Was I wrong or Overreacted?

Hello fellow Pisces. New to the board and in need of advice and opinions. Especially from men, please.

Been in a strange relationship with another Pisces and finally had enough and told him not to contact me ever again and to delete my number and forget about me.
I'll try to be brief. Met him last year. He used to talk to me and at some point I thought he was too much and I began to avoid him. But somehow got drawn back to him. Then one day, it hit me. I did like the guy. I was the first to tell him. He said he was attracted to me too. He told me about his ex he broke up with the year before and how horrible she used to be to him...

We went on couples of dates, coffee, lunch, diner. But most of the 'relationship' was through texting and phone calls. He never wanted to come over my place and never invited me to his. Every time I planned for us to meet for a date or for him to come over, he'd make up an excuse, or wouldn't even call me to cancel. The first few times, it really hurt but I got very patient and let him take his time, not pressuring him. I told him he was upsetting me with the way he was treating me. He said he'd try not to upset me. On many occasions I had lost my patience and told him I won't bother with him anymore. And obviously, after a couple of weeks, I'd miss him like crazy and would get back in touch. We'll start again like nothing happened before.

Last week, I had enough after we had conversation and he said he was confused about us. I told him HE confuses me. By always telling me he wants to sleep with me, he wants me etc... so why being confused suddenly? I then asked if he had another girl or was he back with his ex and that was why he never asked me over his place and didn't want to be with me that way? He just shut down, got cold and accused me of accusing him. —

The next day, I apologised for asking honest questions and told him to forget about me since he never meant what he said and was just playing with me like I was a toy and chuck me whenever he was bored. I feel extremely bad for saying that to him. Was I wrong about it? Did I over react? I just got to the point I thought about my self respect. I like him. I still think about him right now but I want to be strong and stick to my words for once. He's so kind, so caring, so sophisticated, so charming. Athletic, tall and handsome. What's wrong with him that makes him so hesitant? I never asked him to be his girl..

Me:

Sun Pisces
Venus Pisces
Moon Aqua
Mars Pisces
Merc Aqua

Him:

Sun Pisces
Venus Pisces
Moon Aries/Pisces (in most sites, Aries)
Mars Cap
Merc Pisces

So what's the deal? Are we compatible but with wrong timing?

Shall I apologize for calling him a player?

Please be as harsh as you can be. Maybe I need to have my eyes open once and for all...

You want your eyes open? Man, I've got sooo much to say that it's doing my head in, big time. Forgive my rambling.. and my pissy attitude. I'm just going to lay it all out as it comes into my head...

First.. a couple dates does not make a relationship. You are in an Imaginary Relationship. It's all in your head. Unless and until it's in person and real, it's a fantasy. A nice one, sure.. and we Fishies do so like to use our imaginations.. but at some point, it has to move solidly into the realm of Reality.. or it fizzles out.

Secondly... WTF is up with these girls who think that the best way to get close to a guy is to "never ask to be his girl" and to never ask for.. well, anything?.. to try to be the Cool, Awesome Girl.. hoping he'll see how great she is and fall madly in love? Esp when she actually wants to be his girl! That makes you a DOORMAT, and is INCREDIBLY unattractive to ANY non-abusive man. I mean... you keep stuffing down your true emotions and your true feelings.. pretending to be so "cool" about it all.. when really, you're just getting more and more fed up all the time, like a pressure cooker heating up. (And you're doing it to yourself!! OMG!) THAT makes you FAKE, PHONY, and it's a total turn off to guys. Maybe they don't know exactly what's up with you and why it feels so "off" ... all they know is that they DO or they DO NOT want to spend more time with you, and they act accordingly. So when you're not being OPEN and HONEST about what you really want, feel, think... you're shooting yourself in the foot. You never mentioned a relationship, never told him what you really want.. yet somehow, he's supposed to magically know and just give it to you? And since he didn't, you got imaptient and blew up, letting all your simmering stew of anger and insecurities and yucky feelings spew out, started accusing him of baseless shit your imagination made up.. which rightfully pissed him off and shut him down..

