East
@East
15 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 86 · Topics: 6
Can't forgive my scorpio best friend... should I?
Ugh. Avoid her, and good riddance.
Posted by everevolvingepithet
The Cancer guy is gone, get over it ? If She's a good enough friend why be like this ?
I gotta say, this is incredibly bad advice.
It's actually shocking to the eyes to read, especially after all the logical reasons the OP gave for feeling like she does.
What is the guarantee that she would not fancy my current boyfriend and flirt with him? What I am getting at is that there are things that we do not do to friends. I know there is a guy code of conduct that bans stealing a friend's girlfriend. The same codes exists between women. It is her act that matters to me in relation to the frienship. The fact that this cancer guy is no longer in the picture is not this relevant.
The only excuse I am trying to find in my heart for her is that she might have been doing this without really realising how her behaviour is percieved from aside. Kind of doing it unconsciously.
Initially I tried to convince myself that it might be my paranoia or jealousy, but after a couple of times the alarm bells got off I asked this ex of mine whether he also sensed that my friend was kind of attracted to him. He confirmed it, so I know for sure my observation was right.
May be I can write her an e-mail and explain why I have withdrawn and tell her that if she wants to be my friend she has to keep her behaviour in check around a current boyfriend of mine. She is having a rough patch with her husband actually and I understand that she might feel the need for attention from men, but hey, not by best friend's man anyway.
The only excuse I am trying to find in my heart for her is that she might have been doing this without really realising how her behaviour is percieved from aside. Kind of doing it unconsciously.
Initially I tried to convince myself that it might be my paranoia or jealousy, but after a couple of times the alarm bells got off I asked this ex of mine whether he also sensed that my friend was kind of attracted to him. He confirmed it, so I know for sure my observation was right.
May be I can write her an e-mail and explain why I have withdrawn and tell her that if she wants to be my friend she has to keep her behaviour in check around a current boyfriend of mine. She is having a rough patch with her husband actually and I understand that she might feel the need for attention from men, but hey, not by best friend's man anyway.
Posted by everevolvingepithet
I don't. How long have they been friends ? If the guys gone from both their lives too. I read the see-thru top moment as being an isolated incident.
I dunno, man.
I mean I get that it's ironic that girls don't honour "Girl Code" in the same way that guys will die by Man Code despite the fact that we're supposed to be the horny-no-one-is-off-limits-dogs, but come on:
that's some sketchy behaviour.
Posted by everevolvingepithet
True, but I just got the impression she was young, like 19-21 where they argue over boys then fall out then be bff then fallout then be bff etc.
But you make a good point.
LOL EXACTLY. Although I disagree about the young part: the above BFF/Frenemies bullshit can go on between women well into their 50's.
If she IS young why not save her the trouble of going through that pattern for the rest of her life?
(or at least save the dude who's gonna end up with her the "Are You Even Listening To Me?" arguments that'll arise from the many "This Girl At Work" conversations)
*sees Satori has posted in the same thread*
*walks away, whilstling innocently*
Posted by everevolvingepithetPosted by 1two3goPosted by everevolvingepithet
I don't. How long have they been friends ? If the guys gone from both their lives too. I read the see-thru top moment as being an isolated incident.
I dunno, man.
I mean I get that it's ironic that girls don't honour "Girl Code" in the same way that guys will die by Man Code despite the fact that we're supposed to be the horny-no-one-is-off-limits-dogs, but come on:
that's some sketchy behaviour.
Y'know you're right with the man code thing. Men who do this just get jettisoned from the inner mancore circle, whether instantly or slowly and painfully.
Ooorrr they get straight to the point and the guy's the emasculated tail-between-the-legs-douche/whipping boy for a while lol.click to expand
There won't be threads made asking "Should I stay friends?" that's for sure.
Posted by exoskeleton
wtf, you two?
girls don't honor girl code?
19-21 olds argue over boys?
-_-
keep friends that you trust and you don't have to worry about this kind of bullshit. i'd never talk to this bitch again if i were east.
In the same way that guys will die by it, yes.
"Girls" - not "Women" - being the important word there.
Whether 30 or 65, some people never out grow the cotton-candy-for-brains stage of life.
But you're right of course, pick your friends wisely.
Posted by everevolvingepithet
East, just tell her to go find her own men/man and put the puppies away when she's around yours ?
