Dont mean to rant, but damn

Hi,
Firstly, I dont hate pisces people, but my piscean fianc?e pissed me all the way off to that point.
Her birthday was March 2nd, but I had to work so I couldn't take her anywhere the way I wanted so i wanted to make it up to her this Friday. I gave her a card, but outside of Happy BDay posts on her FB page some people left, I was the ONLY person who gave her something....I mean, NObody gave her anything in personal or even called her...Except, her mom...JUST to bum money off of her and forgot that it was her child's bday...worse yet, almost forgot her age! Fucking sad!
So Friday comes and I call and tell her to that I will get her from work (at 3) because I "had something for her"....When 3 hit, she called me and saud her boss asked her to cover someone's shift (her lazy co-worker's that she BEGGED her boss not to fire months ago, btw) so she did not get off until 7...So I pushed "it" to 8 or so.
When 7 comes around, i go get & take her back to her place to get ready..15 or so minutes later, she calls and tells me that her friend (who is 200 miles or so away) wants her to "help her" type her essay (i.e. write the whole fucking thing)...and that it's due at 12am. So she cancels on me just to do her "bff's" homework (that she slacked off on!) because she loves her friends so much...Dispite that they do not love her.
Honestly, im the only fucking person in the world that treats her w/ respect and love, but she blows me off just to kiss the asses of her "bff's" and other people who treats her like shit...Yet complain that "no one takes her serious". THEN GROW A FRICKIN BACK BONE! I mean, damn! You can only "kill them with kindness" for so long.
You should just see how this people talk to her, but she just smiles in their faces like they're telling her a joke...Yet, blocks my number and FB everytime I tell her that her "beloved" friends and co-workers are just using her.
I'm so fucking tired of this kiddie shit.
I just don't understand and what the hell??

1. She def. has an issue with saying "NO." And it's even worse when people like this say "yes" to all the wrong people & "no" to all the right people (i.e. you)

2. She already knows that she's somewhat of a pushover, so stop reminding her so much. She knows this already & guess what? She's accepted (even though others probably wouldn't) that & is ok with that. Sucks but hey, these are HER battles so don't make her battles your battles. Trust me, 1 day she'll get sick & tired of being everyone's doormat, but until that day comes just keep supporting her. You constantly criticizing her just makes her push herself away from you--she blocks you out b/c even SHE acknowledges that you're 1 of the only people who usually support her & don't try to use her. So any kind of criticism coming from you is naturally gonna be taken more personally.

3. She should've acknowledged that you had plans with her. Her friends will always be important to her regardless of whether you like them or not & regardless of whether you think her friends should be important. BUT she could've just as easily told her friend "Sorry, something came up" just like she was quick to tell you. You should've been #1 on her priorities list especially since you'd had 1st dibs on her before anyone else did.

4. Maybe she felt disappointed that you didn't get to do something for her on her actual birthday, so maybe her ditching you & blowing you off for everyone else is her way of giving you the same feeling she might've had on her actual birthday. Of course, we here on Dxp know that you had a valid excuse for why you couldn't do anything for her on her actual bday, but maybe she doesn't believe your excuses, thus this is her way of getting a little "payback." This theory may be far-fetched but hey, it's def. possible.

5. The best way to get her to see how much MORE you care about her than they do is to NOT be like her friends/mother, which means don't criticize her and/or don't treat her like crap just b/c she doesn't do something you want her to do OR react in a way that you would've reacted persay the tables were turned. You said it best, she's so used to being criticized, talked down on & walked all over so it should be no surprise to you that she def. CAN'T handle it when any of those things are coming from you (even though she needs to realize that you're coming from a place of disappointment in her vs. saying these things just b/c you know you can & will get away with it

My 1 Pisces friend is exaclty like this. She's very passive-aggressive. She never has the balls/backbone when it's necessary but yet when the right person genuinely criticizes her b/c they really just want to help her, she all of the sudden grows a sack of balls & will go on a crazy rant! It's like dammit! You should've used all that energy on the people that actually do/are trying to take advantage of you & criticize you just b/c they feel you're inferior!

She drives me nuts! She'll tell a friend off in a heartbeat but yet she'll get very passive when it comes to men. She doesn't know how to say "no."

And when she finally has her moments when she comes to me & vents out her frustrations about how she hates that everybody constantly under-estimates her, she in return gets even further mad at ME when I try to give her a few pointers on how NOT to end up everybody's doormat! It's like sheeeesh! Why get mad at me!? YOU'RE the one always complaining! Don't get mad when someone actually hears your complaints & then goes into "problem-solving/solution" mode.

Pisces like to vent. But they don't actually like hearing/getting advice is they didn't specifically ask for it. They'll make you feel as if you've "got some nerve" trying to tell them what to do or how to be, when in reality you're only giving them advice b/c they vented to you in a way that gave off the impression that advice was exactly what they 1. Needed & 2. Was indirectly asking for!

Ugh!

Here's the thing ... a Pisces in love will be devoted to thier partner, and I say "in love" because this lady is referred to as a fiance, so it is assumed that love is alledgely present.

If the Pisces hasn't wrapped her world around you, then she doesn't consider you her man.


So, instead of trying to direct her life for her, which is what you described above when you say that you tell her who/what is good/bad for her ... you should probably be taking a closer look in to the depths of this relationship to find out why you aren't her King, rather than spending all your energy and time reacting to the surface.

hmmm, i see.
There is alot I need to take in consideration when dealing w/ situation like this (which isnt the first); however, it's an huge issue for me to see her blindly break her neck for people who do not even deserve the time of day, mistakes them for friends, then put me (and herself) behind them...I love her and to see that from the witnessing seat it's just as hard.
But she and I a had nice little talk today and she was slightly saying what a few of you were saying in so little words. I agreed to stop down talking people she love (because I'm really bad at that) and calling her weak if she agrees to find time for her aand stop submitting to their every want especially if she or we already have plans for that specific time. I know she will not change over night (hell, neither will I), but one step at a time....


but thanks for the advice you all.

@Lena: Maybe my perception of what it means to be a "doormat" is different than hers. If others constantly call her a doormat & even admit that they treat her the way they do b/c she can take it, um let's stop sugar-coating & be real: That's a doormat! Sure, it hurts & my intention is NOT to judge her.

But when a person constantly complains & cries all day about how others take advantage of them, I immediately go into solution mode, meaning I start asking her what she plans on doing about it in order to get a different outcome next time. She calls me & asks for advice & seems so confused as to why people treat her the way they do. Welp, if you ask, my true opinion is what you'll receive. And if she can't handle the heat, she needs to stop expecting for people to butter-up their advice OR she needs to stop asking for advice period.

Either way, my def. of what it means to be a "door mat" won't change regardless of whether the person whose acting like one is sensitive or not.

Sounds like the two of you don't even know how to get along, and are still at the stage where you have to learn how to give and take ... so, in the first sentence of the OP, why did you label her your fiance, then?


You have to learn how to walk before you can run .... life in the fast lane of wanting everything all the time will come back to kick you in the ass.


Why don't you try to take a step back to see even you even like her enough to love her?