Then, you made it WORSE.. you try to apologize, but turn it into some BULLSHIT like "told him to forget about me since he never meant what he said and was just playing with me like I was a toy and chuck me whenever he was bored.".. YOU put those words in his mouth, YOUR clingy, needy, insecure ASININE behavior making it shockingly evident that you can't handle your own fucking emotions. And girl, if you can't handle YOUR OWN shit.. how you gonna handle his, huh? So you told him to forget you, to lose your number. Smooth move, Ex-Lax.. since it wasn't what you really wanted. What you WANTED was for him to go OHNOEZ and chase you and claim you.. but he doesn't know what you want or expect, cuz you don't fucking TELL HIM. Yeah, so that's drama, and emotional manipulation. You're a Fish.. WTF would you TRY that shit on another Fish? Duh. Put yourself in his place, chica. Use that Piscean empathy... say he did to you what you just did to him... you'd go out ya damn mind, and you know it. Do unto others, damn.

And of course, NOW you're regretting it. You've pushed him away so many times, then took it all back. That's GAMES and DRAMA to a guy. Look, learn to not SAY things you don't really mean.. and figure out what you REALLY want, and stick with that. Otherwise, your wishy-washy, can't handle her own emotions, secret expectations behaviors.. gonna turn off ANY guy, but ESP a Pisces guy. We want love, and we want you to show us the REAL you, and let us fall in love with it.

What makes him so hesitant? First, it's still pretty much fantasy. Second.. you aren't being REAL with him.. you're doing a lot of pretending, and a whole lot of holding back. And let me tell you something else.. when you ASK for NOTHING, that's EXACTLY what you GET!! Plus, he might NOT be into you.. which is both bad and good.. bad, cuz rejection sucks for anyone.. but good, cuz otherwise, he'd be into a false version of you, cuz that's all you show him. About the only REAL emotions you are brave enough to share with him is ANGER, and you walk away.. then you swing back the other way, like a crazy lady who doesn't know WHAT she wants. Yuck.

Oh, and btw.. his Cap Mars is going to make him take things slower and more carefully than a lot of Pisces, he'll want to be very, very SURE about you before he bets it all on red. But it's your Aqua Moon/Merc that makes you want what you can't have. You told him off, drove him away, so NOW you want him more. But do you want him enough to be REAL? You won't get him otherwise, trust me.

Thanks for the replies so far.

I'd like to know whether it was harsh to tell him to delete my number and forget me forever? I think I just went gaga about it. Maybe the best thing to say would've been 'Okay, when you're ready, contact me.' Shall I apologize about this?

I don't know what's going on in his life. some days he's quite open and some others he hardly says anything about himself. I know, as pisces, we like to take our time, we've got to make sure the person we wants to be with is right... but I just don't get why he'd tell me things and will not act on them. Why lead me on if he's not sure he wants me?

I'm so angry and sad right now. Angry because I'm trying to be logical, thinking the guy just mess up with me, is a player and time waster, I should move on and must not reach out for the phone and call him and apologize...

I'm sad at the same time, because I still want him in my life even as a friend. Telling him to forget about me was unexpected, because, I apologized for asking questions first, he said okay, thanks. Then later on, I texted him to tell him he was treating me like shit, he was a player and should forget about me.

"Telling him to forget about me was unexpected, because, I apologized for asking questions first, he said okay, thanks. Then later on, I texted him to tell him he was treating me like shit, he was a player and should forget about me."

Jesus. So.. let me see if I got this right.. you apologized for your ridiculous accusations, he said thanks. All should have been cool.. or at least cool enough to let it rest for awhile. Then you text him again out of the blue, calling him names, telling him how unhappy he makes you and to forget about you??

So what the fuck happened between "I'm sorry" - "Thanks"... and that bullshit?

Hmm.. let me guess.. the Nasty Voices in your head started up again.. the same ones that get you to blow a fuse on him, over and over? Yeah, and all he said was "Thanks".. then.. nothing.. and you can't handle your emotions, or the Voices.. he didn't say anything else.. didn't keep texting you.. so you started feeling worse and worse and instead of DOING SOMETHING ELSE, something that felt fun and good to you.. you sat by the phone, waiting for him to say something else, getting more and more pissed that he didn't, feeling ignored and let down... but to actually just SAY something like, "You know, Pisces.. it feels so good when we talk.. but long silences feel so bad. Can you help me with this?" (which would be honest and open and *gasp* actually asking for something.. oh no, you can't do that!) Instead, you fall back onto the ONLY emotion you feel comfortable showing him.. ANGER. And out of the clear blue (to him, after that nice apology) ..you blow a gasket.. a really over the top blow out, too... Sheeesh.. how old are you??

Are you always like this, or is this guy bringing out the worst in you? If you're always like this, get a grip. If he's bringing it out.. get a new love interest, this one's not good for you.

Hi Nefer

Thanks so much for your words. You're quite right in certain parts. Wow... so much sense. Thanks so much.