I would like to avoid doing that; I am too haughty to look like some jealous, crazy girlfriend, especially in front of a SO. But the dilemma is that it is best to address the problem as it arises and is still fresh, so this would mean if a react while the flirting is taking place, I have to do it in the presence of my boyfriend. I do not like that. We both will be looking like two stupid needy women arguing for a man. What a turn-off, even I would be disgusted of myself.
And by the way some men get an ego boost when two (or more) women are competing for his attention, and even start to purposefully turn the women against each other. No way would I get myself in such an awkward situation.
We both are mature women, I am 37 and she is 12 years my senior, but looks much younger (like 40).
By the way I think she knows the problem that I have with her, because the last time we hang out together the three of us and she had put on that transparent blouse and i didn't have the chance to say a word in the conversation, because she simply wouldn't stop talking, I gave her "the look" (it is not only scorpios that can give a piercing look 😉and she understood quite well that I was pissed. Then she laughed to me and said in our native language that the cancer guy does not understand-"Do not worry, I am not stealing your man." and then went on with the flirting. So, I doubt it that if I spell out clearly to her that I was not happy with how she flirted, that she would listen to me. I think she will simply deny it, or laugh it off as she did.
Yesterday she sent me an angry e-mail accusing me of being cold and a bad friend, so now i am the bad guy 😢
Posted by EastPosted by everevolvingepithet
East, just tell her to go find her own men/man and put the puppies away when she's around yours ?
I would like to avoid doing that; I am too haughty to look like some jealous, crazy girlfriend, especially in front of a SO. But the dilemma is that it is best to address the problem as it arises and is still fresh, so this would mean if a react while the flirting is taking place, I have to do it in the presence of my boyfriend. I do not like that. We both will be looking like two stupid needy women arguing for a man. What a turn-off, even I would be disgusted of myself.
And by the way some men get an ego boost when two (or more) women are competing for his attention, and even start to purposefully turn the women against each other. No way would I get myself in such an awkward situation.
We both are mature women, I am 37 and she is 12 years my senior, but looks much younger (like 40).
By the way I think she knows the problem that I have with her, because the last time we hang out together the three of us and she had put on that transparent blouse and i didn't have the chance to say a word in the conversation, because she simply wouldn't stop talking, I gave her "the look" (it is not only scorpios that can give a piercing look 😉and she understood quite well that I was pissed. Then she laughed to me and said in our native language that the cancer guy does not understand-"Do not worry, I am not stealing your man." and then went on with the flirting. So, I doubt it that if I spell out clearly to her that I was not happy with how she flirted, that she would listen to me. I think she will simply deny it, or laugh it off as she did.
Yesterday she sent me an angry e-mail accusing me of being cold and a bad friend, so now i am the bad guy 😢click to expand
What's your sign and please don't say aries?
Posted by 1two3go
What's your sign and please don't say aries?click to expand
Well, I am supposed to be all forgiving and kind fish, but I am not like that, may be due to personal planets in "heavy" signes-moon in taurus and venus in capricorn. So, it is true that I do keep grudges. Cancer on the asc does not help forgiving easily neither.
Posted by EastPosted by 1two3go
What's your sign and please don't say aries?
Well, I am supposed to be all forgiving and kind fish, but I am not like that, may be due to personal planets in "heavy" signes-moon in taurus and venus in capricorn. So, it is true that I do keep grudges. Cancer on the asc does not help forgiving easily neither.
click to expand
A pisces. Another sign that reputed to be easy to take advantage of.
Swim away, is my advice. Pisces peeps are the most accurate when it comes to the bare bones and ugly truth.
Your intuition isn't lying to you.
Posted by 1two3goPosted by EastPosted by 1two3go
What's your sign and please don't say aries?
Well, I am supposed to be all forgiving and kind fish, but I am not like that, may be due to personal planets in "heavy" signes-moon in taurus and venus in capricorn. So, it is true that I do keep grudges. Cancer on the asc does not help forgiving easily neither.
A pisces. Another sign that reputed to be easy to take advantage of.
Swim away, is my advice. Pisces peeps are the most accurate when it comes to the bare bones and ugly truth.
