Taurus Girl Needs Help with Scorpio Man

Hello all, Im new here, stumbling across this forum while looking for resources that can help me get my Scorpio ex back.
Forgive me if there has been a similar post before, but I'm asking for specific insight with my particular situation. Thank you.

We broke up three weeks ago, I am a female Taurus iii and he is a Scorpio iii. Imagine the intense love, magnetism and power struggles we had. Early on he would put me down in public and as a self respecting woman, this couldn't go unresolved. When we talked though, I got walls, blame, and was told to be grateful for all he gave me. After a while, I'd believe it and just appologize even if I didn't feel wrong. But something inside of me compulsed me to let him know everytime he offended me, and when it came time to talk about the lack of our fundamental ability to talk, I just looked like a nag.

Eventually of course, after kicking me out numerous times and telling me I was all to blame, the last time was the last. He has cut off communication after yelling at me twice on the phone and getting the rest of my things, and needless to say I have had a lot of time to wonder if it really was all my fault for not being sensitive to my now ex Scorp.

I know he loved me, but he has shut me out. Is there any way to get him to realize that I know I was wrong in someways, willing to make it work and love him forever, or is there no hope?
I didn't betray his trust or cheat on him, my only problem was not knowing how to asert myself correctly for the sake of our love, so I am certain that he was ust unhappy and didn't know how else to resolve it, or perhaps he was too immature to face himself. I'm not sure but I am sad to have lost him. Please help before he rises from the ashes and I'm left in the dust.

I don't think you had a problem asserting yourself, I think he had a problem with his ego, he had a problem with the boundaries you set up to protect yourself from his narcissism self entitled attitude plus he's just downright emotionally abusive.

Why weren't you getting away from this guy instead of trying to manage his abusive behavior I have no idea but you did the right thing by addressing your feelings each and everytime he was being inappropriate, he had a problem with you not allowing him to abuse you that really is were you fault with him and the fact that he didn't empathize nor accept responsibility for his behavior is a HUGE red flag of an abuser.

There is no way you can take the blame for a man putting you down in public, there is no way you can excuse abuse by accepting the blame, your self esteem has taken a bruising from this relationship, some men are emotional bullies, they just have to be right, they push buttons in inappropriate measures to the point of causing the other person pain which leads to a reaction as in ouch that hurts please stop, he then gets angry that you won't let him push you around and then he flips it on you and make you out to be the offender of his bullshit, he then points his finger at you and blame you but the reality is if he hadn't been abusing you in some way there would be no one to blame and no problems between the 2 of you, men like him have a way of completely disregarding his part in creating conflict and allowing you to accept the blame....DON'T DO THAT.

He did you a favor by cutting off contact, that's another red flag as well, when a man ostracize you that is another form of control by getting the last word and making an individual feel as though they don't exist it can cause immense emotional pain for the person that's been ostracized, it also creates this feeling of urgency to fix the problem, you can beg him and beg him and beg him and once he feel you have been punished enough he may come back and he will also have the upperhand with all the bells and whistles of control OVER you. Then you will be walking on eggshells trying not to set him off, trying to please and appease his ego but never really accomplishing anything with him because it's all your fault, your at fault for all his shitty moods, your fault he's not happy, your fault he popped off on you in public, your fault he's abusive, your the blame for all his problems etc etc.

Stay away from this guy, go get some help understanding why you want a man that beats you up emotionally and learn how to see the signs of abuse and learn how to protect yourself and get away from these kind of men, your going down a wicked path if you don't stop needing these emotionally abusive assclowns....change your phone number, cut contact, delete anything you have in common with him, TAKE CONTROL back over your life, your mind, your heart, take some time to heal so you can truly see the reality of how bad this man treated you and move on to healthier relationships with men.

You say you know he loved you but love isn't embarrassing a person in public by talking down to them, love isn't stonewalling a person out by refusing to communicate and then turn around and remind you to be thankful for having a man in your life, love doesn't kick you out, maybe you need to learn what love is and what love isn't because it seems your associating love with pain and bad treatment, your reality of what love is has been completely distorted by abusive behavior...love just doesn't say and do the things he's said and done.

