GET IT IN WRITING!!

This is a spin off from Irresistable's "Last Card" thread and Firebird's "Unconditional Romantic Love" thread. Fixed water made a point about marriage being just a piece of paper. I couldn't agree more. Nothing materialistic, ie money, prized possessions, stuff can be compared to unconditional love imo. Ever!

However they are completely separate and after going through a divorce, I don't care how in love or unconditional it is..something is going to be written and signed by the two of us about those materialistic things...to protect the both of us which happens to include my son's future. If a guy wants to marry me, I won't without a pre-nup. If a guy wants to just shack up for the rest our lives, I'm good with that too, but there's going to be a legal document written up as well. In fact if anyone shacks up with a guy this should be done, because "living together" doesn't hold weight in a courtroom should he/she want to walk especially if he/she walks with your stuff/belongings stiffs you on rent/mortgage/taxes/insurance without notice. Shit happens..I won't dwell on anything unless that should happen, but seriously, I will NEVER walk into a courtroom again dealing with a signifcant other or a SCHMUCK LAWYER ever again! I can honestly say that was worse than the marriage ending, as my ex even after that nightmare and I are still very close.

Someone did a thread on pre-nups, this is WHY I say the ^^above is important:

WOULD YOU SIGN A PRE-NUP? Scroll down the page when you get there.

Hopefully, you clicked on that link and read about pre-nups. This is an additive to it.
So, let's say marriage isn't on the table. Ok..I'm good with that. In fact if he has his own house and wants to house hop back and forth throughout the relationship...I'm good with that too.

Before I proceed, part of the "cards being on the table" obviously will ensue from the beginning stages of the relationship (for me anyway). One of the first few cards, specifically and if I see things are getting serious..let's call her the Queen of Diamonds (or Queen of pentacles in tarot 🙂 ), will be put on the table in the early stages.

The guy is gonna know, I will not marry anyone or live together without something in writing. I'm older, and the odds of him having gone through a divorce will be greater, and he may understand exactly what I'm talking about I'm sure. If not, he'll get the details and the "whys" as to me insisiting on it. No, this is not going to be a conversation about the emotional baggage, just the facts of law and why we need to protect ourselves and his/my children from previous marriage. Not to mention saving money. Living together..whether in your 20's, 30's, 40's doesn't matter you still need to protect yourselves. Anyone ever watch Judge Judy? The comments she makes about "playing house"...the lady is smart and is an excellent example. It kills her to dismiss these cases because there is NOTHING in writing. Especially when one of the two parties get's monetarilly screwed. There's nothing she can do without it. Obviously you don't need a pre-nup to live together. Put something in writing. BOTH parties should sit down, and write it together, sign it in front of notary (make two copies to sign w/notary) give your copy to a trusted family member. That's it..it's a piece of paper. You are both protected. If you decide to get married, get that piece of paper, and use it to write up a pre-nup.

NEVER EVER HAVE A JOINT BANK ACCOUNT living together. I personally wouldn't if I remarried either, but if we had one account just for bills that we deposit into, I might be good with that, but I'd still have another account to myself. He can have his. The paper will state whatever is left in the joint account at time of physical separation, it gets split 50/50. period!

If you have never gone through a divorce with blood sucking leeches, I expect some will say..."this is ridiculous" this isn't "unconditional love".

It's not ridiculous, and you are right, it's not "unconditional love". It's a whole different part of the relationship and SEPARATE from that. Call it business, call it protection, call it whatever you want. It has NOTHING to do with feelings/emotions or the love two people share and have for one another. Once it's done, you put it away hopefully never to use it. You can now concentrate on the two of you and nothing else.

All of this appeals to my realistic side and I agree whole-heartedly. I have been through two marriages, both meant to be "For Forever". That was back in the days when I was still under the influences of my tribal teachings. We are taught that marriage is the be all, and the end all. Realistically, you just aren't mature enough when you are younger to make that kind of call without really just playing the odds. Since you are playing the odds, getting that piece of paper before getting the other piece of paper is critical for your own protection. I would do it even if I were shacking up since around here, that holds weight also.

Hmmmmm.


http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/prenuptial-agreements.html<BR>

Posted by MrFirebird
Hmmmmm.


http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/prenuptial-agreements.html<BR>

"Does the Use of a Prenuptial Agreement Mean a Lack of Trust?
Prenuptial agreements are not a symbol of trust or lack thereof. If anything, prenuptial agreements are a symbol of clarity. The agreements provide open communication between the soon to be newlyweds, which is an excellent habit to cultivate no matter what phase of the relationship a couple is in. Prenuptial agreements, contrary to soup operas, strengthen relationships rather than destroy those relationships. Older couples also use them to ensure that their children have access to their respective estates."

EXACTLY.

Posted by FoxGlove
Nope -- no way -- no prenup for me. My ex-SO and I have both had times when one has made way more money than the other and we've always taken care of each other (still do, even now) -- and we've shared a bank account even before we were married. I could never date, let alone marry someone I don't trust 100% -- and in my mind, that's what separate bank accounts and pre-nups are, lack of trust. If I lose my shirt, ok, whatever -- it's the risk I take. It's just money... it's just stuff.

lol...you talk about trust? You are a poster child as to why a pre-nup SHOULD exist.

HOW TO HAVE AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WHILE MARRIED

"Fast forward 18 years... He's tried contacting me a couple of times over the past three years (2009 was the first time) -- but I'd never bite. Finally, last year, I did, and we started talking online over Facebook. He'd contact me nearly every day and asked if we could talk on the phone as well. So we started that, too. He would often make the conversation very sexual. I wasn't comfortable at all with this, at first as I am... wait for it... married. However (and here's where I become a huge cliche...) -- I caught feelings. I don't know how it happened, but I have -- and now I really love him and care about him. I don't want to leave my marriage or anything (and he's married too) -- but this cap has become extremely dear to me."