Your intuition isn't lying to you.click to expand
i agree. some ladies get off on 'competing' with others for male attention. i find it weird and creepy. it's never even about the guy, it's about shifting his attentions and 'winning him over'. it's so pathetic! and points to great insecurity
i mean, even if the friendship is valuable to you...i doubt you'd have much to gain by bringing this out in the open. just leads to denial and defensiveness and no-one gets anywhere. and your last post suggests she knows what she's doing...yeah, don't rise to it. ignore her when she behaves like that-and only bring your guy around that friend when your relationship is fully established.
Posted by 1two3goPosted by EastPosted by 1two3go
What's your sign and please don't say aries?
Well, I am supposed to be all forgiving and kind fish, but I am not like that, may be due to personal planets in "heavy" signes-moon in taurus and venus in capricorn. So, it is true that I do keep grudges. Cancer on the asc does not help forgiving easily neither.
A pisces. Another sign that reputed to be easy to take advantage of.
click to expand
at times, very. it's misplaced loyalty in alot of instances.
East, I faced exactly the same situation before. The other girl was 'J'. We were friends and colleagues with a guy that I was interested in before. Hanging out with the rest of our team mates, we went for billard and singing.
Admit that I was (and still) a lousy billard player, I couldn't hold a candle with her. She wore a hot bright pink lacey top and revealing her pink bra strap and bending down with the billard stick and also chose to play on the same table with that guy that I was interested in.
Not only this, we went for singing subsequently. She wore a short pants, purposefully sat besides that guy that I was interested in and stretching her thighs out. They were chatting so closely that her face was almost going to smack on his. That was the most horrible, terrible night I have ever experienced.
Guess what, she said the same EXACT thing: Don't worry. I'm not going to snatch your guy.
She was born on March 6. That guy, March 7. And, I am a Scorpio.
Admit that I was (and still) a lousy billard player, I couldn't hold a candle with her. She wore a hot bright pink lacey top and revealing her pink bra strap and bending down with the billard stick and also chose to play on the same table with that guy that I was interested in.
Not only this, we went for singing subsequently. She wore a short pants, purposefully sat besides that guy that I was interested in and stretching her thighs out. They were chatting so closely that her face was almost going to smack on his. That was the most horrible, terrible night I have ever experienced.
Guess what, she said the same EXACT thing: Don't worry. I'm not going to snatch your guy.
She was born on March 6. That guy, March 7. And, I am a Scorpio.
Heh. Wow...
Posted by littlescorpio
East, I faced exactly the same situation before. The other girl was 'J'. We were friends and colleagues with a guy that I was interested in before. Hanging out with the rest of our team mates, we went for billard and singing.
Admit that I was (and still) a lousy billard player, I couldn't hold a candle with her. She wore a hot bright pink lacey top and revealing her pink bra strap and bending down with the billard stick and also chose to play on the same table with that guy that I was interested in.
Not only this, we went for singing subsequently. She wore a short pants, purposefully sat besides that guy that I was interested in and stretching her thighs out. They were chatting so closely that her face was almost going to smack on his. That was the most horrible, terrible night I have ever experienced.
Guess what, she said the same EXACT thing: Don't worry. I'm not going to snatch your guy.
She was born on March 6. That guy, March 7. And, I am a Scorpio.
Littlescorpio, i am sorry this has happened to you and it is true that women who do not respect the friendship code might be of any astro sign. Well, in my case my best friend is not just another colleague, but my BEST friend and i was in exclusive relationship with this cancer guy.
But we are slightly getting diverted from my question, which is shall I keep my distance from her, or I would rather make one last effort, call her on her behaviour and warn her that if she wants to be my friend she has to behave. IF she apoligised and promised to behave like a lady I would rather give her another chance...but still a big damage to my trust in her is done, so most certainly i wouldn't introduce her to my current boyfriend.
By the way, if a guy likes you (specially pisces, we like people who are on the loosing side), no matter how bad you are at billard, he will still like you. It is more of a female thing to go for the winners. Guys sometimes like much better a sweet girl who is performing rather poorly, I guess this awakens their protective instincts! I remember I was getting a lot of male attention while screwing the billard game up (almost torn off the green cloth 😉
It was really, absolutely, insanely, deep stab on me. Plus, that guy had no reaction. He didn't attempt to follow me when I left early. And ever since then, I told myself not to suffer on these kind crap anymore.
