How do I know?

You have a good *bed side manner* for hurting hearted people, A chick. Thank you 🙂

You are right, I need to *trust* the process. I guess I don't because this is the 2nd disappearance I am unduring and I am kicking the snot outta myself for not having spoken u after the first one and I dont trust myself to not do it again. Let me tell you, it hurts so much I cannot imagine placing myself in this position again to be so hurt.

Im living and learning.

Yea it's hard to reject people. I told my ex to get lost last night. He said " fuck you " and than " I'm sorry guess you have every reason to hate me. I'll go "


And you just have to let them go.


And I mean I don't know anything about you and your ex but mine sure doesn't deserve anything from me at this point and most likely ever again.

Heh! My pleasure.
Other people did it for me when I was going through it and I guess im just continuing the great cycle of Love Shitting On People 🙂

nah you are not continuing the shit cycle, you are helping it to end. Thanks for caring 🙂

Well cry it out, as much as you can.

It will destress u.

I am not very good at moving on, so crying helps me, I think i just cried once the way u mentioned, it went on for a week, every time i went to the loo, i would be in a pool or tears. I moved on after that.

Posted by DominOo
*sigh*

BGP, grow some balls. It hurts, especially if you feel "one" only with someone else, but get over it already.

spoken like a douche.

Posted by aliennation


Sorry Panties, I have to agree with ^ that. Though I'd have been more tactful about it, lol. 😛

Whatever you do, do NOT let yourself "feel", like AutumnChick suggested. That will just feed your emotions and prolong/worsen things. I've read studies suggesting that "venting" your emotions doesn't actually relieve you of them. How properly those studies were conducted, IDK, but it's an interesting lead.

I read in a neuroscience article that the amygdala (the emo part of the brain) and the hippocampus (memory) compete with the prefrontal cortex (the rational, good, logical part).

And so by engaging in an activity that feeds a certain part of the brain, you thereby inhibit the competing part.

So, use your willpower to force yourself to occupy your brain on a THINKING, objective task. Immerse yourself. Then you'll naturally remove of your feelings. Whereas if you wallow, you'll not only strengthen your wallowing skills, but do so at the expense of your rationality.

"Put your mind on other things" sounds like trite advice, but it's got the scientific stamp of approval.

Well, there are studies, and there is ... personal experience.
In my personal experience with death and divorce, feelings are powerful and will consume you. Feelings demand to be heard. If you ignore them, they try to get out somehow. They don't just vanish if you ignore them. If they did, there would be no grieving process. Why would anyone bother to mourn someone If you could just "put your mind on other things" and the feelings of loss will magically go away? If this were possible, everyone would do it.
I tried ignoring my feelings ... Putting my mind on other things. Didn't work. Caused a lot of new problems, actually. Your feelings want to get out somehow and if you don't acknowledge them they will get out in some sort of destructive way (nightmares, panic attacks, substance abuse, self harming, depression, abuse of others, promiscuity, inability to function at work, at home... the list goes on and on and on). You HAVE to pay attention to your feelings if you want them to go away... This has been my personal experience with death and loss and grief.
I used the tactics I suggested, and they did not prolong or worsen anything. Acknowledging and venting my emotions were the key to my FINALLY being able to get over the loss and move on.

Posted by MidniteStar
The way that I know I'm at the end of my grief is that I pray. I pray for the person and that I hope he finds/found someone who makes him happy. I just pray for his happiness. I pray he wont get hurt the way I was hurt. It sounds kind of silly, but it makes me feel better. I feel better that I was able to forgive him no matter how badly he hurt me. Once I am finally able to say that all the crying an hurt was worth the experience....that everything happens for a reason and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, that's when I finally know I'm at the end of my grief.

I totally agree with this 🙂 I've found myself at this point actually way before I was done grieving, but that's just how I was brought up.

It has been eye-opening joining this board today.

I must say I have been SHOCKED at stuff I would never expect Scorpios to say.

I agree with Alienation on this.

Feel the emotion completely. Know that you have loved and lost. Don't rush to get over it (but don't prolong it), let the emotion ebb and flow naturally.

I'd expect earth or air signs to avoid and degrade emotion, but water signs?

How anyone would study astrology and tell a Scorpio Moon not to feel I will never understand. That is so dangerous to tell someone to suppress natural qualities.

Painful emotion isn't anything to be ashamed of. Feel that as much as you do the highs. In fact, the lows make the highs feel great!

