Anger - Mars-Pluto-Uranus

Uranus-Mars-Pluto-North Node with fire conjunction here. My anger levels can get extreme. Worse yet I am anchored in God and I can really send energy through the ether if roused - and this vibratory energy will find form. To conquer this anger is possible?

I'm frightened of myself, sometimes. It is inside of me, and I know it. Christ said to the tree that wasn't baring any fruit - be gone! And it curled up and died. Once I was doing all of these Spiritual practices. I was having unbelievable experiences. Even still I had anger issues but was directing all of this energy to God. One day I said, "I have completely conquered my anger. If not Master/God show me otherwise." At this time all kinds of miraculous things were happening. Answers were coming directly.

I left my apartment to go to a class. I no more than got a few blocks then a guy asked me if I wanted to buy some pot. I said no thank you. I can get 'high' by other methods. That stuff isn't good for you. This guy exploded - threatening me, carrying on. I remembered the prayer I had made, "....conquered my anger.....else show me otherwise...." So I knew I was being tested from God. I remained calm.

I attended the class. I walked home - 15 blocks. I took the same route. I walked by this guy again. He was even more inflamed this time. He threatened to beat me up. Again, I knew I was being tested so I remained calm and continued to walk home. This guy then said. "I'm going to follow you home and beat you up there." Since I knew this as a test from God, I tried to remain calm. This guy had a couple friends follow him. I guess he figured his odds were better 3 to 1.

Again I maintained my calm and showed no fear or anger - could I pass this test from God/Guru? Maybe even take a beating without my mars-pluto-uranus anger rising up the spine and taking over? Had I conquered my anger like I proclaimed? I got to my apartment building and the big fellow was still following and approaching me - ready to attack. His 2 little friends disappeared - I guess they figured this guy (me) wasn't running.

This large fellow looked into my eyes, my eyes lit up like only a person with mars-pluto-moon can light up, pure extreme violent to death anger. I could see nothing else - I was ready to kill. This guy glanced around and noticed his 2 friends were gone. I put my right hand in my coat pocket - I don't know why. It was not my action that caused this to happen. This guy saw this. He thought I had either a gun or a knife - I had nothing. He said something like, "I could beat you up but............" And he proceeded to leave.

I went into my apartment's front door. I said to myself, "I see Master, I haven't yet conquered my anger." Thank you for pointing this out to me. I had failed the test.

I sometimes think about that story of Elisha up on the mountain. I believe Elisha was Jesus in the lifetime before he became Jesus, and John the Baptist was Eliza before he became John - elijah was Christ's teacher. This is why Jesus cried out to his teacher on the cross.

I think Elisha (Jesus) lost his Divine anger when those legions of soldiers came to get him on the mountain. And Elisha in God - boom - they are gone. Just their clothes and armor remain. Elisha sent them from their physical bodies and into the next world by an act of Divine will.

But the next time Elisha/Jesus was put in this position (before being crucified) he asked his Father to forgive them for they know not what they are doing - so this time he conquered his Divine anger and allowed himself to be crucified.

It was not anger what you suppressed, it was fear. Fear of being attacked. It triggered the usual "fight or flight" reaction.

Do you know what is even more useful than suppressing anger?

Don't put yourself in dangerous situations by provoking someone who lives a dangerous live!

To me it was like a cruel joke. All sentient beings have come from God. And God can work through us if He chooses to. He was working through this man because I said I had conquered my anger completely. I did nothing to provoke him. But God provoked him from the inside - and I knew all of this at the time.

Better to have experienced neither fight nor flight but stayed in Divine union and maybe have taken a blow or two, or act like the killer in my heart that surfaced? If everything is God - which it is - the first option is the only real choice. Any obstacles to reality must be overcome. I did not put my hand in my pocket some Divine force did this. So I failed miserably, and I knew it. Offence taken can only occur if one already has this receptiveness to being offended/angered. After all of this time, I think I may be able to conquer my anger. Though I shall avoid such a dramatic scene this time for my answers.

"I did not put my hand in my pocket some Divine force did this."

No, you did it, without thinking of doing it. Like when you get out of the bed each morning.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some credit.

I was aware the hand was going in but it was probably an angel doing it - to keep the situation from escalating. I wouldn't have trapped my right arm like this - as it was to the point of blows. It was one of God's angels.

At 20, I was once picked up by an angel and twisted to just the right angle that I wasn't killed or paralyzed from getting hit head on by a big car going 45 mph (another story). I couldn't move that fast. The front window did get blown out.

And I was in shock. I kept saying, "...someone has cancer, who has cancer...." 5 minutes later I would say the same thing. The next day, my Aquarius older sister who did have cancer was now recovering from cancer. At this time I was ignorant. I had to pay for my sister's karma in a violent way - ouch! She knows something happened but doesn't believe I had any part in her recovery.