Same experiment, repeated with different people

So my virgo told me I'm scaring him bc he thinks I'm too into him too fast. Which is what I was afraid of. So, he also told me he's not ready for a relationship and he doesn't want to hurt me. Hmm. Took him at his word and decided to pay some attention to two of the guys we hang out with. Nothing too much happened, tho I stayed with one that night, it was pretty innocent. Weird thing is, both our friend I stayed with and I got the impression he got jealous. Our friend totally knows he is the distraction, he's ok with it. And me and the virgo had this conversation on multiple occasions, that neither of us is ready to take this further, so why the jealousy and what do I do about it—?
Will see them both again on weds, as always. Would still love things to go the way they have been with the virgo. I guess time will tell, but anyone feel merciful enough to settle my obsessing mind in the meantime? 😉

Btw, the friend is also a Virgo lol. They understand each other really well. Think the same way.

Lol elle. I do tho. Esp about that one. The whole thing isn't just for scientific inquiry...the experiment is if I can keep myself from getting too attached to one person ..........oh wait. Um. Apparently not. Haha. Ill just go back under my rock again..... embarrassed. Now I wish I was invisible lol. You still love me, right?

Dazed...that is a good question. Guess I want one person that only wants me. Friends first, with a deeper connection and intimacy. Hm. In some ways I have that with the virgo. Except now he's getting scared bc I'm enjoying it too much. So I made a very obvious step the other way, in an attempt to fix it. Wonder if I fucked it up. *head tilts* um...I'm not very good at dancing, especially this dance.

Dazed, thanks for talking to me.

I don't believe anyone can handle the intensity of how I feel about them, completely. Not even friends for the most part. I care too much. To expect that in a new potential mate is ludicrous. So I've been trying things to see if I can come down to their level. Rein myself in, at least on the surface level. It is apparently not working. I'm so tired of caring so much that I scare people away.

Sounds like game playing/playing with emotions. You may not be doing it intentionally, but it could appear that way to the guy. Why are you deciding to pay all this attention to mutual friends where it can be seen by him? That seems a bit insensitive.

I understand that he said he wasn't ready for a relationship so you took it at face value, but to turn around and pay attention to his friends, in front of him, makes you look like a game playing teenager. You should be able to do as you like since he's supposedly not ready for a relationship, but go pay attention to some guys outside of your circle. It just makes you look like that girl that works her way around a group of friends. Tacky.

I see. I'm currently evaluating that night. I kinda see it that way also. Don't want to be that person. I guess I had to try something. ...still really like/want said virgo. Hmm. Where to go from here?

Dazed, you are right. I'm trying to figure this stuff out. I don't know how to 'just live' without overthinking every detail. Idk, I like most of me. I don't like that I'm so intense that I scare people. I don't know how to be any other way. I guess I could just be that way and be alone. Because when I let that show, that is what happens. I deal better with not ever having the connections I seek than with losing them...but eventually I need that.

I'm not trying to play with anyone's emotions...I've been honest with everyone since the beginning...how is it that someone can candidly say one thing but not mean it? The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. Or look like a player or whatever term you choose for that. Does society expect that even when you agree to NOT be exclusive, that you are? I am so confused.

I don't think I'm on a rampage. The opportunity was there and I took advantage of it. Its really meaningless except that its amusing.

Well, he had told me immediately before (and on several other occasions) that he didn't want that, didn't want me getting attached etc. Now not only did he act jealous, you guys are telling me I look like I'm playing games/ playing with his emotions/ being tacky and cheap etc. I don't want to be or do any of those things. I didn't think it was a problem, since id been told that on many occasions and even that same night.

I don't get it. And id like to fix it. How?

Posted by DazedScorp
So why not be true to yourself?

If becoming attached is the type of person you are (which is most def is), then why not try an experiment in which you look for someone that suits your needs?

that is such a sensible suggestion sky. what's wrong with obsessing if it's in the right direction and you're in control of it anyway? you're trying to fight it and it's not working so just settle for working with what you've got and make sure the object of your obsession is worthy of it 🙂

why not just take some time out and go it alone for a bit?

Tbh Dazed, this whole thing started with me talking to him about men in general, as I would any friend. I thought he saw me as a sister. I told him I wanted to try dating more than one person at a time, to see if it would cause me to not get too attached too quickly. THAT is when he told me he wanted to be one of them. It took me by complete surprise. But I also realized, then, that I've had a crush on him for a while and didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to get in too deep with anyone...but that changed when I let myself feel what I've been denying myself for a yr. Still I am very unsure and not really ready for it. Id like to just keep seeing him, having the incredible conversations we have, having fun with him, and getting his affection, and see where it goes. I don't really want to move fast, ill scare not only him but myself.

But what I was saying..he told me he isn't readyy for a relationship either...but now me acting as such is a) making him jealous, and b) apparently appears as though I'm playing games and playing with emotions..and axring cheap

Elle, I'm going to give that a try. And I think I know what the first step of that is. Being true to myself means telling the virgo exactly what I was thinking and what I did it for, and the results. Still doesn't change what I've told him before, that I really like him and want to see where this goes, but I'm scared of jumping into anything more also. THAT is being true to myself, bc I hate not beibg honest, and its letting myself feel how I do, letting him know (and a way to explain my actions) how I feel about him, and being, and showing some of that intensity. Ah hum. Ill feel better about myself at least. Even if my intensity makes yet another person run for the hills.

Lol. So virguy (Dante) invited me over for dinner (he loves to cook) at the friends place (virgo #2, his name is Josh). ...and told Josh to invite someone also. Ended up Josh got a migraine and the whole thing got canceled...but...that was a wee bit possessive of him, considering the last time I was there I stayed with Josh that night. Hm.

Added names bc with all the virgos this is just getting confusing to tell.