What if...

This is absolutely a hypothetical at this point (thank God), but I've been pondering it. I live in a smallish city, and the likelihood of me running in to my ex is a very real one. I've purposely been avoiding all his spots since...I think April was when we broke up. Or the very end of March. Something. Not important...what I cannot decide is how to react if I see him and there's no way "out", no way to duck behind a building, or into an alleyway, or run him over...woops, did I say that? Grin. But in seriousness...is the graceful thing to acknowlege him, or to ignore him? Because I'm great at making someone (who totally deserves it) feel like they do not exist in my world. But what I'm not great at, is being fake..."hi, how are you, I give a butter, I'm pretending to be nice to you, but really I'd spit on you if you were worth it"...etc.

Is it more graceful to acknowlege his presence and be fake-nice, or to simply freeze him out?

Yanno, we have all been in this situation and I really don't believe you can preplan something like this. I think you will just have to play it out as it happens. These types of emotions are difficult to control or 'package' and I wouldn't even think too much about it. IF it happens, deal with it on the spot. But I can relate to the anxiety you must be feeling anticipating bumping into him..not a nice feeling at all. Sorry can't be of more help.

P.S. The graceful thing to do would be to forgive and have compassion for your ex and have genuine feelings of a positive nature towards him.

But poo on that...you can only be true to yourself and your own emotions at the time. This is all a process that each and every one of us goes through. Just be yourself, recognise your actions, then analyse the crap out of them later...lol.

"But poo on that"...LOL, so true...so, so true.

It's all very good advice actually...I never even thought about "not" planning how I would react. I think about it every time I go to a public place..."god...what if he's here...eew...what am I going to do...where am I going to hide..." etc. And ICK...what if he's with someone. It's not that I want him (and this fact is probably obvious)...at all...it's that...seeing him with someone else would make me even more angry. Scary angry. Not that I would act on the anger...more than likely I would let it burn internally and go home and destroy something. But I hate feeling that way...it's so intense. Very toxic, very sickening.

Oh, let's just hope I don't run in to him. Thank you Lawgoddess.

Phoenix,
I grew up in a small community and found it virtually impossible to avoid love interests that failed for me while I was growing up...

I found that trying to ignore them did not work for me...I an not capable of a poker-face and I sometimes giggle at inopportune moments! LOL (Defect, I guess! LOL!)

My sadness/disappointment cut to the center of my being!
My pride refused to let them know that it affected me in any adverse way!

I changed my hair style /color...
I bought new outfits or just put them together differently...(the point was 'change', and I made sure I made it evident)...
I greeted him as the 'new' person that I was was...(and cried in private)...
I acted as though I was happy and gay and had no remorse and that he was a total fool to have let me go so easily...

However, if he changed his mind and wanted to 'be' together, I remained strong, and wouldn't let myself 'go backwards' in "life's learnings"...

If a relationship fails to the point of break-up, it will never succeed. If it does, one partner has relinquished who he/she is...

I am not sure that I my last statement made any sense to anyone but me!
(My PC has been really treetrunking up lately and barely lets me do anything I WANT to do!! ARRRGGGHHHHH!)
Good to see my friends are still here...
Wish I was there in cyberspace with y'all!
Star

I know exactly what you mean Star! For me, the change I needed was a physically somewhat painful one (a piercing) which somehow was symbolic of the internal pain I was feeling...kinda like bringing out the internal pain to the external to justify it somehow. Or it could just be some type of self mutilation thing going on...lol..

Regardless, change was essentail. It shows we are moving on (at least externally).

Seeing your ex, esp. with another chick is always the scariest moment of all, b/c no matter how much we feel, or tell ourselves that we are over him, you don't really KNOW until faced in that situation. It isn't easy, but live well and prosper and that in itself is the best revenge of all. It truly is.

I would smile, walk on by, and hold my head up high. At the time you may want to unleash some poison on him but if you simply glide by, you will be happier for it in the long run. I am no expert, but try to do this. At the end of the day, who cares what he thinks of you?

tha't true who cares what he thinks of u.
and good luck

Thank you all! Sorry for the delayed response. I've decided...he's Just Not Worth Worrying About. I am woman, hear me roar, etc. I will show him how well I'm doing, not how badly I'm doing. And truth be told, I really *am* doing well...I've come out of the depths of despair about the whole situation, and am ready and open...to maybe...a new person? Maybe. Just maybe...only "maybe". 😛 Wink.

Haha...funny Star (well, not "funny funny"...but you know what I mean) about changing your haircolor...I've done that in the past also after breakups. I just recently became a very dark brunette, and it's very interesting. I do feel like I'm embarking on a new era in my life. It's slow (thank God, I hate sudden changes), but it's happening.

Thank you everyone! 🙂

And Star, I've been wondering about you lady! Come around more often! 🙂

be careful and live it up.