I am, and will still be a woman with grace. I will not take this kind of lousy man. They are better off as leftovers for those girls. Only the best man gets me. 😉
I am, and will still be a woman with grace. I will not take this kind of lousy man. They are better off as leftovers for those girls. Only the best man gets me. 😉
Posted by littlescorpio
I am, and will still be a woman with grace. I will not take this kind of lousy man. They are better off as leftovers for those girls. Only the best man gets me. 😉
I like your attitude, you will do just fine in life.
Just curious, what happened to your friendship with the pisces girl after this episode?
Posted by East
But we are slightly getting diverted from my question, which is shall I keep my distance from her, or I would rather make one last effort, call her on her behaviour and warn her that if she wants to be my friend she has to behave. IF she apoligised and promised to behave like a lady I would rather give her another chance...but still a big damage to my trust in her is done, so most certainly i wouldn't introduce her to my current boyfriend.
Sorry that I forget and diverted your question. Yea maybe that's a bad habit of us forgetting stuffs. But indeed she forgotten how to practise self-refrain when going on a three-people-date.
In my opinion, since you've got a new boyfriend, yes don't introduce him to her. My close friends did the same too and I am super good with that because I can foresee bad circumstances should they thought I've got some spark or something. LOL which I won't because that's against my moral values haha.
Anyway, maybe give both of you some cooling time and before you actually want to talk about it. My two cents.
Posted by East
Just curious, what happened to your friendship with the pisces girl after this episode?
Oh lol I left the firm and no longer in touch with them.
Guys, thanks to all of you for your input. It helps to read your views.
Since yesterday I have this idea to "test" my friend. Because honestly I do not think I will acieve a lot by directly confronting her on her behaviour, because she would become deffensive, deny it or laugh it off, saying that I imagine things.
So, the idea is the following: she is used to come to my place to eat, because I am a good cook and i enjoyed to have a good chat with her over a good meal.
On two occasions when I've invited her at a precise time, telling her that by certain time we should have finished because my boyfriend "C"(at the time, now an ex) would come to see me and I would prefer to have alone time with him; she would always find an excuse to come late, when the BF was already there, or shortly before his arrival. I cannot get rid of the feeling that she was doing that on purpose.
For the last couple of months I am not feeding her news on personal life, though she tries to find out things, so i am confident she is not aware of my current bf.
So, the idea is simple, I wwill tell her that we are back together with "C" and invite her to pass by for a chat/lunch at a specific time on one of those weekends, telling her that "C" will drop by to see me later the same day. If she once again shows up late comming up with yet another excuse, then I will have my answer, and I would cut her off completely. If she shows up in time, I will give her another chance and most probably will confess that her behaviour made me feel unconfortable.
What do you think?
Since yesterday I have this idea to "test" my friend. Because honestly I do not think I will acieve a lot by directly confronting her on her behaviour, because she would become deffensive, deny it or laugh it off, saying that I imagine things.
So, the idea is the following: she is used to come to my place to eat, because I am a good cook and i enjoyed to have a good chat with her over a good meal.
On two occasions when I've invited her at a precise time, telling her that by certain time we should have finished because my boyfriend "C"(at the time, now an ex) would come to see me and I would prefer to have alone time with him; she would always find an excuse to come late, when the BF was already there, or shortly before his arrival. I cannot get rid of the feeling that she was doing that on purpose.
For the last couple of months I am not feeding her news on personal life, though she tries to find out things, so i am confident she is not aware of my current bf.
So, the idea is simple, I wwill tell her that we are back together with "C" and invite her to pass by for a chat/lunch at a specific time on one of those weekends, telling her that "C" will drop by to see me later the same day. If she once again shows up late comming up with yet another excuse, then I will have my answer, and I would cut her off completely. If she shows up in time, I will give her another chance and most probably will confess that her behaviour made me feel unconfortable.
What do you think?
Let her go. She would have made a move eventually. Even if she didn't want him for herself, they compete. It can be an ego boost, or to one up you or just say I have something over you no matter how superficial in their mind they still won. If you keep her, keep her a distanced friend. No involving her on confidential matters, or keeping her in the loop of things.
