Probably the MOST emo time in my LIFE!! Arrrghhh

OMG, life is changing too quickly. I just need to spill some anxious energy here. I just found out last week that I have MS and now my boyfriend is going back to work out of town. Since I've known him, he's been purposely not working and going to school instead. I knew this day was coming, but originally it wasn't supposed to be until March. I've been so emo about the diagnosis that we've gotten into several arguments, which keeps us separated...because either I don't/can't deal with him or he needs to take a break from all of this emotion going on in the both of us. He's trying to be very supportive and my emotions are clouding shit up HORRIBLY.

The latest...I just found out a few minutes ago that it looks like he's leaving town TOMORROW!!!! This is a very good time for him to go with everything BUT me being settled in his life. The timing for me couldn't be worse. He's coming to get me within the next 30 minutes so that we can spend time together before he leaves. This is all just....WACK!!! I've never been in this type of situation before. You know....my cousin finishes working in CA this Wed. She asked me if I wanted her to come visit for two weeks sooner or later. I initially told her that Oct would be fine. I'm going to need her to come sometime in Sept. I just can't deal. I'm going to have to call a few other relatives and see if they can come visit as well. This just seems like too much changing too fast. Normally, I'm a strong person, but even warriors have their limitations. FYI - I meditated a few times yesterday.

He and I haven't really been talking since Saturday. He took me on this spontaneous get away like..starting at 9pm and he did a VERY stupid thing...calling another female and trying to hide it from me while we were on the road. His cousins (a couple) were with us. He even got us a wonderful hotel with balcony, fireplace, living room suite with a kitchen and ocean view. It was a 3 hour road trip to get there. I didn't completely ruin things in response, thank GOD, but when we got back, I talked to him about it again. Well he went over to his cousin's house that same day...everything was cool when he left. They lied to him and told him that during the ONE time that he left me in their hotel room to go to ours to get beer and my blue tooth speaker, that I told them that I was going to bust his windows and flatten his tires if he was messing with another woman. A COMPLETE lie!!! He didn't talk to me or respond to anything that I had to say until yesterday evening, but he still didn't come over. Then last week was so emo that we only spent two nights together. The second night after the diagnosis, he just needed to time to digest things...I get it. He was on the verge of tears and had a lot of other things going on in his mind. Then the next day, I got pissed off at him and refused to see him. The night after that, I was so exhausted that I couldn't muster up the energy to go hang out with him, so he came over that night. All of that time...just wasted. Or maybe not, but right now, that's how I see it in hindsight. So we have tonight and after that he'll be working out of town 7 days a week, 12 hour shifts.

FML. We were supposed to go out of town this weekend to my friend's wedding. I was SOOOOO looking forward to that road trip and now, I have to go alone. I'll be cool and I'm still excited to see my good friend and her family, but it just won't be the same without him. I need a miracle. Seriously. I feel so anxious and a little scared. I've never been with someone who had to work out of town so much. I mean...on the bright side, everywhere that they're looking to send him is no more than 4 hours away. It's just that right now, we live about 2 miles apart. Like...almost around the corner from each other. Can you guys please help me find more positive things to think about in this situation? Please. I really need it. Thanks in advance. Oh...I'm not crying...yet. So, I'm not exactly devastated...just frustrated and scared.

Oh and ONE more thing...depending on how hard it is for me to manage this disease, I might end up moving back home to Southern Cali. He knows that I mentioned a move when I first found out, but we were thinking of going together. Now, he's going to be working here...locally so if I go back to So Cal, I'm putting more distance between us. Just too much going on in my mind at once right now.

Agree with Impulsive on GF ffor autoimmune. I have one too and have been GF for about a year and a half. Reduces antibodies greatly.

Sorry to hear about your stressed life! Just have faith that you'll get through it stronger. :-)

MsT ^^
Agree with above post. Focus on you. I know acupuncture really helps alot too.

All I can say is : DO NOT IGNORE THE WARNING SIGNS. contrary to popular belief, Scorps are big time cheaters. Sad to say.

My best friend has MS and a side from occasionally falling she's fine. Thotting and all. You'll be fine, it always hurts in the beginning.

So you feel that now that you are in a time of need he is abandoning you?

Thanks everyone for the positive input. I've called the doctor's office to demand more info instead of waiting until Sept 30th. I won't get a full consultation until then, but now have an appointment Sept 14th to at least review the spinal tap/blood draw results. In the meantime, I'm wait listed for a sooner appointment if someone else cancels. So, I'm doing what's necessary for my own sake. I found out yesterday that I managed to bank 80 hours of vacation time by working late on the days that it's been difficult to get up in the morning and while still having my own business. I'm relieved. I'm using some (minimal) of that time off right now, taking off Friday, possibly next Tuesday...just for me.

Regarding BF...our time yesterday was good. He's planning on coming home as much as possible and asked me to visit him. He wanted to make sure that I would and wanted to. He really really needs this. He finally opened up a bit more on why he's been weird and slightly distant. I totally get it and going back to work (briefly) is a step in the right direction to resolving what he's worried about...his kids.

Posted by Resurrected
So you feel that now that you are in a time of need he is abandoning you?

No...never felt like he's abandoning me per se. I'm not taking offense to his leaving. I'm saying that things are shifting a little too quickly for me. I'm having a hard time with the diagnosis and his original plan was to be here. Ok, so he won't be. I still need SOMEONE close to me here. At least that's how I feel. I've never been that way before, but I'm not prideful. I don't have the strength right now for that.

I completely understand what he's doing and why he's doing it so quickly. In his industry, opportunities to work so close to home rarely come up. I've watched him track the work crews/jobs/locations this entire time. He'd be extremely foolish NOT to go. The opportunity that came up just yesterday is an hour and a half away. The challenge is that he'll be working 7 days a week, 12 hour shifts. And that's also normal in his industry. He's used to working like that. I understand all of why he's willing and ready to go.

The sudden change in our plans and routine is what is bothering me so much.

Posted by KaptainKhaos
All I can say is : DO NOT IGNORE THE WARNING SIGNS. contrary to popular belief, Scorps are big time cheaters. Sad to say.

My best friend has MS and a side from occasionally falling she's fine. Thotting and all. You'll be fine, it always hurts in the beginning.

Thank you for the insight. I think my cognition is more affected than anything. It's frustrating. I went to get something to eat today and immediately after giving the cashier my card, I completely forgot. That's how I'm affected. I completely forgot about my gas bill, had the money to pay it. Got home last Thursday or Friday and saw the shut off notice. Totally forgot right after I walked in a different room. The gas got turned off and we had to take cold showers over this weekend. Burned a pot of split pea soup last week. Put it on the stove, walked away...and completely forgot about it. Thank God for a smoke alarm. Forgot to schedule two appointments for my boss last week. Forgot my youngest son's birthday on Aug 21st. This is NOT normal...I usually have the best memory around regarding faces, names, dates, events, etc....even phone numbers. My memory used to be my biggest asset, because I could quickly remember what other people couldn't. I feel senile.

Regarding his cheating...I'm aware and while I'm not planning on turning a blind eye...how do I say this? I have more important things to track. Either he's going to straighten up in this area or he won't. That's on him. He knows that I'm hypersensitive to anything that indicates he's cheating and I feel like that's enough for now. There's a bigger issue at work and I feel like we'll address it in due time.