Sagittarius men and parenting

So generally how are they with the whole having a child and responsibility thing? Are they quite hands on or do they just get involved when they feel like it?

I just want to see if what is happening with my husband and I is normal.

Posted by BlankPage
So generally how are they with the whole having a child and responsibility thing? Are they quite hands on or do they just get involved when they feel like it?

I just want to see if what is happening with my husband and I is normal.

My dad was a Sagittarius and it was a fairly traditional dynamic between him & my mom - my dad would bring home the money while my mom stayed home with the kids. I will say that my dad & I had great bonding moments - Sag men make really fun dads! Took us travelling often, introduced us to classic music and movies, made us savor exotic cuisines. Basically, he was the one who made me into the multi cultural individual that I am today. He opened my eyes to the world and taught me to embrace and appreciate things from all cultures.

My ex-husband is a Sag. He's the typical fun loving father. Takes him on trips and fun places. He LOVES his son to death. We have joint custody where my son stays with me one week and with his father for the next full week. I brought up keeping him during the weeks and him seeing our son on the weekends but he was NOT having that!!! He is a great father and I am blessed to have him. There are a lot of dead beats out here.

What are you experiencing?

Sag love their children! They are so adventurous!

We both work full time. I do school drop off 5 days a week and pick up 4 times a week. He does pick up once a week as I have to work late to make up my hours.

Weeknights he goes to the pub for 2/3 hours straight from work (apart from his 1 pick up from afterschool care day).

I do dinner/ bedtime / bath routine every night.

Saturday he gets up early and let's me have a long lie (to about 10:30) then once I'm up he goes out for the day from about 12 to 8 ish sometimes longer as this is his day and he needs the alone time.

Sunday I do the early morning and let him have a lie in. He gets up and might stick around until 2/3 ish then he will go out for 2/3 hours to the pub or for a trip to town. He will maybe once a moth take child with him to give me a break but it has taken a lot of discussions to get to this point.

I suppose I just feel the responsibility for our child lies mainly with me and I desperately miss having me time. Sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes and sit on the floor just so I can be alone. I know he needs his own space too but I feel the balance is way off. I have discussed this with him many times and things improve for a few weeks then we get back to the same old. I can see when he does try to be home more and the rare occasions we go out as a family he seems unhappy. Generally after a few hours out together he will start making excuses to leave / go home / go to the pub.

He does play with our daughter and will do all the fun stuff with her / buys her things / let her have icecream for dinner etc.

The times we get someone to babysit and go out as a couple he is great, it feels like we are back to being a proper couple again. Even if we do always have to go places that he wants to go / meet his friends etc.

I guess I'm just a bit annoyed that he has so much of his life still and I have pretty much lost all of mine. I should also say it's not like he is really young or anything. We have an age gap relationship - he is in his 40's and has had his 20 and 30's to enjoy without any children or responsibilities. I am in my early 30's. Our child was unplanned but he was pretty excited about the whole thing where as I took a bit longer to come round.

You need to talk about it to him. When I was with my ex, I did all the picking up and dropping off until I got fed up. I created an equal schedule because I felt overwhelmed. He obliged and things got better.

You can't expect him to read your mind or randomly offer to help. If you're doing all the work w/o complaining, why would he step in. Use your words girl and talk to him.

I have talked about it many, many times with him. We have argued over it which just results in him going in a huff and not speaking to me for 2 days. He just has no interest in helping. I don't think he sees it as his job.

He won't ask his work to be flexible to allow his share of drop off's. I have arranged to start work later and work through lunch with one late night a week to cover my hours.

I really think he just doesn't like the responsibilities of being a parent. He likes the fun stuff but none of the routine boring stuff. (Not that it's much fun but it had to be done). If I push him on the subject he will do the bare minimum and stomp about in a huff, he will also get snappy with our daughter. For example if I ask him to make her lunch because I'm doing something else he will just throw dry cereal in a bowl or give her a biscuit because he doesn't want to do it and it's the quickest / easiest option for him. If I do go out and he is watching her alone then he will do things like feed her properly / give her a bath / get her dressed etc. But if I'm around it's like getting blood out if a stone.

A part of me thinks that I would actually get more space and time to my self if we were split up because he would have her a couple of days a week. I don't like thinking like that but sometimes I seriously consider it.

What's wrong with cereal?? (We eat breakfast for dinner often). Blankpage, you sound VERY stressed! It's okay if he doesn't do things the exact way you do, he's a man. I had to get over that myself. It used to drive me nut how my son's father would dress my son for school. Pants that were too high, long sleeve when it hot...etc. All the while he is looking like Mr. GQ. But then, I got over it. I told myself...he dresses the boy and gets him to school on time. No, he's not going to dress him like I do but my son LOVES his father no matter what he puts on him.

You asked him to make lunch and he did. If your daughter wanted what mommy makes, she would say "daddy how come you don't make me sandwiches with the crust cut of like mommy"? He will probably feel bad and try his best to emulate you perfect corners.

Appreciate the fact that your children have a father in their lives that takes care of them. When you want help, don't start nagging, it turns on males defense mechanisms. Just say "honey, I'd really appreciate it if you picked up "insert child's name" from school. I had a long day and I bet "insert child's name" would be surprised/happy to see you." And when he does it, THANK HIM! Men are like puppies, you have to train him. When your dog does a trick, you say "good boy" and rub his belly. Then, the dog wants to do it again for the recognition. Men feed off admiration.

Good Luck!

Cereal is fine but he could at least make the effort to put some milk in it. Our daughter is quite fussy and is just on the healthy weight scale (very close to being underweight) so it's important that she actually eats. He will feed her properly when I'm not around. It's not a not doing it the same as me issue. He makes her different food from what I would choose and that's fine. I just want her to eat and a chocolate biscuit or a handful of dry cornflakes isn't lunch.

The clothes thing doesn't bother me so much, he will generally just put her in what ever she had on the day before as it doesn't require looking something out.

I don't do nagging. I'm quite direct in what I say but not nagging. If I was nagging I would be calling him up at the pub and telling him to come home. He knows I would appreciate more help but he doesn't want to so he doesn't. He knows because we have had lots of chats about it and I have told him how I'm feeling. I strongly believe that in life you shouldn't tell people what they can and can not do. I'm not his keeper, he knows what I would like him to do and it's his choice to do his own thing instead. If he asks me about something (like using his holiday leave through the year for taking days for himself meaning he doesn't have enough time left to go on a family holiday in the summer) I let him know that as much as I would like us to spend time together, it's his choice. I am not keeper and I won't change that.

I do sometimes feel like he is pushing me to argue with him. It's like he wants me to tell him he can't do things so he can then moan that I am controlling him. It's not going to happen. I spent a long time dealing with my control and jealousy issues (when I was young) and I'm so done with it. Anyway what's the phrase 'you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink' I think it sums up whats happening here.

So he feeds her properly when you're not around but when you are he feeds her dry cereal....? Can you say Passive Aggressive? There may be more going on that the parenting issues. Have you guys seen a couples counselor?