Confused by Taurus ex?

Hi all,

So I don't have the complete chart for the guy in question, but here are the parts I know off-hand: Taurus sun, Pisces moon, Gemini venus. I have a Libra sun, moon and venus.

Anyway, here goes: We met and dated for a year, it was wonderful, we were in love with each other, met each other's family, and he was easily one of my best friends too. During that year, we both lost a parent, and it was incredibly difficult, especially since we had really different grieving habits, and were partially long-distance. The problems began there. I got really depressed and self-sabotaged by impulsively breaking uo with him (in may of 2017), and not long after, getting involved with someone else. I regretted it almost immediately, but decided to not impulsively go back, but to try to go to therapy and sort myself out.

This is where it gets confusing. We stayed friends, and since we go to school together, saw a lot of each other. We clearly missed each other, and began meeting occasionally to drink and now and then, hook up. We would tell each other we still loved each other, cry, and talk for hours. This has happened about 5-6 times.

The last time we hooked up was this spring, and only due to the fact that I graduated, and now live about an hour away.

We never stopped talking post-breakup, and still average 1-2 long conversations (we share a lot of mutual interests) a week. On Thurs., the two of us had dinner with a professor of ours, and afterwards, went on a long walk. Once again, we got drunk, and talked, didn't hook uo though. I apologized again for my behaviour, and he reminded me that he has forgiven me. We agreed that we are both in a place where we could potentially have a healthier partnership now than we were then. He told me that he's tried to date a lot since we broke up, but I am still the only one he can really be himself with, can laugh with, etc. I agreed, and we kissed and said we loved each other still. We met up sober the next day, and played music together, but didnt talk about feelings. We messaged each other all day Saturday. He flew to visit family on Sunday, and I messaged him Monday, and asked how he was, and he hasn't replied. I think I was clear that I would like to get back together, and it seemed like he did too, but I am not sure how to initiate a convo about it, or why he has disappeared now. Should I be worried he didnt mean what he said?

I have those exact placements lol! And honestly I'd say that yes he meant what he said. Taurus don't really like to lie, they're a person of their word and will follow through with something til the end. Maybe he's dealing with family stuff and thus cant respond, or he doesnt wanna smother you right away so he's keeping some space between you. Give it some time. Casually talk to him, ask him how his time with family is etc.

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

Why aren’t you discussing your feelings when sober not drunk? If you ask him what he wants to do you can move forward.

Haha I do agree we should do that. Neither of us is great eith confrontation/difficult conversations/etc., and he especially has avoided it since the break up, which is part of why I feel a little insecure in his lack of response. Even though I know him well enough to know he usually means what he says, he hasn't said anything outright about wanting to try again while sober--even going so far as to be distant when sober, that I keep shying away from pushing the conversation out of nerves.

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

Why aren’t you discussing your feelings when sober not drunk? If you ask him what he wants to do you can move forward.

I was going to ask the same thing

Posted by maibutterfly

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

Why aren’t you discussing your feelings when sober not drunk? If you ask him what he wants to do you can move forward.

Haha I do agree we should do that. Neither of us is great eith confrontation/difficult conversations/etc., and he especially has avoided it since the break up, which is part of why I feel a little insecure in his lack of response. Even though I know him well enough to know he usually means what he says, he hasn't said anything outright about wanting to try again while sober--even going so far as to be distant when sober, that I keep shying away from pushing the conversation out of nerves.

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If you can't talk to each other about basic shit now because you don't like difficult conversations or confrontation then how do you expect to be in a relationship with each other for the next 40 years AND deal with basic and more complex issues. You've already both lost a parent and went off the rails so I would suggest looking at whether YOU are currently in a position to commence a relationship. What will you do about finishing education, what employment will you seek, where will this be, will you both move closer to each other, live together? I'd focus immensely on the practicalities of this relationship rather than the 'emotions' which do still seem to be there. It was the practicalities that may have hindered before such as the long distance.

Posted by maibutterfly

I think I was clear that I would like to get back together, and it seemed like he did too, but I am not sure how to initiate a convo about it, or why he has disappeared now.

This is where you lost me.

The latter statement contradicts the initial statement.

Was there an actual conversation about a reconciliation?

Posted by AgentP911

Posted by maibutterfly

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

Why aren’t you discussing your feelings when sober not drunk? If you ask him what he wants to do you can move forward.

Haha I do agree we should do that. Neither of us is great eith confrontation/difficult conversations/etc., and he especially has avoided it since the break up, which is part of why I feel a little insecure in his lack of response. Even though I know him well enough to know he usually means what he says, he hasn't said anything outright about wanting to try again while sober--even going so far as to be distant when sober, that I keep shying away from pushing the conversation out of nerves.

If you can't talk to each other about basic shit now because you don't like difficult conversations or confrontation then how do you expect to be in a relationship with each other for the next 40 years AND deal with basic and more complex issues. You've already both lost a parent and went off the rails so I would suggest looking at whether YOU are currently in a position to commence a relationship. What will you do about finishing education, what employment will you seek, where will this be, will you both move closer to each other, live together? I'd focus immensely on the practicalities of this relationship rather than the 'emotions' which do still seem to be there. It was the practicalities that may have hindered before such as the long distance.

click to expand

In light of the last two responses, I should say that prior to the break up we could talk about serious stuff. It's just that since the breakup he has kind of avoided it if he wasn't under the influence of something, which is part of why I am nervous about initiating another sober conversation. We had had plans in place to make the things you mentioned work. I guess my main concern is that I don't quite know why after all this time he still can't talk to me about this if he is sober, and I am terrified that since he still hasn't replied, it means he is second guessing eberything. I never needed alcohol or anything to talk about stuff, I just haven't been able to read his desire to address it post breakup.