The only thing I didn't mention, is we both agreed to be friend with benefits. This is why I was just confused about him changing his mind all the time. I never asked to be his girlfriend. And needy, I don't think I am. I've kept myself busy. I'd contact him maybe once or twice a week. I've always given him a lot of space. Some days he'd come on me quite strong, others he'd retract. And I wouldn't hear from him for days. Then I'd give him a nudge and he'd come strong on me again...

Maybe I'm needy with the way I've behaved with him lately...

I'm confused.

So what do I do now? Just forget about him then? With what you've just wrote, I guess, I just blew it. *shake my head* Oh well, shit happens in life 😢

Wait.. you WANT to be his fucktoy? That's ALL you want?

Well, girl.. plenty of guys out there will oblige you in that, if that's all you want.

Posted by Nights22
Wait
So you are only friends with benefits?

If you are you really have no right be so concerned about all this nonsense.

+1 and QFT


FWB's can't be forgetting their role and their place. If you're just a piece of ass, why you acting like a "gf" or concerned with his emotions AT ALL?

Posted by Nefer
"Telling him to forget about me was unexpected, because, I apologized for asking questions first, he said okay, thanks. Then later on, I texted him to tell him he was treating me like shit, he was a player and should forget about me."

Jesus. So.. let me see if I got this right.. you apologized for your ridiculous accusations, he said thanks. All should have been cool.. or at least cool enough to let it rest for awhile. Then you text him again out of the blue, calling him names, telling him how unhappy he makes you and to forget about you??

So what the fuck happened between "I'm sorry" - "Thanks"... and that bullshit?

Hmm.. let me guess.. the Nasty Voices in your head started up again.. the same ones that get you to blow a fuse on him, over and over? Yeah, and all he said was "Thanks".. then.. nothing.. and you can't handle your emotions, or the Voices.. he didn't say anything else.. didn't keep texting you.. so you started feeling worse and worse and instead of DOING SOMETHING ELSE, something that felt fun and good to you.. you sat by the phone, waiting for him to say something else, getting more and more pissed that he didn't, feeling ignored and let down... but to actually just SAY something like, "You know, Pisces.. it feels so good when we talk.. but long silences feel so bad. Can you help me with this?" (which would be honest and open and *gasp* actually asking for something.. oh no, you can't do that!) Instead, you fall back onto the ONLY emotion you feel comfortable showing him.. ANGER. And out of the clear blue (to him, after that nice apology) ..you blow a gasket.. a really over the top blow out, too... Sheeesh.. how old are you??

Are you always like this, or is this guy bringing out the worst in you? If you're always like this, get a grip. If he's bringing it out.. get a new love interest, this one's not good for you.

I think he's the only person who brings the worst out me. I'm usually quite submissive person. People tend to walk over me because of my kind nature. I'm always avoid confronting people. Maybe I had reached my boiling point this time. This push pull game had gone for a year.

And I don't always show him anger. He'd seen my other emotions too. Maybe hanging out with a man I want so bad for over a year has driven me crazy 😢

Okay, thanks for being frank with me, Nefer. I really appreciate this. That's exactly the

Posted by Nights22
Wait
So you are only friends with benefits?

If you are you really have no right be so concerned about all this nonsense.

Friends with Benefits that have yet to happen... anyway...


Okay... I guess I was wrong to think that as friends, we could chat and he could just explain why he was wasting my time?

Sweetie.. what do you WANT with him?

Posted by Nefer

Posted by Nights22
Wait
So you are only friends with benefits?

If you are you really have no right be so concerned about all this nonsense.

+1 and QFT


FWB's can't be forgetting their role and their place. If you're just a piece of ass, why you acting like a "gf" or concerned with his emotions AT ALL?

click to expand

Why not? We're friends. We shared other interests. We train together etc... ah, I guess I was just wrong all along...

Posted by Nefer
Sweetie.. what do you WANT with him?

I wanted to sleep with him. Stay his friend too.

He's wasting your time, cuz he hasn't yet run over there to treat you like a piece of ass? He's wasting your time because you've been baiting him with pussy, but he hasn't taken you up on your offer?

I think this "FWB FANTASY" is just that.. talk and fantasy. And if it hasn't happened yet.. then it's just fun talk and a diversion when bored, a bit of fun. Maybe he's not ACTUALLY wanting to just hook up with a woman for whom he doesn't have deep feelings.