Thank you, all, your input is much appreciated. Wil keep my friend at a distance and will see if she makes a move.
lockquote>Posted by East
Thank you, all, your input is much appreciated. Wil keep my friend at a distance and will see if she makes a move.
Yea, and it's more like a test if your friend understand that her acts will cost a loss in friendship. And that, it's not worth it.
Posted by everevolvingepithet
Wow, she sounds pretty loose. Fwiw, I'd like to think most guys would clock something like this instead of playing up to it. Whether or not he'd take you to one side and say "I know she's almost got her baps out, but don't worry about it" would define how true a gentleman he really is. 🙂click to expand
Too bad he didn't. He even smiled and wish me goodbye when I left. I don't wish to think of what happened afterward.
But come to think of it, it was a good experience because...
(a) He's just not into me.
(b) I'm looking for a gentleman. A real man, suave man who is smart enough to understand what to do, what to say. Apparently, he's a loser.
Sometimes I really feel like making a comeback..slit her face or something lol. joking only, don't do that.
I think you're being illogical to assume that every situation is cut and dry.
For example .. you referred to her as your best friend .. which means you've been bonded for more than just a moment to reach best friend status.
Logic would dictate that if she was the type of woman to attempt to steal your man, then you would have known this long before Mr. Cancer ... apparently, you had no clue that she would do it, and that speaks loudly because it's an indicator that her behaviour was out of character .. which leads to number 2 ....
She reacted out of character, and that's bigger than your little issue of resentment over a man who wasn't even important enough for you to make a perm fixture in your life.
You said she's having marital problems ...
Sounds to me as if you being pretty self-absorbed .... rather than looking at the whole picture ... but, of course, what else is new = people usually always have to be told to look past their nose.
For example .. you referred to her as your best friend .. which means you've been bonded for more than just a moment to reach best friend status.
Logic would dictate that if she was the type of woman to attempt to steal your man, then you would have known this long before Mr. Cancer ... apparently, you had no clue that she would do it, and that speaks loudly because it's an indicator that her behaviour was out of character .. which leads to number 2 ....
She reacted out of character, and that's bigger than your little issue of resentment over a man who wasn't even important enough for you to make a perm fixture in your life.
You said she's having marital problems ...
Sounds to me as if you being pretty self-absorbed .... rather than looking at the whole picture ... but, of course, what else is new = people usually always have to be told to look past their nose.
Posted by P-Angel
Sounds to me as if you being pretty self-absorbed .... rather than looking at the whole picture ...
Of course, that I am self-absorbed and I have all rights to be, when it comes to MY friendships and MY relationships. With who else do you want me to be absorbed, when it is all about oh-so-personal things?
I am not obliged to look at the whole picture, I leave that to God.
What I am getting at is that when it concerns my own little female world, I have all rights to feel the way I feel and act accordingly. My questions regard my own life, where I am the supreme decision-making body, I am not discussing the next election of US president, where your comment would have been more appropriate.
As for your other comment,P-Angel, that I find really relevant, that I should have known her better if she's my best friend, may be a word of explanation would help. I do not know my friend for a long time (a bit more than an year), but the friendship set pretty quickly, because she is my compatriot and we both live abroad, so I really enjoyed it to speak my native language with her, our kids are going to the same school and they play together, so you see there were external circumstances that helped the establishment of this friendship pretty quickly. And she has many postive qualities, which made her a very agreable company to me.
While chatting on some female subjects, she told me of two occasions where she had a crush on another woman's men, in one of those cases that was her first cousin's man who ended with my friend finally and left her cousin. But you know, I have this tendency to overlook flaws of character when I like somebody (might be a piscean thing). And it is completely different when it is just a story about somebody else, but once I personnaly got to suffer from her behaviour, I recalled what she told me about these other friends of hers and their men. So, may be there's a pattern there.
Anyway, I thought I am on the safe side because she's married. But most importantly I thought she would never do this to ME. I think I have been illogical (you are right on that) to think she would spare me, if she didn't spare her first cousin.
The point on the importance of this cancer man, is totally irrelevant, I do not see the link to my question strictly related to my frienship with the scorpio gal.
Posted by East
I am not obliged to look at the whole picture, I leave that to God.
Say what?
Could you clarify what that entails?
Have some technical problems here, will delete my last post that was repeted several times.
