces. I have changed his life and helped him through some very serious stuff. We are easy with each other. We don't have to try too hard. We just are. I am pretty sure everyone could fall off the planet and we would be very happy together, so happy, we might not notice. We have a very, very happy home together.
The sun sign is a good star but other placements point to more subtle areas. His ex-wife was a sun sign libra but with a number of placements in virgo (oddly, my roomie who I lived with for a very long time had similar placements and they are very much alike). Anyhow, although ex-w bullied her way into the relationship and bullied him into marrying her, they never really clicked deeply. They were just too different. He never cared that much so eventually it fell apart. (special warning to all the ladies who chase guys and force relationships the guys don't want. I have yet to see that work.)
A special warning to you. If you are anything like my Aqua, let your libra sleep!!! The only real times I have been angry with him have involved not letting me sleep. Libras take their sleep seriously. VERY, VERY seriously. I need way, way more sleep than him and he likes to sleep really close to me, which can irritate me, especially as our two cats want to sleep near me as well. Let a sleeping libra lie and hopefully you will have all the happiness I have found.
* He stood me up on a date and then disappeared. I called him on it, he disappeared again.
This is just rude behaviour. Either he is using you as an ego stroke while he hunts for someone else (uncool) or he is too messed up with someother drama in his life to be worthy of your time and attention. Dating sucks. I KNOW how awful it can be. Hang in there. Every jerk you walk away from brings you one step closer to the right guy. Good luck!