Do you really WANT to just be this man's fucktoy.. or were you hoping that by spending time with you, he'd develop stronger feelings?

Seriously, I'm getting the vibe that you DON'T just want to be his FWB, but you're willing to "settle" for any little part of him, any little crumbs he'll throw your way, anything to just be with him again.. even if it's "friends" (which is bullshit and impossible if either has non-friend feelings).. even so far as to use your vagina as a bargaining tool.

WTF?

You don't fool me, even if you fool yourself. You aren't concerned with his emotions or lack thereof, or if he's with another girl.. out of FRIENDSHIP. Esp since you guys ain't knocked boots yet.. until you do, it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHO HE'S FUCKING. Your reactions speak of deep, secret jealousy.. morphs into anger... he's not fucking you (FOR A YEAR this has been going on?!?!).. so he must be fucking someone else... and then you tell him off. Again. Then you bait him with pussy and all the talk of sex fantasies.

And he STILL hasn't taken the bait?

Possible reasons:
1 - he's got someone else. Talking with you is JUST TALK - like verbal, interactive porn.

2 - he likes the fantasy, but isn't REALLY wanting to hook up with a girl who offers no-strings cooch.

3 - maybe HE has non-friendship feelings for you, but all you talk about is sex. So he doesn't proceed.

4 - maybe he picks up on your secret feelings you deny even here to a roomful of strangers, but he doesn't feel the same.

5 - maybe he doesn't want anyone to get hurt, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that FWB's usually = someone gets hurt.

Posted by Nefer
"Telling him to forget about me was unexpected, because, I apologized for asking questions first, he said okay, thanks. Then later on, I texted him to tell him he was treating me like shit, he was a player and should forget about me."

Jesus. So.. let me see if I got this right.. you apologized for your ridiculous accusations, he said thanks. All should have been cool.. or at least cool enough to let it rest for awhile. Then you text him again out of the blue, calling him names, telling him how unhappy he makes you and to forget about you??

So what the fuck happened between "I'm sorry" - "Thanks"... and that bullshit?

Hmm.. let me guess.. the Nasty Voices in your head started up again.. the same ones that get you to blow a fuse on him, over and over? Yeah, and all he said was "Thanks".. then.. nothing.. and you can't handle your emotions, or the Voices.. he didn't say anything else.. didn't keep texting you.. so you started feeling worse and worse and instead of DOING SOMETHING ELSE, something that felt fun and good to you.. you sat by the phone, waiting for him to say something else, getting more and more pissed that he didn't, feeling ignored and let down... but to actually just SAY something like, "You know, Pisces.. it feels so good when we talk.. but long silences feel so bad. Can you help me with this?" (which would be honest and open and *gasp* actually asking for something.. oh no, you can't do that!) Instead, you fall back onto the ONLY emotion you feel comfortable showing him.. ANGER. And out of the clear blue (to him, after that nice apology) ..you blow a gasket.. a really over the top blow out, too... Sheeesh.. how old are you??

Are you always like this, or is this guy bringing out the worst in you? If you're always like this, get a grip. If he's bringing it out.. get a new love interest, this one's not good for you.

Oh I forgot to mention, that after he said thanks, I didn't stay by the phone, lol. One day had already passed when I send that text. Sorry I'm trying to keep my posts brief. Nefer, I love your posts. I'm laughing so hard because what some of what you say is so true and other is just ridiculously funny and untrue but hey, you got me almost right.

I'm going to tell you what made me send me that horrible text. I'm on hols now. When he said thanks, he also added 'I hope you have a great time in hols and have the sex ti

continued...

When he said thanks, he also added 'I hope you have a great time in hols and have the sex time you so want.' Why would he say that? Was it a way to tell me to go fuck someone else? So because I didn't want to be all outraged about what he said, especially since I had already apologized, I just replied, 'okay, I hope so. Thanks' I even added smiley and kiss.

Then the following day, yeah the angry voices nagged me and I sent that text 😢

What should have done, Nefer? Tell me...

How on earth do I learn to control my emotions...?

Posted by Nights22
lolol. Wow. Uh well I doubt you blew it then. If all you want to do is fuck him.

Okay... but I'm confused...


He said he wants to fuck me too... we agreed we'd doing that. We're still friends. We do other stuff together.

What do you mean, Nights, then? He told me many times he didn't want a relationship...

*facepalm* I can't tell you what you should have done.

You're not REAL, you're a PAPER DOLL. I CAN'T GET ANYTHING REAL OUT OF YOU!

