Will it ever get better?

Well it's been almost a year of turbulance with my Scorp & I. The 1st 6 months were good considering the fact that I had alot of health problem & we all know how we act when we arent feeling good. Things fell apart in November due to alot of major life changes & stresses & it seemed that we couldn't sustain our relationship through all of that so we went our seperate ways......sort of.

I, being a Taurus, find it hard to let go & he, being a Scorp, always comes back. So through it all we've remained in contact, sometimes taking a month or more apart before speaking, yet always being there for eachother in a way. Through out these 6 months I've remained solo, I just didn't feel up to trying to start something new with someone else. Didn't want to do the rebound thing. He on the other hand, I've recently found out, began "seeing" a woman who in the end, he found out was still married & eventually went back to her husband. Who does Scorp come to for solace? ME.

I still care about him but can say that I'm not in love. In all honesty, during our time apart I began to see him in a different light & now I just feel sad for him. He's no longer this pilar of strength, no longer Mr. Perfect, his mystery is gone & I feel like I can see right through him in alot of ways. Call it my intuition or own psychic ability but the way he appears to most is not how I see him. To me, he's just a sad man who longs for the closeness of someone yet he prevents himself from having that.

Now that things have changed in both of our lives during this time of seperation, he comes back. He says that he wishes he could go back to November when we broke it off & do things differently, he says that I'm one of the few people in his life that he actually trusts, he says that he loves me because I've always been honest & I've always been there for him & he says that I'm "REAL" He says that I "understand" him. YET when posed with the question of getting back together he says he doesn't know, that he's confused, that he wants to be 100% sure. He says he feels pressured to make a decision & he's afraid that he'll lose me if he doesn't decide soon. To be honest...he's right. I'm tired of waiting, I don't want to waste time with a confused person.

So will it ever get better? He knows me & I know him. I don't understand the confusion. I don't understand how, if I'm all of those things to him, he could be confused. Is it fear on his part? Am I just being dumb here? All he ever talked about during our 6 months together was his need for security & stability & here I've been throughout this year. Stabile & secure. HELLO! I am a BULL lol but he seems to create the instability & insecurity he claims to want. He says no drama yet he creates it. What do I do here? Where do I go?

hop on the next plane to outer mongolia or just stop listening 🙂

seriously. you're not being dumb at all but it does sound like he's putting emotional pressure on you for whatever reason - possibly just to validate himself in some way. i'm not sure i would tolerate this 'seeing' someone business as calmly as you appear to. doesn't matter if you had broken up or not - he was SEEING SOMEONE—?? you do realise that is a euphamism for fucking someone—??

OFF WITH HIS DICK!!!

ask him to put himself in your position. ask him how he would feel if you had started 'seeing someone' soon after breaking up—??

nah. it would have to be curtains. it's the principal.

doesn't seem confused to me, if he's not consistently moving forward with you then he's made a decision to not be with you, his positive feedback of course keeps a woman holding on in hopes of rekindling things but why would he hurry and be with you when he knows your waiting, he knows he can come around and you will be there, there is no immediate urgency of losing anything because your continuing your role of making him feel safe and secure as long as he knows he's not losing you he won't feel the urgency to get clear and act. A man can only be in and out if you allow it, your allowing it so that's what you get. It does get better when you stop allowing him to come in and out and when you set a few personal boundaries for yourself with him.

Tiki I understand what you're saying, he knows I've always been there in friendship so I'm sure there is a part of him that thinks he can take his good sweet time, He also knows that I've been on dates (granted they were friendly & not romantic) so this is why he says he feels pressured to make a move, because he knows that I'm fed up with his so called confusion. As I've told him, I'm not looking to strap him down with ball & chain but life is too short to waste time on someone who doesn't want you or isn't sure if they want you, because of this I have told him that I will continue to go out & live my life as a single woman because that's what I am. I'm single. He doesn't like it but O'well. I really hate that he makes it seem as if my talking or going out with other men is being done in an effort to get him to make a move, because it's not. It's what I've been doing throughout these 6 months. It's only an issue because NOW he's taking interest where as before he was not & we left that aspect of our lives out of our friendly conversations.

I don't want to do the ultimatum thing because I'd rather not be with someone who felt forced or pressured into dating me, at the same time, I don't want to wait around forever until he makes up his mind, all the while being questioned about dates or potential dates, or what I'm doing. The insecurity is driving me mad, especially when I know that it could all be avoided if he wasn't so fucking "confused" What the hell is there to be confused about? Clearly I care or I wouldn't even entertain his ass.

"OFF WITH HIS DICK!!!" LOL thanx Rox it is tempting. No I wasn't exactly calm about the situation when I learned the details, I never asked him what he was doing with other women after our breakup nor did he ask me, I just assumed that he probably was & I was right. KARMA. When he called me to cry on my shoulder when he learned that the other woman had lied to him throughout their.....whatever it was (he refuses to call it a relationship) That was the 1st thing that popped into my head...KARMA. I asked him if it felt good to be lied to & "cheated" on & he agreed that he knew why this had happened & that he deserved it etc. This is when he starts expressing remorse for the way that he handled our relationship, as far as giving up so quickly, which is also when he began to tell me how "great" I am. Well as compared to the lying, cheating married woman....Yes I am. Never have I been unfaithful & I've always been there for him, even if just in friendship. HOWEVER I know that I cant hold this over his head forever. Like I said I'm just not getting the confusion part if I'm supposedly so great & that ultimately is why I feel dumb about this. As Tiki said, I'm beginning to feel that all the great shit he's saying is just that....shit that he's spoon feeding me to keep me around. Why? I do not know.

you need to communicate this to him. the confusion part is bullshit cos like you say, he either thinks you're great or he doesn't. perhaps he just doesn't want to completely throw himself at your mercy? you know, retain a little male pride and 'mystery' by saying that he's not sure if he wants to commit. perhaps if you were to experiment a little by responding to him saying you're great by saying that you think he's great too and give the impression that you would take him back to see if he retracts on the 'confusion' deal.

a cunning plan, don't you think? 😉

that's presuming you want the scummy cheating lying bastard back 🙂