Interested in a 40 year old man

I'm 30 and is interested in dating this 40 year old guy. We've hung out a couple of times but he recently moved to the other side of the country. I hear 40 years old are diffent. When I say different, they do not chase that much(maybe true or maybe not true). I'm not trying to chase him either but I would like for it to move to something more. How should I proceed with this?

It'd be different if you were 25 or 65 trying to date this 40 year old guy, but honey you're only 10 years his senior. It's not that big of a deal.

Sure, the "word" is that 40 year olds are a little "different" but hell, we hear that about ALL age groups. I've heard that when men turn 30, they finally grow up. I've even heard that when men turn 40, they have the best/highest sex drive. Oh blah blah blah...everyone is different. There are plenty of 40 year olds who are "different" just like there are some who are just regular ole people. I'm learning that certain traits, like maturity for example, don't come with age. Some 15 year olds are more mature than some 50 year olds!!!

It's 2011. If you want someone/something, you shouldn't necessarily have to do ALL the work, but honey you get out what you put in. If you want something from him, you can't sit back, expect him to do all the work & yet expect for things to turn magical. You've gotta be vulnerable & give some too.

Try not to look at "chasing" as a game. It's not. It's about being considerate & HUMBLE enough to naturally go into every situation assuming that in order to get what you want, you MUST put in work, time, energy and/or effort, just like you'd want them to do the same for you

Whether or not someone is likely to be ok being the aggressor/the one who chases in relationships usually depends alot on what they've been through moreso than age.

Some people are just naturally more aggressive and/or would prefer to chase, & you'll see this trait in ALL age groups.

I agree that most 40 year olds have probably experienced plenty of relationships & know the ropes. They may not be as immature or naive, BUT whether or not they're ok with chasing comes down to the individual & their personality.

You can find 500 40 year olds who hate chasing after women, while yet you can find another 1,000 who love it.

If you want things to move further, communicate that to him. Don't just sit back & assume anything. Don't assume that he can read your mind or your intentions. You've got to verbally tell him your expectations & THEN proceed to allow your actions to further back up your words. And hey, if he's on the same as you & if he mutually wants things to move forward, boom, there you have it

krysrenee7 has it right. We are all individuals, and that doesn't change with time and age. But, I personally don't like to play the games any more. They just seem tiresome and silly. I want clarity in my relationships. I have a lot to do, and wasting my time and effort playing these games simply isn't something I feel I have the time for.

It seems the poster is 10 years his junior, not senior.

Thanks everyone for the comments!!! krysrenee7, I've been told what you are telling me. I'm just a little scared. Since I want him I am going to go for it.

Posted by virgo78
Thanks everyone for the comments!!! krysrenee7, I've been told what you are telling me. I'm just a little scared. Since I want him I am going to go for it.

Well hey, if I were you, I wouldn't be seeking a serious relationship with ANYONE until you can tackle whatever insecurities or issues you have.

Men that are older tend to have more relationship experience under their belt. And if there's 1 thing they can't stand is for someone to be insecure and/or want something, but yet fear it at the same time. Older men have already been through that & they're tired of it. They want someone who is ready & who won't hold back, b/c like you said, they already know what they want. And they know what they want b/c of trial & error & b/c they've been through enough relationships to finally be able to know exactly what it is they don't want/do want.

If you allow too much fear or caution to consume you, it'll ruin things. You'll start fearing things that don't even exist. Or you might even start knocking him or making him suffer for things that he didn't even do, & all b/c you're scared or insecure. And ANY man who finally knows what he wants knows that insecurity is NOT something he wants to welcome into his life.

Some men get tired of playing the hero or trying to convince a woman of why they deserve her time. Some men just want a woman who will automatically come into the picture with an open mind & with open arms. It gets kind of draining sometimes to know that you could be doing everything right BUT YET still the other person hold out on you all b/c of something you didn't do or can't control.

And if you don't want him to see that side of you, make sure you tackle all of your inner issues before you really begin chasing him. For all you know, things could really heat up the min. you finally start giving your all. And if you're not really ready for it or for someone who knows exactly what they want, go very slow in pace with him. Take things slow.

Sometimes we try to rush into things too quickly & our naive ability to rush into things is where all of our fear comes from. It helps sometimes to trust someone more or to become more comfortable with them if we just take things slow and/or let things go with the flow instead of always thinking in the "What ifs." What ifs ruin things

Thanks krysrenee!!! Great comments. I needed to hear that.