Girl, if he's just a POSSIBLE future FWB.. it's PERFECTLY PROPER to tell you to enjoy yourself and have some sex on hols. YOUR reaction ONCE AGAIN says "I feel more than just FWB for him".. your reactions are NOT that of a chick who just wants to rub slippery bits with a guy.

But if you feel more, want more than just being treated like a living, breathing blow-up doll.. you have to BEHAVE like it.

Posted by Nefer
He's wasting your time, cuz he hasn't yet run over there to treat you like a piece of ass? He's wasting your time because you've been baiting him with pussy, but he hasn't taken you up on your offer?
I think this "FWB FANTASY" is just that.. talk and fantasy. And if it hasn't happened yet.. then it's just fun talk and a diversion when bored, a bit of fun. Maybe he's not ACTUALLY wanting to just hook up with a woman for whom he doesn't have deep feelings.
Do you really WANT to just be this man's fucktoy.. or were you hoping that by spending time with you, he'd develop stronger feelings?
Seriously, I'm getting the vibe that you DON'T just want to be his FWB, but you're willing to "settle" for any little part of him, any little crumbs he'll throw your way, anything to just be with him again.. even if it's "friends" (which is bullshit and impossible if either has non-friend feelings).. even so far as to use your vagina as a bargaining tool.
WTF?

No. I don't want to develop strong feelings. For that I'm sure. I'd been in a relationship for 5 years before him, had split up with my ex 8 months before I met him and all I want at the moment is enjoy my single life and have fun. I told him that. He shared the same feelings. He was with his ex for 8 years and he clearly told me he didn't want a girlfriend.

Posted by Nefer
*facepalm* I can't tell you what you should have done.

You're not REAL, you're a PAPER DOLL. I CAN'T GET ANYTHING REAL OUT OF YOU!

Girl, if he's just a POSSIBLE future FWB.. it's PERFECTLY PROPER to tell you to enjoy yourself and have some sex on hols. YOUR reaction ONCE AGAIN says "I feel more than just FWB for him".. your reactions are NOT that of a chick who just wants to rub slippery bits with a guy.

But if you feel more, want more than just being treated like a living, breathing blow-up doll.. you have to BEHAVE like it.

Wow!

Well, that's it. I get it now.


Thank you.

Of course he'll tell you he doesn't want a relationship. Even if he DOES.. all you offer is sex, nothing of substance. If he wanted more than to just roll in the hay with you, he wouldn't admit it.. not when you talk like all you want is to hump like bunnies. No way would he put himself out there like that.

And if he doesn't actually want a relationship.. and he talks the sex talk but won't walk the sex walk.. HE DOESN'T WANT TO.

Now, I can only surmise and guess as to his reasons why he doesn't want to.. but the only thing that's clear is the End Game.. he has NOT taken you up on your offers of sex (despite saying he wants to).. ergo.. HE DOESN'T WANT TO. Period. Who cares why?

Or.. he lost his cock in a tragic accident. :p

Now, I've come to realize after this, Nefer, that maybe I'd been wrong about my feelings all along. Great way to have my eyes open. I wish I had good friends who straight talk to me like you did.

Thank you.

Well, if all you want is sex and to enjoy your single life.. get to it, girl. Obviously it's not happening with Mr. Pisces. There are other hot studs out there, waiting to make all your FWB desires a reality.

Why waste more time on this guy? If he's not giving you what you want, move on.

Holy crap.. PLEASE tell me you haven't been holding off having sex with others.. cuz of your "arrangement" with Mr. Pisces here? Man, that would be sad.

Posted by LulaMuna
Now, I've come to realize after this, Nefer, that maybe I'd been wrong about my feelings all along. Great way to have my eyes open. I wish I had good friends who straight talk to me like you did.

Thank you.

Totally sounds like sarcasm.

I get it, I do.. I can be terribly abrasive. *shrug*

Posted by Nefer
Of course he'll tell you he doesn't want a relationship. Even if he DOES.. all you offer is sex, nothing of substance. If he wanted more than to just roll in the hay with you, he wouldn't admit it.. not when you talk like all you want is to hump like bunnies. No way would he put himself out there like that.
And if he doesn't actually want a relationship.. and he talks the sex talk but won't walk the sex walk.. HE DOESN'T WANT TO.
Now, I can only surmise and guess as to his reasons why he doesn't want to.. but the only thing that's clear is the End Game.. he has NOT taken you up on your offers of sex (despite saying he wants to).. ergo.. HE DOESN'T WANT TO. Period. Who cares why?

