I treetrunked up...

today at work.
these pulmber came. and i forgot where there stuff was. and so anyway they work for my dad on a duplex for a reasonable rate. So they keep on saying he should have ordered these things. and u kept on and kept on. like he shouldn't have called and troubeled us.
Well i got upset and said a few things and left. Well turnened out that they heard a few things.

And they found me very rude.
I'm usually not like that at all they I felt at that time attacking my dad and what he was doing. and i could not understand that.

I later got in trouble for it for disprecting any elder.
And i will from know on do so. I just hate having to act.
i act for my life all to much as it is.
I just u know.
but what i did was wrong and i aplogied this sucks.

i meant to say fuked up. opps.

Your dad raised you right!

yeah, i know and i let him down. and my step mom's mad at me. and it sucks though. i mean u know in that momement that's why i was mad. and u know after i realized that it wasn't personal how could i explain that i took it personally offensive to my dad. my dad's sick and has to have a breathing machine at night to get enough oxygen and had a blood clots and i don't know it's just bad. i noticed that i seem to keep below the surface and my own mind that i'm scared for my dad.
i do this i forget things that i tell people and how i say i'll just rember how i thought i said not how i actually said. It's really screwed up.
but u know i just have to act to the customors that everythings allright. when it isn't and i do that we my family i don't tell them all the time i'm mad at them. or i get introuble for having a look that looks like go to hell but really mean i'm just mad or really mad and not mean go to hell. i don't know i just feel screwed.
and yet not.

13,

Its alright. You did the right thing. You apologized and that should settle things.
Sounds like you were just having a little bit of a bad day. We all go threw some moments. You caught yourself and took care of it.
You sound like a really good kid, actually. I wish I could tell you all the ways that I screwed up.
Well, it will all come full circle for you one day, if you should ever decide to have your own! I think that is why I didnt have any. LOL I would have to have been paid back. I still may one day! or I am getting now!

well i mean i did when i found out.
but u know it's wried. i'm a typical pisces i hid stuff even from my self.
i don't like it.
then i suddenly realize then i'm like damn. why do i hide stuff from me.
i just think i don't want to deal with it. and then when i have too i will.
so i will try to write poetry every night to help me.
and yes i would love to have childeren just how much.
thanks ur a good person.

Yes, Alfie is a good person with a very kind heart. You can feel that in her posts. Thanks Alfie...you know what it's all about don't you? 🙂

James~13,

What you are presently going through is discovering who you are. Whew, this can be tough...we don't want to do this because we are afraid of what we might discover and then....oh my, try to fix it! So, we keep ourselves busy, very busy so that we don't have the time to be with ourselves. Ever notice this with others? Now, if they cannot enjoy being with themselves then how can they possibly enjoy being with anyone else? A great question to ask yourself to see if you are ready for a relationship.

Would you marry yourself? If the answer is no, then there is some work to be done. No problem, we all have issues and we just need to find a way to deal with them. We came here to Earth to learn, to discover. If we knew everything what would be the point of our existence?

You are doing just fine, you are aware of your situation and by the sound of your posts, I feel that you will make the necessary changes for you to be happy with yourself.

My best to you, always.

Thanks Freebird and James

You are very kind!!!

I can be a marker too, you know us fire signs, usually only when I am annoyed by stupidity!

I wonder sometimes if any of the inner work we do, pays off? I find that ignorance is better in some ways. I have opened myself up more; I have been vulnerable, and either took risks when I needed, to or stopped taking them. It seems to have done NOTHING!

Well, I will look for your reply later. I have been without computer for a week now and its a real hassle to find one. I try to stay in contact by stealing moments when I can. I have even gone into stores that sell computers to see if I could log on internet.LOL I dont want someone to think I am inconsiderate by not staying in touch!! Reality....I am doing the impossilble to get to them~ Today I was in Best Buy trying to log on! LOL

CU guys later
Alfie

that was a s s h ole not marker??

Alfie~

I feel that everything we do does something. We may not see it right away but it does. I also have opened myself up and have become vulnerable...this is scary but it is LIVING life fully. I don't want to be a part~time lifer...I am going to be a full~time particpant so that I have no regrets when I am in the nursing home looking back on my life. I hope I am sitting there laughing my blue hair off! This is gonna be me.......enjoy.


Subject: A day at the nursing home
> >An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in
her
> >wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
> >As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,

> >"Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding." "Can I see your driver's
license?"
> >She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and

hands
> >it to him.
> >He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
> >
> >Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps
out
of a
> >room and says,
> >"Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back
there."
> >"Can I see your registration please?"
> >She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and
hands
> >it to him.
> >He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.

> >
> >She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over.
> >As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.
> >He's stark naked and has an erection!
> >The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says,
> >"Oh no-not the Breathalyzer again!"

lol. that's so wrong.
thanks, freebird. it's u know wried. good point would i marry myself. i'll keep that in mind.
and good luck to all. Thanks.
uh, a public libary. just use it when they say u can.
and u'll be find but u can't look at any porn though.