How do you take people backing off from YOU?

I see a lot of posts on here about why Plutonian people back off, go "into hiding" etc.
What I really haven't seen discussed is how you would react if someone did the same to you. I know that Scorpio tests can go on and on. It may take years for a Scorpio to decide to commit (so i've read and seen). How would you feel if the person these tests were taking place with decided to back off, let you initiate, call etc and backed off. Do you think this would clear your head? Let you lead it all? Not to ignore you by any means, but just to change their behavior to allow you to lead completely.

I was speaking to my friend about her Scorpio guy, and she really puts in a lot of the ground work. She is sure of his feelings but not sure he wants to commit. My recent dealings with a heavy Scorpio made me think that maybe backing off and letting him decide his feelings through HIS OWN actions may help? Instead of him just saying "yes" to hangouts, to actually have to initiate these things himself. Take him out of his security blanket. Or would this appear cold to a Scorpio, since it would be a drastic shift?

My thoughts are, a lot of Scorpios seem to be very cautious of getting close. I know some like to maintain control by letting you do the work so there is no rejection. They feel in complete control when you're constantly showing your desire, but in making it so easy and safe they don't have to face their fear... they will wait in limbo, comfortably for A LONG TIME. Maybe this can actually help them decide how they REALLY feel about you.

Thoughts?!?! 🙂

So I gave her terrible advice by saying let him take the lead? hahaha. Should I call her ASAP? 🙂

Playing a scorpio's game back at him is both tricky and time consuming,hence I recommend straightforward communication from the lady.

Backing off completely might be perceived by the scorpipo as a lack of interest from the lady,even though her intentions are different so I don't suggest going down that path.

It would be great if she can communicate with him to let him know she is there for him and cares about him periodically even when he goes into hiding.The scorpio would appreciate it loads.

Please do call your lady friend ASAP and ask her to execute damage control measures🙂.

It would be nice if your friend could get advise from other scorpio's (both male and female) about how to handle this guy because nobody understands a scorp better than his counterparts.

Just for the record,i posted assuming that they are in a relationship and he hides at times to re-emerge (all we scorps do that).

Your friend is 'sure of his feelings' for her.Has he let her know of them or is she assuming he has them?

They have been seeing each other for I think 8 months? He is being very slow to commit. He told her he has deep feelings for her. I guess disappearing is more like pulling back, then coming forward...etc. She said last night over drinks that it's becoming confusing. I said that I felt the only way she would get a clear answer was to quit making all the plans and just let him come to her. Apparently two months ago they had a conversation about their relationships and he said he "wanted to make sure it was the right time and right person" before he'd ever commit to anyone.

I have a Gemini Moon and should probably not be advising her on a Scorpio BUTTTT It sounded good. hahaha

I wish I knew his whole chart.

Posted by Scorpiorabbit

Posted by Scorpvenus
Just for the record,i posted assuming that they are in a relationship and he hides at times to re-emerge (all we scorps do that).

Your friend is 'sure of his feelings' for her.Has he let her know of them or is she assuming he has them?

I've never disappeared from my wife. Are you talking metaphorically?

click to expand

Yes I was.Disappearances are more like 'wanting to be by myself for a while' kind of a thing.

Posted by heliumfiasco
He is being very slow to commit. He told her he has deep feelings for her. I guess disappearing is more like pulling back, then coming forward...etc.

When he comes forward, he loses control of his emotions which makes him feel vulnerable.To feel stronger again,he hides for a while and during the hiding phase his emotional needs(which a relationship meets) are un-met,so he comes back.

This will continue till he is absolutely sure of your friend as a long term partner.Only then will he stop pulling away and never go back having come forward.He will not play hot and cold then,only hot.

If your friend wants to be with him,she will have to be patient,understanding and be there for him at all times.She will have to learn not to be upset by his hot/cold behavior but be steadfast in her love toward him.

Also,rushing him/issuing ultimatums won't work, things will progress at his pace.All she can do is stand by him and love him.

Is a lot of work,I know.But thats the way it is.

I think I need to be more explicit.

Case 1-Scorp man or woman is not married/living in but is living my himself/herself.There are times when things get super rough workwise or there is some other emotional or personal issue to deal with.The scorp then focuses on resolving the task at hand with tunnel vision and does not communicate much(or at all) with friends/acquaintances/lover during that phase.Also there are times when the scorp needs solitude to reflect on some matter and hence becomes a temporary hermit,shuts out the world and re-emerges when the reflecting is done.

Case 2-Scorp is married/living in.Similar stuff-work or emotional issue needs to be resolved.During that phase,he/she will focus all energy getting that resolved and say things like 'I need to be alone now,working' to the person he/she is living with,not really leave home/temporarily abandon the family but just need limited contact with the spouse etc for a while.

I just sent her a text saying "ABORT, ABORT, ABORT." hahaha

After I gave that advice I thought, you know what I have no idea about Scorpios... Just had a crash and burn myself with a Libra with a Stellium in Scorpio. So, I had a feeling I might be off.

@ helium-Jokes apart,I feel your friend should weigh the pros and cons of staying with him/leaving him carefully,taking her time before reaching a decision.

Also,once things end with a scorp it is difficult(or even impossible) to start them again because he may never trust her sufficiently again to be in 'a relationship'.

So if your friend is the type who 'changes her mind often',she will have to take a step back,reflect on the relationship and her ability to be patient and also take into consideration that she might not have the scorpio back if she calls it quits but then desires him again at a later date.

So I suggest taking a non-hasty,well thought decision and then sticking to it.

Thoughts?!?!

Posted by heliumfiasco
She is sure of his feelings but not sure he wants to commit.

Feelings and commitment go hand in hand with most Scorps, so I don't think your friend should be "sure" of anything regarding his feelings. If you back off, so do I because I wasn't that invested to begin with. When I am in, you know it, never questioning.

Posted by heliumfiasco
Apparently two months ago they had a conversation about their relationships and he said he "wanted to make sure it was the right time and right person" before he'd ever commit to anyone.

*side eye*....Un huh....that doesn't sound too good to me, or something to be too "sure" about. Esepcially 8 months into whatever they are doing. Sorry.

So, she makes all of the plans, she's is unsure of his feeling because his words don't match his actions and he's waiting for the "right person" before he can commit? "Backing off" as a way to manipulate him into action won't change this Scorp. If he does respond to this approach it will more about ego than genuine feelings for her.

*be

Oh no! She's in love 😢
My poor lil Virgo lady.