THe reason we have so many people doped up on prescription pills is because folks are so afraid of FEELING and people make them ashamed to feel and ache as if it's something wrong with them. NO! You were given emotion for a reason. Examine it.

You can live with the pain of emotion and realize that it reflects the depth of your love.

Yes, BigGirlPanties, I think the fact that you have finally cried and have faced your emotion means that you are being baptized and are about to be reborn. It's going to be wonderful. Try to understand why the Universe brought you the relationship and what you were meant to learn about yourself from it. Take the remnants of yourself, make them stronger and march on.

Posted by MidniteStar
The way that I know I'm at the end of my grief is that I pray. I pray for the person and that I hope he finds/found someone who makes him happy. I just pray for his happiness. I pray he wont get hurt the way I was hurt. It sounds kind of silly, but it makes me feel better. I feel better that I was able to forgive him no matter how badly he hurt me. Once I am finally able to say that all the crying an hurt was worth the experience....that everything happens for a reason and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, that's when I finally know I'm at the end of my grief.

Agree 10,000+.

I don't live in hate for what he did to me, the anger has passed. Grief remains, fluctuates in and out.

Unless your someone who stuffs it up your ass, with the rest of your compassion and tell yourself to "Just get over it".

*smh*

Posted by aliennation
@ Autumnal Chick - What are studies but the collective "personal experience" of many - distilled to analyze only one variable, which is the effect of wallowing in emotion?

@ ScorpioLand - It sounds like you meant to disagree with me. Lol. I'm the one advising *against* wallowing in emotions. And tbh, I don't think that star signs are exceptions to human nature. There is theory, and then there's reality. Personally, I don't think astrology should be taken as gospel.

Haha! I absolutely did NOT mean to write your name. I was agreeing with the other A-chick.

Shout out to @AutumnalChick !!!

Posted by aliennation


@ ScorpioLand - It sounds like you meant to disagree with me. Lol. I'm the one advising *against* wallowing in emotions. And tbh, I don't think that star signs are exceptions to human nature. There is theory, and then there's reality. Personally, I don't think astrology should be taken as gospel.

.

This is an interesting discussion.

By the way, My statements said indulge, collect, become stronger. That's not wallowing.

There are a variety of theories and a variety of philosophies. I personally don't accept social science studies on anything in the realm of emotion. Emotions exist beyond the physical structure of the brain. The human is more than physical body. You can't study animus. You can't study personal reasoning. We are more than machines. The fields of psychology and social science have a poor record on healing people.

Avoidance is never a healthy approach, no matter what any social scientist may theorize --- these are the same people using medications to "cure" or "treat" (read "exacerbate") emotional and psychological conditions, thus creating a nation of zombies. I am NOT impressed.

Unlike those scientific studies, astrology, like alternative medicine, provides a holistic look at human nature. Astrology and science can in fact compliment each other -- but you have to apply science with discretion and respect for specific natures.

The question -- if I'm not mistaken -- was asked by someone with a Scorpio Moon nature. Moon governs emotion so Scorpio values and tendencies need to be taken into consideration. Scorpio is among the most emotional and obsessive sign energy -- particularly so at the lunar level. Generic mainstream theories about avoiding emotion is not going to help, in my opinion.

The whole principle of curing something by focusing on something else is faulty and disingenuous. Emotions arise for a reason. They are connected to thoughts and ideas that must be examined.


In your statement saying "of course star signs are not exception to human nature," you presuppose that there is but ONE human nature. Star signs ARE human nature; they offer no exception, conflict or contradiction. There are a variety of personality types, whether you map them out with science, psychology, social theory, astrology or gibberish.

Astrology isn't "gospel" any more than are the studies you love to cite.

darn. i see the rest of my post was cut off. I can't even remember what i wrote....

the scorp im wit has this process and im wonderin when itll be over for him ??he talked to me about his ex and we keep bringin her up constantly over and over again so i began to feel as if i should let him just be or is thiis a phase that he will eventually leave out of.. How long does it usually lasts any way?? they brok up in july it is now january me n my ex brokeup in may and i seen other people until i ran into him in november but we have been on the path of takin it slow but i feel as though he hasnt gotten over her but he claims he has . i was b4 her and now im after her too. so what is any of your opinions other than just give him time, because this process sucks for whoever yalll try to be with until your grievin process is done . What should i do