How could he....!

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4fish
@4fish
13 YearsPisces

Comments: 3 · Posts: 40 · Topics: 8
Right now I hate thiy pisces guy. We had an on off relationship for over a year now. He is a nice guy actually. But when it comes to me he is a jerk. I dont know what I did wrong to deserve what he did.
Everytime I am just about to get over him he comes back into my life. All cute and nice and sweet and charming. Making plans for breakfast, for hanging out, makes compliments and stuff. I still have deep feelings for him so I get my hopes up and in the end I am always heartbroken. But this time, this time he really screwed up.

He called me 2 days ago at night because he was feeling really bad for the death of a friend. And wanted to talk. So he came, picked me up. we went to his place. We talked a lot. And I tried to be nice, be a good listener. And then he turnes around and kiss me. I was surprised but it was okay. And well it went on like this. And he said "I have hurt you so much... I did everything wrong bla blah" And I told him not to hurt me again because I dont know if I would be able to get over it. And he said he wouldnt. He promised.

In the morning he was nice and I was happy, to be by his side. Well I went home and we didnt really talk afterwards. I asked him yesterday what this is all about. I wrote him a message telling him that I was scared it would en like the other times we met and made out and didnt talk again. That I really do like him and believe he doesnt want to hurt me but that I need to know what he feels. And things like that.

And he told me he wasnt ready for a relationship and blablabla. He did it again! Its not the first time and I told him a 100 times "if you dont want me in your life and if you dont have feelings for me- dont touch me" And I meant it. And he promised. But he screwed up again. He said "You are a stunning person, I hope you will be really really happy. I fell awfully sorry that I hurt you over and over again... I didnt meant to do that"

I dont believe him. And here am I, heartbroken and devastated again.... and tired.
And he doesnt seems to care he is hurting me, he doesnt give a shit about how I feel even though I have told him a 10000 times. I hate him right now and I really dont know how to deal with this. It is soo hard for me to get over things like this. I am just not good at this.