Posted by East
..... But you know, I have this tendency to overlook flaws of character when I like somebody (might be a piscean thing). And it is completely different when it is just a story about somebody else, but once I personnaly got to suffer from her behaviour, I recalled what she told me about these other friends of hers and their men.
click to expand
Say what?
Could you clarify what that entails?
To put it simpler, I have my best interest to heart, because I deserve to be loved, respected and treated correctly. So, I feel entitled to react when my personal interest are at stake. If I leave it to my scorpio friend, she would just continue doing what she was doing, and most certainly I was not happy with her actions.
Whether I am right to cut her off, or I am wrong in the context of some universal justice, I leave that in God's hands. From my perspective I've been just and since it is MY personal life, I feel free to decide for myself.
Clearer now?
You're a Pisces = deluded .... nuff said
Steve Jobs was also a fish, Einstein as well...are they also deluded? To me they were rather visionary.
See, dear, if you do not have anything constructive to say, it is not a crime to just keep silent 😉
See, dear, if you do not have anything constructive to say, it is not a crime to just keep silent 😉
Back in July, you were trashing the Cancer man in here ... now you're trashing your BEST FRIEND ..... perhaps, god makes you be nasty to your supposed people?
Or, is it satan you would blame that on?
Anyone except yourself, right?
Or, is it satan you would blame that on?
Anyone except yourself, right?
Posted by East
Steve Jobs was also a fish, Einstein as well...are they also deluded? To me they were rather visionary.
See, dear, if you do not have anything constructive to say, it is not a crime to just keep silent 😉
psssst, p's a pisces. 🙂
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
How Do you differentiate a cancer man from being genuine or just having lust?
This cancer guy who I've been seeing for a while on/off just cut the conversation dead while we were making plans for a
Hi, I posted one thread here before, but it seems I couldn't completely understand cancer man. Maybe, my post is conf
So I have been dating this cancer guy for about two months. Previously had asked him if he was seeing anyone and we both
I POSTED ON CANCER FORUM INSTEAD OF RELATIONSHIP ASTRO.... CAN ANYONE WITH EXPERIENCE WITH CANCER MEN TAKE A LOOK AND G
I have a cancer friend, after on/off communication with him. I finally confessed in letter that I like him but I got no
I've seen posts with I must have passed the test, and even Hightide has said he might be testing you What is the
I am a Libra (Oct 2nd) and my Cancer Ex (July 7th), broke up with me yesterday, in a way that was...really...dramatic I
As a Cancer male, I am usually attracted to the blond hair blue eyed cuties or the dark hair dark eyed mysterious beauti
Before you storm out of a relationship with a cancer guy due to issues within the last month, take into consideration of
I apologize in advance if this has already been posted. Sunday, July 17, 2011 12:36 PM by MsLisaM Cancer Men: Do's a
Okay, a new chapter here..LOL I am currently busy at the Capricorn forum because I'm dating a Cap. But....recently..th
ok long story short there was this guy i was talking to....we were talking for awhile like 4-5 months and pretty much ev
My cancer man who I have been seeing for more than a year and a half(no Labels), who I have not even have sex with, requ
I've been having so many thoughts in my mind, I needed to vent and read advice from different point of views. I'm curren
LOL Some of you are familiar with me and Mr. Cancer's dysfunctional romance. Due to the distance and other factors
CM and I have been together for 7 months and we recently moved in together about 2 months ago. I know it was really quic
This is such a great forum. Thank you so much. I am new here because I just recently started dating my cancer boy about
I been talking to this guy cancer guy for about 3 months now. I really like him a lot and we have so much in common. He'
You know.. I have to say.Although u cancers go MIA on us and test our patience to a max.. When u do come back around and
The cancer guy is now just an ex due to certain reasons (i've had a post on that topic), but I still cannot get myself to forgive my scorpio best friend for having flirted with my boyfriend at the time. SHe calls me and complaints that we are not hanging anymore together and she misses me, but I am simply brushing her off and act evasive. Logically I should resume my friendship with her, because I am not with this cancer guy anymore, but I feel like I do not trust her anymore and would not enjoy her company and share intimate details of my life with her like I did before. On the other hand I do miss our friendship, like it was before she got to flirt with this cancer guy. What do you think? SHould I give it another go or keep on avoiding her? Thanks in advance for your time to read that.