He isn't sure he wants more? TAURUS HELP!

Hey everyone,

I am very new to this, and hoping to find some answers. I am often very confident on how I handle my dating but this guy has me a little confused. Quick background I guess is the way to start!

I met this guy three months ago, both of us just came out of relationships. It was fair to assume neither of us didn't have high expectations of what would happen between us. There was one thing undeniable however, we have a great connection and have a lot of fun together so we just allowed it to flow as it was meant to. He initiated lots of contact, made plans for dates, I even found myself over time stepping out of my comfort zone and making a little effort to communicate with him and show some interest, again I am a bit old school so didn't want to push too hard but I was doing what felt right and we developed this really great balance between the two of us. Just last week, out of nowhere he approached me about what is going on between us. He told me he likes what we have going on but isn't sure he wants more or at least at the moment. I told him I understood and that I want to be sure to have all my ducks in a row before jumping into anything too serious. Just a couple days later he asked to go for coffee, and again we had a great time, it was like we haven't skipped a beat. After I left though, I began questiong myself if I am comfortable now moving forward like I was. I like this guy, and wanted to feel free to explore the possibilities bewtween us. I am not quick to move but I would be lying if I didn't think I could be open to a relationship with him BUT now that I know he is unsure about me, or the idea of a relationship I feel like I can't make the same efforts I were before. I haven't made effort to call or text him since I have seen him last. It has only been a couple days since I have spoke to him but as I continue to move forward I do not plan to be the one to contact him. He is a Taurus man and I am Aries on the cusp of a Taurus.

I am looking for advise on how to handle this? My instinct is to just leave it and see what he does? But I am not sure that is the smart thing to do? Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks for the feedback Robyn, I noticed right before he had the talk with me I also noticed he wasn't coming forward as much ie. I was the only calling or texting every couple days, and suggested getting together. After about a week of his distance that is when he told me how he was feeling. As a woman I can't be the only one making the effort, and now based on him exposing his feeling about the situation. Do you think before I start to try to contact him to let him come around and open up the communication again?

Posted by Mkb86

.... stepping out of my comfort zone and making a little effort to communicate ....

It appears as though he initiates most, if not all .... if you were to remain in your comfort zone, you wouldn't put forth any effort in communicating. You even stated at the end of the OP that you aren't going to do any communicating at all with him .... and will sit idle and wait for him to do all the work.


Why should he bother with you?

Nobody wants a person who won't communicate.

You ask what's going on and if he wants to be with you ... and I don't see how any person would want to be with a woman who won't bother to engage them. How boring.

Do you not realize that communication is key to any relationship? So, why has your previous relationships ended? Were they due to this communication issue you have?

What I meant was because I liked him and I know in previous relationship I did too much sittnig back, but with him I allowed myself to do what felt right so I did initate contact and effort once I felt more comfortable. Once we got past those initial early stages of dating. It became very balanced between us, he would call, I would call. There didn't appear to be many barriers! Right before we had our talk I will admit it had become me who was carrying the effort, if I hadn't heard from him for a couple days I would shoot a quick text or give him a call and I was always well received so I didn't feel too awkard but I did noticed he had removed the effort he had been making, and then just over a week of that happening is when he told me how he was feeling. That is why I feel so confused now, leading up it felt like I was making the effort, and then I am told he isn't sure he wants more and now I don't know what to do? Do I wait for him to open up communication again so we can get back to our flow, or do I continue on how it was right before he told me he wasn't sure, which would result in me having to call and make the effort and hope he isn't just responding because he is a nice guy?

I have step much out of what I am used to for him and it was feeling very natural but not I am sure what to do. Tough when your dealing with someone you know isn't sure what they want isn't it? I have been nothing but honest with him and open.

Oh and I never asked what was going on between us, he brought it up to me. He wanted to make sure he didn't steer this in the wrong direction was his wording. I know this guy knows I like him, I have been honest about how I feel, and was enjoying us getting to know each other.

"I met this guy three months ago, both of us just came out of relationships."

How long were these relationships ? How long before you started seeing each other had they ended ?

Posted by David13
"I met this guy three months ago, both of us just came out of relationships."

How long were these relationships ? How long before you started seeing each other had they ended ?

Mine was brief, his was three years and we both were single a couple months before meeting each other

I see...

So... like it or not... I think you are going to have to step out of the picture for awhile. It has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with him. Three years is not a small length of time... he hasn't healed yet... he hasn't completely moved on. In a sense... you are a stepping stone for his transition. Many things can trigger the response that you have spoken of... his ex moving on faster than he could, might be one of them... restarting the clock of recovery.

So here is what you CAN do. Go to him... find any reason to see him face to face... have a talk. Tell him how much you really like him... tell him he is a great guy... and all the other things that you really like about him... tell him that he deserves to be happy. Then tell him that you have felt him pushing you away... that he has asked for his space in word and action... that you understand... and that you hope he finds what it is he is looking for. Kiss him softly good-bye... and leave him with those last thoughts of your loving dignity.

I know... this idea is heartbreaking... but for some reason, whatever it is... he needs to be alone to deal with it... you cannot interfere... and you trying to fix it will only push him further away... possibly causing him to resent you in the ptocess. This is really the only way that you can be the stepping stone that he chooses to revisit. I think that he indeed likes you... he is just not ready.

After this conversation... disappear. DON'T tell him you will be waiting for him... DON'T tell him that you will be there if he needs you... DON'T call him, DON'T sms him, DON'T email him... nothing that gives him any assurance that you are thinking of him. Your sending well received communications is allowing him to ween... but THIS is what you DON'T WANT.

They say that one should allow themself 1 year to recover for every 5 years that a relationship lasted. Doing the math here, that puts him at about 7 months minus the time since his relationship ended... though, as I said before, the clock could have been restarted by a particular event. You must let him heal now... it might take a bit of time.

All my hopes Mkb86.