Bottom of the Ladder of Life

(Disclaimer: This is long. This is personal. I needed to vent so If you don't want to read about my sappy personal life... Dont 🙂 )

Greetings Everyone,

I'm feeling rather down, and I'm going to share my story with you all so I can get some sort of perspective on how really insane it is for me to feel this way.(Probably a run on sentance)


I met a girl at a party 2 years ago. This girl was my first "crush". I'm a nerdy/geeky type of guy, so this could explain why this didn't happen until I was 22. I did date in high school however, not much, and not very long. Anyway, back to the story at hand. I started hanging out with her quite a bit. Our friends became friends and soon we became a circle of friends. We were like Friends the TV show but Plus, because we're all heavy... well not all of us but most.

Anyway, after being around her for about 3 months and in my mind making it pretty clear that I cared for her(What else do poems and flowers mean.[ Note to my Note, I am a nerd, I do write and consider myself hopelessly romantic]) She decided to go after a guy who she's been friends with for about 15 years. Now, during this time there were signs to me that she did have interest. We kissed(She's also the first girl I did that to[Yes I know I'm hopeless]). We didn't have sex but did sleep together.

Anyway, she goes with this guy, I've know him since high school and he's friend. Now during this time I get to here about there sexual escapades. And everytime a did I got that jealousy cringe in my stomach. Now they're not being rude about it, our circle of friends has been one that shares everything so it's wasn't bad taste that they did share this information. It just hurt like a SOB.

As time moves on, I get over her(Yeah Right[As if]). And I end up going out with another girl in our group. There were at the time 2 couples in the group and me and this girl were the only people not having any one else(can you see where I'm going yet). Basically I'm a victim of circumstance(Some would call it my pecker) where I end up dating this girl for two weeks. Super Bowl Sunday, 2002. Going to Walmart, The girl I had a crush on is going to break up with her BF. This puts my gears in motion. I had to sort out my feelings. Well my GF at the time notices I'm thinking about something rather intensely, asks me whats wrong. I of course say nothing. She says don't tell me that. Well I told her I needed time to think about something. I couldn't fathom staying in a relationship with someone if I couldn't hold my feelings for her. I tell her I'm having second thoughts, but I didn't really know what else to call them. Well she breaks up with me right there. Now at first inspection this is my fault, on further review. My pleading to her not to be friends leads me to believe she couldn't handle me thinking this way.(My view is I was too blunt and should've kept my mouth Shut[Damn right!]) We break up, then we actually get back together again after me saying I'm sorry, then she breaks up with me. Then, on Valentine's Day makes up with me, then the next day, she breaks up with me.(Oooh back the bus up for another hit) And the girl I had a crush on didn't break up with her BF.

I stay on my own for a while, then ask out a girl. I go out with her for 3 months and she breaks up with me. Cliche's "I love you, I'm not in love with you" that sort of thing. So I chaulk it up to experience and move on(Thsi time it was easier, first one killed me).

(Prepare to Fast Forward[Fast Forward])
A Month ago, on a trip to Naples(Two hours from where we live) We're having a 3 day weekend. After staying there one night I wasn't very comfortable(Slept on the floor[Boy that sucked]). I told them I was unhappy and not very comfortable. They said it was ok to leave, I said cool I'll stay till 8pm or so then head home. Well, the girls go out sh

Cap guy treetrunk em all, brake away from this group. Your letting them drag you down on there terms. You go to the cookiemonster and say look cookiemonster I go for you. If she rejects you then move on,tell the treetrunken group your tired of playing on there terms, start working out and learn how to drink, you could become a bad muthertreetrunker.

chow

Cappy guy, James Tate is right....look at how you put yourself down so many times in your story....the words you are even using, my pal, about yourself..."sappy, nerdy, should have kept my mouth shut etc. etc." - are way too negative - of course you are broken hearted, of course she was the love of your life, of course you want to get back with her......BUT......it doesn't seem to be what she wants or possibly what's really best or good for you. Look at it this way, there's she having the time of her life with her various guys etc.....there's you moping and longing for what was in the past - you come across as a real sensitive guy...perhaps too "good" - if you were to become "slightly" unavailable and develop a more "bad boy" (I don't mean, treat them mean, keep them keen) attitude, just toughen yourself up a little, develop a new circle of friends (not saying dump all the old ones either!! but be selective with who you really want to spend time with) but you know what I mean.......you've got to keep and make yourself interesting and have a story to tell or who's going to be interested—:-) So work on yourself first...get to the gym...lose a few pounds if you can.....treat yourself to some real nice clothes (retail therapy:-)......try a few new clubs and then if you still miss her madly a few weeks or so down the line...just stop the huffing and puffing, just ring her and ask her can you meet for coffee or something and ask her once and for all if she's any feelings for you........if she has, you will know at once and for all, if she hasn't, you will take a deep breath and you will start walking and living a different way and with a different attitude -

Good luck Cappy guy
Ax

Okilie Dokilie. It's rather simple really. But will be hard for you to hear even though you know the truth yourself.

Buddy, the girl you have a torch for only sees you as a friend. You can't 'make' someone have different feelings towards you than they have. It's an unfortunate reality of life, and in no way reflects upon yourself (the person that you are). She just didn't click with you that way, it's as simple as that.

You will have a crush on this girl your whole life probably. Everyone has one of those. You need to learn, however, to recognise that there is no future and that it IS a crush only. Once you come to terms with that things should settle down. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Working on oneself as Alana stated is always good, no matter under what circumstances. It is always good and necessary to better ourselves. However, do not 'change' the essence of who you are, b/c then everything else becomes a lie. Grow and adapt, sure, but don't ever pretend or try to pretend that you are anyone else but YOU.

Besides, women much prefer a sensitive romantic guy than a macho man who treats women without respect.

You will fall in love someday, but it won't be with your crush. Take care.

well there you are three people saying the same thing. close anyway, so go for it.

I appreciate your advice everyone. For the last two months I've been noticing myself changing. I've been pretty stagnant in the last two years with my life, and it's time to start moving on to better pastures. You're views on my situation confirm this. Spending time away from them, and meeting new friends will help me in this. Once again I appreciate everyone's advice.

Capricorn Guy

go get 'um sweetheart! you deserve some fun out of life!
j

Your group is like a bunch of slinkies, not really good for you or anything for that matter, but you still can't help but smile if one of them tunbles down the stairs.

I definitely agree that meeting some new friends will help you along Capricorn Guy. And I liked what Alana had to say about being slightly distant, etc...IF you want to pique *her* interest and see if that makes her come to you. I can't speak for what her feelings truly are, because people do some really weird things, even when they *have* feelings for a member of the opposite sex (and often, "ESPECIALLY" when they have feelings for a member of the opposite sex!)...I don't like the "now I want to be with you - now I don't - now I do - now I don't" crap, though. That's beyond indecisive; it's mean. She may or may not be the one for you; I can't say. But, have you ever heard the theory that goes, "if you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it was meant to be"? Focus only on yourself, entirely seperate from any romantic interest you might have. Develop yourself and bring yourself to a place of power and confidence. These qualities are extremely attractive to women, and the cool thing is...you will not be putting on an act. It will benefit YOU, entirely without a significant other (and, I guarantee you'll attract potentials when you exude confidence). So there's a two-fold benefit from concentrating only on your own happiness, fitness and well-being for awhile. Once you get comfortable in your own skin, the rest will fall into place.