Also, there was a conversation about reconciliation, just not a sober one!

Maibutterfly,

Be direct.

Be sober.

Be clear in your communication.

Be both persistent AND consistent with your intentions.

This is your only fighting chance.

Bulls (Tauruses) do not have the Scales (Libra) gift for communication.

He may still love you, however there are doubts about whether or not he sees a future with you or longevity.

With Bulls, there is love.....

....And then there is a need for stability.

Something tells me you're lacking the latter.

Your decision to break up with him, indecisivenes, followed by drunk communication/texts isn't working in your favor.

Until you do what I advised you to do, he will never communicate this to you 'sober.'

He will either dodge this conversation, or retain these thoughts in his head.

Posted by TaurusBull1977

Maibutterfly,

Be direct.

Be sober.

Be clear in your communication.

Be both persistent AND consistent with your intentions.

This is your only fighting chance.

as a libra with a taurus, i endorse this message.

Posted by aquatar1

I have those exact placements lol! And honestly I'd say that yes he meant what he said. Taurus don't really like to lie, they're a person of their word and will follow through with something til the end. Maybe he's dealing with family stuff and thus cant respond, or he doesnt wanna smother you right away so he's keeping some space between you. Give it some time. Casually talk to him, ask him how his time with family is etc.

Fully agree, well said couldn't have said it better myself. Can relate completely.

Well, he replied, but once again had nothing much to say, and I assume he won't reply again for a few days. You guys are definitely right I should be more direct, but I guess I am reeling a little, since he was always really straightforward and clear about where he stood on everything, both prior to us dating and while we were together, so this new ambiguity is super confusing to me.

In terms of next steps, do you have any advice on how to be direct without scaring or pressuring him? I definitely wouldn't have chosen to only talk about these things when we drink, it's just that in the past when one of us has suggested meeting and having a sober conversation, when push comes to shove he always either stops replying or gets busy suddenly. I keep thinking maybe I should let it go, but no matter what the situation, if we are drunk together, he ends up saying romantic things. Sigh.

Posted by Ooops

Posted by maibutterfly

Well, he replied, but once again had nothing much to say, and I assume he won't reply again for a few days. You guys are definitely right I should be more direct, but I guess I am reeling a little, since he was always really straightforward and clear about where he stood on everything, both prior to us dating and while we were together, so this new ambiguity is super confusing to me.

In terms of next steps, do you have any advice on how to be direct without scaring or pressuring him? I definitely wouldn't have chosen to only talk about these things when we drink, it's just that in the past when one of us has suggested meeting and having a sober conversation, when push comes to shove he always either stops replying or gets busy suddenly. I keep thinking maybe I should let it go, but no matter what the situation, if we are drunk together, he ends up saying romantic things. Sigh.

Dude, you broke it off on a whim now you regret it. Bulls want certainty. He's probably not sure where he actually stands with you, regardless of what you say.

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Right, I know. Hence my "how to be direct about what I want without scaring/pressuring him" question. When we 1st got together, we were friends for 6 months before either of us made a move, so I fully anticipate this taking time and patience on my end, I just don't want him to feel like I either still dont know what I want or that I am desperate to fix everything right away, you know?

Posted by Ooops

Posted by maibutterfly

Posted by Ooops

Posted by maibutterfly

Well, he replied, but once again had nothing much to say, and I assume he won't reply again for a few days. You guys are definitely right I should be more direct, but I guess I am reeling a little, since he was always really straightforward and clear about where he stood on everything, both prior to us dating and while we were together, so this new ambiguity is super confusing to me.

In terms of next steps, do you have any advice on how to be direct without scaring or pressuring him? I definitely wouldn't have chosen to only talk about these things when we drink, it's just that in the past when one of us has suggested meeting and having a sober conversation, when push comes to shove he always either stops replying or gets busy suddenly. I keep thinking maybe I should let it go, but no matter what the situation, if we are drunk together, he ends up saying romantic things. Sigh.

Dude, you broke it off on a whim now you regret it. Bulls want certainty. He's probably not sure where he actually stands with you, regardless of what you say.

Right, I know. Hence my "how to be direct about what I want without scaring/pressuring him" question. When we 1st got together, we were friends for 6 months before either of us made a move, so I fully anticipate this taking time and patience on my end, I just don't want him to feel like I either still dont know what I want or that I am desperate to fix everything right away, you know?

Was he slow to get into a relationship with you? Did you have to bring up the whole relationship topic?

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I sensed mutual interest early on, but I didn't encourage him at first because I was about to leave for a month-long study abroad trip and assumed he'd lose interest while I was gone. Once I got back and realized he still liked me, I started being a little flirty and he asked me out less than a week later😂

So..I guess you could say I brought it up non-verbally?