Two Scorps-the water is tricky.

Hey all-I'm new here. Total Scorpio woman and really into this Scorpio younger man...16 years younger. Anyway-need some advice.

We're both semi-evolved Scorpios with compassionate natures, reserved and shy and experienced lots of undercurrents before we got together. Neither one of us likes casual. I really exposed my feelings to this guy as his masculine nature brings out my feminine. The thing is, I know he is attracted to me but plays pain in the ass games. So of course having put my cards on the table without the receptivity I want, little by little I am removing my cards. We have some difficulty in interaction due to the reserve, but I feel like we will get over that. The sex is amping up big time-and we do share a connection amazingly so. He was sexually reserved and emotional at first, now he is less emotional and more sexual. I feel like he is always putting my words to the test-even though he can talk complete BS to me and mean nothing that he says. He distances after sex and it makes me feel as though, he is using me, playing me or just slowing down..as he does have a Taurus moon. However, I reach out to him less and less...whether it was sexual or emotional, he just wasn't receptive.

I feel like I am playing a game, and really don't want to-but we are so similar in so many ways. He really will not express himself to me. But he states he wants to be with me and it would take a lot for him to stop liking me. But there is this awkwardness between us. I think he is a man of value, which appeals to me. We both have high standards and integrity-but he is also a young man playing games.He there, he's completely removed...maybe we really don't have much other than sex & similarity.

Just not sure whether to bag it or not. It is complicated. I want to relax and go with the flow-but I hate the feelings I am left with after being together. At this point he needs to make plans with me and I do not call, text or email anymore.

Any thought, suggestions-I really do like him.

EvolvingScorp

PS. We see each other twice a week. He is semi involved in my life, but he does not include me in his at all. Also-our relationship is a secret at work, and has to be.

Posted by ellessque
running away in a zig zag pattern is usually the best way.

Hi elle
What does that mean?
I think I am doing that by virtue of trying to balance the go with flow...what do I want thing.

I feel a little nuts.
ES

Posted by exoskeleton
a year ago i would have posted this same thing. i'm in a scorp-scorp relationship also and it used to be hell. a very enticing, overwhelming, lovely hell. you need patience. at first it did feel like "sex and similarity" was all we had in common, despite all the times he said he already loved me and wanted my children. it was the distance that made me feel he was just talking shit and playing me. that emotional distress actually intensified the sex.

i realized the most effective thing was telling him exactly how i felt, that i wanted more and i wanted to really know him, i wanted to know where i stood. and then our relationship grew emotionally because i was open and honest. and i got all the love i wanted.

Hi exoskeleton,

That is what is eating me up. I feel I do need patience with him, and there is a huge part of me that wants to give him plenty of room, just because I feel like I understand certain things about him. I can get accommodating. Oh, yeah he always says stuff like "When am I moving in?" and the like about the future of our relationship...and I KNOW he is just trying to see what I'll give up for him. On the other hand I feel played and struggle with the quote Elle posted. "Don't make someone a priority when you are only an option."

I have been honest and told him how I feel and that I am hoping for more. He is trying to be a little better, but still that feeling in the morning at the end of our date, when he is arrogant, and ready to flee to his peeps, he just becomes emotionally distant and it always leaves me feeling like he only wants sex. We have had discussions and he has really stepped up, then steps down and stated that my complaint is 50% of our conversations.....blah, blah, blah which is so not true.

this can really go either way. We can seriously goes places together or we can just fizzle. I want to go places...but I am not going anywhere alone. I'm a Scorpio.

ES

Posted by exoskeleton


that actually sounds horrifying, but i know what you're feeling.

"We have had discussions and he has really stepped up, then steps down and stated that my complaint is 50% of our conversations.....blah, blah, blah which is so not true."

how did he initially react to your feelings? and when did he stop taking it seriously?

at this point i would make it clear one more time that you want things to change. then let him go so he has time to think and come back. 'cause he will.

It is yucky-but I think it could also partially be a front for his shy nature. Just not sure.

Initially when he became unresponsive, I apologized for overstepping boundaries. He reacted by coming to my house and explaining he has a fear of people becoming attached and doesn't like to hurt people. So was not responding to my efforts to reach out to him. Then days later, he became negative and did not want me to touch him for a couple of dates. I told him I was considering not playing anymore-which he said hurt him, but he insisted that I continue down this path. He is now keeping conversation very light. He does tell me that things take time and I get that he paces himself and pays attention to the minor details, but does not talk about them, damn Scorpio men. I guess I do have to talk to him again and just state that if this isn't going anywhere for him emotionally, I want to step back...or maybe we should have a date which does not include sex...doubt I can do that with him though. He is half trying, but I don't want to criticize him over this either.

He is such a hard read!
ES

Ok so far he has told you that he doesn't want people to get attached to him and doesn't want to hurt people (which he must think will happen if they do get attached to him), he's now less emotional and more sexual, he challanges what you say yet he can say things he doesn't mean, once he gets sex he's distant, regardless of him saying he likes you there is still awkwardness, you aren't included in his life outside of work (it being a secret at work is fine if that's the way it needs to be), neither of you like casual yet...you guys have a casual relationship at this point in time, he turns off the next morning and he doesn't want to go beneath the surface with conversations...

I know I've pulled only the negative things out and stuck them in a list but the only good quality things I've read are YOUR feelings for him. He also doesn't sound as semi-evolved as you seem to think he is because of the games he's playing, but I could be wrong. When I have these emotionally difficult relationships I write a pros and cons list. Pros can't be "I love him" 😛 Then I write how I feel majority of the time...How do I feel before I see him; how do I feel while he's around; how do I feel when he's left. One side will soon out-weigh the other. Sometimes it's difficult to write the list at all...so you have a backup list of qualities you WANT in a man, kind of like your own custom made man 😛 then you see if he fits into that. Obviously he's not perfect so he's not going to tick every box but it's a good way to get your proper pros and cons list going.

