Dysfunctional Relationships

I'm just curious to see what everyone has to say on this.

Recently I've looked at all my friends and their partners and it seems that none of them are really happy or that the relationship doesn't appear to be a healthy one for either party.

It makes me wonder if there are any really truly happy couples out there.

I know relationships have their ups and downs but lately I have begun to wonder if some people are in unhappy relationships either through fear of being alone or because it's a case of "better the devil you know".

I'll give some examples.

Cancer female - Pisces male

This has to be the worst - the games they play with each other are unbelievable. She's a total control freak (insecure) and has the tendency to lose her temper big time, I've even seen her hit him. He responds by fucking off for a few days to go party with his pals and wind her up by making ignoring her and making her believe that he's up to all sorts. When they fall out they use each others weaknesses as ammunition.

Capricorn female - Virgo male

She definitely wears the trousers in the relationship, she bosses him about shouts at him and embarasses him in front of his friends. He is honestly the most hen-pecked guy I have ever seen, and yet he doesn't argue back he just takes it. She very rarely lets him go out on his own with his friends and even when she does she phones him every hour and demands to know when he'll be back.

Maybe these are just bad pairings but I just can't help but think "are you really happy in this relationship?" because I honestly can't see what they get out of it!

People love to be miserable, it would appear, Thetis .... and not just with these two that you've mention. Just look at relationship issues in here .. 99% of the people are complaining, then turning around and saying, 'I love him so much'.

If he's an asshole, and you love him anyway ..... then how can it be you really want to be happy?

People like misery ...... it brings company to you.

In a happy relationship, you're alone because people don't want to hear beautiful stories about how wonderful life is for you. They will go, "ya, ya, ya .. that's great", and then blow you off. Whereas, if you are talking about something mean or horrible, these people are all ears and everyone of them putting in their two cents about the guy being a dick-wad.

We all look for misery ... we may say we want happy and positive, but, this isn't the truth, is it? Because these same people have miserable relationships and know not.

I think this is the reason I'm so happy to be single at the moment, I look at everyone else and just think "I so can't be bothered with that" I have no-one to answer to and it's great!

20 years (if they are happy ones) is definitely a great achievement.

I totally agree Bijou. I think I'm just put off because of the amount of "work" relationships seem to involve. Or at least the ones I've had, I just think it surely shouldn't be this hard?

My Aqua ex has probably got a lot to do with it, I just felt like I was constantly trying to please him and yet it was never enough. And then I realised that in all this trying to make him happy I wasn't happy myself. He just wanted me to change to suit him and while I tried it for a while (more fool me I know) I ended up resenting him because it didn't matter what I did it still wasn't good enough. So now yeah I'm kind of put off because of that.

But it would be nice to be in a relationship where ok things aren't perfect like you say but it's not all hard work and both parties are at least prepared to work on any issues that arise.

My best match so far (although it didn't work out in the end) was a Sadge, we just got each other, and he more than anyone else understood my need for space and to not feel hemmed in. We complemented each other.

I have a theory, and that's pretty much that you have to go into a relationship NOT ACCEPTING THE POSSIBILITY THAT IT WILL FAIL. That failure is NOT an option. I'm sure we've all gone into situations where it was crucial for us to accomplish what we set out to do, regardless of our flakey selves on the regular. Ok so let's pretend you take that lazer beam focus and direct it towards the relationship. You treat it as precious because you know if you don't, then it will fail, and you have no option so you have to be on it 110% . So many people are wishy washy, they get together with people and say "I love you" but at the same time they're hoping things will work instead of knowing it will. Its about attitude and what you want. You want someone that is going to have your back in life, someone who loves you for you, who makes you feel great when you're with them as well as when you're not? You have to give these things to get. Many people do not give much. They sure expect much though.
People tend to ask for things they aren't ready for. I know so many guys who are 'sensitive' and nerdy, who bemoan that they want a relationship, but when they get one, they run like rabbits. "Oh man, I have to actually incorporate another human being into my life? Not just texting or instant messaging or emailing when I want to? SNAP." Of course, females are like this also. But by the time you realize that's what level they're on, its sometimes too late to pull out of it without it hurting. Sucks.
Too many people are quitters. Oh, things aren't perfect. I'm gonna go have an affair so that my ego can get a boost and my needs can be met. When we thing about it, at some point we loved or at least liked the people we are involved with. What changed? Them or our perception of them? Us, or their perception of us? Everyone has the honeymoon faze...but it CAN go on, if you learn to understand that its important for two people to grow together as individuals as well as a couple.
Things aren't always going to be fireworks. Things won't always be sucky either, if you quit thinking like a quitter and go from one person to the next (like I'm guilty of and so many others.)
I think the secret is to choose your battles. Be nice when no one is looking. I dunno. I'm rambling. lol

There is definetely more to the relationship equation besides just zodiac compatibility. Age, culture, morals, past experiences (success & failures), self-esteem, finances, intelligence & character all play a significant role in why or why NOT relationships work or not.

In the past, my relationships were hard, and this time I can't get over just how easy it is. I was happily single and now I've married my best friend. We're strongly compatible astrologically, similar aged, similar morals (both ex churchies), both eldest children, both predominantly brought up by our grandmothers and have old fashioned values, both married young, first children born in 1994 and partners later cheated and left us, when you put it down like that, it's a bit freaky really. But we appreciate our differences and agree on the damage financial stress can make on a relationship.

For me I was looking for the wrong thing, I was looking for someone I could make happy; Pisces trait. Instead I'm with someone who makes me happy (which is what I needed), this is important because it's in my nature to meet my partner's needs, but if my partner doesn't make me happy then I resent them or the rose tinted glasses fall off. 🙂 This might sound like it's all about me, but it's not, it's about us both being happy. Does this make sense or am I rambling again?