an emotional struggle

Short story:

Libra husband, scorpio wife married 18 years, together 21. Nineteen of those he has ongoing spiritually and romantically charged mostly long distance with an ex girlfriend. I am for the most part forgiving and understanding except for the random time when the exchanges were very adulterous in nature. I never blew up emotionally although I expressed my hurt. Two years ago he put an end to it after she proposes they spend a week together. He finally recently understands the depth of the pain he has caused me. I wonder what is left. Will I be able to evolve as a scorpio with this baggage? Can and will he support me? I know the answers are unknowable here but that is what I am wondering.

That's all I can put out there now. Also posted on Libra board for insight. I'm a wreck. I think most of it has been buried. I wanted to be easy going and trusting. He's very well liked and respected sometimes I just want to let people know how much he's hurt me. I feel so unstable. I wont to anything rash. I'm so damn rational! Early on he told me he feared my anger, okay, I'll supress it. I've worked on letting it go sometimes even in measured rational ways but he reacts so defensively. He's even vindictive seeming.

I want hope. I want to be good and trusting. I want to be a better person.

Agreed with GL, but i give you lots of credit for staying in a situation like that and comming out wanting to better yourself...

But i don't think it's you who needs to better herself...I think by your story, he should worship the ground you walk on.

LMAO @ GL WITH TURD!

Well, not to be completely painting a turd gold. He is a good guy and his contacts with her have been few and far between if not intense. The reason it never became physical between them is because he really does love me or maybe he just needs me— He has told me anything that's happened when I've asked. He's been honest at least.

Sheesh. I have never actually been honest to anyone in real life about this business. Why have I been protecting him? We have enjoyed so many good times together inspite of all this, but it's left a hole inside me. We have kids, a 12 year old and a 17 year old. I think this situation makes our scorp/libra issues even more stark. Like people keep saying the attraction between the signs is strong but certain issues seem irresolvable when our communication breaks down so easily.

well yeah, I think I should have when they went on an overnight boat trip. She had a friend from Norway with her and I thought it was innocent enough. It turns out that was the only time they kissed in all these years. That was when our relationship was less than a year old. It just kept going on and on. Then she stayed with us at a house we were renting. This is when I should have dumped him. He told me there was no reason why we shouldn't get along. So I was nice, etc. Took her out in his little boat. Am I really a scorpio? So have I built our relationship on me just taking it?

AFter he's ended it finally, I would still like to make it work if there's anything to salvage. I see what you all are saying. It's hard to admit I've been so.......stupid.

Kriz

I don't understand why you are getting upset about this now after nineteen years. Something doesn't fit.

well, it continued for 17 years. Off and on again after I was assured there was nothing for me to worry about. In someways there wasn't in other ways, yes. It was only about 5 years ago that I learned she was a sexual predator. Apparently, she has had a boyfriend for a couple of years. My husband hasn't talked to her for two years and says he rarely ever thinks about her. I think this comes up now, because I've been examining my relationship closely because I feel I need to be able to fully committ to my life and my life includes my family and husband. I'm just over 40. I want to be happy with who I am and take responsibiliy for myself. Evolution, anyone?

I have a good but boring job, and desire to do something constuctive and good with my life. I feel ready to evolve and move on. I need to know if I can do it with him.

Kriz,

Only you know your heart and your mind. I am surprised at you though! You are a Scorpio woman and we do tolerate alot when our hearts are in it. But where was your suspicious nature? Women's intutition? You let a lot of things between them go on for too long. I don't want to judge you or say something insensitve but...you really need to take a look at yourself to see what's going on with you. A man does not make your life any better. I understand him not actual going through the physical act of making love with her but the thought was there. You have to ask yourself why? I mean he was quite insensitve to your needs as your husband. I feel a pain in my heart for you and i sincerely hope everything works out.

Best of Luck-Find your inner Scorpio Woman...

Actually, Karima, that's exactly how I found this board, to find my inner scorpio! Well, actually, I confronted him constantly on the issue. I got heartfelt assurances but at the same time knew the emotional ties were still there.

The thing is that I like who I am in almost everysituation except for seeing myself in the mirror of our relationship. I am creative, make beautful beadwork earrings and necklaces, do well at work, learn fast, a good gardener, a good mother, a good cook and I have fun with my friends when I have time. I do yoga, mountain bike ride, sail and play the flute. I know I do not need a man to fulfill me.

I am looking at my life closely. Unfortunatly it's bringing up unpleasant things.

Thanks for your good luck wishes. I'm on my way but I don't know where I'm going.

Thanks GeminiLover,
I am starting to consider counseling. Our healthcare package that starts next month covers it! It could be good.
Thanks.

What was the turning point though? What was the specific event that made you turn around on this? Only you know that.

Was it when he left her? If it was, perhaps the fact that he is willing to commit to you now, has you freaked out and you are now backing out because that isn't what you want. It really depends on the turning point and what it was.

I know that there was one. There always is. You don't have to tell us just be honest with yourself about what the turning point was and why. 'Cause that moment contains your answer.