How we fall in love / What are you looking for?

Hi guys,

So my Scorpio boyfriend of the last year+ and I broke things off a few months ago.

We are now playing the same dance that I've played with my 2 exes prior. That is, we break up, they keep coming around and wanting to be in my presence, yet we are no longer a couple. With the past guys, we continued a sexual relationship, with the Scorpio, we haven't been sleeping together, but he has still been sleeping over at my place.

Idk what the eff I am doing, or why this is happening. I mean, I allow it to, and because I still care about him, I welcome his company. We are both so indecisive we can't figure out whether we should be together/working it out or not.

Anywho, what I wanted to talk about is a specific conversation we had recently. I told him that I was waiting for something in our relationship, waiting for him to 'open' up to me. He did admit that he is emotionally unavailable.. but didn't express more than that. Like most our conversations about 'us', we didn't really get anywhere concise.

But he texted me today, and asked what is was that I was waiting to see in him exactly.

I did a lot of thinking. And I think as I get older, I am realizing I know a lot less about love than I once thought. But I came to this... I was waiting for him to talk to me about who he is underneath the surface. I assumed there was a part of him there, and thats what I was looking for.

I think I was waiting for him to bare his soul to me, so I could then fall in love with him.

I dont even know if everyone really has that deeper part of them. Do they? Are there surface versions of us, and deeper versions. Are people not usually willing to show that to others? Is that what love is? Is that the ideal in a relationship?

I am a lost 25 year old who once thought I understood.. and am finding that I don't! Things ended the same way with the Taurus I dated before the scorpio.. things just didn't fall into place, we didn't fall in love.

CoNfUsEd!

Did you reveal yourself to him? Did you bare your soul? The things you expect of him did you give in return?

Posted by LouLoreI was waiting for him to talk to me about who he is underneath the surface. I assumed there was a part of him there, and thats what I was looking for.

I think I was waiting for him to bare his soul to me, so I could then fall in love with him.

I dont even know if everyone really has that deeper part of them. Do they? Are there surface versions of us, and deeper versions. Are people not usually willing to show that to others? Is that what love is? Is that the ideal in a relationship?

You sound just like one of my pisces best friends. 🙂

I'm only a few years older than you but I've come to find that sometimes when you dig, there's nothing there. My point is that yes, sometimes there's a deeper level that someone won't show until they fully trust, but sometimes that deeper level just plainly doesn't exist and what you've seen is all that's there.

I think what you're doing is precisely the right thing to do - sharing with him your concerns and what you need for the relationship to move forward. If you find that there's no deeper part, or not deep enough, then don't worry about letting go, because the relationship will never feel right (even if you want it to work out). There is someone out there who can match the depth you have. Also, remember that depth is defined by different people in different ways.

Posted by FishyPisces

Posted by carbon_scorp

I think what you're doing is precisely the right thing to do - sharing with him your concerns and what you need for the relationship to move forward. If you find that there's no deeper part, or not deep enough, then don't worry about letting go, because the relationship will never feel right (even if you want it to work out). There is someone out there who can match the depth you have. Also, remember that depth is defined by different people in different ways.

But it takes two to tango. No offence but the OP hasn't open up herself, men need an emotionally available partner just as much as women do. Imo the op should work on her being able to share herself first before bothering her partner(s). It starts by yourself.

click to expand

I agree. I guess I was assuming that the OP would do the same. But definitely, a relationship is about two people, both being at the same level.

Thank you for your response dimples. Coinciding with your post, and discussion with my Ex today, everything has come to light.

In what you said Dimples, the word trust really resonated with me, because I basically lost his trust about a year ago. And coincidently, during my reflection of this, he texted me again, bringing up this time i'm referring to, and that it reinforced his barriers for the remainder of our relationship.

I don't really want to get into it here, I didnt cheat, Ill say that much.. but some dumb decisions were made letting a guy friend give me a drunken ride home and stay at my house in order to bring me to my car in the morning.

Yeah, I know, not cool.

Anyways, I think that i've got to take the blame for the closing up of the scorp. He still comes to me, but he will never fully be with me.

Though, he did things that made me feel pretty insecure during the course of our relationship, as well.

I don't want to get into too many details about him and I.

But I guess I've figured it out. Take care of your relationships really well if you'd like the peeling of the layers to come naturally and not be too difficult. :p