So my fishy doesn't like me

Or, well, he does, only not like *that*. Or rather kinda like that, maybe, or at least sometimes we connect on a physical level and mess around a bit but even if he *did* really like me like that it wouldn't matter because he's still all hung up on his ex who's the mother of a couple of his kids (and okay, this must be a generational thing because every time someone says "babymama" around me, what I hear is "ho I banged and impregnated but didn't care enough about to marry" -- how in hell can this be a term of respect? Okay, yeah, I'm old 😉 ) She's his heroin, his addiction, his pain/pleasure principle and I'm just, well, old 🙂 And nice, but nice doesn't cut it. Ah well.

So yeah, sad little Gem here. I'll get over it. I'd better -- we're going to be rooming together (same house, different apartments) in a month or so. I helped his cousin buy an apartment house they're fixing up so everybody in the extended household can actually have their own space. And hey, I get cheap rent and someone to feed my cats when I go for a jaunt, so it's all good. His cousin's great; meeting her was like running into a really good friend I just hadn't happened to have met before. So there's been lots of upsides here, and I do enjoy his company regardless of my own wants and wishes. I just have to act like a responsible adult and let the impossible go. Besides, he's too young for me 🙂 He's too fucked up. He's got too many barriers -- or at least I don't have the keys to get through them. Cheating bitch babymama (his description, not mine) apparently does. I don't. C'est la vie.

(Yes, this is a shameless plea for a few sympathetic noises. Not happy about having to get over my little fishy, but oh well.)

Yeah, to give the guppy his due, he did tell me that one evening about a week ago -- "She's my heroin." So he let me know. Not complaining, just sad 😢

That's okay -- my cats like me 🙂 And apparently the guppy does too -- or at least he gave me enough respect to let me know what the score was, instead of making me guess. And hey, I get it -- I had my own brand of heroin for 15 years. It's a mistake nobody can "save" you from until you decide you've trashed out enough of your life and are ready to move on. Obviously, I didn't learn too quick 😉

But yeah, in this case I have to be the responsible adult and pack away my personal fantasies and such. Dang it. I hate being a grown up.

Thanks, Pesca!

On the other hand, being a grownup means that, while you can't dictate the universe to your liking (although I still don't get why not -- it'd be SUCH a better world if everyone just shut up and listened to me! 😉 ) you CAN choose what you want to do with the universe you're presented with.

So even though I'm a sad little Gem for a bit, it's all good. It'll pass.

Still waiting for the universe to drop Brendan Frasier on my doorstep. Naked. Any time now... Hee!