Or.. he lost his cock in a tragic accident. :p

Cool. Thanks. Wow, you must have a lot of experience with men. I really admire how you can read them. I wish I had my you kick my ass sooner 🙂

By the way, we don't talk about sex all the time. We have other similar interests. Sometimes we can spend weeks without even bringing the subject up. We also train together so we mostly talk about our training and other sport stuff. For the past few months, I hardly brought sex up. He would. He'd start with texts and stuff. And that's when I'd tell him if he wants to fuck me, he may as well come over my place. That's when the trouble start because I refuse to sext.

Posted by Nefer

Posted by LulaMuna
Now, I've come to realize after this, Nefer, that maybe I'd been wrong about my feelings all along. Great way to have my eyes open. I wish I had good friends who straight talk to me like you did.

Thank you.

Totally sounds like sarcasm.

I get it, I do.. I can be terribly abrasive. *shrug*

click to expand

No. I meant what I said. I wasn't being sarcastic. And thank you for being abrasive. I didn't want nice replies. I wanted someone to be frank with me. And you have been. Thanks again.

Lol. This actually reminds me the way the Pisces and I would misunderstand each other over texts sometimes...

She admitted to riding the Crazy Train a few times haha

But I dunno if I agree with you, Nights.. she said this has been going on a YEAR?! Back and forth.. planning to be FWB.. they're friends.. ride the train.. occasionally hang out.. talk and text a lot.. but no sex yet? After a year?

Something's stopping him from following through on the "sex only" fantasies.

Guys who DO only want FWB and are OFFERED the FWB from a girl.. TAKE the offer.

Ergo.. he doesn't want it, for whatever reason.

Mmm good... Even though I'm abrasive at times, I have a heart of gold and only have YOUR best interests in mind. Your struggles bring me no pleasure.. only your successes do.

So I'm trying to get to the bottom of this.. do you admit that there may be some blossoming feelings for him underneath all this "I just want sex" talk?

Posted by Nefer
Well, if all you want is sex and to enjoy your single life.. get to it, girl. Obviously it's not happening with Mr. Pisces. There are other hot studs out there, waiting to make all your FWB desires a reality.

Why waste more time on this guy? If he's not giving you what you want, move on.

Holy crap.. PLEASE tell me you haven't been holding off having sex with others.. cuz of your "arrangement" with Mr. Pisces here? Man, that would be sad.

No I had not hold off having sex with others. I'd seen other people. And he was aware of them. And that's when he'd come strong on me... Then I'd get drawn back to him and forget about the others. Then he'd get cold again... what's the deal about that then—

Oh, PS.. sexting.. bleh. It's only good IN a relationship. Glad you won't sext him.. it's counterproductive.. won't get you real sex OR a relationship haha

Seriously? All this back and forth? Have you two really NOT had sex yet?

I'm leaning more towards that tragic cock-losing accident by the minute haha

Hey, Nights.. if YOU were talking to a girl for a year about knocking boots.. but never followed through.. what would be some reasons why you didn't sleep with her?

Posted by Nefer
Mmm good... Even though I'm abrasive at times, I have a heart of gold and only have YOUR best interests in mind. Your struggles bring me no pleasure.. only your successes do.

So I'm trying to get to the bottom of this.. do you admit that there may be some blossoming feelings for him underneath all this "I just want sex" talk?

Yeah. I said it in one of my posts above. I think maybe I hoped I'd be strong enough to just be FWB. I don't know... what you said in most posts, sound like yeah, maybe I'm acting as if I want to be his girlfriend and maybe that's what scaring him off.

But a big part of me still wants to remain single. I'm really not ready to be in a relationship again but whenever I'm with him, the attraction, the chemistry is just too intense. I feel like a part of my slowly dies whenever we say goodbye. That can't be love though. It's just lust. I'm sure of that.

(If you CAN imagine that.. cuz I think YOU follow through on what you say! So really stretch your imagination muscles here.. imagine you DIDN'T sleep with her.. why?)

Posted by Nefer
Hey, Nights.. if YOU were talking to a girl for a year about knocking boots.. but never followed through.. what would be some reasons why you didn't sleep with her?

Yes, please, can you answer that?

Posted by Nefer
Seriously? All this back and forth? Have you two really NOT had sex yet?

I'm leaning more towards that tragic cock-losing accident by the minute haha

Lol. No, he has his cock.