Im sure you asserted yourself enough for him to know and realize he was out of line, he just does like most abusers do blame the victim, they hate boundaries and when you assert boundaries they get even more angry and abusive.....He will be back and observe how he honeymoons you back in and when you get nice and comfy and secure he will begin to expose you to his abusive ways again.....ugh get out and stay out

I really do appreciate all of the reinforcement. I haven't been wallowing over him, I've been more hurt over the fact that despite my efforts, he could only make me feel worse. Of course, there was a point very early on that I couldn't believe what was going on, but I was blinded by love. And after it was over, my esteem had been chipped away so badly that I couldn't understand why he would leave me. I didn't crawl back or beg, but every mean thing I said out pain made me feel like I was wrong.

I know I'm not, I am just sad that I could not do anything to change it. Ideals are crap and let me think that this person was worth it. Of course rejection hurts and after a while of clearheaded thoughts, I can have a relapse and just easily romanticize the good times, worry that he will never call because he thinks he is better off without me. At first I didn't understand, but
perhaps he is because I never fully let him have his power over me. Thank you for all of the kind words, and I am closer more and more everyday to healing. Let's hope he doesn't call 🙂

i read this last night and i wasn't sure how to respond. i'm glad that tiki did.

ultimately, you're a taurus that needs to learn to let go. taurus has a difficult time with instability and change. we, like the other fixed signs (minus those freakish aquarians 🙂 ), will generally stay in a bad situation until one or both of us is dead. and out of all of us fixed folk, taurus will remain while all others have given up...even our fixed brethren.

it has to do with our need for security. the loss of something familiar is scary. losing a partner is like a slow death. when it feels as if it's crumbling, we'd do everything...anything just to hold on. taurus doesn't want it to be over. why? because we believe that in time, anything can be fixed...it's just a matter of time.

but when it's official, it's like death...it's everything but the coffin. and what makes this death most difficult is that the person we are mourning is still living and breathing. they're right there, they're a phone call or an email away. how can you let go when you're haunted by this ghost?

Jessica, anyone who reads what you've written is thinking, WHY DOES SHE WANT HIM BACK? and more importantly, where is her self-worth...her self-esteem? but you know why, and right now, that's all that matters. and that's ok.

this is something that taurus must go through in order to grow. it's that "survival jeopardy" line that you read in a taurus profile. we have to learn to let go.

my suggestion would be first, print out the above post. put it in your diary, bible, somewhere that you can go to it later. i guarantee when you get clear of this, you will look at those words and shake your head in disbelief.

as far as the scorp, learn to properly mourn the loss. write him letters, don't send them. write him emails, save them as drafts, don't send them. write him texts, don't send them. when someone dies, they won't hear your words. that doesn't mean you won't have plenty to say. it's why we visit grave sites. to speak to our loved ones. the rational part of us knows they can't hear but it comforts us to let it out.

mourn him. take your time doing it. but do it without him. as if he's not there. this will pass. and as the song goes, you will survive.

Survival Jeopardy. Very much so. Even as I read my first post now, I can see it more clearly. There are things that I have learned since the breakup that made me think, "if only we could speak. If only I could show him I have learned." The part of sadness remains that he has completely shut me out as if he never cared, as if I didn't matter. Worried that I'd never have the opportunity to look strong. I know he will never call and that is a death. It did kill me. And with each day, the real reasons become a little brighter. The more research I did, the more I became concerned that I didn't understand him. That my incessant need to bring up our problems was wrong, or that I had bad timing. And then when I read that scorpios move on believing they are better off, it was as if going through the breakup all over again.

Even as I write this, I can acknowledge all of the doors that have opened for me since this one has closed, and all of the strength that I have gained that will help me to make better decisions in the future for my esteem, and hopefully for a better man. But at least I will be strong enough to see them earlier on and act, not becoming dependent on only the good times we shared.

I see the death analogy and that is what haunts me. I wish I had stood up for myself earlier, I am sure I couldn't have changed his personality, but perhaps he'd have some respect for me, more importantly for myself. He did do me a favor, and I can gain some consolation in the fact that he was at least able break up with me. I was committed, I was distraught, I even struggled with wanting to write him a letter about all of my regrets and sorrow hoping we could work it out. At least I had the wherewithal to not send it and see that I'd only be validating his behavior yet again and go back into a situation where I'd compromise my soul again.

Was it his insecurity? Was it my inability to reassure him? I think it's the former, but the guilt I had received caused me much grief.

Again, I am so grateful for the kindess and reassurance. I am on the path to healing from one of the most traumatic situations I have yet to encounter, and mourn now I shall, but I also choose to move on from a situation I realize I can no longer change.

JJ be strong inside and instead of fantasizing the good, write down a list of everything he did that caused you heartache and pain and everytime you find yourself slipping into that fantasy world were everything was good look at that list to REMIND you of how bad he treated you.

