Help! Taken for Granted?

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Angel1177
@Angel1177
19 YearsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 182 · Topics: 25
So my Virgo is going through an extremely tough time. Unfortunately his mother has been diagnosed with cancer and her prognosis is anywhere between 6 months to a year. Needless to say these past few weeks have been very difficult. We literally go to the hospital every single day and additionally his father is not handling matters too well, and so we have to visit him on the weekends and help out with the house. My Virgo and I are currently engaged (I am a Pisces) and we live together...with his mother's prognosis and her condition, as well as the fathers...he is moving back home temporarily...we plan on buying a house together after everything improves...

Alot of changes are occurring and I understand that my role is to merely serve as a support system...although I hate to see him move out I know it is the right thing to do...his family needs him right now...

I guess the problem I am having is that he seems to be appreciating everything others do...the smallest gestures, a call...an offer...anything no matter how big or small.

Now the point of my story...two of his friends offered last week to cook for his family if ever he or I cannot be there and he was very touched, as was I. Then I admit I got a little quiet because I realized he hasn't really expressed any appreciation towards me...and he turned and said you know I appreciate everything you have done but they don't have to offer anything, I expect for you to be there...I don't expect them to be...the same way you would expect me to be there during a hard time. Although I am not one to bite my tongue I know now is not a time to be arguing over anything but I felt a bit taken aback by that comment. I don't necessarily have to do anything, everything I am doing is out of my own free will...and it makes me feel a bit taken for granted and under appreciated...

The fact is you should never expect anything from anyone...

Obviously this situation has been trying on me too and I am only venting here...so maybe I need a wake-up call not to take this personally, maybe his statement holds truth...or maybe this is something I have to swallow for the time being regardless of how entitled I am to feeling a bit hurt...

You be the judge...
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Nefer
@Nefer
16 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 5 · Posts: 4081 · Topics: 4
First, Virgo and Pisces ARE opposites, in almost every way - one has what the other lacks so to speak. They're very good for each other, if both learn something from the other. A LOT of Virgo men shudder at the words "Pisces Woman" -- but I'm a staunch believer in the magic and possibilities of the Virgo/Pisces match.

With that said, Pisces Girl... you are overreacting. (At least it's only inside, and not spewing all over him, though!) He is not meaning to be insulting or to say you HAVE to give your support, therefore, he doesn't HAVE to show appreciation. In fact, him saying anything about it at all IS showing his appreciation like a Virgo. Yes, he does expect you to be there for him, as he would be for you - after all, you are getting married. That's how a practical Virgo thinks.. and the emotional Pisces thinks, "WHAT?! You thank your friends for every little friggin' thing they do right now -- but where's MY thanks?? This situation is hard on me too!" The really sad part is that stuffing these feelings down is going to backfire, probably making you retreat and pull away from him, which is the last thing this man needs right now - and eventually you'll probably even blow over something relatively small and silly.

Solution? Try saying something like this: "Honey, I feel unappreciated for what I do sometimes. It feels good when my contributions are noticed. I don't want to sit and silently worry that my support means little to you. I would love to hear you occasionally thank me for things too, just to remind me that you DO notice my support. What do you think?"

Virgo is not a mind reader, sweetheart. He's also not a Pisces. Right now his attention is focused on practical matters and getting through day by day in a very trying time. It would help him greatly if you do NOT stuff down your feelings and emotions, but express them genuinely and gently. Give him a chance to give you what you want and need.. by telling him what you want and need, and not expecting him to figure it out on his own while you're silently fuming and only working yourself up.