and it's like the most frustrating thing for me b/c it's not something I easily express-but I think he knows that-and my mind won't stop trying to weigh things out. We've known each other for 4 years now, and it was only around the beginning of last year that he's mentioned being in an actual relationship, in which declined by telling him I wasn't ready-I know 4 yrs what's the problem- It's just that we seem to have this understanding where it's like we're together but we're not, we meet other people but we'll eventually come back to one another, and I was comfortable with that as we get our lives together b/c I don't think we need the pressures of an actual commitment, but I think he took it the wrong way, b/c then 2-3 months later he told me he has a girlfriend...3 months later they broke up ( yay!!!)but they still communicate---which is where my fear kicks in, not necessarily concerning his ex, but just in general, how long can I continue to run with this so called understanding-I feel I need to start expressing more emotion(scary)and I think he knows that scares me and tries to be understanding...when he talks about his future he makes a point to not leave me out as though we will one day get married have kids yada yada , but I'm not sure.I know he has feelings 4 me and vice versa, but sometimes our ability to detatch ourselves from our emotions and be 'reasonable' and understanding scares me- and right now I'm not so sure if I should say anything about whats going on in my head right now,it would be so much easier if he could just look me in the eyes and know what I felt w/o me saying a word... Anyway, I just had to vent it's really been bothering me since I think I'm in love and I don't want to be, but I don't want to be just a friend either...ahhh my mind is crazy and I make no sense!!!!!