He will be back, most men that are that controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive come back to the women they feel they can beat down with manipulation and bully emotionally, if you don't chase him he will come back. Most women in these kind of relationships want to fix it, they just have this urgent desire to overgive and overfunction to have the fantasy relationship (the good parts back) but usually the fantasy and reality never matches up, total disappointment because you soon begin to realize nothing you say, give or do will stop the bad treatment from escalating, he will still behave inappropriately and when your pushed to edge of the ledge and attempt to defend and assert boundaries he will flip it and blame you for not allowing him to keep behaving like a controlling assclown.

I know there are 2 sides to every story, usually women do end up acting out but the acting out is always mostly out of SELF DEFENSE, don't feel guilty about defending your boundaries, yes I'm sure you said some horrible things but the reality of it is if he wasn't being a controlling douche you would not have ever dealt with all the toxic crap that was going on in the relationship. Sometimes people bring out the worse qualities in one another even if there is love present it usually isn't enough to salvage the relationship.

i've been writing this response for an hour but i've been busy on the virgo board. come back and tiki has pretty much said it all. i'll post anyway tho...

you show someone your strength by being strong. the time for talk is over. walk the walk. BE the person you know you're supposed to be.

it may not seem like it but this IS, without a doubt, the BEST thing that could happen to you. if you can learn from this, it will make each and everyone of your current/future relationships better. you will look back on this time and thank God/whomever for sending the scorp into your life...but only if you take this time to grow.

please stop focusing on what you did wrong with respect to him. focus instead on your behaviors in general. he didn't pull away simply because he's a scorp. you'll get the same retreat from a male of any sign until you figure out your vices and shortcomings. you figure out what they are, you get those vices under control and you become a better person....for yourself.

lastly, if it's meant to be, it'll be. it took me TWO YEARS to let go. hopefully you can do it sooner. in the end, all that pushing, hoping, praying, pleading amounted to...our being friends even 8 years after we broke up. if it's meant to be, if its worth it, it will be. and tiki is right, controlling bastards always come back. he'll need to stand on your back at some point in order to make him stand a little taller.

when you get right, you will not want the scorp. not as he is now. this man is robbing you of your self-worth, your dignity and your self-esteem. the lust feels good. the treatment is bad...it's really bad and i pray that you get through this sooner rather than later.

let him go. when he's better and you're better, you may find each other again. i know from experience that walking away does work. i spoke to my aqua ex this week...it's 8 years since our break up. i still love him, he still loves me...we still want the best for each other.

so everything you're thinking, you're right. now work on bettering you.

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

and i say that everything you're thinking is right NOT for you to go after this dude. i'm saying that you're right so you can stop trying to prove it to him.

you're right. ok...now get right. stop trying convince him. you don't own him. you can't control him. and the only thing in this relationship that you can fix right now is you. fix you. you want to show him you can change. well, change. PROVE IT! prove that you can stop being controlling. prove that you know how to stop bring up issues or starting conflict. you don't prove that by starting more conflict.

you get it? so be right...in your actions. not in your words.

if a guy wants you to lose 20 lbs. don't say you can. SHOW him you can. and once you lose the weight...ask yourself, did this bastard want me to lose the 20 because he doesn't like me as i am....or did he want me to lose the 20 because he was concerned about my health. the latter guy you stay with. the former, you won't want after you lose the 20....trust me.

See, I knew this forum was a good place! It is time for me now, and I realize it. I know what my part is, and it is time to start focusing it on relationships in my life that matter. Of course, this is a life lesson, and the change of my former situation led me to be severly uncomfortable and rocked, but then again I consider myself so deeply blessed to have found people who have never given up on me and were waiting with open arms.
This situation has caused me to see god's interventions here and there. Ultimately, I believe that it is the strength within ourselves (and unconditional love from God and family) that helps us move forward, face ourselves, and strive to be better. Me becoming better is not for him, it is for me, and the people around me who matter. After a litle struggle, I can smile again. I have peace in my heart, now that I have remembered I love myself. I also have the strength to change, accept and create.
Trust me, I have no intention of seekig out this man and telling him I changed, and as time wears on and he does contact me, I know now and even knew then that I couldn't find myself back in a situation like that again, no matter how much "love" he claims to have. I have so much love to give, but it's high time I spent some on myself!

"I have so much love to give, but it's high time I spent some on myself!"

Amen Sistah!!

Woohoo!

*hugs*