I love writing and journaling though so this may seem a bit drastic or plain boring for you if you're not the same as me haha! But it doesn't have to be WRITTEN.

Also don't make excuses for him based on what you THINK...that's a bad trap because "love is blind" and you don't have to be IN love to be blind 😉

Most of my relationships feel like they could be only based on sex...and then I remember that sex is PRETTY important to me (as well as the rest) and that's why I go by how the person truly, honestly makes me feel. Sometimes I'll be in denial and have to stop making excuses and sometimes I really do feel good and emotionally secure whether he's there or not.

Anyway I don't think I was much help, I just hope it all turns out for the best and you guys can have an awesome relationship!! 😄

Posted by TypicalScorpio
Ok so far he has told you that he doesn't want people to get attached to him and doesn't want to hurt people (which he must think will happen if they do get attached to him), he's now less emotional and more sexual, he challanges what you say yet he can say things he doesn't mean, once he gets sex he's distant, regardless of him saying he likes you there is still awkwardness, you aren't included in his life outside of work (it being a secret at work is fine if that's the way it needs to be), neither of you like casual yet...you guys have a casual relationship at this point in time, he turns off the next morning and he doesn't want to go beneath the surface with conversations...

I know I've pulled only the negative things out and stuck them in a list but the only good quality things I've read are YOUR feelings for him. He also doesn't sound as semi-evolved as you seem to think he is because of the games he's playing, but I could be wrong. When I have these emotionally difficult relationships I write a pros and cons list. Pros can't be "I love him" 😛 Then I write how I feel majority of the time...How do I feel before I see him; how do I feel while he's around; how do I feel when he's left. One side will soon out-weigh the other. Sometimes it's difficult to write the list at all...so you have a backup list of qualities you WANT in a man, kind of like your own custom made man 😛 then you see if he fits into that. Obviously he's not perfect so he's not going to tick every box but it's a good way to get your proper pros and cons list going.

I love writing and journaling though so this may seem a bit drastic or plain boring for you if you're not the same as me haha! But it doesn't have to be WRITTEN.

Also don't make excuses for him based on what you THINK...that's a bad trap because "love is blind" and you don't have to be IN love to be blind 😉

Most of my relationships feel like they could be only based on sex...and then I remember that sex is PRETTY important to me (as well as the rest) and that's why I go by how the person truly, honestly makes me feel. Sometimes I'll be in denial and have to stop making excuses and sometimes I really do feel good and emotionally secure whether he's there or not.

Anyway I don't think I was much help, I just hope it all turns out for the best and you guys can have an awesome relationship!! 😄

Hey Typica

Not sure what happened to my post.

Thank you TypicalScorpio- the way you zeroed in on the negative and the positive helped me. I broke up with him today. It was sad, but I have to be true to myself. I made excuses in the beginning that I should have been just like...FU buddy-you blow me off, that is all I need to go on my merry way-but I was blinded by what I thought the potential could be.

Yeah-I felt emotionally insecure when ever he left-maybe that is my shit. IDK. But your post helped and I didn't need to make the list-it was already in my head.

Thanks for your advice,but I think I would date another Scorpio even so 😉

ES

Good for you, ES! I'm struggling with a similar situation with a scorpio right now. The emotional games, putting it all out there while getting very little in return, saying he loves me but rarely acting like it. Its the worst. You're inspiring me!

Posted by Shadows
Good for you, ES! I'm struggling with a similar situation with a scorpio right now. The emotional games, putting it all out there while getting very little in return, saying he loves me but rarely acting like it. Its the worst. You're inspiring me!

I think the poster who said have patience may have had a point too. If you believe that anything another person perpetrates against you is due to fear. That may give someone the benefit of the doubt too much, cause some people truly are jerks. For me it came down to whether or not I was secure enough to have the patience and I am not and it was makin me crazy. I think that his fears were keeping him from truly engaging with me, cause he is evolved and I don't think he was trying to hurt me...but could have been unconsciously playing me. I felt like he was always measuring whether he liked me that much...and keeping any thoughts to himself, but continuing to engage with me sexually-then feeling negative which is unavoidable to show.

I figured in the end, I have to take care of myself and not try to be someone I'm not. I can't help if he has issues with himself or with me. Even though I asked for no contact-he called me stating he felt discomfort and wanted to talk with me. I didn't call back. I think he is not going to come round even if it is all about his own personal fears. So, yeah-I am staying my course.

ES

Posted by Sultanaa
I do apologise for hijacking your thread ES, but I do believe you've done the right thing. Knowing when to stop something when its getting poisonous is a virtue in my books (especially for non-scorps without proper shells and who are easy targets to take a hit more likely than a miss) and so is "saying a firm no and sticking by it" also.

I had a major meltdown there. I think what TypicalScorp said struck a chord with me.

The message was erased, so no idea.

I actually am a Scorpio too, which makes dealing with dishonesty-even if it is with himself-unbearable. I tend to dig, being the need to know type and he tends to keep himself a secret.....with the iron will of two Scoripos you have nowhere to go unless one is secure enough to loose their will. Ultimately on both counts from the two first posters. Don't make someone a priority when you are just an option is so true-but in the same vain, having patience may really help the situation-but you have to be able to be detached enough from the outcome or secure enough to wait it out and act appropriately in time.

I just knew that having another talk and asking for honesty-wouldn't have served me well given who I am and knowing it would have been fruitless, even if he was just playing games out of insecurity.

ES

He keeps calling me now...go effing figure! Haven't answered.