Posted by Nights22

Posted by Nefer
She admitted to riding the Crazy Train a few times haha

But I dunno if I agree with you, Nights.. she said this has been going on a YEAR?! Back and forth.. planning to be FWB.. they're friends.. ride the train.. occasionally hang out.. talk and text a lot.. but no sex yet? After a year?

Something's stopping him from following through on the "sex only" fantasies.

Guys who DO only want FWB and are OFFERED the FWB from a girl.. TAKE the offer.

Ergo.. he doesn't want it, for whatever reason.

Yeah perhaps.

I still think he would fuck her tho. lol

click to expand

I don't think he would now. I'd been a bitch to him. And I won't blame him.

Posted by Nights22

Posted by LulaMuna

Posted by Nefer
Seriously? All this back and forth? Have you two really NOT had sex yet?

I'm leaning more towards that tragic cock-losing accident by the minute haha

Lol. No, he has his cock.

hmmm and how do u know this for sure... 😉

click to expand

Well.. ermm...I can see it when we are training.... yeah, my eyes wander a lot 🙂

Posted by LulaMuna

Posted by Nefer
Mmm good... Even though I'm abrasive at times, I have a heart of gold and only have YOUR best interests in mind. Your struggles bring me no pleasure.. only your successes do.

So I'm trying to get to the bottom of this.. do you admit that there may be some blossoming feelings for him underneath all this "I just want sex" talk?

Yeah. I said it in one of my posts above. I think maybe I hoped I'd be strong enough to just be FWB. I don't know... what you said in most posts, sound like yeah, maybe I'm acting as if I want to be his girlfriend and maybe that's what scaring him off.

But a big part of me still wants to remain single. I'm really not ready to be in a relationship again but whenever I'm with him, the attraction, the chemistry is just too intense. I feel like a part of my slowly dies whenever we say goodbye. That can't be love though. It's just lust. I'm sure of that.

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Oh, honey.. of course it's not love yet.. that requires a different set of interactions. Yes, you lust him (he must be terribly attractive to you haha).. but also, you're really starting to like him as a person, not just as a sex partner or a friend. Nothing wrong with that.. except when you're too scared of it and afraid it'll show and so you ACT all "cool" and "hardcore".. and when that doesn't match up to what's really INSIDE you, it totally jacks your "vibe".. the way it FEELS to be around you or talk to you.. no matter how good you think you hide it, it shows. And when they don't match up, it screams FAKE, PHONY, DRAMA. Men are not afraid of our true and genuine emotions, like we've been told. They're afraid of the BLOWUPS that come when we stuff them down and pretend we don't feel something.

It's SUPER scary to get real and genuine.. it really leaves us wide open to be hurt. But it's the only way to get what we want. And this goes for him OR any other guy. He's gotta see the real you.

Posted by Nights22
Well personally im not one to look for an fwb. Maybe I would eventually warm up to one. A year is quite long tho lol
Or If I had feelings for her I'd probably not want to just do an fwb instead. But thats just me.

This is the one I'm leaning towards.

HE doesn't want to just settle for FWB.

And it's either because he has deeper-than-just-sex feelings... or that he's picking up on HERS, and doesn't want to hurt her.

Either way, the only way out of this mess is open, honest, communication. No pretending, no games, no saying things you don't mean or that aren't really, really true deep down.

It's not easy.

I'm just old, so I don't give a fuck anymore, and I've become completely transparent, absolutely fearless about saying what I REALLY feel and think, good or bad. And my Libra eats it up with a spoon.

Nefer, what do you mean he gotta see the real me. Does that mean if I gotta tell him I'm actually starting to have different feelings for him?


It's to late now anyway and doesn't matter. Even if I'd said that to him, I would have scared him off more.

I'm so confused...

mmm.. I have to go for now.. I mailed you something though, LulaMula.

Night, Nights *wink*

Posted by LulaMuna

But a big part of me still wants to remain single. I'm really not ready to be in a relationship again but whenever I'm with him, the attraction, the chemistry is just too intense. I feel like a part of my slowly dies whenever we say goodbye. That can't be love though. It's just lust. I'm sure of that.

echo everything that Nefer said. it's as if she took chapters out of the "how to not be stupid" book.

as for the above quote, i used to say the same thing. i convinced myself that it was ok to be with a bastard or in a relationship that was clearly going nowhere because "right now, i'm just not ready."

i'm not ready for kids.
i'm not where i want to be financially.
i'm not living in the right city/state.
i'm thinking about changing careers.
etc...

