what the hell just happened?

I have been dating this guy for a year, both making plans professionally to relocate to the same city. Lots of life and work has gotten in the way of many plans to see each other, essentially putting a strain on our relationship. I am crazy about him and we have tried to keep the fire going but struggled through the loss of his mom, lots of issues at my job, etc. Nevertheless, we have tried to keep it together as we believe if we were in the same city; things would be different. As a Virgo, I can sit patiently through these changes but as a Scorpio, I believe he requires more face to face committment and I have offered on many occasions to date others because I didn't want us ending in a bad situation because the distance has been out of our control. He insisted it wasn't a good thing to do because he never breaks up and returns, so I get that. Just 2 weeks ago, I found out my company is relocating and this will put me further away from our relocation date than we had planned. He asked if I would be willing to come to him because he has been giving serious thought of marriage and focusing on each other because he has been lonely. Wow! I was shocked but concerned at the same time as this was a wake up call for me to "put up or shut up", so I agreed to look into. We have increased our conversations, things have been fun and exciting, to say the least but last week I tried to go see him and was delayed due to storms for 2 days....then he appeared depressed and not happy, citing our relationship has been one big excited and goes to one big disappointment with each time we try to get together. I was enroute when he shared his feelings and thought once I got there we could talk it out, plan our cruise as previously discussed and my relocation. Day 1 was fabulous as expected and Day 2 started off the same until I found out that he has been communicating with women. After the 1st night I couldn't make it, he opened an "eharmony" account and has been emailing women. Hence, the title of this message..."what the hell just happened?"

I approached him about it and he said that he was certain the 2nd night I didn't make it, we were done and I was right to suggest we see others locally. But, when I arrived he wasn't so convinced that his feelings 2 days previous was valid and now he is confused. Nevertheless, here we are with a booked vacation taking our girls (5 & 6), while my man is trying to figure out want he wants.

Hence, the title of this message, "what the hell just happened here?" I understand that Scorpios are complex, at best and I haven't been totally given to him at times I thought he should have done or said something different and I did mean what I suggested but not now while this talk of moving near him has gotten serious and he said he wanted something more. I didn't realize Scorps set on the fence which blows me away. Is he on the fence or walking away? Will space and time be beneficial because I do not want to appear running after him when that is that last thing that is appealling to Scorps? I do feel slightly like I contributed to running him off but that was when things were much different and didn't involve him starting the talk of "being serious". I want the Scorps experts opinion.

Beetleguese, what changed your selfishness? Maturity? Ironically, I just read your response to another post indicating how you have changed from many Scorp ways, especially not being secretive or worrying about what others feel.

Wait...


I don't understand. So what happened? Why all the commotion? Break it down for me, babe.

OMG...the first step is admitting the problem. Thank you for your time and perspective.

You know BG, I forgot to add that it was amazing that you touched on something that I just found out and that is I don't believe he knows what it is like to be "in love". I could be a dreamer but literally when you love someone and things go bad, like there going to war or been diagnose with a condition, it leaves you breathless and a feeling of not being able to go on without them. And, this is after the good, bad and indifferent. He almost thought it was a new found word that unfortunately, he may not ever grow to know. Like the old saying goes...."it's better to have loved and lost thank it is to never love at all."

sorry for the typos...."it's better to have loved and lost than it is to have never loved at all."

Soooo...

He has doubts about your relationship because your trip was delayed due to circumstances beyond your control? What is he, 5 yrs old?


Bull. He already wanted to date other women, just used your distance/delay/relocation as an excuse. Alot of people can't or aren't willing to deal with the added stress of LDRs because they require extra work, patience, and self-control. Your Scorp just wasn't man enough to admit that he's one of them. Sorry.


Depending on how long you've known your guy and how well you've learned him, you will know how to handle him and the situation. You and your kids deserve better though.

I got to this point right here ...


"He asked if I would be willing to come to him because he has been giving serious thought of marriage and focusing on each other because he has been lonely. Wow! I was shocked but concerned at the same time as this was a wake up call for me to "put up or shut up", so ...."


And couldn't read any further.

You think this is a wake up call? You must have, for, though I didn't read past that .. I can clearly see that you continued to put thought/energy into him since you kept writing about him.

That's not a wake up call for you to go running to him .. he's lonely.

He didnt' say .. because we're good together, or, we're good for each other, or, I love you and don't want to lose you, or, I really adore you babe, or, anything endearing, nope ..

he's lonely .. that's it .. and you think it's serious? you think you're suppose to put up or shut up?


what the hell? Why cna't you read that? It's plain as day.

ScorpSuperior this has been an ongoing problem for us for close to a year...his mother passed away and we had plans to go on a weekend getaway, he was here and she was rushed to the hospital so our 4 day trip turned into 2 nights rushing home; our weekend getaway was pushed to the back burner, naturally as she was still in a comma. It goes on and on with the unbelieveable nonsense that was transpiring when we planned to get together and this was on both sides. My most recent delay was the straw that broke the camels back that he couln't take it anymore.

I didn't help matters when I constantly suggested we do something else, like date locally versus suffering through the nightmare we were living through. I was doing this because your right, it was a lot of work but the feelings were strong and we kept fighting. Really, I am not upset about him choosing the route to see other women, I am more disappointed that within the last 2 weeks we have been talking a different kind of language that both of us seemed interested in exploring of committing to each other, in the same place. My point is, if he was that far gone or on the edge....why start this seriousness on his side; it would be different if I started the "lets be together, for REAL"

And, how ridiculous is this that me and my daughter and he and his daughter are going on this trip. His timing is impecable. Couldn't this had waited until we got back versus being in this odd situation with the girls?

"why start this seriousness on his side"



Let's be serious here .. seriously .. he was lonely.

P-Angel, all of your thoughts were apart of that 2 hour conversation. Unfortunately, I don't have 2 hours of space to put down word for word. Just trying to hit points to avoid boring the reader. But, I am sure you understand that.

I don't get you .. do you have concrete in your brain?



He told you ... he was lonely.

And when you didn't move fast enough to rectify his lonliness, he began to look for someone else who might (yes, I read the rest).


And here you are actually entertaining that he is worth you?


wtf .. what is the matter with you, that you have such low standards?

I got it ... why don't you?

Posted by Samantha123
P-Angel, all of your thoughts were apart of that 2 hour conversation. Unfortunately, I don't have 2 hours of space to put down word for word. Just trying to hit points to avoid boring the reader. But, I am sure you understand that.

I don't need more excuses from you, no matter how many hours of excuses you have stored for yourself.


What I want to know is why you would pardon him with such excuses, rather than hold your head up high and walk the fuck away?

P-Angel, Thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts and opinions.

I know ... that isn't what you want, is it?


You want to know how to make him change.