as women, we come up with a myriad of reasons to justify complacency in dating. if he's not giving you what you want, "it's ok" because we're "not ready" anyway.

the truth is, if you met a guy who made your heart flutter AND provided for you AND was stable AND attractive AND ambitious AND committed to you and only you AND wanted to progress forward in a REAL relationship, you'd be ready...or you'd do what it'd take to get there.

as long as you think you are not deserving of real love, affection, time, dedication and honesty, you'll never "be ready."

as Nefer said, it's time to get real and start being honest with yourself. you DO want a relationship and it's ok/right to admit that. don't start your relationship on a lie.

i mean, who dates someone for months/years, falls in love and does so with the hopes that it doesn't lead to something more? it's disingenuous to yourself and your potential partner to not set real/honest expectations at the outset.

all in all, you want him because he doesn't want you. some part of you is damaged. either a history of abuse, low self-esteem, something is keeping you from believing you're worthy and therefore, you seek men who validate your worst fears. you don't believe you're worth it and surprise!, neither does he.

Posted by LulaMuna

No I had not hold off having sex with others. I'd seen other people. And he was aware of them. And that's when he'd come strong on me... Then I'd get drawn back to him and forget about the others. Then he'd get cold again... what's the deal about that then—

that's the near-near, far-far game.

he likes having you on his team but you're not MVP.

you're not his wifey-in-waiting. he's not keeping you in the rotation because he's trying to decide if you're "the one." he doesn't need more time to recognize your worth or value. he's not confused about what he wants from you moving forward.

in short, he continues to fuck with you because you're fuckable.

it's a hard lesson to learn but believe it or not, there are people in this world who don't give a damn that you're a good person with a good heart. they will tell you want you need to hear in order for you to stay. and yeah, the question is "why?" "why would he do all of this if he didn't care about you?" "why waste his time if he doesn't want to be with you?" "why string you along?" i mean, "he's so kind, so caring, so sophisticated, so charming. Athletic, tall and handsome." he can obviously have any woman he wants so why fuck with you?

the answer is simple...

because he can.

Amen, Caligula!
She's being her own worst enemy, and CHOOSING a man who supports and validates her own reluctance and fear of getting close and intimate (non-sexually) to a man. She needs to figure out WHERE the short-circuit is, and take steps to fix it.

And.. Tubby-Love makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside - cuz she calls a dumbfuck a dumbfuck! —

I would like to thank you all my fellow Pisces who gave their honest opinions here months ago.

Update!!!

The Pisces and I patched things up after what happened. When I got back from hols I contacted him again and that was 4 weeks after our argument. He was extremely pleased to hear from me. We remained friendly, carried on training together but there were no more sexting because I told him I wanted something concrete. He said okay, that he'd be very happy for me if I found a bf. However he'd still randomly text me, saying he wanted me. After that we didn't see each other for a while. I was busy with uni and my job and he, with his new job. And it was a good thing 'cos I was not thinking about him as much.

Anyway, guess what, people? I found out last month he's been engaged for over a year. Yeap. Every thing made so much sense. Ha! I must say, I felt a bit sick learning the news. I wish I'd known because I wouldn't have pursued him as I did. I remember telling him if he had a woman, he should tell me so I can move on. Whenever I was dating someone new, I'd tell him and he'd try his best to sabotage my new relationships.

I called him and told him I knew. He said he would call me back and that we'd speak. That was four weeks ago, lol. I knew he wouldn't call. And I chose not to pursue the matter. I wanted so many answers at first, but then I decided to let it go. I also thought he owed me an apology for being so cold and angry with me whenever I ''dared'' -- his words -- questioning him whether or not he was single and, for stopping me moving on with other guys.... Maybe in his mind he didn't do anything wrong so why apologize, right? Best thing for him to do was to run and bury his head in the sand.

I saw him again today, as we often train and work in same locations. I was busy coaching clients so I totally ignored him. He glanced at me, looking kinda hesitant then he went on with his workout before leaving.

Anyway, fuck him. I think had I found out few months back, it would have hurt me so much more. I'm stronger now and no longer infatuated. I still don't know how I should react if he happens to approach me for a chat. I know I will remain civil and courteous but a big part of me is really dying to tell him what a player, manipulator and emotional cheat he is. You don't know how much my fingers have been itching to grab the phone and shout at him, lol. I can't believe how controlled and calm I have been.

He's a piece of shit and not worth it.

I've learnt from this experience. Next time I'll be able to spot the red flags.


Anyway, just wanted to give update.


Thanks again all and take care.